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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Small town vs Big City Author Post tordenskjold_fan Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/28/2004 1:28:41 AM   Small town vs Big City Exactly what is the point? Or, points? Tordenskjold (Minn., USA) is NOT a big city (by any stretch of imagination). Moscow has more people than some small countries. If a person in Belgium travels as far as some people who commute to work in NY, USA, (s)he would no longer be in Belgium. But some people in NY live most of their lives in an area not much bigger than Tordenskjold, and only venture out of their neighbourhood on a few occasions. And even people who get around a lot go to select places and would never dream of visiting most of the city. Another thread mentions a lady (?) who left her husband and moved to Cairns (Australia), which is just an overgrown tourist strip, not exactly a big city. Exactly what is the lure of the big city? idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/28/2004 2:51:44 AM   A lot of these girls seem to like big cities, I do not know why. My x was obsessed with sydney, I think if I agreed to move there we would still be together, not becuase it would have fixed us, but at least for a short time she could have strangled something else out of me she wanted for free LOL hoenissen Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/28/2004 3:18:06 AM   idiotdetector, Sydney, why? Opera? Shopping? or? idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/29/2004 6:35:07 AM   Big city, big building, its life my husband, not this stupid, suburd idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/29/2004 6:35:28 AM   she wants city centre PhilP3 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/29/2004 9:53:35 AM   I lived most of my life in the suburbs of Chicago. I liked everything about it, when I was young (I’m only 38). You have all the big department stores, grocery stores, ect. There are lots of people, places and events. I live about 70 miles from downtown Chicago near Rockford, IL. All my relatives live in the suburbs and they think I live in a cornfield in the middle of nowhere! I drive 45 miles in 45 minutes. In the city or suburbs, you would be lucky to drive 10 miles in 45 minutes. But to hear them speak, my house is sooooooo far. I never thought I would like living where I do now. But I wanted a house I could afford and I wanted my son in my sister-in-law’s home daycare. I can go to the city whenever I want and still live a quiet small town life. In Moscow, there are small theaters every few blocks, a small grocery store every two blocks, ect. Some young girl from Moscow will look at a small town like it’s a 1 family home 100 miles from the nearest neighbor. It’s about perception and also what you’re used to. Some people like the hustle and bustle of urban life. It doesn’t have to make sense, it just is. I wrote a few letters to one woman in Moscow who asked me why I wanted to go to a PROVINCIAL town like Ekaterinburg (third or fourth largest city in Russia, in case you are unfamiliar with this city). Over 3 million people was a provincial town to this woman! There are many things that will cause culture shock. The change from city life to country life is a drastic change especially if the girl likes the theater, opera, concerts and other cultural activities. For the guy from Australia who’s wife left him: Maybe she thought she could deal with the changes (4 years is a pretty long time) but just couldn’t handle it. She could have married in good faith that a big city SHOULDN’T matter. Some women are too idealistic instead of realistic. I am writing to a woman in St. Petersburg who was born & raised in Magadan (pop. 175,000), went to a university in St. Petersburg and has lived there the last 20 years. She stated in her first letter she would like to live outside a big city. As you get older, the quiet life has more appeal. idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/30/2004 4:15:48 AM   Phil- my ex came from Noverustks, about 1 hour from Ekaterienburg. I understand everything you say and mostly agree, but she did not marry in good faith I can assure you. I have asked many girls about where they would like to live and they all say, cosy little apartment. As you said, it is what they are used to. Anyway, my ex still lives in my city so I do not think that where I live was the problem but it is something for everyone here to consider. I know now ( but did not before) that it is possiable to get a 3 month sponsored holiday Visa for a lady. I will not be bring any girl here to marry before she has come for a holiday to see the life style. It can be a big problem for some but other love it. It could coarse fights and maybe even break ups and after that she will get used to it and settle with another man. Life is weird but we are all trying to understand these girls, but it is also important that they understand us, and our lifestyle izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/30/2004 6:46:59 AM   ID Don't mean to pry but what was the problem? Buyers regret or something. Seems like the city wasn't it and you said they are used to apartments so what is left? Was it the new lifestyle and she just couldn't get used to it or was it the new freedom that was given. I am trying to avoid mistakes here. I already have one failed marriage under my belt and my bank manager is still upset about it. Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/30/2004 8:35:38 AM   I think that the best variant, was like we onces lived in Feodosiya, where we went for a vacation. We lived in a nice cozy flat, a little bit aside from the main streets (so there were not many cars, and not much noise), but it took us only 5 minutes of walking and we were on the main streets, so it was very easy for us to buy food and go and have fun:) Big cities are more noisy and hectic to my mind. But I wouldn't like to live in the city which is 100 000 people. I think that the best way, and as some of my friends think, it is a middle sized town. Like Lugansk is where there are about 500 000 people, and many opportunitiesto study, work and have fun:) Personally I don't like villiages and settlements, because there everybody knows everybody, which is not that convinient. And ny the way a small appartment may be situated in the town of any size:) Big, medium, small...so I guess not a size of the appartment should be discussed, but a place where it will be situated:) a town:) unclebuck Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/30/2004 9:09:48 AM   Preparation is the key to helping the woman adjust to a new location and communication is the cement to stabilize her. In the U S we tend to expect other people to understand things we take for granted. I live in a small town but have traveled all around. One of the problems I see is that both parties think that the other will make them happy. No body makes anyone happy, the individual decides on their own to be happy. Small town or city makes little difference if the proper communications and preparations are used. unclebuck Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/30/2004 9:23:47 AM   I agree with PhiP3 about idealism and culture shock. I live in Texas and we do not have that many big cities. The advantage is that where I live you can commute for the opera or theater. Many of these women in Russia and that area will be dealing with a real mental adjustment to culture and we should be there to gently guide them not own them. City or country they want a partner not a control freak. The amenities are there but are we prepared to help them adjust? idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2004 3:22:57 AM   izi, it seems the problem was me. Best advice is this. Do not believe all the stories about Russian girls being faithful and such thing. Some are, some are not. They are all real people like you and I. Use your instincts and try to determine her true motive for what she is doing without being to sinical. My x lives in the same city but in an apartment block with people living on top of each other, just like her home. Also try to know there family friends and history. The things I thought I knew but later discover to be false would freak most people out. I know I was unhappy when I discovered to truth about her daughter for example. When I went last time I had many girls who the agency told me where happy to go with me and could not understand why I was so choosy. A girl agreeing is not enougth. It is all personal choise but my one piece of advice is this. If in anyway you feel unsure or unhappy with something about a girl, don't battle though it, move on because miss perfect for you dose exist Neonred Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2004 5:53:31 AM   id Great advice. I am struggling with that same issue now. I have visited my girl several times, but now I am seeing a side of her that disturbs me some. A negative attitude and pouting too often. These are things I did not see, or that she hid, at our first meeting. Now I am wondering if she is the right one, and if I can tolerate her moods. It sure makes me wonder about some of the guys I have read about and talked with here. So many guys are asking girls to marry them after one short visit, and in many cases the girls can barely speak English. How in the world do they really know what they are geting into. Great faith and tremendous ability to adapt and cope with a new and unknown person? tordenskjold_fan Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2004 9:01:47 AM   Apartment or house with garden? idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2004 1:59:34 PM   Neon, I visited my x 3 times. I sponsored her after the second visit because thinmgs were wonderful. The 3rd time I seen a side of her I did not like and I wanted to stop. I phoned her when I got home and told her so. She cried and told me that he sharp mood was because of her bad siuation and she knows she will relax more once she come to live with me in better conditions. I was stupid and agrred as I am somewhat soft sometimes. It seems that the 3rd visit was the true her. If you feel this abut your girl, have a good think about it as it is probably cheap fiancialy and emotional to find another girl now rather than go though what I did. I realy wish I new about this forum then because someone may have given me some good advice a few years ago. And it is true, with no language, the knowledge of you girl a limited. Even something you think you know and understand may be a misunderstanding. I could write a book full of these misconceptions about my x. She know to i think and was happy to let me think what I thought. When questioned about it latter she would denigh shee siad such a think or say that I misunderstood, language was an easy excuse for lies QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2004 2:40:38 PM   Hi ID Have to agree with you. In the rosy glow of romantic love, we are all too ready to miss those small but significant signs. Romantic love can be great for bringing together two totally different people but once it dies down, then the real relationship starts. If you have already tied the knot, and you discover she wasn't really interested in your windsurfing or enchanted by you leaving your toenail clippings on the floor, then it's going to be hard work! Then again, would also point out that arranged marriages are still common in many countries and seem to work fine. Maybe it's a matter of unrealistic expectations or we rely too much on love when selecting a partner and not compatibility. As to small town vs Big City. This was a problem in my last marriage. I needed to get out from the rat race, my wife did not wish to leave the centre of activity. It's a dilemma. It would be music to my ears to hear the words.. "I go where my man goes". Would certainly make the decision where to live easy. Anyone heard this lately? QC Neonred Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2004 3:32:14 PM   Thanks ID But it is so difficult now. I have definitely formed a bond with her and she speaks English well. Much of the time things are great, but sometimes..... I talked with her about it and heard those same words about terrible situation, and things will be better when she will live with me away from her financially difficult life. I still believe she loves me, or that she truly thinks or wants to love me, or she is in love with the idea of getting away from her current life with me. If I move on I am going to break her heart, and do some damage to mine also! This is the hardest part of finding the right person. I wish I were an uncaring SOB....then it wouldn't be so hard. Most of the time I think this relationship will work. I hope I am not kidding myself. Going to have to do some long hard thinking now. Neonred Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2004 3:34:37 PM   I also worry because she doesn't drive, and I live in a town without public transportation. I know that is going to make the transition difficult too. GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2004 4:38:09 PM   Nice to read all these fresh opinions and experiences on a very old topic.... See? it often works to resucitate old topics. I pay very close attention to what the ladies say, share or dream about when we talk or write about their cities, towns, villages or caves they may have grown up. Even though living in southern California is far from isolated from big city life, I have managed to arrange my life so I can live near the ocean in a fairly small town between two large cities (LA & San Diego) Laguna is like and oasis between the Hollyweirdness of LA and the 'too close to the border for comfort' lifestyle of San Diego. Any woman who dreams or wants to live in any of those cities is a world away from getting my interest. toad wessman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2004 4:42:49 PM   F. E. A. R. Future Events Appearing Real It is not easy Neonred but if you work at it and she works at it it will work..Many others have overcome more obstacles in the name of love. You can think your way to disater or to victory it is your choice, love is the coming together of two like hearts and then it is mutual hard work, she has been working hard all of her life over there so are you willing to do the work? I am sure this is an over simplification and there is much thought about the things unknown but that is where faith comes in. For her things will be better when she is with you because I have been told it is their life to find and make a real life with their other half, they feel less than whole alone! Keep your eye on the prize a journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step! 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