If all you do is write letters, you don't know who you are writing to. You will have to get past that process in some manner. Write a few letters find out who the agent is and write to them too. The agent is a liaison between you two. If you find a woman of interest, set up a video chat. You will know then she exists and is aware you have interest in her. The agency can represent you too. Don't be foolish and travel there just to find a phantom. Until you meet in person, you have nothing and then, it is just like dating in your own town.
No it's not. First of all the customer never asked for a liaison. He never asked for an agent. He is assuming that he's writing to the lady directly and not some agent.
For this reason I will only communicate with ladies directly - to their email, Skype and telephone.
Anything else is deceit.
I know of a case where the guy actually did meet the girl he thought he was writing after spending thousands. When he got in front of her she told him he was too old for her. This was Anastasiadate which employs this liaison tactic as you call it.
Iím not going to get into what everyone has done here, or what they are looking for or expect. But if you arenít getting some personal info after a reasonable amount of time,,, then you have nothing!!
On my first trip to both Russia and Ukraine,,,, I was much more trusting then than I am now. I went to meet 5 women and I didnít know the last names of two of them. Does anyone think that was a good idea??? Noooo! However,,, I had a three way phone call with at least two,,,, and one was sick, (but found out later that she was on vacation with her boyfriend) and didnít know my name when I arrived again a week later?? The phone call didnít help. Video chat wasnít common back then,,, and not possible with dial up internet anyway. You need to have a video chat, not only before you go to see her,,, but before you become fond of her,,, otherwise you could be wasting a lot of time!
Donít wait forever to fly over,,,, but donít fly over after just a month or two either. If you wait a year to meet her,,, she will not understand it, even if you have legitimate reasons for the wait. She will probably think you donít have the money,,, or a job that doesnít allow you to leave home.
As for women who donít want to give out email addresses to ďprotect themselvesĒ,,,, but is giving you all kinds of compliments or pillow talk,,,,, if you are so great,,, why doesnít she trust you yet???
I would guess almost everyone here has an fb and or Vk account?! How many ďfriendsĒ do you actually know and have met??? I have almost 200 fb friends,,,, I only met two!!!! It will most likely be different for others, because I have no local or family members as fb friends. I donít share my online life with my real world life.
If she doesnít start to trust you,,, and you arenít getting answers to your questions,,, why should you fly over to meet a person that does not trust you?
These women know how agencies work better than we do,,,, if she is serious, she will meet you half way,,,,,, some info, some trust! If not,,, donít throw away your money.
Iíve met two types of women,,,,, some that didnít know my name when I arrived,, and those with their hand out.
" the ladies have to put themselves at risk to suit your needs...."
What risk ???
I am not asking for their phone nr or home address, just their email.
And, like I said before, people nowadays are clever enough to use an alias in their email address.
I can understand if you pay a monthly fee to advertise, or being able to reply to ads.
But paying to send messages once you have found someone...no way !!!
Dating sites (we have them in Sweden too) is a place to FIND people, once people get in touch and want to communicate, they switch to email conversation.
I have used email since 1994 and the fact that I dont want to communicate via agency site has nothing to do with being "tight fisted".
It is simply that I dont want to use a system that is so inferior to my email system (autoanswer, sending photos, calender, sending from my phone, and so on).
And besides having to PAY for such an old fashion way of communicating...
You never know who you are talking to until you go. My point was don't go unless you have direct contact, real time. If you are dealing with an agency, they are a liaison regardless of what anyone says and my point is don't pretend they are not, contact them and have an understanding of what services they provide. I used an agent one time and got stood up. I went another time and it flat didn't work out with the woman. The third time I was in contact with the agent, told her I would make my own transportation, accommodations and when I arrived she just stepped aside and the woman met me in a neutral public place. We've been together for 5 years. I've never met the agent in person, she and I are still cordial, my lady is not so because of some of the things agencies do and she had expectations other than mine. An agency is a business and how they feed their families. Keep that in the forefront when dealing with the agent and don't be naÔve and foolish. "Craigslist" dating has it's own problems with reality.
Janne66,,,, the slowness of this forum has nothing to do with the dating website,,, they ďcensorĒ or moderate our posts here,,,, and they only check them every 1 to 3 days,,, and usually pass all of them anyway. The dating site is supposed to be instant,,,, and I actually had a chat session with a girl on the email service,,, and not on their chat system. However,,, this particular girl had some funky sh!t going on with her profile. She would be online all night some times,,, and receive a hundred letters or more that night. I would ask her about it,,, and she would say that she was out of town,,,, or was catching up with friends. I asked her,,,, you did this on a dating site?? Yes,,, they were men she met on here. A few too many men hanging around for me,,, and I dropped her soon after. I also wrote to her late one night asking what she was doing online so late?? The reply I got back was;,,,, I am not Viktoriya,,,, I am agency woman doing maintenance on her profile!
I didnít notice any changes,,,, and I didnít believe her. The amount of deception on these dating sites and agencies is mind boggling.
The messaging service of dating sites is more than adequate to start an exchange of information. In my agency, you have the liberty to exchange personal details any time you want. The messaging service is not charged for separately. There is no excuse to pester the ladies for their personal contact information from the beginning. Patience pays. The popular ladies will look for reasons to eliminate as many, of the several men who approach them, as possible. The pests, aggressive men and scammer paranoids are the first to go.
I have said it here before. Some girls have shown me the kind of abuse they get from men who got their email and Skype addresses without the girl exchanging some correspondence through the agency, to check the man out, first. I have seen hard core porn pictures, pictures of the man's penis, extremely rude sex language and constant pestering.
Don't use the excuse that they could close the email account. Many of these girls want to use only one email address, for all their friends and family, and they even use it at work. One girl who got dirty pictures was at work checking her email when they came. Imagine if her boss or even colleagues happened to look at her PC while she downloaded the message.
I have always obtained all the personal contact detail, including home address sometimes, from the ladies who were serious about a relationship with me, in the end. With the current lady I am talking to, it took me a few months to get her to first speak to me in the dating site and then give me her email and Skype addrresses.
You have to understand: these are not items in a catalogue or webcam girls who will do what you say!
First of all, Forum:
If a forum has Moderators, there must be plenty of them to make it work.
If I compare with Swedish forums, where there is either a number of Moderators who read all texts BEFORE its published, or forums where text is published at once, with just a few moderators being able to block users that receive complaints from other users.
But in both cases texts are published quickly.
Yes I am very careful when it comes to trusting these agencies.
I wish it could be like here, where most dating sites are sponsored by advertisers
so that membership is free of charge.
I have actually got email addresses from a couple of girls now, when I explained
how much easier it is for me to write them if I use email.
"The reply I got back was;,,,, I am not Viktoriya,,,, I am agency woman doing maintenance on her profile! "
it could be truth. It's also possible that it was another girl, using her profile, or translator.
I met girls, who decided to leave agencies, they asked to delete their profiles, but after some time their friends/boyfriends found their profiles on different websites as if they continued searching for a partner.
There is one more problem you can face while corresponding with girls: using online translation. Once girl told me a story, how Google translator ruined her life. She was in love with a man (I guess from the USA). She was planning her future with him. As her English was not good enough, she used an online translation service. She wrote letters in Russian and then sent texts being translated by GT. Once she got an angry reply (You don't love me! You have another boyfriend etc). The problem was that in one of the lines of her letter his name was translated (it got completely different form). But this man didn't want to hear her excuses and explanations. He stopped communicating with her.
It is a free world and people have a choice.
I have from the beginning told the girls who write me, that I am only interested in email
communication, and explained why.
I have received email from a number of girls now, and it seems that the reason they did
not answer before is that they never received my info on my email address.
When they sent me their address, I wrote them back, and now we have communication.
(and I can send photos, videos, whatever. instead of communicating via an old system)
My messages are posted immediately. Maybe in time, yours will be too.
I too have used translation websites and had misunderstandings because of it. Try translating from your language and then back again to your language. If it makes sense, you have a good chance of proper translation. Try to use words that do not have complex or multiple definitions. Also do not write in colloquialisms. They will not translate with the same meaning or understanding.
I know that I lost interest in ladies because of poor translation. I had one lady that I wrote to and was going to meet, but the agency screwed up and I didn't go. I tried to contact her outside the agency, as they gave me her phone number at her request. Her number was not in service when I called (called is a word that does not translate well when use to describe using the telephone) over several weeks and 50 attempts. I just gave up. Many months later a mutual friend contacted me and told me that she expected as a man, it was my place to keep trying. Our own way of thinking does not take into account that public utilities may not function everywhere, especially in outlying villages. SO yes, be patient and don't jump to conclusions as Ukrainian Woman says. If you become offended, make sure that you understand intent and the same wring to a lady. She can also become offended when it was not intended.
Ukrainian woman and RT,,,, I never left anyone after just one problem. In most cases I should have left sooner.
With Viktoriya, it was too many other men,,, in her real life and online. She would tell me that she had to travel north for her job,,,, then talk about other men on beaches to the south. Towards the end, she would be online 2:00 to 5:00am her time,,, and receive hundreds of letters in a night. I can only think of one thing a woman could be doing to get that much attention. Even if Iím wrong, the reality of this situation is bad.
If she was trying to make me jealous,,, then it really backfired on her. If there is jealousy in a relationship, problems already exist! To feel jealous, or to try and make someone feel jealous, means that someone is not happy in the relationship.
Advice and dating suggestions seem to be going in one direction,,, from FSU women to foreign men. Has everyone forgot this should be a 50/50 situation. Has there been in any agency, advice told or on display on bulletin boards or chalk boards about western customs?? I think most men want to treat their girl well,,,,, but not many want to play games either. Perhaps more FSU women should know this before using old FSU tests on western men.
Iíve had it happen several times, where the correspondence just unraveled for NO reason. Iíd ask what was wrong,,, but seldom received an answer. It usually happened when I would ask for contact info. Or,, it seemed like a man made problem (woman made) for the simple purpose of getting ďmake up giftsĒ to make it up to her,,, even when you did nothing wrong. I think of this as ďagency gamesĒ!! And I donít and wonít play these agency games.
On the first trip to meet the last girl I made a trip for,,,,, after a few days it was not progressing the way I had hoped. The interpreter suggested I write her a letter and send some flowers? I did that,,, and the situation improved. For my last trip, I flew over and made the 6 hour drive to her city just to find out that she was too busy with work? The interp again suggested I write a letter and send flowers?! Nope,,,,, she knows Iím here! 2nd day, 3rd day still too busy,,, send her flowers! Nope,,,, I came all this way to meet her,,, and she is too busy with work?? She works,,, ďA stones throwĒ from my hotel,,,, across the intersection, and the hotel has a nice restaurant, plus many others within 200 meters. 4th day,,,,,, she left the day before I arrived and went on vacation with a man from Europe??! One or both is a lie!! Then I hear those words that make my blood boil,,,, do you want to meet with another??? Nope,,,, Iím done. And thatís not the worst part of the story,,,, I learn a secret that the girl should not have been on the website in the first place. Not really available or eligible for marriage. Such a sweet looking girl could be so cold and tell such a lie.
You canít explain that away with differences in culture.
In that case problem solved. communicate with the women who want to do it the way you want and leave the other ones alone. My experience tells me that the more difficult ones to get to talk to you are the most genuine ones as they are sensible, cautious and careful to choose who they form a relationship with. Many of the ones that say yes to you to everything from the beginning, have turned out to be scammers or good time girls asking you to go and see them, ASAP, so that you go and spend your money on them. But, of course they are not all like this in either case.
On the use of translators, yes, I have even had 'fights' and I was dumped once due to the online translation mistakes.
LR - that's why it's so important to be in contact with the lady herself directly not some agent, liaison or interpreter. You don't even know if the person you were sending flowers to really existed or if you were just being conned by the agency. That's what it sounds like to me.
I can't stress how important it is to have a Skype with video conversation even if the both of you are just typing and not speaking.
If she hasn't got time for you on Skype she won't have time for you in person either. And don't buy the excuse 'I don't have Skype or webcam' because if they don't have it personally themselves they have access to it with one of their friends or family. If they are serious about you they will make an effort.
My other rule - don't buy flowers through some service or agency. Buy them yourself personally from the florist and personally put them in her hand - if flowers is your gig.
Welll, I think I am the only one who has no Vk account and Facebook account.
I have beeen on armyof brides for now sometimes. All this is getting me thinking some men here are online for years!!! I wonder why? As me I am bout to re think why did I gget online to find my mate.
A bit off topic maybe but since the subject is mentioned...
In the late 80īs I studied Russian in evening classes. At that time I worked as a software developer.
I remember the Russian teacher telling me that software programmers in Russia were very rare because their minds were very much like "waiting for directions" instead of thinking freely and solving problems.
The same thing I heard from a friend working for Reuters, installing bank systems in Russia. He found it very hard to work with Russian "technicians".
Many days, work could not be carried out just because little things were missing.
No one had filled up the car with gas, they had run out of cable or other components, or other problems they had not told my friend until work was about to start in the morning!
I see some of this when I write to FSU women.
They expect ME to think about every detail, and seldom come up with own ideas, or telling me things unless I ask about a specific subject.
Most people , if not everybody , that are socially active have KV , Facebook, Odnoklassnkki, Linkedln or Mail.ru. ( Mail.ru allows you to befriend anyone with a Mail.Ru acc ).
A girl a met online, in wich a later visited, told she did not have VK cause she did not wanted to be contact that way. But I cut her using her Lille sister's VK acc to she on guys that we're contacting her via VK. I also recalled she had a fake google acc.
Bottom line... There is no need for fake accounts unless there is deceiving going on!
Video chatting coming within any internet media is the best way to find out about the other person and let the her/ him know who you are.