I was corresponding with this lovely little Ukrainian for almost a whole month. We both love horror movies, have crappy parents and share many other common interests. On thursday, she replied to me I replied back, nothing of any consequence, and then I go to check up on her status, and everything is "undefined parameter" She no longer exists and has only agency email! I can't conact her anymore and I was ready to go to Kiev in December! What could have happened? Any thoughts?
Hey Mark
If you were planning to go in December, thats a pretty long time for her to wait, I had numerous broken EMail relationships until I had a shorter lead time of visiting.
If she is using internet cafe or translation service, she would need to have alot of faith in you to wait so long, its only natural even if she did decide to keep writing you, that she might spread the net for somebody that may come alot sooner.
I'm sure there are exceptions to my advice, but the ladies can become bored with long term communication, actions speak louder than words.
So what are you saying Lugansk, that agencies in FSU are just the latest craze to make a dollar and mostly corrupt? ......and did you get that reference to TIMOTHY LEARY and what was that all about?
if she was from this site. ask support about her. she probably removed her profile, or her agency. or for some other reasons.
nobody force you to write via the site. send her your direct contacts if you like, ask her about her address, phone number. so you know where to find her.
Mark,
Olegnay is right – why don’t you call her, why don’t you send her a letter via regular mail. Let her know that you are serious and that you are going to come to Kiev in December. You will 1) make sure if she is real or not 2) find out her intentions and feelings towards you.
I wish you luck
I completely agree with Ultra that calling and communicating personally is much more better, and that a visit will put everything into their places.
And don't take me as a rude girl, but while visiting here you may meet other great and clever girls, and you never know how your trip here will end (regarding meeting with girls) until you make it:)
Good luck:)
no I try to explain here in this forum that it is cheaper for girls to work through the agencies, because for 3 years I worked in the Internet-cafe myself, and here all think that Internet, translations, pictures are free of charge, and this is absolutely wrong
Yes, I agree that communicating directly is the best way only in case a lady speaks (at least a little bit) English and has a computer. Otherwise – it will be somewhat expensive to use the services of Internet café (if she doesn’t have a computer/Internet at home).
On the other hand there are still ways out:
1) If she neither speaks English nor have a computer she can, for example, write letters in Russian (and if her friend is really interested and ready to make every efforts in order to establish good relationship in spite of the language barrier he will either find a translator himself or use an electronic translator and start learning Russian).
2) If she speaks English but don’t have a computer he may call her as often as possible and she can send letters via regular mail and (for example once a week) go to Internet café and send e-mails with pictures etc. It will not be so expensive.
3) If she has a computer/Internet at home – well she can translate letters herself again using electronic translators or web-sites like www.paralink.com
At last if a gentleman really cares and 100% sure that a lady is serious he may send her some money for internet café services.
BTW, I am interested, if (for some reasons) a man is not sure in the sincerity of the lady and is afraid to send her money directly, can he just contact the manager of the internet café she uses and arrange everything so, that he will pay the bills himself instead of the lady? I mean can he pay the café directly?
1. even if a girl knows English then services of Internet-cafe if there is a
regular correspondence will cost much, prices are on the 2 topics lower. Average
wages here are paid are about 50-80 $ per month, and the minimum cost of living is
about 70 $.
2/ Why a girl should seek translators, learn computers and so on, it is a
tradition here that if a man gets acquianted with a girl, and wants to date with
her, he pays for her
3.If her boyfriend decides to learn Russian, it's the cheapest but not free of
charge variants of communication, because to work (study) and at the same time
learn English and computers it's not possible
4. And why nobody thinks about the honest of a man?? If he writes to 3-5 girls at
the same time, why she should care about the payment for their communication? And
to pay to the manager of the agency is a really good variant
1) Disposable income is something we can all manipulate. If your dream is to find love and change your circumstances, then a "smart" woman would make sacrifices to fulfil that goal, giving up a weekend of entertainment for example.
2) The tradition of a man paying for "everything" seems to be common practice in many countries. In recent years, women have strifed for equality and equal rights of pay - and in many cases succeeding, so at what point will true equality exist and favour men? One reason "why" a girl should learn is stated in (1) above, to fulfil her dreams, ambitions and personal achievements. To not learn, to not sacrifice, to sit idle and expect a man to do and pay for everything is something that I do not see as an attractive quality - quite the opposite infact.
3) I disagree. I believe a woman can work, learn English and computers at the same time. Women are supposed to better multi-taskers than men. Why can't she? Mine does. Again, if you truly have a desire for something, you will do what it takes. I am learning Russian and sending my letters in Russian and English to make it easier for her (in the limited time she gets) but this should not shadow the fact that at some point, BOTH must get of their behinds and have some commitment about learning all they can about not only each other but language and culture. Anything else is just a lazy excuse IMHO.
4) To pay the Agency is an amicable solution, on the condition that a certain level of attachment has already occurred but even then you will find as posted elsewhere in this forum by 'a girl' that a "smart" girl would decline this.
Again, I have not seen one post that claims that any of this is 'free of charge'. We all have to make sacrifices in our lifes to get what we want. It would be wonderful if it was handed to us on a plate and when it is, you often find unfavourable traits in that type of person.
As to making sucrifices, just try to imagine, if a student get a scholarship of 10$ per month...how a girl can sacrifice that...if she has to buy food???
And you're very wrong if you think that all girls here have fun ever weekend, they may have it, but if not to spend money on food.
And it depends from what city your girl is...if she is from a very big city, she may earn much, but here away from capital, it's not possible...
Dma, I agree with you completely, all your 1,2,3,4 points– it is extremely difficult to find your soul mate, especially if you are looking abroad. And every part must sacrifice something – time, money etc. Especially time for learning languages, culture (after all a lady is looking not for a pen pall –she wants to MOVE to another country, how is she going to communicate with her future husband, to live in a alien environment???) Knowledge of language is essential, it is "à must".
And as for “it is a tradition here that if a man gets acquianted with a girl, and wants to date with
her, he pays for her”. So he wants to date and she doesn’t want to date with him? Then if she doesn’t want - why must he pay? I think that if two people are really interested in each other and want their relationship to progress – they both would do everything for it.
With respect but I was once a student as I am sure many others have been too. It may be different in your country (that's for you to say) but most students IMO are notorious for spending their grants/maintenance on "entertainment" than curricular pursuits more likely found in bars than the library. I may be generalising but that is a common perception.
Taking the same example, imagine a male student on a scholorship of $10 per month, not only does he have to buy food for himself but (reading the post above) also have to pay for the woman?
I never said that "all" girls have fun "every" weekend; the point is in the example given, that a small short term sacrifice can be made for long term benefit and if given the choice I am sure we can all find something in our expenditure or lifestyle that we can forfeit.
Ultra try to understand, we here, I mean girls, are not feminists, and we don't seek full equality with men, we tend to stay week women, but we seek equality in the ability to express our opinions, to have our own friends, but we ( the majority) don't seek the complete equality...we don't need it. Personally I find the situation with complete equality absurd, it's not possible, and if it's possible then to my mind women are not women and men are not men anymore...
TY Ultra. Of course the biggest commitment and one that 'costs' nothing as the girls here seem to get quickly onto money matters is your "time". So easy to give but so rare at the same also. Your dedication and motivation, again, cost nothing. We can all find an hour in our day to do something new, a pursuit, an interest - if only we had the motivation to push ourselves than expect it to be done for us regardless of having a family to raise, work commitments whether professional or student and other matters that fill our days.
What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine attitude, should not apply.
To even contemplate the decision to explore this avenue of communication and dating; both parties should be prepared to incur sacrifice, costs: financial and emotional, learning, commitment. If you're not prepared for that scenario. Why bother? You leave us thinking with the mentality of the type of person we're trying to avoid.
Mutual sacrifice is the order of the day. Finding a balance with a view to achieving the same dream. The pursuit of equality, fairness, needs and desires have to work both ways.
1. It's a very good joke. Have you been often to Ukraine, to write that? Here
people earn not for weekends, but for living, working on 2-3 works, and after 12
hours of typing, standing at the counter or teaching people something, you want to
eat and go to sleep and not to study. Girls in Ukraine have a lot of problems with
earning money for living, and those who have much free time in 99 % have a loving
husband already.
Yes you learned English, my congratulations, but you should differ wishes and
opportunities. And girls from Lugansk, don't trust much to foreign gentlemen,
because 70 % of those who came to Lugansk came t 3-4 girls for a sex tour
Ps. What language supposed to be known by girl: english, German, france, Italian language ?????
Being able to express yourself freely should be a given, as too the independance in a relationship of each other whilst at the same time having the security of each other too - noe of those issues are being contested here. We don't always have to agree, can agree to disagree. Different opinions and perspectives are what make a discussion interesting. It would be terribly boring if we all agreed all the time but in conclusion, one or both may change the way they perceive things.
When I read that a poor student girl would be suffering, I can only imagine by the same token and assumptions of responsibility how awful the situation must be for the male counterpart, in the case above having to forsake his food to entertain the girl or do student boys not date?