The worst thing you can do with these marriage agencies is believe in the marriage part. I followed the song in my head, complete with an ending. The chances of my seeing her again was close to zero. That's why I went a second time.
I was thinking more of a John Lennon passage. "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
A few days after starting this post I sent her congratulations on Vk. A very short letter with no ill will or bitterness,,, I received her standard reply. Nothing!
After thinking about it for some time,,, just what could she really say??
I’m not surprised at all by this,,, at least she’s consistent.
TomS,, she wasn’t waiting, and it was more relationshit than a relationship. I haven’t seen her since Jan-Feb 2012, and it has been about two years since we last wrote,,, a few months after maiden. She had called me out of the blue Aug 2012 and wanted me to take her on a vacation. I said I’d think about it.
I’ve had relationshit/ships since,, but she was special to me. Most of this fsu dating sounds good in the letters and then fizzles out in person, but our time together was better than the letters.
I had a feeling something was up months before I found out that she had married,,,, and she had married in the spring. About two weeks ago I had a dream of her and I, waking up together in bed,,, and then she told me that she was pregnant?! Things will get pretty eerie if she has a baby sometime this winter!
You know what's weird? Since I've been married (3 years in December) my wife has met perhaps a dozen local married fsu women. I've met them, their (mostly) older American husbands, and their families. I've never met one before she got here. All of these marriages have their difficulties, just like any, but ive not seem one where the couples aren't happy together. They laugh together, they touch when they pass, they all seem basically happy. I only have met one fsu girl (she's been married for 3 years, divorced, and now she's only 22, and I dint believe she was a scammer. After hearing that her husband went to prison for selling drugs.
Where are these scores of single fsu women that only came for their green cards?
One trouble with optimists is they always have hope and one trouble with pessimists is they never do. Somewhere in the middle is reality! So I can say from EXPERIENCE now a few things about this whole thing...just a few things.
In Nikolaev where I am there are a LOT of pretty ladies....from 20 to MAYBE 40...after 40 they don't look much better than anywhere else except they MAY be slim. So for an older guy who really wants to be realistic about it there is NOT MUCH to choose from! I am 58 and not in terrible shape really look younger (all the ladies here say so too). I am not George Clooney or Pierce Brosnan ok, I get it. On USA scale a good 7.5 probably overall.
So it IS possible for a 7.5 in the USA to come here and have about a 9 probably. For me a real challenge is these women are dressed to the nines and over done if you ask me. I prefer more girl next door natural beauty which you can get in the 25 year olds here. I don't know if the older ones are trying too hard or what, but don't appeal to me in that way. They are pretty mind you but look fake.
I got confirmation from the agency that they DO photoshop photos to "give the ladies a chance to be noticed". Well I asked how is that different from a man sending a photo from 10 years ago and being in better shape? Damn people will find out eventually! But look, the same crap happens in the US on Match too so is not endemic to Ukraine.
I will only say a few things and clear this up....
1. Don't waste time with letters. Pick a place like Kiev or Sumy or one with a lot of women on any site. GO TO UKRAINE and then set up meetings. Or contact the REAL agency with a phone number. Call them tell them who you want to meet and when you will be there. If you pick 10 they can probably arrange 4 or 5. Yes it is true the ladies are not just sitting home waiting for you, but maybe with advance notice they can arrange. They often go to visit family on weekends.
2. Be ready that the lady LOOKS different and even does not know what her profile said about her! She may have put her profile on the site over a year ago. Also be prepared she never say your profile so don't waste time making one! Maybe a photo or two. They do not have computers or internet at home in most cases and they get letters read over the phone maybe. So again just go and then see what they think. Bear in mind and be honest about your score (5 or 6 can have 7 maybe!) and don't shoot for the hottest girl unless you are pretty damn hot!
3. Oh and there are simple things that indicate a scam...any talk of bills, troubles, family needs is code for "give me money" but they can't ask directly. It may not happen on the first meeting but watch out on meeting two!
I should say I am an optimistic pessimist, but I just had a final lunch with the lady I had spent a year talking to and visited twice...met her three times over two days first visit and then spent 4 days getting led around and finally figured out she had NO romantic interest in me so I quit. At lunch she was as friendly as could be but cold in the heart. No emotion whatsoever. Just asked me how my weekend was! How the eff do you think it was I just spent over a grand to get here and take 8 days to try to get to know you more and move ahead with relationship and you could give 2 shits and you want to know how my weekend was sitting here in BFE (that's Bum Fuck Egypt for those of you who don't know it means middle of fucking nowhere!) like it was the most casual question ever!
But let me tell you one thing...there are REAL people here and they are good people too. Like the old lady in apt building who tried to say hello to me in German because she thought I was German and she was feeding the stray cats fish...and I am betting she lives on a meager income. Or the one translator a young woman of 26 who was clearly not feeling well. At the end of the night she told me about her boyfriend who did not give two shits about her though she seemed like a sweet girl. I could see she was heartbroken. So they do have feelings and some are real.
It is hard enough to sort though all this in the USA on Match.com or other sites and I have done it and spent lots of $$ on dates to be told "no thanks" after one date, so don't expect that to be different here! Trouble is you have to come a long damn way and spend a lot of intense time and money to sort through it all to MAYBE find a woman here. As one old saying goes "You pays your money, you takes your chances!" I do think now there may be better options for older men in other countries.
Oh and if you go to Nikolaev steer clear of Tam ara Bak ur ska!
Usually, it is the socioeconomic differences where you see dating agencies set up business. As I said before, there are no dating sites that target women in areas of economic stability (like western Europe, Australia, North America). There is a big emphasis on poor regions like Asia, Africa, eastern Europe, South America. So unless you work or live in those regions, dating women there is not going to be simple and convenient.
As for the comment about no emotional reactions to meeting you and the lady saying that she needs more time to "assess" you, I can understand the uncertainty from the lady's position. Being uncertain is not a good sign, and from personal experience, there is a low probability for any real relationship. Note that in arranged marriages in Eastern societies, there is no introduction or approval process between the two parties. Your elders decide who you get stuck with based on what they perceive as good matches. You develop affection after the marriage (if any).
If you are going all the way over there to meet a stranger,,,, meet one on the street or some other location or event, why go to an agency where 90 to 99% are working for the agency or themselves?
If I’m going to make the trip, I want to know as much as I can before going,,,,, a guy just needs to be sure who is reading and writing the letters!
"In nineteenth-century America, mail-order brides came from well-developed areas on the Eastern seaboard to marry men in Western frontier lands."
"There are at least two historical roots of the mail-order bride industry that emerged in the 1800s in the American frontier: Asian workers in the frontier regions (although Asian workers were scattered throughout the world), and American men who had headed west across the United States to work out on the frontier."
I saw the movie "Mail Order Bride" on DVD with Buddy Ebsen and Keir Dullea.
"The concept of contracting for a bride sight unseen originated over one hundred years ago, from Japan to Hawaii, China to California, Europe to the Midwest, etc. But, the negative connotation associated with this phenomenon it is no longer appropriate."