Ok so Im in SUmy right now laying on my couch relaxing. Have many women lined up to meet while I am here but there was one that was very special to me. She is a sweet heart last time we were together and while we havent done the deed there were many very close intimate evenings we spent together where talking is not so important and there was explosive feelings between us while we were together. the kind of shit that makes you dizzy. Anyway I had been ill and nearly had to cancel my trip but at the last minute the doctor said it was safe for me to go so I went. I had told her that while I was coming to see her there were a few other women I had begun speaking with before her and I had promised to meet them while I was here. She thanked me for my honesty and told me she really appreciated that I did not try to hide things from her and it was fine with her if I met with them.I was to meet her parents this first weekend and we were to cook dinner together here at my apartment. So I arrive here and see her. she is smiling as beautifully as she always does but on friday, when I arrive, she tells me she has to go to Kiev for work (shes a teacher) at the last minute and she will not be around this weekend but we can get together Sunday. So I give her a hug when I see her and she is as rigid as a board. We spend a few hours together and when we part the same thing. very rigid. She was not like this my last visit. First of all how many "last minute" trips to Kiev do teachers have to take for their job? this sounds fishy to me. We had been discussing meeting in some islands on vacation this winter but I have news for her, if we are not moving closer together and have real plans to stay together in the future, shes out the door. So as I spent this weekend with out her I did meet a wonderful 32 year old doctor who was beautiful, smart, funny, ... one of the women you dream about and we hit it off pretty well. Then I met a professional gardener who had immediate magical chemistry together. She was kind of cute in her photos, but stunning in real life (once you get rid of teh 1960's hair do)
So what I wonder is the first woman just mad because I am meeting some other women I have promised to meet for a year? Is she going to get over it or did I screw myself by being honest again? Any advice about what I should say to her later tonight (sunday) when I see her again? Im here for nearly 10 more days so all is not lost hopefully. What do you think the chances are that teachers had to meet at the last minute in Kiev from Sumy? I can pump her with questions about her trip I guess and see if it is real. There is one other thing that I question about her too. When we met last time she was very warm and inviting and surely not a rigid person when we were together, but about 2 months ago she said she didnt have a passport to go meet somewhere then 3 weeks later she says her ex husband is paying for her and her son to go to Turkey for a week and she writes me a week after that saying her visa came back and 2 days later she was gone for a week in Turkey. Obviously she had a passport or she could not have gone. I guess I will see her later and figure out what is going on. The translator is one I have worked with for the last 3 trips and she says she can ask woman to woman what is going on but the translator is way too smart for my liking. She says she is a genius and I am positive she is.
So I do have a list of 18 or so other women to meet. Do I say "sorry darling but you dont seem into us being together any more and I will have to see other women while I am here but there will also be time for us to meet a few times?"
So Ive been here for 2 days, gone out with 7 women, some I never write to even but the translator tells me they are a good match for me (2 out of 3 she has gotten right) and she has a few more lined up also. And as a bonus On the flight out here I met one of the leaders of AFA I had met a few times in the past. HE says there are socials going on all next week in the poltava- kharkov- sumy area. I can always sneak in one or two of them if things get too bad. Well that is how my week is shaping up.. long on promise and short on delivery, at least so far... Another woman I came to meet is in the hospital with liver failure.... lst time I was here she had herself listed as a non smoker but after dinner she chain smoked 12 ciggs and when I asked her she said she didnt smoke! I asked what all that crap in her ashtray was then and she said she only smokes at restaurants and she only goes to them once per year. PPLLLLEEASSSE no one smokes 12 ciggs in a row once per year and doesnt puke. ANy way we have a date in the hospital later today. Kind of odd thing to do but Im supposed to be a nice guy so Ill stop by and see her. One 42 year old woman shot me down so far because I didnt bring her flowers when we met. Oh well she is kind of not my type anyway. She says that there is another agency using her photo and profile she never permitted. Its kind of funny because she wrote me there telling me all about her life then when I reminded her we had been speaking for a long time in another site she says "I cant be expected to keep all the men from all the other web sites straight" Then I get here and she says she never wrote me from the other site even though she spoke in great detail about her son Daniel on both sites. Shes down the road anyway because I didnt bring her flowers. HAHAAH she looked like a granny anyway.
So today is sunday. Ive got 4 dates lined up. One with the gardener I spoke of earlier, one with the doctor, and two with women I have written to for a very long time but never met. Hopefully things will begin to click better than they have so far but if not, theres always Russian next time!
she thanked you for being honest with her. perhaps you should have met her first and if things were still grand you maybe should have been 'honest' with the ones you have not met by telling them you have already met someone (?). or you could just keep that stuff to yourself.
if I was inviting someone to meet my parents how would I answer them if they asked me what giss is doing the next few days. "Oh, he's just meeting a few other women to find out if they are better than I am. Maybe I'll see him again and maybe I won't. But at least he was honest about it." Since you were supposed to meet the parents it is safe to say she has spoken to them about you. blah-blah-blah. If it was my daughter I would be pissed off about it. Do you plan to meet all of the parents too. Pick the best daughter/parent team?
Giss: Understand that several of saw this coming when you first posted several months ago. You are on a "Merry-Go-Round" with a hand full of tickets, it's getting late and soon all that will be in the Amusement Park are the "Carnies". Just step off.
You told her you are going to be meeting other women. You might have well told her you weren't very serious about her. No wonder she was "stiff as a board." What do you expect, she liked you enough to set up a parent meeting (to get their support and approval. She sounds hurt and saving face by telling you she will be out of town. Your behavior was inappropriate and without sensitivity for this girl's feelings. That was a real ass thing to do. Obviously, you are not interested in developing a good relationship with a woman but, just wanting to sample the goods of many as possible!
I'll bet you are from the big city, with an endless supply of people to screw over. You aren't home anymore. I would not advise you place blame on her. She may have family that will not look favorably on these events or on you.
You have no idea of what preparations were made to welcome your arrival or how foolish you made this woman appear to her family. I only hope that she is a scammer and not the fine woman as I have been assuming her to be.
no you sumbitches didnt read my post! I had promised these women for over a year I would meet them! I only net the special one 6 months ago. I ASKED her if it was OK that I meet them adn she said it is only right I keep my promise! I did meet her first and she was already a rigid biatch! So today kind of rocked. Fuck being a good guy if Im gonna get boned for it. I saw the woman in the hosptial. She had liver failure but BTW Ukraine hospitals look like sanitoriums from the 1800s in arizona inside. 8 people to aroom, I think one woman was either dead or 1/2 way there but Milana was seeming to come around after eating chocloates and smoking a cigg. She looked pretty good in her footies. (shes 5'10"). So anyway went out with the doctor again. crap shes so very nice but shes leaving for Kiev in the morning as she is studying a second speciality there. Met someones aunt, what a total loss that was. 4'10" and 230 lbs.... So then I went to see another woman I had met. what a darling. last time I told her she was beautiful and she began crying. She said no man had told her that in 15 years. shes probably 38. So IM hanging at her beauty parlor and her sister comes in. probably 35. They invite me to their country home for 3 days. neither speaks a lick of english and I dont speak any Russian... I dont know what to expect from this...but I told them I would go. As for my teacher that went to Kiev, I doubt she really went. she went to her parents home probably and just layed low. I would marry her in a minute but shes into weird games so Its time for the master to step up to the bar. I left message with my translator that Im leaving for Nikolaev tomorrow after noon and will be back thursday morning. That should burn abotu half my trip and then when I get back it is time for the teacher to either step up or say good bye. I have told her 100 times that she is the most special woman I have met in decades, but if I come all the way from the US and she wants to play stupid games, so be it. As for meeting other women I explained it i was only fulfilling a promise and she agreed with me that I should! So on Thursday I will see her again and tell her I missed her and we can talk closely and I will tell her again that she is the woman I want but it is timee to be honest and stop the games. I will tell her if she didnt want me to she should have said so! I have already told her she has permission to make requests of me and my time and she is entitled to do that as I think so much of her but she refuses. Its not my job to teach adult relations 101 to women. If you need something or want something you have to ask for it! My one translator is pissed off at me for using another one she she wont answer her phone. There are two agencies I am dealing with and both have some lovely women I want to meet. Ooh yea I met another owman for lunch today. average looking very nice and she is in love with me (can they help it?) I will be meeting her on thursday too. Ok here I seem like an ass, Ill admit it, but I am surely a very sweet man to these women and I treat them with kidd gloves. I dont accept having sex with them until I have settled on just one (except the two sisters tomorrow as they invited me)
My greatest hope is that when I get back from the country house the teacher is ready to truly speak and wants to make this exclusive. I am ready. But I can not give her what she doestn ask for! How do I know what it is she wants when she doesnt tell me!. There are still well over a dozen women waiting for me to meet with them and if she decided to end things, Oh Well. I dont lie to women. I answer the questions they ask. Neither do I rub their noses in it. It is all in their control. Ill send the next update on wednesday night or thursday morning
All you guys are wrong! Im simply a good man who made promises before I met the teacher and rather than lie to the other women I actually followed thru. Perhaps that is why you are all still here! I absolute will not lie to any woman. If that makes me a bastard, OK Im guilty. I DID meet with her first. I told her things that came straight from the heart. If she wanted to I would have actually invited her to come with me on the meetings with the other women. If she wished she could have sat at the table behind us! But unlike you guys my word is a promise and there is never an excuse for breaking your word. You say it, you do it. If they can not appreciate that then I am very sorry. and rodan you are seriously wrong. How do you bastardize keeping your word as screwing people over? She is a fine woman and I would gladly only see her from tomorrow on, well she hasnt called back yet so Ill say from thursday morning on. I would gladly only see her for the rest of my days but she has to learn that if you dont ask for things you dont get them. I am not a mind reader and as I said she could have come with me on the meetings! She is simply so wonderful that I didnt know women could be that perfect but I dont control anyone except myself. I guess I will meet with her on thursday and get right to it. I will tell her how I feel and what she has to do from now on and that I will gladly call all the other women and tell them I have found my other half and she can sit right there and listen if she wishes. I think it is a shame that she cant say what she wants in a relationship like a regular adult can. And if she is gone, It will be a major blow to me as when people ask me about my trips to the Ukraine I show them photos of her ahd say shes the one I will be bringing back to the US with me. No, I will just sit her down and explain that she has to bring her half of the relationship. Not just her wonderful self, but her needs as well. The only unfortunate thing is she speaks very little english and it will all need to be done thru a translator.
Ok just one more post. I would have met her parents then met with the other women to fulfill my promises if she wished! Maybe I will tell her we can meet her parents next weekend. That should be easy to come upo with a reason we couldnt meet this weekend, she did it for me. Maybe I can let a tear slide down my cheek as I tell her of my loss in my heart and she will melt for me. She has told my translator that I have invited her to Jamaica for a week in January. I will also invite her to listen on speaker phone when I speak with the two translators when I tell them to explain to the other women I am no longer available. But really holy crap, I catn see how far you have to twist things to refer to keeping a promise as "screwing people over". Stepping up and keeping yoru promises no matter what is exactly the opposite of that.
It's not quite clear to me, but it seems that you met the "special" woman on a previous trip, and on your current trip are now planning to meet almost 20 other women (plus perhaps a social or two). Did I get that right?
When someone is special to me, I travel for the purpose of being with her, and her only.
giss, what are your intentions? I'm not asking you to write an answer here on the forum -- but I invite you to answer this question for yourself, with courageous honesty. Take a hard look in that mirror, because you are liable to end up with someone like you.
While it was hard to read to read your rambling story (Paragraph breaks are our friends), it looks like you hit it off with a woman, built something of a relationaship with her and planned to go back to see her. Why would you plan to meet other women after establishing something with one?
No wonder she bailed on you!
It probably would've bothered most women to know you were meeting other after an initial meeting- that kind of jealousy could work for a guy. But after doing everything after making a connection except "doing the deed" you should've stayed loyal to her. (or at least kept them secret as cheesy as they were.)
Look at it from her perspective: you meet a guy and hit it off, he makes plans to return to your town, meet the parents (a big step in her mind showing real seriousness about the relationship about you) and then he declares he's going to meet other women. I guarantee you there's no trip to Kiev and she went nowhere but to her folks house to brood. There's no way she's saying, "Golly Mom, he's honest! I can't live without him!"
You might have well tattooed another girls name on your arm.
And check the EST time he wrote that long post, Ukraine is +8 hours on the EST times of this forum, giss claims to be relaxing on a couch at 7 o'clock of a Ukrainian morning when normal people are in bed or blind drunk. :)
Giss, I must apologize. I thought you were delusional. Surely if you show all these ladies your postings these last months, they will see your honesty, complete humility and understand how much you truly respect and care for all your women. I wish you all the happiness in this misunderstanding world. You really are the man. I thank you for correcting me. My estimation was completely prejudicial. I can only hope to someday aspire to your level of prowess.
Ok one by one. I met the teacher for a total of 12 hours on my last trip, perhaps 4 nights together. there were 10 other women I had promised we would meet but there was no time, hence PROMISED BEFORE I MET THE TEACHER. Some of these women had waited thru 2 previous trips to meet me but there was simply no time. So I meet the teacher for just a total of 12 hours. We write many letters and get along great. I told her that I was going to have to meet some women because I promised them. SHe said that is fine and she appreciated my honesty with her rather than trying to sneak around on her. She also agreed that since I had promised them to meet LONG before I met her it was what I should do. I still dont know how sweet she is because each letter she blows me away with her thoughts and Im still more impressed.\
YEs Ivor I have a lap top and I position it about 30 degrees on my legs and my back is propped up at a 30 degree angle. It is not a bad position for typing.
So batman what you are saying is that after I was honest with her she lied to me? Perhaps it will end up for the best anyway.
Um Ivor please make an attempt to think before posting. Apparently these post are on a common time but when I posted the letter above it was about 8 PM, not AM. Im not one for going out drinking so I wasnt wasted as you would be. I was simply enjoying a few beers in my apartment.
Look I can accept I screwed up. OK but I made a promise to these women LONG before I ever met her and unlike you guys who are "great guys" I NEVER lie to women and when I say something it will happen. Wow sorry Im such a loser. So you guys that promote lying to women and not keeping your word keep doing what you do. I really dont care if that is how you intend to find a great woman, by deceiving them and not doing as you say, but when I was young and stupid that didnt work well for me. Maybe you will have better luck. YEs, in retrospect I should have insisted she come with me when I went to meet these other women. She could have pretended to be another translator and just sat there listening. OK that could have worked and I guess she could not complain about that.
But now she has been gone for 3 days. Does she imagine I have been sitting in my apartment doing nothing on my trip? I came to meet just a few other women besides her but over the weekend I met probably 4 times as many as I would have other wise.
Speaking of honesty why didnt she just tell me she was pissed that I was meeting them and ask me not to? That would have been a good enough reason to tell them that she was coming with me to meet and the other women would have probably said "never mind dont bother". I really cant lie to women because it never works that way in life.
You know this is a problem that I have thought might occur with these women. When she wrote to me she would say "we can go do this someday while you are here" I would tell her that someday never comes and if she wishes to go make plans say saturday or friday or what ever, but not someday or one day. I told her she was very special to me and she has permission to make demands and requests of my time and she should so I know what she needs from a relationship, but if you have been here you know they wont. They cant ask / tell you when they need something different. They see it as being nice and not putting pressure on a man because they are afraid he will leave if they do. Again Im not looking for a one way boss / slave relationship like Ivor has with his hand. I need a woman who will tell me when she needs something and will offer both her opinion and her wishes into our partnership. If I wanted to tell people what to do and have them listen Id just get a dog. How do you deal with this? Its like junior high all over again.
Ok I missed one No Durak my intention was to meet the teacher when I arrived (this I did) Spend the weekend with her and her son (which didnt happen) doing things together, then come monday or tuesday meet with 3 or 4 other women who I had promised to meet before I ever met the teacher and then return to only seeing her for the rest of the 2 weeks I am here. I was only going to meet the ones of the 20 that I had promised I would. Now I didnt understand how sweet she was until just about 8 days ago when I got very ill and my trip was in question. I knew we had hit it off very well but I didnt know she was an angel till then. She wrote to me and told me to please postpone my trip rather than getting more seriously ill while I was here and she would wait for me as long as it took. Then she tells me she works 5 or six days a week and on her day off she volunteers at the orphanage. Ok I mean how much nicer could she possibly be? So anyway my plans to meet the 20 women had been seriously reduced long before I came here because people just arent that nice in real life, but she is. But she is so nice she will not ask for what she needs in life! Its like junior high all over again. I had seen this coming and have asked my translator about it. They are worried if they request time or actions or what ever that they will scare you off. I cant deal with having to live my life as a mind reader. I knew telling her could be a problem. I knew that sneaking around behind her back and meeting them would be a disaster for certain, and I knew I could not just blow these other women off, and treat them like trash, so I took the best way I saw.
rodan I treat some people here like they are idiots simply because they are. I mean who calls insisting on remaining honest as "screwing people over"? No crap, when did you begin to think that living honorably and keeping your word was so very wrong? BTW its not prowess, its simply acting in a civil manner. I expect it in my life. If you choose to live some other way thats great for you. when I was a kid lying, breaking my promises, deceiving people never worked that well for me. Ill wish you the best of fortune as well then
Well giss, your newer posts didn't appear on the forum until after mine (and some the others that posted below).
I understand about keeping one's word, and what she failed to ask for, etc. This is all good male-thinking logic.
On the other side, it seems very likely that she's feeling one or more of: hurt, anxious, confused, humiliated, etc. If it's possible to mend things -- and you certainly sound determined to try -- here is one fool's advice: this is NOT the time to lecture her about what she has to do; being a regular adult; what she has to bring to her half of "the relationship" etc. It is fact that in couples, women are (on average) a lot more reticent than men about giving voice to their heart's desire. This is a factor in a LOT of conflicts. If you want a real woman in your life, accept that this is part of the package and be ready to PATIENTLY deal with it over the years.
Trying to put myself in your shoes, what I would wish to do: affirm my hopes about a future with her; validate that what I did, hurt her; and say what I AM willing to do (not what SHE has to do) in order to move forward.
Here's an example of how to refine your message. Take, "I would gladly only see her for the rest of my days but she has to learn that if you dont ask for things you dont get them." Simply delete the word "but" and everything that follows (BTW, "but" is a dependable signal that a negative message follows).
I sincerely hope you can rescue the treasure from this train wreck. And if you don't, I hope you come out of it a sadder but wiser man.
giss - dude - you surely have a good intention. but, you do not have to teach relationship 101 to them. you must first learn it yourself. I can't even imagine what it's like for a woman having men from another country - and not knowing the language - courting me. The hope of meeting a fine man is for some their only cause. And even though she said you should be honorable and meet those of whom you promised (was it a promise?) she surely would be hurt that you followed through with it. Women are wired differently. Many of the wires are crossed. There are many shorts and often it takes little for them to go straight to ground.
You were the champion of meeting women a while back. You expounded on you genius . Well now, take a step back. As I said before, this is not a shopping mart. Even though you agreed to meet other women they would most definitely appreciate your honesty if you told them that you had met someone who was special to you.
I did. And I had several ongoing on line 'relationships' with women. But I was good enough to tell all of them that I met someone and that it would not be fair to her if I met others.
They thanked me and wished me good luck. And luck is what I had. In all my years I have not met a finer woman than the one I am with now. Yes, I am married to a Russian lady. And obviously it is not while I'm still here.
Giss,,,,, you need to treat these women as if they were human beings and not just things an agency provided for your amusement .
The teacher who you had serious thoughts about, has her pride too. She might be thinking, that after all the times you spent together, and the correspondence that you both have shared, that she shouldn’t need to ask or demand you to stay!
You shouldn’t be so abrupt with them, and expecting them to jump when you snap your fingers. If they wanted a cold, uncaring man, who will bail on them when they lose interest, they could just walk down the hall in their own apartment building! She probably has several living nearby. You need to set yourself apart from the their local men. They joined an agency and/or website, because they want someone better.
When the girl became rigid like a board, she had just realized all of her hopes and dreams weren’t going to happen. When a woman invites a man to meet her parents, that is normally the cue, to stop meeting others. If you aren’t ready to settle down with just one, you should have declined her offer,,, or at least delayed it.
If the teacher is the one you really want, you will need to tell her you made a huge mistake, and ask her to take you back.