well what can you do she said shed be back in two weeks her mum is furious and called me and said dont give her a ticket. Im not a kidnapper though. And two of us get on fine so Im not gonna argue about it and she can do as she wishs.
colin, i think its a smart move, theres nothing you can do but be patient, 2 weeks is nothing in a life time. It would be a big change for her to move to Ireland, but also live with you as you wouldn't have spent so much time together. If she feels she can go when she wants, she wouldn't feel trapped. It will be expensive with flights but next time she'll probably think if i go it will cost money and i'll come back so I may as well stay. Good luck anyway.
nah got flights with ryanair cheap worked out about 100 usd or so direct to budapest and she can grab a train from there home. She was complaining about back pain all week I said go to the doctor and she refused my mum was over and got her to go and she has a infection at the base of her back from a blow or bang ,I assume she got it when she walked the dog and fell but saying that she said she suffered it before but not so bad. The doctor here wanted her to go for a xray but she refused and said her health insurance would do it at home.
Very stubborn.
Mother likes me and we get on well as do her cousins and friends who I keep in contact with too.
Probably it will be a war zone for her when she goes back everyone tells her to stick it out longer but you cant make anyone do anything and if I did shed resent me.
Hi Colin
Sorry to hear about the difficulties your wife is having.
It sounds like you have done all the right things and the best that you can to help her settle in.
Letting her go back to Ukraine is the right decision. You can't lock her in the cupboard.
I think now you are going to need to take the back seat with this and see if all the good work you have put in is going to pay off. She really needs to come to the decision that she wants to passionately be with you.
I would now give her all the space she wants and more. I would write to her and tell her you had great dreams for the 2 of you but you respect her decision to return to Ukraine and that you are not going to hound her. Essentially leaving the relationship ended. I would not talk about the possibility or when she is returning. I would not be ringing her every five minutes telling her how much I miss her. Sometimes with these things you have to end it for them to realise what they want. Its important that she feels she could/ has lost you.
In a months time you can always make a demonstrative arrival on her doorstep and insist you are meant to be together and have come to take her home.
Of course this is only what I would do.
All the best
ye thanks for the good advice adman, just talked to her now she has told none of her friends she is going back just one. Her mother as I said is furious. Yesterday we walked in capital holding hands people of all nationalities here looking for residency I said I wonder why so many people want to live here. She said its a good place maybe im just stupid. I said hon u arnt u are just homesick.
Im just wondering if she goes and returns whats to stop these feelings from returning?
Colin I wrote the previous post thinking your wife was already returning to Ukraine.
At this moment it is probably the worst time for you, not really knowing whether she is coming or going. While she is still in Ireland I would passioately seduce her to stay.
Trying and avoid her having the thought she can just come and go though.
Colins wife is obviously feeling anxious about being away from home. I think it is a good thing that he has bought her a ticket to Ukraine, It will give her a sense that she isnt held captive.
I think now, before she leaves, is a good time to throw everything emotionly and physially into the relationship. Everyone is different, It may include anything from getting her drunk and taking advantage of her, to suicide, telling her youre going to die if she goes to Ukraine. The main thing is to get across to her as strongly as possible that you want her to be with you. This needs to be mental and physical. Ramp up the emotion.
I dont see any reason to hold back.
To me, showing how desperate one can be is a total turn off. Respect is best!! Tough love is even better!!
Colin, this reminds me of a saying I use with respect to relationships....it is like a yo-yo,
you fling it out there...if it comes back, it is worth keeping.
I still have a feeling Colin that your wife has not known you for a very long time before you got married and now it is just settling in that her life is turned upside down and she is not totally ready to be with you.
turns out she had a small medical problem she didnt tell me about at the moment she is just in hospital getting it sorted the reason she wanted to get home was to get it done also it made her sick etc. My mother called over and convinced her to go to the doctor who immediately sent her to hospital so all is sorted. I asked her about it and she said she didnt want me to have to pay for hospital and doctor.......... I had explained before both of us are covered for medical with my work.
Although I agree with Beemer she wasnt ready for the change. I was outside and heard her talking to the Phillpino nurse who asked how she found it here she replied very much its a good place to live Id just like to go home for a couple of weeks.
Hey Im with you guys. I think the “Im going to kill myself” is totally crazy.
I guess I should have qualified that what I was writing was intended to express a broad range of extreme response to a similar situation. The suicide thing is not intended as advice for Colin.
For the record. I do know of one occasion when a guy pulled a stunt like that on an FSU woman. She was suckered by it. Thought “this is love”. Only to find out later the guy was nuts.
I wouldn’t/ couldnt do that. Just not my personality. I mention it as an extreme but only to emphasize that sometimes there are moments in a relationship where love and desire need to be expressed far more strongly than you might think. Or at the least can be put strongly without loosing points.
Colin is telling a hell of a great story here. The real work begins when you get her to your country. Homesickness is a reality especially if they have never lived anywhere besides their home country. I left mine with an open ended ticket back to Ukraine if she wanted to use it. It does give them the comfort that they are not trapped and totally dependent on you for everything.
Getting them involved in the day to day activities of the household is important. No matter what it is make them feel as a needed participant, not just a housemaid. I told mine to go explore and no matter where she was I could find her and get her back home that's about the only advantage to cell phones that I can see.(sarcasm) Also put some demands on them. Mine was for her to better her english both reading and writing. She went three days a week to a tutor and made her used to a schedule got her out of the house, she made friends outside of our circle of friends and it improved her ability to speak and write incredibly. Far better than some of our native speakers who post here. It built her self confidence which is needed in the early on. We can't do that actually. They know we are always going to support them but approval from others not so close is really important to them, it makes them feel they are assimilating into the culture.
Remember to embrace their culture. You married a Russian or Ukrainian. We celebrate two Christmas's here. The American and Ukrainian. I honor her holidays. I want the language spoken in our house, though I also want her to speak mine well as I am learning hers. Give her the latitude to make decisions, this is another important aspect for her. She will defer when it is a financial or cultural decision. Though seek out her input and make her feel her ideas are important. Another thing that was important to my wife was being corrected when she was doing something wrong. Something I find highly unusual since most American women know everything about everything. She wanted guidance on finances, manners, expectations, speaking correctly etc.
In the five years we've been together we've only had one heated argument.
Colin no one has the answer for you. Though many of us think you are doing the right thing except for the typical queer(quir)know it all. Hang in there buddy and we are wishing you the best and a couple of prayers tossed in as well. Us Micks have to stick together in good times and bad. I think your bad time here will be short lived when she realizes there's more to life
in a good realtionship than mother country. You stay dedicated to her and it will all work out and she will see that.
Godspeed Buddy!!!
hey thanks nas, hard day 2day friends ukranian wife rang me to say hows things I said look wifes in hospital she immediately rang her. I got a sms saying you never think do you? I dont want anyone here coming near me so for most of 2day I was ignored the lady went and you know what she only wanted to help and it worked out very good. Our neighbours here drove out to her as well and the hospital is a good journey away. She has missed her flight home now anyway so I dont know what the next step is for me im very tired its been hard. My sister told me I wasnt totally ready for this situation and neither was the wife ready for this move. But im married I wont give up yet......And I havnt argued with her I let her rant and say nothing.
Colin, let her rant, it's just her frustration of living in a place that is totally foreign to her, it's a usual response. It's theraputical for her. Don't take it personal. You will hear things are done better in Ukraine for example, we don't do things this way or that. It's typical, in time it will mellow out. It's just a process of trying to hold on to a lifestyle and culture she is leaving. It was just like my wife commenting a couple of years back, after hammering the US for the way we do things how we dress etc. She told me that most Americans are truly good people she has met, not like what they hear back home about Americans. This will also happen when she gets time to adjust and she your friends and home for what it really is.
I was pretty lucky and didn't experience a long time of the homesickness. This to shall pass for you, though it seems at the time like an eternity. Hang in there buddy and stay focused on what needs to be done. Support her, because in the long run she's giving up everything she is and has known to be with you and that's a humbling feeling.
Since some like to opine about the mother in law. What mother or father for that matter doesn't want the best for their child?
I really enjoyed your blogs, thank you for sharing such personal information!
I am a few questions however. I am researching anastasia-international.com because I desire a wife from Ukraine. With all the information on the net about this site being a scam, is it a scam? Can you confirm this and if so, how do I go about getting started in finding that special Ukraine bride?
didn't use an agency moron. didn't have to bribe her with a house either . tell us oh great one how you met your partner.be careful some of us have actually traveled over ther
I think traveling there is probably the best plan of action, however I am a 33 year-old newbie on thanksgiving holiday here in the USA and details is what I need. So far I personally feel you cannot trust any of these agencies simply because there are so many hot women, they do not offer a money-back guarantee and for any disputes one has to contact official in the state of KY for a company in ME??? Very odd indeed!
If I were to travel there, what steps do I need to take to get admitted into the country?
Once I am admitted, what do I do next considering NAS said he did not use an agency and many are scams?
I can only afford so much time and money overseas. What do you recommend?
I met my partner on RussianEuro I know of another European who is currently getting married and also met on RussianEuro. I dont know how it works to be honest my wife hasnt went into detail about the whole situation and I didnt pressure her but she did pay someone to help her advertise there and to work out who was serious and who was not also for minor translation its seems to have cost her alot.
She said she had given up on men from home after to relationships ended up bad and deceided to find a man to love and who would love her.
At the moment we have come to a understanding I try my best and she has begun to see this. We had a long talk last night. She said I need to be more of a man and make decisions. I said look here its not like that in this country if I try that with a Irish woman I have a battle on my hands most decisions end up to be a battle.
If that is what you want I will do it I said and I have begun to do this .She said I dont understand everything here ,you do you have to do it all for me and then explain. Also I like it here normally ,when I make a decision I think of how it affects other people around me but this time I cant I just have a need inside me to be home. The worst part is when I cant understand people talking around me ive never felt this before.I said fine go home this is hard for me but because I love you I let you go. I said you need a visa to come back through budapest as yours is expired to be honest I dont expect to see you back before next year. She began to panic at this point and said??????? I will look for a different one or if not I will fly directly from Kiev (Its nearly a days travel from her city to there by train) I dont mind her going now Im phyically tired of the whole thing I would like a few weeks of rest and to spend with my son.
In relation to him they have got on so well I could never have expected it when I saw her in hospital she continually asks of him and worries that I leave him with someone when I come to visit her.
As Ive said shes childish somewhat immature has a bad tempered but my mum who is very good at judging people says shes very honest and a good person.
At the end of it all I wasnt ready for any of this at all I expected a forever after scenario.
But im married I wont give up and will continually try.
Alot of people here have given me alot of support by provate messages and even by phone so thanks alot.
Yeah I bet you did. I'll just plop my sorry ass in Chelny to get a haircut. God you are pathetic. What a lame answer. What happened, the girl at the agency saw you coming and ran for the hills? With a fugly mug like yours you'd scare the shit out of a blind woman.