I ran across this on the internet. Has this been anyone else's experience? Is this realistic and typical, or just a gross generalization?
Hello XXXXX,
A few years ago we shared a couple of emails concerning agencies. I happened to be
reading your information again and wanted to respond back to you. I married a lady
from Ukraine last year and find all that you say is true.
I truly value the time you’ve taken to create your web site and relay all of this
information.
Concerning my success, I married a lady from Ukraine last year. While I truly love
my wife and want to be committed to her, there are times when I don’t know if my
heart can hold out from the pressure. She is hot and cold, very opinionated (whereby
my opinions are always wrong), and so very sensitive. My wife is very loving and
caring, but it’s a hard, cold love and not the warm, generous love that most Western
men desire. While I want to have a family with her and be happy, I am finding out
why most of these marriages simply don’t work out. The divergence of cultures is
really quite wide and no agency will ever tell the truth about this.
In the year that I have been married, I’ve tried to be the very loving man and
provider. Men need to know that with Russian/Ukrainian women, this is simply not
enough. My mother was very happy that my dad worked for a large corporation and
provided enough so that she could be at home. She did the right thing and took good
care of my siblings and me. However, for a Russian/Ukrainian woman, they still think
of themselves as “victims” if they have to depend on you. Due to their culture, they
never will ever trust a man. In my case, I really treat my wife like a queen, but it
isn’t good enough. She still finds time to tell me about my faults and how I need to
be a “better man”. Well, that street goes two ways.
I stay in contact in with men who are married to these woman on a regular basis,
They tell me that life is tough since these women are dominating, fully opinionated
and simply do not like living here. No matter how you do for them, they culture and
life at home was still much better – even if they lived in a shack without a decent
bathroom or kitchen.
Just to let you know, I’ve been down the agency route many times before I found my
wife. I went on an AFA romance tour and found it to be a cruel joke. While they work
hard to help you and give you a good time, it cannot simply withstand the inertia of
real life.
I too have gone on a tour with Jack Bragg as well. All I can say here is meeting
Jack Bragg once is more than enough. What he advertises and what you get are two
different things. I just wish more men could be warned of him before they spend
their money.
Sometimes if I had to do over I would have not gone down this road to finding a wife
in the former USSR. Like your advice, I would have found someone from another
country in Europe. While I do love the scenery, architecture and culture of Russia
and Ukraine, a man simply must have more than that. I find that many men get
addicted to taking the trips there just due to their lack of fulfilling life in the
USA. This was me – I have a good education, successful (although one with a high
price), a good home, etc. But my lack of having a family made me desperate when I
reached my middle thirties. With this, good (but naïve) men start to look for other
avenues. This is where so many men then get duped in into this Russian bride
disaster. Even when their pockets are empty by the agencies, they like a lovesick
puppy keep coming back for more.
Interestingly, I spoke to a consulate worker at an embassy off they record, and he
told me that the US embassies really frown on these marries due to the problems
they’ve seen with American/Russian couples. They say that the cultures are just too
different for them to be successful.
In closing, thank you for your time in reading my letter. I also have valued your
time in creating this valuable web site. If a man married a woman in the Ukraine and
then has problems and possibly needs to divorce, how does one get divorced in the
Ukraine? I know this sounds like a stupid question, but in the future this may be a
reality. I sincerely appreciate your time and reply.
From my experience it is true that they can be hot and cold. Certainly my wife is. But why should an agency tell you this (and it is a generalisation anyway). If you are going to marry someone you should find this out yourself before you marry. The guy who wrote the letter doesn’t think for a minute he maybe at fault.
I have also found they will want to make you better, but I think all girlfriends do this to guys but maybe more so FSU women. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing and they do this because they love you. Maybe if you listen to her you might become a better man, and having a good job and providing for your family isn’t enough. You need to listen to her and what she wants also.
They don’t want to treat you like a baby or a mate/friend because you are a man and they will treat you like a man. This is perhaps one difference from western women, but you do need a thick skin at times.
I’ve never found that they consider themselves victims, almost the opposite to be honest. They can be very grateful and loyal. But I do find them very opinionated and would prefer to live in their own country. But wanting to live in their own country where their friends and family are and where everything is no strange and different is no surprise especially in the first year.
In the year that I have been married, I’ve tried to be the very loving man and
provider. Men need to know that with Russian/Ukrainian women, this is simply not
enough. My mother was very happy that my dad worked for a large corporation and
provided enough so that she could be at home. She did the right thing and took good
care of my siblings and me. However, for a Russian/Ukrainian woman, they still think
of themselves as “victims” if they have to depend on you. Due to their culture, they
never will ever trust a man. In my case, I really treat my wife like a queen, but it
isn’t good enough. She still finds time to tell me about my faults and how I need to
be a “better man”. Well, that street goes two ways.
Tonytitan you "treated your wife like a queen" and she told you to be "a better man",listen to her she doesn't want you to run around for her and crawl up her arse,you are suffocating her.Show her that you are the man don't take any bullshit from her tell her that she's ten a penny and that you can go to the FSU and get another wife tomorrow.If she doesn't like it let her go,show her that you don't NEED her,most of all be prepared to lose her.It is the fear of losing her that is making you into an arse licking creep,I know I was there with my western ex wife.Now I would rather be single for the rest of my life than have to crawl around after some spoilt bitch.do not lose your cool keep yourself calm and in control,make fun of her and show her that you don't care.It will have one of two results,she will change her attitude and begin to respect you or she will leave immediately,if this happens she never loved you in the first place and it was never meant to be.
you say you speak to other men about FSU women not liking it here well it is the men they don't like not the USA,if they love you they will sleep on a bare floor for you,if they don't they will need all the luxuries money can buy and it still won't be good enough.
"US embassies really frown on these marries due to the problems" Yes, we Americans are so grateful for the wisdom of our diplomatic corps. They know so much about what goes into a successful marriage and what is best for us.
Tony it possibly is a true generalisation. The guy is describing pressure in his relationship. They do not seem to be headed in the same direction. The problem here is he married a woman he can not communicate with. That really isnt a surprise if they dont speak the same language. There needs to be good communication so that differences can easily be resolved. You need to enjoy each others company besides just when you are having sex. Common goals and interests are needed. It really is important to read the signs along the way. Its the little things the give you the window. You should be able to tell if it will work or not.
The guy that wrote the letter, sounds like a needy, desperate person and only in his mid 30s. Not a good position to start from. Though it would be great starting this at 35)
For what its worth, the way I look at a relationship is to take everything associated with sex out of it and then have a look at whats left. If what is left will not hold you together, then you have to move on.
You may have to sift through many before you find the one. But no rush.
After reading that letter, if you removed the Ukrainian/Russian or USSR or FSU wordings ...you could be talking about many marriages in USA. Relationships and marriage is a very difficult process, it is two individuals trying to become one...some people just are not made to be married. When you get married and have a partner you take the bad with the good, when the bad outweigh the good that marrige is not going to work, remember about half the marriges end in divorce and it is same in many countries.
Some observations. The author of this letter sounds like a guy with the savior mentality. He was doing her some great favor for getting her out of Ukraine. That in itself is a recipe for disaster. Second he wasn't looking for a real woman. He was looking for a mother or someone that would wipe his nose at every whim. Third if his life was unfullfilled in the US, then he needs to work on that, no woman from any country is going to fill that void. Fourth I would bet money the person who composed this was a russian speaker, you can see this in the cyrillic letter that slips through and also the conjugation of sentences aren't from a highly educated person with a command for the english language.
Fifth, I'm glad my wife is opinionated and not some limp noodle. Two people who agree always is a boring existence.
Sixth wondering if they were married in Ukraine how to they get divorced in the US? Seems to me this person doesn't understand the rules of divorce in the US. Another glaring error, not understanding jurisdiction.
Instead of treating her like a Queen, how about treating her as an equal? There is a difference. This clown sounds like a mommas boy. If his wife disagrees with him on anything he whines like a little bitch and that makes her dominating and highly opinionated. God, what a loser. If you are looking for a woman that is going to be subserviant to you, Ukraine is the wrong place. If you are looking for a woman who will put everything into making the family stronger and more successful and enjoyable and engaging, then Ukraine is a great place. In 49 years of life, I have never had a woman who put my interests first until now, who supports my endeavors in life to the fullest, who sees my success and hers in any avenue that well travel as the most important issues we embrace. Who not has only embraced my culture but has exposed it weaknesses, and shown me the same in hers. I married the most incredible lady in the world, and she is no pushover. She has strength of character and will dig her heels in if she thinks she's right. I admire that in her. She never looks at herself as a victim in anything, but pursues life with a zeal with no excuses or apologies rendered.
When she was living alone in Ukraine, and her financeswere difficult, she would borrow money from friends and travel long hours on a train to Poland to buy cloths from a wholesaler and return to Ukraine to sell them. She repaid back her friends and rolled it over and did it again. She never bitched about her circumstances. Even when we were dating she didn't ask for anything for support.
Well if you aren't looking for a woman with strength and character, then Ukraine is not for you. These ladies have lived under conditions none of us in the States can ever really understand. Even our poor live better than some of the normal people in Ukraine.
I would toss this letter on the ash heap of emasculated men who are looking for mommys titty to remain attached to the rest of their lives.