Here's a funny story, guys. I've been communicating (email, SMS, Skype) for nearly 3 months with a Russian woman. My intuition has been that she's probably sincere (about 6 on a trust scale of 1 to 10), but not necessarily much interested in me.
I have had hopes about her, because she seems sweet (usually NOT the main impression I get from RW dating profiles), and we have had some simple exchanges about what would be necessary to bring her child to my country. [I discuss these things early in my contact with women, because if there is a big problem, then there is no point in going further.]
Her dating profile says that she is divorced. She has written to me that her divorce was several years ago, and that the child's father has very little to do with her child.
I just read a short message from a man who is her 'friend' on a sort of social networking page, connected with her email service. It is in very idiomatic Russian, and uses polite words in a very impolite way. The gist of this message is, "why the f*ck are you messing with my wife Elena, you want your ass kicked?"
Ha ha ha.
I'm sure I'm not the first idiot to have such an experience. As I said, I didn't have the impression that she was very interested in me; but even so, I feel slightly sick.
I suppose there might be some slightly innocent explanation ... but any way I slice it, it looks ugly.
That's not funny, Mr. Durak. You are trying to laugh it off. Good for experience. Thanks for sharing it.
I once communicated with a woman in Zaporozhye. I was open about talking about visiting her. After a month, I was ready. I made reservations. She suddenly changed her mind. I didn't believe her reasons. First, she said it was too soon. I told her I didn't believe her. Is it because I am too old? She agreed with that too. I did not press her.
She was probably just in it for her take in the letters. I was using a pay per letter. Or, she had something else planned, scam or otherwise, and was not ready.
I could not cancel the reservations so I still went after writing another woman just one time. That opened me up for the scam.
I have sent her a short letter in Russian. It is very clear and polite, but slightly formal. The letter refers to the message I received, and invites her to explain.
Because she hasn't written to me for a few weeks, I don't think it very likely that she will reply. But if she doesn't make a satisfactory explanation, I will probably notify the website (which is good about removing dishonest profiles), and also perhaps an online scammer list.
@devil, If she's just not interested, that's OK with me, and (as you say) is no scam. She (reportedly) uses the computer at her work, from which she would have been away (like most Russians) for the first half of January.
She says that she is divorced, and a man whom she keeps on her 'friends' list on a social networking site says that she is his wife. At least one of them is lying :)
If he is lying about her in order to be obstructive or hateful, then one might reasonably expect her to 'unfriend' him from her networking page.
I don't know the truth, and probably I will never find out -- but if she were married and claiming to be divorced, that would be (in my judgment) merit a report to the dating website, whose administration would make their own determination how best to act.
If she were married and claiming to be divorced and her husband found out about you... then I think she would be disciplined (severely beat up) by her husband... this is normal behavior for their men (Ukrainian and Russian) to physically accost their women when they cheat. It is simply a different society than we are accustomed to in the West. My fiancée was beat up by her ex-husband and ex-boyfriend on several occasions. It seems that violence towards women is accepted... and sometimes warranted by their promiscuous behavior. Ukraine women are not "angels", most of them lack the basic moral traits that we in the West would consider necessary for a monogamous relationship.... this is my experience...
Although I don't completely agree with Mini 100%, he comes pretty close to the mark. I have had more than one girl ask me if men in America hit their wives? I even met a girl that had her nose broken, etc... by her husband. I don't think the violence is so much accepted as people take the attitude of "don't get involved."
But the bigger question, "Why are you bothering with this girl." As in the old expression, "Things don't look good at the O.K. Coral."
She hasn't yet appeared on Skype, and when I read the letter from her 'friend', it immediately crossed my mind that she might have been beat up too badly to return to work. I hate to think of it. There's nothing I can do about it.
I WAS bothering with this girl, because (based on the my available information) she looked like a candidate for love and marriage. She is no longer a candidate.
I'm enough of a 'boy scout' type that when I find false information on a dating site I subscribe to, I inform the administrators. It just MIGHT save some poor dumb bastard out there a little misery. If she doesn't write me a convincing explanation soon, I'll put the facts before the website admins.
Whoever she is, and whatever she has done, I wish her all the best. Maybe she was 100% honest with me. If she IS trying to reach her goals by lying, then she has become part of the moral cancer that makes Russia -- a country that by all rights should have become really prosperous and successful since the fall of Communism -- the tragic mess that it is.
RB, there are alternatives. If I were Durak, I'd probably hire an investigator. Finding out whether the lady and bloke in question are married (together or separately) would take half an hour or less for someone in 'the business', and probably wouldn't cost too much. Certainly less than a flight out.
But then I'm pretty sure our resident oracle-like friend has already got a handle on such things :)
red flags are red flags... I have learned that no matter where a woman lives, when you get such a message it is better to move on. Unless you are a person who thrives on uncertainty, chaos, or drama then you should move on.
There are those who are good, sincere and humble people who look for the best in others. And think that given many chances someone will show their good side. And also that by investing more time, hopeful that the person of their desire is really the person they originally believed, she will become that person.
As the 'oracle-like' person he should know from experience that when something goes awry or does not feel right it is time to move on and chalk it up to experience. I am sure his sharing of this experience was not intended for debate on the merits of continuing in the charade. But rather just to let others know that even the most unsuspecting of circumstances can be eye opening. It has been my experience with women that given the slightest evidence of weirdness or uncertainty it is wise to quickly dismiss her. "NEXT"
And most of this experience was in the good ole US of A.
The time a lady got upset because I didn't explicitly invite her into the hot tub - even after she was already in said hot tub several times - I gave her her pink slip. She went on a rampage after we had just shared a nice dinner when I said, "The hot tub is calling my name." And I got in. ... One of the reasons I decided to quit the average woman from America. But this is just an example of the many many reasons. Or rather, why I did not decide it was worth my while to put up with the slightest bullshit from a woman. Been there, done that. Too many times. Maybe why I have a low tolerance for crap.
Doesn't matter, USA or Russia, women get what they like. Some of them like being beat up. I had a dozen of russian boyfriends, nobody ever did anything bad to me, because they new: one wrong action and he is out of my life forever. Too bad that some women are afraid to be single and are ready for everything just to be with someone.
most dating sites don't take the old profiles away for about a year. I knew a girl who contacted such site several times for half a year before they deleted her profile. And some don't even know they are there.
"'The US president has spoken directly about the possibility of strikes by the US armed forces against ISIL positions in Syria without the consent of the legitimate government,' foreign ministry spokesman Alexander Lukashevich said in televised comments. 'This step, in the absence of a UN Security Council decision, would be an act of aggression, a gross violation of international law.'"
Actually, Lukashevich is correct, it would be an act of aggression and a gross violation of international law.
* invasion and occupation of Crimea by the Russian military
* illegal annexation of Crimea by Russia
* Russia sending both mercenaries and uniformed soldiers into Ukraine to fight against Ukraine's lawful government
Wrong Durak, nothing like Russia's aggression and greed against a peaceful people. Every act of violence was initiated by Putin, including the assassinations at the Maidan in January. Isil is not an internal struggle within Syria, it has gone international and validation from the dysfunctional, elitist and self serving fools at the advisory institution of the United Nations is not needed to remedy their threat. If Russia was to enter Syria, little argument would be made around the world or the U.N.. Their invasion of Ukraine has caused their complete isolation and to hell with the U.N.