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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > I'd like to know the truth Author Post Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 12:34:37 PM   I need an inside view from the guys: Why do married (happily married as I would define) men surf porno sites? Does it mean anything? I’d really appreciate honest answers. Thanks. jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 12:49:35 PM   Why do guys who like steak and potatoes, go to Chinese restaurants or Mexian restaurans? The question is similar. With a porn site a guy gets to fantasize with risking his marriage (except maybe Housewife's husband) or producing the emotional turmoil of an affair. Relax. Its just a variety in his mind. It doesn't say that he is no longer interested in you. (not that moi has every visited a pornsite though... heh heh heh) GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 12:59:02 PM   Housewife, Happily married men are visual horny creatures, just like any other man. They're just luckier than other men because they have a good wife in their lives. Most men have thoughts about sex much more often than women. We do not need the 'emotional' stimulation most women do. But we do need and enjoy the 'visual' aspect of it. Do you remember how your mother bitched at your father because of his Playboy magazine collection?...the same thing happens with internet porno since the early 90s. Instead of ruining your marriage with unfounded jealousy, ask him to share his porno fantasies with you...sit on his lap while he is browsing...hold his 'you know what' for him while his fingers are busy clicking over 'the Obese Women who do Horses' website..:) On the other hand, if he does not want to have anything to do with you or share his sexuality with you, then you have a problem. Going to websites full of men looking for foreign brides is not going to solve it. Keep in mind most of us here are looking to find a foreign woman for love, marriage and serious relationship simoply because we no longer believe western women are worth our effort. good luck to you, kid GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 1:06:09 PM   Housewife, If you gained a ton, chopped your hair off, nag him all the time, stopped having sex with him and talk trash about him with your friend and relatives he may be desperately trying to find some solace and satisfaction watching others do something pleasurable that he barely remembers.... There could be a gazillion reasons for him to do it....ask him, NOT US toad Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 1:19:32 PM   Well, I am a foreign woman and my “mother never bitched at my father because of his Playboy magazine” as in SFU it didn’t exist. And I would never tell anyone about this, to my opinion, embarrassing problem. I’m here not to complain but to try to find peace in my mind and try to learn something useful. My husband tells me that he loves me and he feels bad after the fact (I’d think more after my accidental discovery). I do realize that men will always turn their heads to a beautiful woman or nice a..... But knowing my hubby visiting the “xxx sites” hurts my feelings. Although I don’t think it’ll jeopardize our marriage but not necessarily will improve our relationships. QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 1:21:56 PM   Housewife. Interesting name.. Are you genuine I wonder? This is a forum for men seeking FSU ladies. Your question is not really related to this... unless you are an FSU lady with a non-FSU husband. Are you? Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 1:28:14 PM   That is correct, QC It a very different problem for my mentality. Back home all (or almost all men) have affairs. It took me a long time to learn to trust a man who became my husband. And I wasn’t prepared to deal with situations like this. QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 1:34:45 PM   Timing is everything! You just answered my question. I think you will receive a range of viewpoints. My own personal view is that if he is seeking satisfaction through other means, he is not seeking it from you. As you say it is unlikely to improve your relationship. On the other hand, without it your relationship might be worse. Pornography can become a slippery slope. Starts out with eroticism then gradually needs more stimulus to become excited. Men can become addicted to these sites. You have said that he feels bad. Perhaps that is the end of the problem?? I know someone who loves his wife very much but their sexual life is non-existent. He looks at porn sites. It is not an issue for him. In my computer business I would often go to customer's homes and resolve their computer problems. I would always tidy up temporary files, etc.. The number of computers with pornography was a surprise to me. With one man, I contacted the police because I found child porn. It was very disturbing. There is lots of information on the internet. Agony aunts abound. Do a search for 'pornography' and 'marriage' or suchlike and you will have all the advice you could want. Hope you achieve peace of mind. QC QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 1:37:56 PM   'Obese women who do horses'... Toad. You are priceless!! Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 2:01:25 PM   I assumed the name from the last TV series “Desperate Housewives ” even though I don’t want to think about myself as Desperate one, at least for now. Why did I ask men in this forum? Because I have no one to ask. I don’t want any of our friends and relatives to know things like this. QC I’ll do the research on the recommended subject. But reading your post I feel better and worse at the same time. It’s not the first time and I guess not the last my hubby got in THERE. But the first time (he got discovered) I was VERY pregnant and even though I was extremely upset, it was easier to make sense of it. Yes, our sex life is not the most exciting one – I am not the only one to blame. We have young children, I get bad days and he gets them too. Before we started the family we had more fun but we BOTH knew that everything would change. I don’t want to spy on him but I feel that my trust is slipping away. Very dreadful feeling. shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 2:23:42 PM   Housewife, do please remember the best person to ask and talk with would be your husband. I will say that for many men in America pornography is more a release from reality than anything else. There is a line between reality and fantasy and many are not ready to go past it. A magazine or computer has no needs, no wants, no disapointments. Maybe he just needs that. Best way to find out is to ask not all fetish is good but not all is bad either. I think the secrete is sharing it together and then making your expectations known. Think of it as his romance novel with a lot less words! :) Maybe you can find the things he is looking for and incorporate it in your personal life or maybe you will learn that it is not worth it to him if it bothers you. I think you know my point so I will be quiet. At least Toad left out the vertically chalenged! QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 2:24:19 PM   Housewife It is very common when young children come on the scene for a couple's sex life to suffer. A search on this subject may also help you. Feel free to email me directly. Sometimes just getting it off your chest can help. QC shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 2:27:08 PM   QC is right as well that it is often part of an addicted personallity type but then again it could be quite innocent. If it causes trouble in your marriage then it is most likely associated with somem kind of addiction and you might want to concider help or more information. Good luck but again try to work it out with your husband first! shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 2:28:51 PM   His too....lol....sorry I know but it was just too easy...lol QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 2:31:02 PM   shaggy Behave... ;-) Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 2:46:43 PM   I did discuss this topic with my husband. I did not hear an answer. He seems awfully too guilty. And I don’t understand WHY? All he says “I love you”, “I feel bad about it”, “It doesn’t mean anything ”..... And at some point I did offer my company to visit the sites but never got invited. All I want to know what are the OTHER reasons (besides just being a horny man) could be for going THERE. I don’t appreciate secrecy in sexual aspects. QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 3:15:07 PM   There is something of a double standard in our culture. Your husband's religious upbringing may cause him to feel shame even while his intellect wants to argue it's okay. Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 3:47:22 PM   Well, thank you for responses and suggestions. I take this subject very personal. I know that we didn’t confess to each other before we tied our knots. Now we just have to deal with big and small hurdles on our way. One thing I know - if I would know this subject before we wouldn’t be a family. I keep questioning his feeling towards me. As a woman I have troubles to separate sex and feelings. QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 4:23:08 PM   Housewife You can be the most beautiful and desirable sexual female on the planet but at some point a man will get used to you. The thrill of the chase is no longer there. The excitement of something new has gone. Children can and do interfere with a couple's sex life as do other factors. Fresh stimulus can re-awaken his jaded interest. At present it seems he is getting that from the porn sites and not you. The fact that your husband says he loves you, shows that he cares. Perhaps if you re-vitalise your love life he would have no need of outside stimulation. There is lots of information in the public domain and there are lots of organisations such as 'CARE for the family' that can help put the joy back into a marriage. There is no stigma or shame in this. Maybe if you just tell him that his behaviour is affecting your feelings towards him, he may decide that the health of his marriage is more important than looking at a few tacky sites. How often do you pack the kids off to grandma and take off for a romantic weekend? Women have trouble separating sex and feelings. So do men! I think God made a mistake when he created men and women.. men need sex to feel love while women need love to enjoy sex! QC Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 5:11:45 PM   “The thrill of the chase is no longer there”. And “The excitement of something new has gone”. – I figured these two. It’s just that I feel a little cheated. He put on his best attributes to get me in the relationship but as soon as official part is completed I lost all the best of him (for myself). And I’m not talking about being romantic and affectionate, but patient and understanding. I want to grow old by his side. I want my kids to have a father. But I also want to understand a person I live with and not to torture myself with doubts. How often do we pack the kids off to grandma and take off for a romantic weekend? – Never. This is downside in being a foreign wife. His parents live 5 hours by plane and mine 13 hours by plane. A little too far for a weekend. Thank you, QC for your input. Highly appreciate it. I see some places for improvement and willing to try. “...... men need sex to feel love while women need love to enjoy sex!” – that is perfect definition and SOOOOOOOO true. But I can’t give him what he needs when he doesn't give me what I need. And opposite. At the times I feel that we are in classic “catch 22” and it’s SO hard to take a step to break it. And I can say we DO take turns but sometimes it takes time. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > I'd like to know the truth
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