Talking about “mother-in-law’s”
My future mother-in-law is costing me a bloody fortune. She has turned very nasty and still has not met me and has disowned her daughter. She is telling all the relations that I am some bad Gangster from NZ and here to hook up with the Mafia.
Our free accommodation in Moscow has turned to dust, so I have reduced the 10 day visit to 5 and it going to cost me more than the 2 month apartment rental here in Kiev.
I can sympathise with the woman, she is afraid of loosing her daughter and grand daughter to far of Kiwi Land.
These people aren’t into facing up on issues that need resolving. They tend to bury their heads a bit. Anyway, I can’t do much about it.
Yes I agree QC
BUT as I said above they (mother in-law & daughter) wont bend an inch. I have been pushing (gently) for this from day one of my arrival. But my Lena say we be wasting out time. She say "I know my Mama you don’t"
Perhaps its my Black Toyota Surf she not like !!!!
Hasn't got tinted windows - but !!!!
MaxiRat: I can sympathize entirely. My future mother-in-law seems to be the source of 99% of the problems between my fiance and I. When they are together my fiance makes strange demands and accusations, that I KNOW are not coming from her (no that she nevr does that but she has a different STYLE!). My fiance almost seems embarrassed when she tells me what hr mother wants. She is certinly not embarrassed when she tells me what SHE wants. And her mother's concern for losing her nearly caused her to cancel the entire fiance interview process untill I put my foot down and told her that I was NOT interestedd in just a long-distance girlfriend.
Family ties are tight in the FSU. Sometimes a little too tight.
Who was it that said I was to damn demanding for not wanting to go to Siberia unless I had the opportunity to meet Lena's immediate family, uh uh uh???
LOL...I hope it was not Maxi. NO, It could not be him. I pray it was not him.
Please, please, please let it not be him...:)))
meet her/them, be yourself, display your normal manners and interests, and if she/they still dislike you then
- keep being yourself
- see them another time / more often
- and learn to live with it. They quite likely will too, especially when Lena seems to have done this because she wants to.
No offense Maxi, but a Surf hardly is something to brag with, and having any (normal) car surely is not the reason why she thinks you're potential maffia. Maybe explain your job, or display some different interests while you're there? I'd find out what typical 'maffia behaviour' is, and maybe dump my eternal sunglasses, start to visit different places or start spending differently.
Toad
Not me. I have actually not made ANY comment on you trip in March, I joined this Forum just as you and Izi were leaving.
TD
Surfs are dime a dozen in NZ. But here – been Black is Mafia.
Anyway it was all light humour or trying to be ???
She (mother in-law) never seen it anyway. I do want to meet and talk with her but Lena refuses to make any approach. We have already had one flare up over it.
ALL the rest of the family and friends have given the big thumbs up on me.
My Lena’s daughter who spends all her free time with me and her mother is living with the Mother in-law. She is “piggy in the middle” She tells me her Nana has gone a little crazy. She tells her it is only her that thinks this way.
Anyway, we can cope with this, but I will be up for a bit more expense. Lena will need accommodation until she comes to NZ. Hopefully this will happen 2-3 months after I leave here on 1st August.
3889 K-1's (fiancée) entered the USA
54.0% left the USA within 6 months
28.2% left between 6 months to one year
17.7% lasted more than one year
1546 K-3 (spouse) entered the USA
70.3% left the USA within 6 months
22.6% left between 6 months to one year
7.1 % lasted more than one year
I got ahold of the source of that information. It turns ot to be a 8 page paper entitled "Length of Visit of Nonomigrants Departing the United States in 2003". It is a "working paper" written in March 2005 and it is required to be written under a claus of the Homeland Security Act. ALL the paper does is match I-94 arrival and departure forms of aliens who are required to fill out such forms. This is the little slip of paper that foreign citizens (except most Canadians and most Mexicans) must fill out at any port of entry on arrival and departure. It merely tracks how long any particual visit (trip) to the US was - not whether or not the person came back, got divorced or anything like that.
Bottom line?
ALL THIS SAYS IS HOW LONG PEOPLE WITH THESE VISAS WERE IN THE US FOR A SINGLE TRIP. It says NOTHING about WHY they left. There is no information here to suggest that any of them got divorces or anything like that.
This "working paper" was completely misunderstood by anyone thinking it said anything about the relative success of K-1 or K-3 marriages.
'Maybe some kind bean-counter could check it out for us'
Well done Jet for responding to the call.
That 93% was as you said eye-popping.
So, for K3 'marriage' visas, it could be that the spouse simply returned home for a visit or took a holiday elsewhere or did in fact return for good. The question oft voiced will remain unanswered, then.
Accountants, bookkeepers and even auditors are generally considered to be "bean counters". Part of the function of their job is to do sometimes sceduled, sometimes random inventory audits where they literally count whatever it is they are checking.
I'm an MBA. Quite different than a beancounter. I've never audited inventory in my life.
If 54% of k-1 visa holders stayed at least six months - that means at least more than half MARRIED the guy - levaing during the first 90 days is very much discouraged in any event - so I sure that of the 46% that left before six months were over - most waited until the latter three of the six months refered to.
IF my fiance and I do marry - we already have plans to go to Chisinau in ealy January and visit mommy. So if 2005 figures were kept similarly (and I understand that they will be) my fiance will show up in a number similar to the 92.9% that left before a year was up.
I remember reading a study which drew the conclusion that the divorce rate for AM/RW was about the same as the divorce rate for AM/AW. It is nowhwere near the figures posted above. I'll try and find that study and post the link here.
I and most others, whose intelligence in here I take as a given, understand what a bean counter is. It ranks alongside 'trainspotter' and 'twitcher' (birdwatcher) as labels given to those who might get excited at the prospect of doing something that would otherwise bore the rest of us shitless.
QC - There are things which we might not get excited about doing - but we do them anyway. Others may be bored, or incapable, of doing likewise. I guess you can claim either.
The intelligence of MOST others in this forum is without question.
These numbers prove absolutely nothing. I think the first thing my prospective wife will want to do as soon as things settle is return home for a holiday.
My screen name suggests sarcasm? Lol. If you say so, Jet.
I'm surprised sarcasm bothers you. This, coming from a man, who clearly relished hounding good old Doug, and however many others, out of this forum. What was that about dishing it out? It's understandable why you don't want your fiancee to know what you get up to.
I've got nothing against you really, beyond being fairly easy sport. I do think that you and others treatment of newcomers is prematurely hostile. It's a kind of quality control, wouldn't you say?
As to your dislike of my jibes. Despite coming momentarily unstuck in the early days, Toad's got the hang of it, now rising supremely above it all. He's probably as amused as I am. Your towering intellect just can't seem to grasp it, though, hence your simmering resentment. It's mostly petty tit-for-tat, as now. Extremely childish. But.. and here I go again.. you did set the tone.
So you keep complaining. While I observe the discomfort of a man who has little call to be pointing the finger and who would save himself a little grief by not parading his personal life and doubts on a public forum. Then objecting when those very doubts are reflected back at him. But you don't see that do you? To you, it's personal.
It was ME who hounded Doug out of the forum? QC, it seems that you are not Quiet, Charming OR very accurate. Perhaps you might want to check the past posts again. Did you maybe bang your head a few too many times on the wall of that van while shagging the juveniles you so cheaply picked up? You really should use some padding.
I seem to remember that "good old Doug" was pretty ticked off at you for plagierizing his writing in a different forum. He even asked you to at least change the nmae of his wife - if you are going to steal his work and claim it as your own!
I've got nothing against you either, old friend, except that you are ostantateous, presumptuous, arrogant, beligerant and generally wrong about most everything you say - other than these things I'm sure you're a great guy.
So big of you to allow that toad seems to have the gotten the hang of your jibes, and to have learned to rise above your constant attacks. I think he has other things on his mid right now but I'm sure that all the people you know are honored to have learned to live with you. It is a remarkable feat.
It is especially childish that yoiu seem to try and latch on to anything you might use as a weapon such as accusations that it was I who chases newcomers from this forum. Childish-one, do you also consider yourself to be a new-comer? And am I trying to chase you from the forum?
QC - I don't deny I don't particularly like you. At all. You have traits like Martin (similar - though I admit not as extreme) where you have to get even with everyone and others have to "rise to" your annoying personality. I find those thing difficult NOT to challenge and that is why I do. I try to generally avoid subjects you comment on but sometimes I can't help it - you happen to be there.
I'll be gone soon enough for my own reasons. Forgive me if I don't miss you too badly.