Hello again fellas. I asked you guys a question a while ago about sending money to the Ukraine. I've been talking to her for more than two months now. She writes me EVERY single day, almost without fail except on weekends when she can't. She has taken herself off from the finace.com site and is using her private e-mail from an internet cafe. Each of her letters are very very long and they are also personal, so I am certain that I never get a copy/pasted letter. She never said a word about money, and it occured to me that she must be paying to use the internet cafe, so about a week ago I asked her about it, and foolishly (I think) offered to help some. She told me that it costs her about $90 US dollars a month to correspond with me, and she can barely manage it. She said she would appreciate the help, but not if it would be trouble for me.
My question is this: Could that $90 a month figure be for real? I mean she does write me every day and her letters are extra long, and she always answers all of my questions, etc. I don't want to believe that I'm being scammed, I really like this girl and she seems legitimate. I am the one who brought up the subject of money, not her. She still doesn't ask me for it, she just says that since I offered to help, she would be very grateful, but it is not necessary. So I am inclined to want to help her, at least some. But of course I have the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that perhaps I was just given the soft-sell version of a scam. You know what I mean? Could I have been manipulated into believing that it was my idea, when this is what was planned all along?
Please let me know what you think, fellas. I haven't sent any money as of yet. But if you all think that the $90 figure could be close to the truth given her circumstances, I would be willing to help her with some of it. What do you think? Thanks in advance for your advice. :))
From my experience I would not send any money until you go meet her. By offering though, you kind of put yourself in a hole. You can't offer then say, oooops I changed my mind. If she is real you probably will lose her.
LOL You're right. But the thing is, I graduate from college (for computer science) in about 3 days, so I don't have the cash for a trip to the Ukraine at the moment. But I do hope to soon. :) I'm 35 years old too, so it has been difficult going through college and not having much cash most of the time. Three days, gentlemen!! That's when the ceremony is, anyway. I actually just had my last final about an hour ago. :) But does $90 bucks a month for using the internet everyday sound right?
Congratulations to you and ya I understand the money situation. 90 bucks a month sounds a little excessive, but it depends how much time shes spending online.
olie
It depends. They charge by the half hour and it is about $1 for a half hour. That is about 27 / 28 rubles. That could add up if they are actually sitting there composing the letter, especially if it is a long one. The alternative is that she has a computer at home. then she writes the letter in Word and saves to a floppy. then she makes a quick trip to the internet cafe, whips out the disk, copies and pastes and it is done. $1 please. If she is sitting there for hours composing letters yes $90 is reasonable, stupid but reasonable. Casually ask if she has a computer at home and how ids she going about writing to you.
Also I agree it is about time you go and see her. Sending money without meeting first is a little cockeyed.
I send money to my lady but I have been writing to her for over 6 months, have visited her, am going again in another 7 and a half weeks and we speak on the phone as if she was around the corner. We are close. I also know her circumstances and am privy to all the details so I understand the reasons for the money being sent. You my friend are working a bit blind aren't you?
Yes, you're right, of course. But it probably won't be the last time I've done something foolish because of a woman. :) Thanks for your advice. If she is telling the truth, (and I believe she is) she doesn't have a computer, a car, or even a phone. She says that most people in the Ukraine around her don't have cars, that cars are for "well off" people. :) And her letters are long enough to take quite a long time. So I guess I can send her 30 or 40 bucks now and then. Perhaps it is worth the chance, at least for a little while. I've spent more in a bar trying to chase women and winding up with nothing but a splitting headache the next day. :) Did it more than once a month, too, lol.
Olie, those two do not add up. She might be using her employers facilities but your info is minimal.
Where does she live, what work does she do, what does she earn, has she got a second (third?) job etc, that's what you should know, and take it from there. That is a lot of money for her, an awful lot in fact, hardly believable.
I'd not send money but phone her so she won't have to mail you, saves her time, effort, money but also you learn more, she'll too. Oh, and ask her if the number is a mobile, worth knowing too.
If it all keeps adding up start saving, working, whatever, but go there - after you've done sufficient homework I suppose.
I really haven't got a clue what the cost of the service at an internet-cafe cost.. What I can tell you is that a girl I talk to is a chief-accountant in a rather large company, and I believe she earn about 70 USD a month, and I also believe she earn quite well to be in Ukraine... You do the math...
If you mean with 'no telephone' no landline that's another negative point for her. They all have phones in the apartment, maybe not in their own but accessible in the building.
Yeah, I hear what you're saying. She works as a cook in a cafeteria, for the workers in a factory. She lives with her mother, so it's possible that she doesn't need to pay for her rent. I looked up the average salary for the Ukraine, and I think it comes to around $87 US dollars a month. So it is possible she makes a little more than that, and is spending most of it on e-mails. But it does sound a little off, which is why I am here asking on the forum, I suppose. You are right also, I should start coming up with other ways to talk to her. Live and learn, I guess. Sometimes I gotta take my lumps. I think I will just send her like 30 bucks once and try to come up with something else a little later when I learn a lot more. :)
I didn't read any further - she's phony, move on. DONT send money, it is the only thing she's after. I bet she writes 'personal' to loadsa guys as it is her profession, what she tells you is just to work on your sentiment - which apparently works coz you're going to send her some funds.
"Could I have been manipulated into believing that it was my idea"
Absolutely, sooner or later anything financial will be discussed. You even offered, just withdraw that categorically, and mention why (you could not trust a stranger) and see what she'll come up with. I bet it's a clever goodbey!
Just now I read your "I think I will just send her like 30 bucks once and try to come up with something else a little later when I learn a lot more"
You're bonkers? Be assertive for a change, and honest also, grab some guts and tell her EXACTLY what you think. No excuses, straight talking, and see what will be echoed.
Olie,
That "nagging feeling" you're having is likely justified. I have had that feeling myself on several occasions and all have turned out to be scammers. One woman wrote me personal letters daily, but it still didn't feel right. She eventually asked me to send money so that she could come and visit me. I told her that I would come see her instead, and, long story short, I never heard from her again. DON'T SEND MONEY! Ask lots of questions in your letters, any questions. If they don't all get answered, that's a red flag. Offer to visit her. If she has "reasons" why that is not a good idea, say goodbye. Dave
Coincidentally, the woman that I referred to in my last post showed up on this site today! Different name, age, location --same girl. Name Nataly, number ***. Beware!
David soon as I see that they are 20 something and are willing to go up to 60 years old I know they are a phoney. It is soooo obvious. I don't care if they are from Ukraine, Nova Scotia, Devon or Glasgow they are girls and they don't date old men if avoidable.
Its a difficult call for you now you have offered. The most used saying on here "don't send $$" until you have met face too face !!
$90US is way over the top. Unless you stayed for hours every day. BUT thunder hit it, if she not writing weekends, is very odd. This is when prior ladies have always written the big letter to me.
At the most, even using the flash Cafe on Nevsky Pr SPB, to write a letter and translate x 5 days x 4 weeks would not be more than 1500 rbls That would be allowing for 1 1/2 hours a day.
I would give her an arrival date, and offer to give back something then. If she is only after a monthly salary Top Up, then she will stop writing.
I am only repeating what I was told by Marina so don't blame me but this thing about there is always a telephone in the apartment building is not exactly true. I was told it is $700 to set a phone up and it ain't cheap to have one. Marina was relying on a neighbor to hook up to the internet when I first knew her. They had a cord stretched from one apartment to another. Then the girl couldn't pay the bill any more and it was disconnected. Since then she has been using the internet from her work.
I am also very confused about average monthly wages / income. Marina told me that hers was $450. Is that before deductions or after? How much are the deductions? I don't know I am trying to find out right now. No secrets she will tell me. It has to be said that although she has a car and a cell phone she is definitely not wealthy. Absolutely no way. She lives in what I would consider shabby conditions and is raising a child. The words 'child support' are nonexistent in Russia so there is no help from 'daddy'.
Quite frankly from what I saw when I was there in March if your monthly wage was $70 you would be living on a park bench. I would have to guess that people earn at least $300 plus a month to survive. Pure guesswork on my part.
So I don't know what this girl earns each month but it would be fair to say that she isn't wealthy and writing to you Olie is an effort. If she is a waitress and works for a factory cafeteria she may be holding down another job on the weekends. That is the busy time for most restaurants. I know I used to be a waiter, Sat / Sun was when I made money. I think TD is too quick to condemn her. I would be patient with this and it is easy to get out of your offer. Simply tell her that you have just had a huge bill for a repair to your car and you just don't have a dollar to spare right now. I could keep that going for a while and then think of something else. If she does indeed smell taht the well is dry and drops you then you have lost nothing. If she makes an effort and continues you know that she is genuine. Either way you will find out the truth. Doesn't matter lots more fish out there.
izifaddag, I like your middle of the road solution. I don't risk losing a good thing if I'm wrong, and I also don't send money like a fool. Say, maybe Pitchka can help me. She is from the same town, Lugansk, in the Ukraine. I'll post a new thread and ask what she thinks.
I was remembering wrong...
I asked her again today.. She make something like 5000 USD a year... that is a little more than I first wrote.. But still USD 90 is a lot...