Whatís your experience with meeting on the fly? What I mean by that is that youíre in the same country and arranging a meeting with little or no prior correspondence.
With my current gf, I was in Odessa and she was in the city of Kharkov. Still she didnít want to meet right away. I think I had to correspond with her two weeks before she agreed that I could come to Kharkov. What are you doing in Odessa? she asked. Iím just travelling I responded. She had to have known I was meeting other girls. No, I didnít come up with a lame excuse that Iím on a business trip because she would have seen right through that.
Iíve also encountered some others who want you to correspond for 6 months prior to meeting. With one, I was literally in her country and she wanted me to go back to mine then correspond with her then come back and meet only her. I thought this was ridiculous. Iím here right now. Why not meet?
Iíve had good and bad experiences with meeting on the fly. Professional daters will quickly agree to meet because youíre already in their town or country and they can quickly go to work on you.
There are some people here who think you have to correspond with one contact for nine months then go only to see her and if things donít work out turn around and go back home and start all over again. This is a ridiculous waste of time and money.
Usually when I go on a trip I go and meet 5-10 contacts. Some of them with prior correspondence but some of them just on the fly.
In the end itís just a numbers game. The more people you get in front of the greater possibility of finding that person who is right for you.
I have always known that it is better to meet other women directly rather than write to them before meeting them. In fact, most of my relative's "matchmaking" efforts to me have involved that. After meeting them, then I proceed to write to them. There have been some cases that I write first, but most of them have been from using dating sites (such as these) and when I could not meet them first because of travel plan problems (such as not having plans to visit her country). If someone is going to insist on my jumping back and forth flying around and piling up travel costs, that person is too "stuck up" as far as I am concerned. My view of that is, if you are not with me (seeing my side of things), then you are against me.
Yes, one lady told me: you have got problems coming to see me soon? well that is not my problem, why should I putup with it? I said: Is that the kind of thing you will be saying if we are married? The dialogue ended there.
I don't really have any recommendation, one way or the other.
Most of the women I've met via dating sites -- probably close to twenty! -- were very short-notice meetings: my first message to her would be "I'm in your city for a few days, would you like to meet?"
Most of them were quite good women, although (as common sense would suggest), those who just want a Really Expensive Evening will automatically say yes -- I got a couple of those. I also met my one "pro-dater", on whom (I am red-faced to admit) I spent something like $1000 on "presents" and fares for taxis I suspect she never rode.
Another risk related to this very casual way of meeting, is that the woman has almost no psychological investment in the meeting. I wrote about such a meeting a few years ago -- I waited quite a while for her in uncomfortably cold weather, and when she finally arrived she contemptuously dismissed me within about 2 minutes. I actually didn't enjoy it at all.
I also met a few gals by walking into an agency where you pay a certain amount of cash for each meeting. The were all good, no time-wasters in the lot. In fact, one of them I fell head-over-heels for, and still haven't quite gotten over...
At least, these "instant" meetings don't burn up your time in correspondence, and they are probably appealing for women who've gotten frustrated about pouring THEIR time and energy into letters to Men Who Don't Show Up (you guys know who you are!)
Durak,,, several women have told me their stories about wasting time writing to men that never make the trip,,, but you know,, few,,, if any of these women ever actually wrote their letters themselves. Itís on my list of BS!!
They are trying to suggest, that if you do everything the way the agency wants you to do,,, that you will have a better chance. Like the women that say, that they will sleep with you,,,,, but only in an agency apartment! And what should we call the women that do sleep with guys in their agency apartment???
I chose to write to most of the women Iíve met for 9 to 11 months before,,, several women for 1 to 3 months,,,, and I did meet two ďinstantĒ from an agency. I had a nice meal and a movie with both,,, but only one had a spark that led to a correspondence for a short time.
If anyone want to meet women on short notice,,,, just go to some town or city. Why bother with a collection of scammers and time wasters??
I never used a pay-per-letter site, nor any agency that tries to suck up money by extras (such as "helping" with your travel arrangements). Accordingly, I was never in a situation where an actual woman in the site/agency had some pro writing letters on her behalf. For a "plain old dating site" (along the lines of US websites like match.com), there is no incentive to write fake letters on behalf of a real member.
Yes, there are plenty of scammers on the sites that don't have pay-per-letter. They have to do the work of writing their own letters, and I learned to reliably detect them a long time ago.
Obviously, if a profile is the creation of a guy named Boris who writes hundreds of letters all day, he has no incentive to agree to meet some foreign man in three hours :)
"I spent something like $1000 on "presents" and fares for taxis I suspect she never rode."
That's why I say don't give gifts until you're well into the relationship. I would say weeks or months. If she's demanding presents from the first or second meeting then she dates for a living.
One of the things I've tried to do, even when in Ukraine is date only working women. Many times they will come to the date in their own car. I've even helped one find a parking spot.
If she wants to come by taxi, she has to pay for it herself. I make that very clear to her.
When we do meet, I try to do a walk about - around the block or in a park near the meeting spot. A walk and talk. That way I can see if I like her before I commit to a restaurant or cafť. Many times I've ducked out at this stage. Once I said I need to use the restroom, then I ducked out and sent her an sms saying I would not be able to continue the date.
"one lady told me: you have got problems coming to see me soon? well that is not my problem, why should I putup with it"
Basically what she was saying to you WS, is that she didn't not want to invest 9 months or whatever it is you demand of letter writing to you.
If a lady wants to meet too soon after initial contact then this should set off a red flag, however, she's not going to want to correspond endlessly forever too. So a balance has to be struck as to a reasonable amount of time corresponding then meeting in person.
As always you csnnot see further from your set criteria. Apart from your set age difference and other things, you probably have a period of correspondence of 14.5 days before you have to go and see the lady.
You simply cannot see my point which is not about how long you have to wait before you go to see the lady. My point is about a woman who is clearly selfish and refuses to see things from your point of view.
As it happened, the lady that waited 9 months before I was able to go to see her was reasonable and sympathetic. It just happened that the relationship did not develop. I could have said to her: let us be boyfriend-girlfriend while you stay here for an indefinte period of time and keep me hoping that we will be together one day but that would have been incredibly stupid of me.
Durak,,,, I only let an agency plan part of one trip,,,, and that was for Tverí Russia. I never let an agency plan anything for me in Ukraine,,,, but most tried!!
There is an incentive for pro letter writers to write on behalf of a real member! It is always to get the men to their city! Believe it or not,,, I think many of these women are too busy to write their own letters,,,, her job is to look pretty and make sweet talk with foreign men. You have just said that you spent 1,000 on gifts and taxis,,,, that money could get split into several shares.
I donít believe I have ever tried to meet with a ďphantomĒ profile,,,, but Iím sure that they do exist. The no-shows that I encountered had a real woman somewhere nearby.
Boris just might accept a dinner date in three hours,,,, if he can get a hold of the girl he is posing as??
The one thing I do not understand is why you keep going back to those dodgy sites like behappy2day.com It is starting to look like you like getting inundated with messages, no matter how fake they are.
1 message from a genuine lady in a fairly decent site is worth 100 messages from one o the sites you join.
I think it is safe to say that not any site is 100% safe nor 100% bad. I am not "going back" to the sites. I am a new registrant. You can say to some degree that I am just "casing the joint". I know that in most cases, the sites are unreliable. So the new profile is just a throwaway account. I do not "like" getting many messages (they do not go to my personal email account). In fact, the high volume only further proves the unlikely genuineness of the profiles.
I also will not presume that sites that have a so-called high success rate will turn out someone genuine.