Sorry kiwi I somehow missed reading your post. Thank you for the thoughts and sorry to misunderstand your humor Ralph.
And yes kiwi I suspect the forum she was reading did not paint an accurate portrait of the life in a womens shelter or on welfare. It is an existance but I am sure there are not very many perks there.
I still cannot understand is why such a sudden change. Now listening to stories about her friends it is not unusual for them to split for a week every couple months because of temper and pride. I did not think of this until later but the week we had the disagreement was the week of the month she would be very volatile and these women's shelters advertise all of the time on tv how if you are in a bad situation they will get you out. These organizations are professional Restraining order petition writers as well as proficient at getting funding and benefits and permanent residence for aliens. At the hearing she talked about counseling and she had an evaluation.
She always was fairly honest with me. She did not file the petition for a restraining order until a month and a half after she left and it was all lies. Now add to the equation that 3 choices exist return to Ukraine, file for permanent residence as a battered woman, or return to me and hope I will take her back and continue the marriage for the remainder of the two years. Also the first thing she would have to promise these people when the picked her up was never ever to try to contact me again.
So here is where my questions lie. Did it take a month and a half for this organization with their shrinks to get into her head and brain wash her. Once they got her was she trapped so to speak.
I may never get the answers but it makes me think.
You need a woman, Mr. Oz. Have you thought about your choices?
1. Wait for her.
2. Find an American woman.
3. Go back to Ukraine.
There is a difficult question that you should answer or probably already have. Does she have another man? It is difficult for me to visualize a woman with a kid doing something like this without prospects.
I would have sent a PM to you but I cant- I havenít been approved to send PMs as yet. I appreciate that this is an old posting but my experience mirrors your own. And i have story that should be told.
I married a Russian lady in 2004 I met through an agency. We got married in Russia but the Embassy staff in Moscow did not believe we were a genuine couple based mainly on the fact she had invited another foreign man to visit her in the previous 18 months and we did not have joint bank accounts and jointly owned property 7 days after getting married. I rushed the application because her son was about to turn 18 and he would have required his own separate application. Different tests are applied for fiances as opposed to spouses- therein lies a whole topic which I would be happy to expand for the benefit of the forum. She also got very upset during the interview which did not help, threatening to "explode the embassy" if they revealed something to me which she later told me about anyway. They refused a spouse visa. We spent better part of 2 years battling that decision on appeal. While this process was ongoing I travelled to Russia 4 times spending a total of about 8 months to be with my wife.
We won the appeal and she came to join me in my country (Australia) in early 2007. Because of the time that had elapsed by the time she arrived she and her 21 year old son automatically were given permanent residence. Ordinarily a spouse migrant has to wait two years before they get that.
We only spent 11 months together in Australia before parting in cataclysmic circumstances. The first 6 months were like a bed of roses for us. We were blissfully happy together. The last two months together a bed of thorns. It started off on Christmas Eve with a false accusation that I was having an affair with my son's long time de facto. I do not know what was in her mind but I know she overheard a telephone conversation I had with my son's de facto in which I discussed a Christmas present for my son and which I said " he will love that". I think she mistook that to mean " I love you". I was accused minutes after of having an affair with the girl.
A few days later we travelled 900 kms by car to visit family near Sydney. The next morning my wife announced, with no prior warning, that she was travelling back to Melbourne solo. She had no experience of trains in Australia- even how from the small city where we were staying she would get back to Melbourne. But she managed to do it 9over 24 hours).
A week later (around 8 January) we had my sister and her boyfriend to dinner. That night they announced their engagement and that they would be married in Ireland a few months later. We were invited to the wedding. This is significant because on 16 January my wife accused me of having an affair with this same sister. In the course of that drama I threw my wife to the bed but was in no way violent to her except for that act. The next day I came home to find that she and her son had left. She refused to take any calls from me. Two days later I was served with an interim intervention order prohibiting me or her son from contacting her in any way. The son's intervention application could cite only that once I had spoken to him harshly. He also swore falsely about witnessing the event on 16 January- he stayed at a friend's house that night. The matter went to court at the end of January. A permanent order was not made but on advice of my lawyers (who advised these orders are usually made permanent whoever is in the right or the wrong and that there was no point in fighting it) I consented to a voluntary undertaking that I would not contact her for 12 months. That event basically killed the marriage.
To this day- and we are now divorced- I do not know what was in her mind to make such false allegations. She was either mentally disturbed or very very calculating. She tried the son's fiance line and I did not react violently. Then the humiliation of leaving me during a family vacation and I did not react. Then she tried the incest card and I did react.
I learned after that this is not an unusual story. She already had permanent residence but migrants donít get access to social security for 4 years. One major exception is where they have been the "victim" of domestic violence. In Australia to get social security inside that 4 year period you donít need a conviction or court order. You just need to make an application for an intervention order and you get the payments. Even if the charges are thrown out of court the migrant still gets the payments. The officer I spoke to in the Department said it was a loophole that they were aware of but nothing had been or was planned to be done to plug the hole.
Had my wife not been a permanent resident she would have been liable to be returned to Russia by my merely withdrawing sponsorship of her and proving, after two years, we were not living together.
I donít want to make anyone paranoid. But as the departmental officer told me-"we hear a lot of similar cases".
It took me two years to get over this experience. Strangely enough and to my family's bewilderment, it has not put me off FSC women. I know there are very good women there and I am now in Ukraine meeting someone wonderful I met 6 months ago. I am just hoping lightning doesnít strike twice !!
Of course pushing someone onto a bed it in the strict (if mild) sense domestic violence. I don't condone what I did. But an allegation that you are having incest with your sister, following hot on the heels of an allegation you are having it off with your son's fiancee would be guaranteed to hit most blokes buttons!!Idont think my reaction was out of proportion to the heinousness of the allegations. Even the wife's barrister admitted his client was a bitch.
I would have responded sooner but I do not check in here all that much. It seems this is a known problem to Ins here also but the violence against womens act has tied their hands. One retired agent said publicly and it is on the net somewhere that he thought of the immigrant spouses who filed for the battered women's status 85% are fraud and 15% legitimate. He also stated it was pretty much a rubber stamp process. At first they turned some over to ICE (enforcement) but the last few years before he retired no cases were turned over to be investigated.
The immigrant spouse needs 3 things for evidence of abuse: 1. an evaluation from a psychiatrist 2. A self declaration (she says she was abused). 3. A restraining order (if she has one)
The women's shelters seem to be in name only but it appears they should advertise as Women's Shelter/immigration fraud center. They receive federal money it appears like of the ones I have looked at their financial info on their sites they have a budget of 800,000 per year give or take a little depending on the individual shelter of which most claim over half is government money. If you look at their services they normally do 100's of Restraining orders a year and carry translators for most languages. They also train law enforcement on how to prosecute abusers and some funding is provided from the government which is an incentive for the judges to convict more alleged abusers.
I do not have a complete handle on the process but what I know is this. She and the shelter file the I-360. INS makes sure the i's are dotted and T's crossed approximately 30 days and she then receives all the free services: housing, legal, food stamps, medical, welfare, and a stipend for income. It takes another 6 months to process the I-360.
Ins cannot use any evidence from the spouse (abuser) by law he is a prohibited source, In my case I am appealing the restraining order so she has only received the ex-parte (temporary)order. However I heard through what I consider to be a reliable source that she has already received unconditional permanent residence. So now she is eligible to bring family or a new fiance in from Ukraine.
The first and main concern of the spouse should be to do what he can to keep his assets together because if she says you raised your voice at her the whole United States Government is on her side and you are alone even if you did not raise your voice.
The losers are the real battered women who have been so long getting protection they needed and are now very much endangered of losing all respect because the legal system has allowed the restraining order to become a mere tool for divorce lawyers an immigration fraud and the judges have no order in their court because they ignore lies even when a witness testifies against her own previous testimony.
Thanks for the info, Mr. Oz. I doubt if your story will stop me, but I certainly will be looking for signs.
My father and several elders told me that the longer your dating period is, the longer your marriage will last. If it's easy come, it is also easy go. How long did you know your wife before you married her?
You got stitched mate. But fair play to you. 50s and picking up a nice early 32. Give the guy some credit.
Turn a new leaf and start again mate. But I would say look for someone more your own age. Lets be honest the dream of the younger woman never usually ends in joy unless you have some indespensable asset....big cash :)
actually in the eyes of the girl it would be a dispensable asset - meaning you have money, she take money, like an atm, 401K or other asset, just be wise with your assets and do your homework before you even THINK of bringing a woman from fsu to america. as baron so often reminds everyone, go to visa journey. BUT it is a place for REAL people from all over the world, and no it is not geared to or rather, as durak states, looks down upon the MOB business. therefor you won't find a lot about MOB, FSU and the foibles of men who use these sites. there is a commitment you make in the K1 process - a TEN YEAR COMMITMENT that ensures this woman will not become a ward of the tax payers. Meaning if you marry her and for whatever reason she gets away from you and stays here, you pay her salary for ten years ( about 28K a year these days or whatever the poverty income level is). It's a little more complicated than that, but in reality you are signing a contract with the United States Of America that you will ensure this woman will not collect social security, get food stamps etc. for ten years. quite the opposite of illegal aliens who are coddled by the liberal regime.
I don't know now, but that ten year commitment was hardly enforced, if at all. I know of a couple whose children had that ten year commitment, otherwise known as an Affidavit of Support, who went to Mexico many years back without a passport. It was hell getting back, as the government found out an Affidavit of Support was filed on both of them by their children, and they were on government support. Immigration officials had their assistance taken away. A month later, the couple re-filed and got it back. Noone was ever billed for this assistance.
The ten year commitment ends after the immigrant becomes a citizen. After the immigrant becomes a citizen, you will no longer be liable if he becomes a ward of the government, even before ten years is up. Most immigrants want their family also to be able to come to the US and file them not as fiance immigrants, but as father, mother..... They can't do that without becomming a US citizen.
it depends on whether or not they are smart enough to get a lawyer. and if they are just out to get a free ticket then they usually are. the lowest of the low hiring the lower of the lowest of lows. ironic isn't it?
Ralph they do not need a lawyer. You see all these adds on tv from women's shelters to women. We can get you out of any situation just dial the 800 number. This amounts to one time you have a disagreement and she does not know where to turn.
Now I believe once one of these organizations gets a hold of a woman no holds are barred. She is coerced, threatened, and manipulated to get what they need which is a quota of women to justify their 800,000 dollar budget of which a significant part of comes from tax dollars and to prove how many women are being abused. This is a turn key deal. The shelter has access to the Interpreters, coaches the women every step including having someone sit beside them in court to tell them when to cry and what to do. They appear even to own many of the judges.
Also the violence against women's puts money into the legal system budget and projects that there are 50% of abusers are not getting convicted and the objective is to convict these abusers.
Think about this I will bet that most of you know more than one loving father that was separated from his children and family by a false restraining order. I will bet a lot less of you know of a legitimate victim of abuse that was helped by a restraining order or shelter. Why is this. It is fraud but it pays dividends in divorce settlements and immigration fraud and shelter budget. Now carry this a step further and if you know any da's, law officers, or judges ask them about prosecution of this fraud. I will bet you will find no one that will touch this. Why because this is a sacred cow. They are all getting bribed through their budgets which needless to say is not in good shape now.
You may think the judges are too stupid to know they are not aiding and abetting fraud but in my case the court of appeals did not even have an oral argument. They looked at the documents from the lower court and overturned the restraining order.
However and you can google "instructions for I-360 form" and find that an immigrant spouse needs 3 things to prove abuse
1. Self declaration (they say they were abused)
2. Evaluation from a pyschiatrist
3. A restraining order if they have one.
My x-wife did not have a final restraining order but she received unconditional permanent residence as a battered woman so that is not a requirement.
She is a single mother living on welfare, she has no car, and little money. Granted it was not easy for her to adjust living here. But how many of these women if given a choice would choose this life over having a car to drive where she wanted, having money to spend, and living with dignity if only for 2 years until she could sue for divorce.
Who profits from this: The shelter. They get big federal money and if you look at any shelter that has a budget page on their site you will see this. The man naturally thinks it is the woman so he launches an attack against her. If by some weird fluke he is successful she is deported hence all they did was load the mule and took the money, witness gone besides the man thinking it was the woman he needs to fight. The shelter trains law enforcement and procures money for budget so they are bought and paid for whether it is for immigration or divorce settlement.
If you are a white man or maybe even a man period you are screwed.
I can understand where 'Oz' is coming from and despite my naivity of US bullsh1t these FSU women, whichever country it may be they are in, they, the less than honest ones, all 'cry' similarly whereas they will cite abuse, violence, rape etc. against the guy, the fiance, the husband etc, because they've all read that same textbook, perhaps the US authorities might be dumbass enough to fall for these women's bullshit but that's another story, I understand where 'Oz' is coming from and, in that respect, I totally agree with him.
RB no I have not received anything about repayment. I have read of a few instances of this but not many.
These women will not say they were raped, they will not say you hurt them, they will not say you touched them. They will say you raised your voice and they were afraid you might hurt them. The shelters word it that they feared for their life. That is why this is such an obvious fraud by the judges. They issue a restraining order from another state. A restraining order is for the purpose of protecting her from immediate imminent danger. That means this judge thinks she is going to be immediately hurt by you because she claims you yelled at her 2 months ago in a state out of this judges jurisdiction. These judges know they are participating in fraud if they have any amount of common sense at all.