I want to start a conversation about this topic because I want to read the opinions of people on a subject that I cannot comprehend: "the need for some men to exercise absolute control over the lives of their FSU wives."
I used to have a young Russian friend, who should remain nameless. She married a British man around 12 years older than her. Since the moment this man asked her to marry him, he started forbidding her to have friends, but at least we could communicate via email. Since they got married she completely disappeared from the electronic world, and even her email account was closed, probably an order from her controlling husband.
Now I worry about my friend, because she moved with him and their daughter to England. So I wonder:
- can a woman live a happy life under such environment?
- do I have any reason to worry about my friend's life? Will this behavior lead to abuse?
- and, why do some men feel the need to have total control over their wived in order to feel like men?
I do not understand it because my wife is free to do many things, but the more freedom I give her, the more she wants to be only with me ... she even tells me: "if you try to forbid me something, I will try to do it more :-)
... why do we talk so much about FSU women as scammers but we never talk about this kind of western men?
I was chatting with a Ukrainian lady some years ago, twice previously she had lived in UK, with two different men, at different times of course and, if I recall correctly, one of them she had married.
As I recall her explanation one man lived the life of poverty and subjected her and her son to the same, and when I say poverty I mean little furniture, sleeping on the floor etc, and the other guy knocked her around.
Often I was asked to fix ladies up with other men, friends of mine etc, I always declined on the basis that we are dealing with human beings and, for all I know, my best friend could be a wife batterer on the quiet.
Some men are control freaks, perhaps some men seek ladies from third world countries in the theory that they can be controlled, it sounds like your friend entered in to that 'living together' arrangement aware that he was a control freak so who is in the wrong, him for being a control freak or her for accepting his controlling of her?
Just hope that she is happy. It is the life she chose regardless of what you imagine. When people are in their teens and twenties, friends are the most important people and things in their lives. Then as we mature, we return to family and create a family of our own. I had friends during this time of my life that I thought would be there always. Time passes and many I hardly remember. It is the human condition.
How about women who control. There are levels of control. I wonder how many men in this forum are being controlled? Of course, they would be different when they are in the forum.
I was being controlled. I went along with most of it and fought her tooth and nail about other things. For example, she got on my case if I got home after seven. I was in flex time. I could work week-ends or take my work home, so I got home by seven. But, if she was not home, I came home late or I went out. And she would not have been happy if she knew where I went.
I had a daughter and she tried to control my expenditures for her. If it was up to me, I would give my daughter everything I had. It was good to a point that I was controlled there, but our biggest fights were because of that.
Money - she took my paycheck and gave me an allowance. She didn't spend much. She put a lot in the bank. Who is it going to if not us? I went along with it. That was a mistake. She intended it for her two (grown) kids. I had a hobby which I made money in. I didn't tell her most of it. I once won $1,000 from a radio show. I didn't tell her about that either.