I know this forum just for a short time, it was my loved one who has sent me the link. I have read throughout some topics in this forum and I have found some answers, but it also make me doubt and made me think about our future. I have no doubt that she loves me. She is the only person in this world who can make me feel good and worth living. I will give her everything I can and give up everything for her simply because I love her more than my life itself. I know we cannot live happily only based on love, we still need to worry about other things, like money, home, work, family and friends. I know I cannot go there now to live with her, how can we survive our living if I can't find a job there? Although she does not often express her feelings, her doubt and her worry, I worry if she would be able to leave her life behind and start a new life with me based on only our love? I know I will try everything to make her happy but I am afraid I can never make her happy if she regrets leaving everything behind and doubts that she will be happy here. I can never find true happiness unless she is happy and I can not make her happy if she does not want. I wonder if love is important enough to be able to survive any obstacle and to feel happy about our situation. I wonder if being together is able to make our life happier and able to make her feel less regret. I know what I want and I know I need her, but I feel uncomfortable to know that I waste her life if she does not think that us being together is enough to survive any problem together and to feel happy.
I don't think you are going to make her happy getting worked up about making her happy.
If you enjoy each other and feel happy in the relationship,then do so.... enjoy it.
Sounds like you need some outside activities together to discover your common interests. You need to play, doing things that excite you both and give you material to discuss and share. Night classes or outdoor challenges can bring more to your relationship than a trip to the coach and horses or a visit with the in-laws.
Maybe try something together that neither of you have never done before. Hangliding, rollerskating, going to church whatever. There are many interests and stuff to do that cost nothing.
Relationships need work,, even those who are completely besotted with each other will hit problems one in a while.
Thanks Kirkland for your response.
Let me ask you one thing. Would you feel happy when you know your partner is not happy and the main reason is because of you? The problem is not that we don't have common interests or that we will have no activities together. But I do agree with you that when I try too hard to make her happy, she would not feel happy and that it needs time for her to feel comfortable to discuss our future and find happiness together.
No; I wouldn’t feel happy in a relationship where she wasn’t happy. However you’re not responsible for her happiness…she is.
You can put things in place and work towards a solution where she will be happy…depending on what floats her boat.
In my experience most women just want security, comfort and most of all man who won’t let them down.
Happiness is a choice…you choose to be happy or choose to be unhappy.
I’ve been in relationships where the woman told me she wasn’t happy. I usually tell her to sling her hook after that…for her own good.
We all know people who complain for years about their job, spouse, or lack of same. If the conditions suck, change them, yourself or the people you're with.
All these things are well within her control, but any woman who says she’s unhappy is just a spectator in her own life.
It took me years to learn that unhappiness is voluntary, helps no one and is no substitute for motivation to get more out of life.
Andrew I am afraid there are not black and white answers to your questions. I do not know how much time the two of you have spent together. A book I read called "His Needs Her Needs" suggested that for a better way to say it each time you physically meet each of you would store points for the other. The possible points would be a range from -4 to +4 and you would subconsciously accumulate the points for each interaction. If you did not meet for a period of time the accumulation would not change. He estimated that in the range of 200 positive points needed to be accumulated to be ready for marriage. So if each of your encounters was completely over the top and both of you stored 4 points ,which I doubt would happen since most relationships have a certain degree of ups and downs in them, then by this theory you would need 50 such perfect meetings to be at this stage.
Now with that said if both of you have come to this point then where you live will probably not be as big of an issue as how quick can you both get there. If not you need to spend more time together. But you are right you will have the responsibility to support her and maintain this point level to help her through her homesickness.
The employment I have heard is in the most demand in the FSU is Native English teachers. You probably have to take an online course to get a certificate and would maybe make in the range of $8 per hour. Of course if you are independently wealthy you could just live there. And keep looking there I am sure are other options.
"I can never make her happy if she regrets leaving everything behind and doubts that she will be happy here. I can never find true happiness unless she is happy and I can not make her happy if she does not want...."
Game over Andrew, if she is not happy, what makes you think she is in love with you?? There can be
no love without happiness. If you have to try hard to make her happy, you are barking up the wrong tree.
Yes, I know, lifes a bitch...no walk the park..............sorry
Friar Lawrence: These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite:
Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.
Andrew: If you think you can make her happy or she can make you happy, you are wasting your time and emotions on an international relationship. Get used to the idea that both of you will spend time completely miserable. She will be lonely and wishing her former life back, you will be frustrated because you can't fix the problem, you will fight and argue. Your first 6 months together as a married couple will be the toughest thing you can't even imagine.
The rewards are there and love is the thing which gives you a chance of survival and both of you will need plentiful amounts of dogged detirmination. Without those two things and a complete focus on making it through day by day, week by week, month by month etc, you have a 100% chance of being a divorce statistic.
If you are not 100% comfortable with your own company and 100% convinced you are worth every part of what she is giving up and then some, do both of you a favour and quit now.
Andrew, maybe I can not dive deep enough into your problems, but my advice is simple enough to understand. Frst of all you need to make happy yourself, because it's impossible to your girlfriend to behappy near unhappy man.
I thank you all sincerly for expressing your opinions,I am glad that there are no funny guys who make silly remarks on this topic. You have given me different views and perspectives on how to survive this problem. I am very determined to make it work but I can't succeed without her help. Maybe the reason I opened this topic is a scream for help. Maybe I needed to convince myself that what I do is also what she needs and not only my dream or just my wish, if she does not believe in our future, I am chasing an illusion and I am wasting her time and hurt other people in our surroundings. Some of you tell me to quit now, but I am sure in myself that I would never love someone else than her or do the things I would do for her simply because I would feel I am cheating myself. If I would find someone else, I would never be able to give her my whole heart and I would regret and feel more and more sorry and in the end I would stay unhappy. I think some of you who really found their true love know what I mean. For me love is not only a deep feeling, it is also the inspiration and motivation to do things which you would never feel you are able to do. Love changes your personality and yourself for each other and you would not feel troublesome for the changes. The love I have for her now is many times stronger than one year before and I believe it will continue to grow because it has no limits. Hopefully one day we both would be able to feel the sacrafices that we made are worth it.
correction, there is still one funny guy who gives a silly remark, I guess everybody with some brain would know who that is, and besides it is not because he likes to handscrew himself that he should give everybody the advice to handscrew
correction, there is still one funny guy who gives a silly remark, I guess everybody with some brain would know who that is, and besides it is not because he likes to handscrew himself that he should give everybody the advice to handscrew
Danny, if you really believe you are funny with your ridiculous jokes, then I give you MY HINT FOR YOUR LIFE; get lost or go play with your virgin barbies or your inflatable dolls. I cannot imagine a decent and smart girl would ever want to have a relationship with you. You don't value love (from all the silly remarks that you have posted in this and other topics in this forum, everybody can tell that you don't know or ever will know the meaning of LOVE), you definately have no respect with other people and you treat women like some piece of meat. One thing I have to agree with you, your spelling really sucks, but probably it is the only kind of suck you will ever get. So, go and learn a few more years English before you come back and post again in this forum.
Jet, thank you for your concern but we are not rushing our love, you are literated and surely alot smarter than Danny but why do you need to lower yourself to his level and continue in every topic
to ridicule each other? Is it important that his dick is bigger when he can only do handscrew jobs and play with his virgin dolls? He annoys everybody in the forum so they would react and talk back to him because his virgin barbies and dolls cannot speak to him.
Danny, if you really believe you are funny with your ridiculous jokes, then I give you MY HINT FOR YOUR LIFE; get lost or go play with your virgin barbies or your inflatable dolls. I cannot imagine a decent and smart girl would ever want to have a relationship with you. You don't value love (from all the silly remarks that you have posted in this and other topics in this forum, everybody can tell that you don't know or ever will know the meaning of LOVE), you definately have no respect with other people and you treat women like some piece of meat. One thing I have to agree with you, your spelling really sucks, but probably it is the only kind of suck you will ever get. So, go and learn a few more years English before you come back and post again in this forum.
Jet, thank you for your concern but we are not rushing our love, you are literated and surely alot smarter than Danny but why do you need to lower yourself to his level and continue in every topic
to ridicule each other? Is it important that his dick is bigger when he can only do handscrew jobs and play with his virgin dolls? He annoys everybody in the forum so they would react and talk back to him because his virgin barbies and dolls cannot speak to him.
Happiness is the key to life. plain and simple, this isn't a dress rehearsal. If anything makes you unhappy then change it, be it, work, partner, the car you drive, anything. I have learnt this from a young age and confess to be generally high on life, i am buzzing and i think people who are around me can sense this.
Andrew, I wouldn't get involved in the pissing contests that now seem to find their way into every new topic.
If you ignore them they'll go away.
Back on topic:-
One important thing I've learned in a loving relationship is that it doesn't matter what you say, doesn't matter what you do...only thing that matters is how you make her feel.
Talk is cheap, actions don't always produce the best results, but women never deny their feelings for very long.
If she continues to feel unhappy in a relationship; resentment will fester and grow. Some other situation occurs, some other guy appears, the grass always looks greener etc...then bam...you're history.
That's why I always say if she aint happy show her the door. I'm not talking about your situation...this is just my opinion about relationships that have run their course.
The most important person in your life is you. This isn't a selfish notion....its the way it should be. Why throw your life force at someone else who is either undeserving or doesn't even try to be happy. Let other folks take care of themselves. If you don't care of yourself who will want you?
Kirkland thank you once more for your profound opinion. I agree almost all with what you have said but it isn't so easy to be reasonable when it comes to love. Maybe at the beginning, our love was blind and we only loved each other in our heart but after some time and a lot of tears and sorrow but also many happy moments later, we learned to relativize things and start to love each other besides our hearts also in our mind. If every time we would point each other the door whenever we feel unhappy or insecure about our future, then I am sure we would never have a future. Love takes time, it consumes a lot of energy but it can also provide energy and happiness to your loved one. I just hope that the feeling of love is enough for us to withstand every situation and never to give up on each other but I also am aware that we can never build a solid foundation for our future if one of us does not believe in being happy with a future together.