As some of you know, about a year ago, I had an "adventure" with a Ukraine woman. It started with promise but didn't end well. About a month after it ended last summer, she wrote me back and asked how I am doing. I replied, then she wrote back and said she was in the hospital frequently due to stress issues. I did not reply and the communication stopped.
2-3 months ago, she sent me an invitation to connect on google+. She sent it to the email address that we used to communicate in the past, so I didn't see it because I rarely use that email. Then she sent an email and she was asking again how I am doing, etc. I accidentally saw her email a few weeks ago. I replied and then she replied back and said that she has been thinking about me a lot since last summer. I replied and she replied and so on with several days in between emails. Long story short she says that she gave a lot of thought to her reaction last summer and she thinks that she behaved in that manner because she was frightened by the change. She asked me to forgive her if I can.
From my standpoint, I am curious to know more and am asking questions. However, my situation has changed as I have dated other women in my country and do not have the same strong feelings anymore. Although I am not quite sure what is in her mind, it is clear that she wants to reconnect. Initially, my reaction was "yeah right" as there is no way that I would consider marrying this woman let alone bringing her to my country in the foreseeable future at least. However, on further consideration, I have sorted out the pros and cons and alternatives as follows: (a) Appearance: the woman is very pretty and youthful looking. She has incredible grey blue eyes and her face IMO is one of the most naturally pretty faces that ever showed up on this site. She has features that I highly value such as fair skin, blond hair, etc. So physical appearance is a definitive plus. (b) Emotional maturity: she is unpredictable and has admitted to have psychological problems left over from her tortuous previous marriage, a definitive cons and a source of lack of trust on my part. (c) Honesty: I do believe she's honest. I have checked some things she's told me about her previous marriage (specific incidents mentioned) and found them to be true, so I guess this is a plus. (d) Attitude: She's one of these traditional Ukraine women entrenched into her culture and way of living. This seems a minus but in my mind it may be a plus since I would not bring this woman here (more on this below). (e) Language: She speaks no English at all and IMO has no wherewithal or patience to learn it. A definite minus, but on the other hand, it may force me to learn her language, which could have long-term benefits (more on this also below).
So, here are my thoughts, assuming that this getting back together develops further. I have given thought in getting a girlfriend over there and just visiting her every few months and staying there for a while. I think this might work for me for the near future and if it really works out, I might even consider buying a property and spending like 6 months a year over there. However, I want an "in" and she might be my "in". In other words, if it works this time, great. If it doesn't, she could still benefit from this relationship and I could benefit as well by learning the ropes in that country and beginning to learn the language. At the end, if it doesn't work between us for a second time, so what. A plus is that there are no surprises as I know her and have an idea of what to expect. I'm saying this because my understanding is that she would like a man ideally over there and not in a foreign country. I'm not planning on "using" her and if I started on this route, my intention would be to make it work. All I am saying, if I am going to give it a shot again, it has to be on my terms and I have to be in a position to manage my risks.
lonelyranger1701: not even close:) there is a daughter that lives with the father and is not a factor in all this. There was no return to the husband, you're confusing with someone else. Dancing? again, you're confusing with something else, she does not like going to clubs. The bottom line is I don't really care .. if I do something it has to fit in a larger frame of things, that's my point.
I allowed a girl I broke up with back into my life. We spent a few months apart but se asked for forgiveness and knew what she had done was inappropriate. So far it has been a big improvement, no secretive calls, she is very open and transparent and displays more affection saying she understands how important it is. She asks nothing for herself but enjoys giving to the less fortunate in her village (my money)but her selfless actions and how she interacts with those in crisis is actually quite remarkable especially given how young she is.
4re, if you think its worth a shot and you want to try to put down roots here anyway, I say go
for it. Living in Ukraine is not at all expensive for Americans and property/real estate is at the lowest price in 12 years. Besides, life is fun and adventure and easy to find a girl if it doesn't work out with that girl
I did that as well and it didn't work out. Yes, I saw positive changes the second time around but we lost that trust years back. Yu'le know that you lost it, is doesn't comeback the same. Just don't make the same mistake, cause you get what you give.
"She also lied to me about being a smoker. She's a smoker, I could tell the stench in her mouth from the first moment I kissed her at Boryspil and I asked her, she became nervous and said no. I knew but I did not insist, then I caught her smoking again and again. She says she only smokes when she is stressed. But she has cigarettes in her handbag. In the letters and her profile, she said she does not smoke. I would have never been involved with a smoker because I cannot stand the smell. She also lied about her English in her profile. Again, I would have never been involved with a girl that speaks no English at all. When I realized that she spoke no English at all, I was already deep into this. Then she lied about her habits. She said she is an energetic and hard working person who loved to be a homemaker. I saw no indications of any of these during our meeting."
For me, a smoker (of anything) even those hookah devices is an absolute no-no. So many profiles say does not smoke (almost 100%) and some claim good English skills, but not true actually.
"It is my personal opinion that serious relationships with girls from over there are not worth the time and risk."
So I guess this region is to be treated as a Playboy mansion or a swinger's retreat? So much for family oriented and traditional values.
"Alexander II's death caused a great setback for the reform movement. One of his last ideas was to draft plans for an elected parliament, or Duma, which were completed the day before he died but not yet released to the Russian people. In a matter of 48 hours, Alexander II planned to release his plan for the duma to the Russian people. Had he lived, Russia might have followed a path to constitutional monarchy instead of the long road of oppression that defined his successor's reign. The first action Alexander III took after his father's death was to tear up those plans. A Duma would not come into fruition until 1905, when Alexander II's grandson, Nicholas II, commissioned the Duma following extreme pressure on the monarchy as a result of the Russian Revolution of 1905."
Well DCguy, you had answered your own question once again.
kaiserdag: I have no old scores to settle with her, I'm not like this. She took the initiative to contact me, apologized, explained, asked for forgiveness, and overall has acted quite graciously and without exaggerations in her recent letters. This doesn't mean it's like before for me because the trust on my part has been damaged. We'll see how it goes. For now, we exchange letters. She said she realized that building a relationship takes time. Her overall attitude seems more down to earth now. Writing a few lines every few days doesn't bother me.
I see .. dcguy has been promoted to forum butler, but thanks for the summary. It helps puts things in perspective.
if she was slightly less attractive would you even consider getting back with her?
dude, when its right...everything will happen naturally...it might work with this girl. but its probably not about love. its more like, her prospects dried up and now she's getting in touch with old acquaintances. if you had other irons in the fire you wouldn't even consider her
"what if someone doesn't want to get married? and enjoys adventure and the prospect of spending time overseas?"
If the primary goal is to go around the world and enjoy oneself with no marriage intention, then I do not see anything wrong with that. Then the primary things that you need to worry about is how long the funds can last you during your travel and not getting yourself into serious trouble in the foreign land.
As for me, the goal isnt to play with no serious marriage intention only that Im not going to be hung up on the idea of getting married. If it happens then obviously I would be happy about it. Until then life is fun. We only live once, make the most of it!