“Boy, I hope not. I just turned 40 and out of my three children, the oldest is four, so you can do the math. But a recent piece on The Huffington Post is getting a lot of attention--and not necessarily the good kind--because a "mother of advanced maternal age" admitted that even though she sought out fertility treatments to make it happen, now she's over 40 with a toddler and struggling. I hear her, but I feel the opposite way.
Stacie Krajchir, who wrote this very honest post, is also the founder of The See and Sprout Project, an art therapy program originally created to help the children of the 2004 Asian tsunami and has since reached needy children in countries all over the world. This is a woman with a vision. So when Krajchir describes going through the infertility gamut with three hopeful pregnancies all followed by miscarriages, fibroid surgery and finally a fertility procedure called IUI (a.k.a. "turkey basting") you can feel her determination. The IUI was a success, but, a little surprisingly, one thing had not truly registered at the time: She'd have her first, and only, baby at 42.
And therein lie the first couple of problems.
She feels too old, she says, too out of energy to wrangle a 20-month-old in her mid-40s. Also, as an older parent, the chances that she and her husband will leave her son alone in his early adulthood are higher than some of his friends, and there's not enough time to give him a sibling. Now comes the obvious question: Why didn't this occur to her before? She said there were warning signs, that Mother Nature was politely trying to steer her in other directions, but she couldn't be dissuaded. Well, that, too, is Mother Nature for you. Most women are hard-wired with the urge to have babies. We just are.
Now, I can't know much about Krajchir's life and her true story from just this post, but I DO know that it's hard to raise a toddler. I feel tired for sure, but I also know that EVERY mom feels tired with kids at this age. I challenge any mom of any decade to say she feels light on her feet with a baby who's about to turn 2. And if I could have coffee with this author, I'd also tell her that the first kid will rock your world because that one little person creates a massive life change by 100 percent. She's feeling that. But the impact of each baby after that is less, in a way. If you're already working your day around nap time, what's another small fry in the house? Now you've got a chance to use those hand-me-downs and never underestimate the power of a built-in play date. In some ways, it's almost easier--but that's not an option for her, anyway.
Related: Holiday Coping Tips and Comebacks When You're Dealing With Infertility
When I think about my own setup, my own family and my own advanced maternal age (ahem), I'm beyond grateful. I really am. And the moment these kids are big enough to get the full picture, they will be, too. In my 20s, I would have been a lousy mom, in fact I can't even imagine having a husband at the time. (Hats off to single moms because you are incredible, but in my case, I need a husband to make this whole thing work.) Overly emotional, silly about money (in fact, totally broke) and dying to start a successful publishing career, I would've been the worst.
By my 31st birthday, I was a VP in New York City and had at least met my now-husband, but that career thing made it hard for us to stay put in one place long enough to make our relationship official. He was in Europe, I was all over the place. But we were doing, striving and achieving. That's what mattered to me at that age and I'm blissfully aware of how those experiences have shaped me as a mom today. Here's what I'll say to my kids when they want to chase dreams of their own, "Think about what would be amazing, what seems out-of-reach because it's so dang cool. Now go do it." I only know something like that is possible because I've had the chance to do it.
So yes, I've had time to achieve a few life dreams (become a VP of a major media company, run the NYC Marathon, move to Europe), and now I'm a part-time consultant and food blogger who mostly wrestles three kids in and out of car seats all week. I guess I'm tired, but honestly, I don't remember being a ball of energy in my earlier days either. When it comes to parenting, this is my time. This is the season, and I've never been better prepared. “
I can tell you this.My mother had me when she was 40 and i was not planned.Being a full time domesticated housewife she handled it quite well i guess being from Italy and family is everything to Italians.My first sister had her two children when she was 19 to 20 years old and got them raised and on there own in no time.Then theres my asshole second sister who finally had her only son when she was 44 putting her profession first before anything else .She couldn`t handle it and expected my mother and father to be full time grandparents and babysitters at their ages of 75 and and 77 while she was putting in her years to retire from teaching 8th grade.She resented they couldn`t be the same grandparents as they were for my other sister .She also had to hire a full time nanny and be pissed at the world but her son did well and is in his 3rd year at an ivy league college.I never had kids and now i never will .I consulted my doctor that i did not want to get anyone pregnant in my age now and he wholly agreed so i had a vasectomy and said it was the smarter thing to do since i can`t use condoms very well(lol).My sister`s son`s friends all think his parents are his grandparents. She made my brother in laws life miserable, he actually told me he had a better life in the Vietnam war.You have got to be nuts to have kids in your 40`s or early 50`s unless your Anthony Quinn and want them and can pay people to take care of them.
The world record used to be age 65 through artificial means. I don't know if that has been broken.
About 20 years ago, I was married to one who could not get pregnant. She had her tubes tied. I had it "untied". Actually, a tube was inserted to replace what was burned off, as it was explained to me.
That still didn't work. So, we looked into envitro fertilization. They simply take the egg and the sperm and then inject it to where it is supposed to go. The details are sketchy since it has been a while.
The costs, either up through inflation or down because of medical improvements, are probably much different now. We did not go for it. I believe the chances of that working, as they told us, was about one third and it cost $5,000 per procedure. At that time, that was a lot of money, but if the percentages were higher, we would have gone for it. If it did work, the chances of twins, triplets and so forth were good.
This article addresses the convenience and psychological aspects of a late in life birth, and not the health consequence aspects.
What our parents did years ago doesn’t seem to apply anymore,,, those women are almost gone. The websites keep promoting the idea that Slavic women are still old fashioned and traditional in marriage,,, but I’m finding that to be so far from the truth, especially with the average agency type girl.
My parents married young and had my brother about a year after being married. My brother is 12 years older than I am, and my sister is 8 years older. I’m quite sure I wasn’t planned,,,, but I have never been told that. The big problem with being so much younger,,, is having 4 people telling me what to do all the time. I’ll be turning 50 this coming year,,,, and at times still feel like the dog of the family! Do this, do that,,, get this, get that. Very often I hear the words: “fuxk you and fuxk that” going thru my head!
call me crazy but WTF waiting to think about being 42 when you finally get pregnant might be a little late. You would think that some one who is 40 or over would think before they act and not post some article about oh im 42 and pregnant i dont know if i can keep up with my kid.
Perhaps you should work out, Mr. Bowhunter. Getting old does not have to mean slowing down. I think as people go old, they neglect working out. Getting old does slow you down, but working out slows the process of slowing down.
I have neglected my workouts. Three or four years ago, I was able to do three sets of 18 pull ups. It was an accomplishment I cherished, but I stopped there. About a year ago, I developed arthritis, of all things. I started working out again. Now I am up to 12 and the arthritis, instead of progressing is going away.
I would like to have a kid again. I will try to keep up with him, but if I can't, then he will be more free. Maybe a second alternative is hooking up with a woman with a kid.
I would think people might think about how they are going to pay for and raise the child before having one. I am almost 50 and I am still very active snowboarding, wake boarding, knee boarding, hunting and traveling. I have friends in there late 60s who are also very active. so age is not as important as thinking about if you can handle having a kid at that age.
“Delaying motherhood gets much risker after age 37, say experts. (Photo: Kristijan Žontar/iStock/Getty Images)
As if women needed more pressure in their lives, a new study presented recently at the American Society of Reproductive Medicine's annual conference has found that by age 38, the chances of conceiving begin to drop dramatically. And by age 43, it is 10 times more difficult to get pregnant than it is at 37.
The researchers analyzed data from nearly 200 women to learn how many eggs, on average, it took to produce one healthy embryo. With that information they split the women into age groups to learn how the process was affected. "We learned that after the age of 37 there is a significant increase in the number of eggs a woman would have to generate in order to get one single embryo," Dr. Meredith Brower told Yahoo Health.”
The problem with thinking about having kids or not to have kids only overloads the world with kids to parents that do not think at all about anything. Stop thinking about it, just accept it as a blessing and teach your kids to teach their kids.
Rt,,, I didn't post it as to have kids or not to have kids,,,, but to choose a woman of the right age if you both want kids! It doesn't make much sense to marry a 40+ woman if you want to start a family!
Someone south of us was posting misinformation about this months and years ago!
A fertilized egg could be implanted into the male rectal wall and allowed to develop there. The man would need large amounts of hormones to produce the high concentration of tissue in order for the embryo to develop. I am not sure which direction the bulge would appear in the body cavity. We need some male volunteers in this forum to do the research.
There is a large amount of germ cells that never get to maturate in the ovaries. But if you can continue the hormone therapy into old age, the female could get pregnant up to the very end.
How pray tell,,, do you not even know your own wife’s age?? We all know that you are pretty dim,,,, but this takes the cake.
I am curious though,,,, just how did you learn her real age??
Was she proof reading your posts for you?
Were you pilfering through her purse again and decided to try some reading?
Were you caught stealing in some backwards country and had a finger cut off?