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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > What do you expect from the woman which you search? What for she is necessary for you? Author Post Bagira Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/2/2005 1:07:48 PM   How I can help him? He cannot shift on me care of children - they require comunication with him or with their mum. I can do a housework - but it is not that much. He really should think of himself – he really needs a close friend. The woman, to whom can to trust as to himself. Simply to feel in a cosy nest. He felt so huge weariness. It looks like he bears an excessive burden. I want that when I beside him, he feels that all now is good and though for a minute has relaxed. How to explain him that he requires the close friend and I already exist in his life. I so would like that he has felt that when I near - all in his life is wonderful. In fact he really has a remarkable house, excellent children who are convince in theirselves and feel happy near him. He turns as fiber in a wheel - work all day long, including all Saturdays plus a constant fence about children. May be some where in the world there is a woman which can help him. May be there is a chance that he will meet her. There is the huge quantity of love inside my soul. So I can meet and grow fond of the other person. shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/2/2005 1:30:51 PM   Bagira, I am not completely sure what you are looking for here but I think I can tell you as a person having 3 children of my own I agree they need communication from their parents but it is true as a wife of the father you will need to become a parent as well. The children will look to you for the same guidance. You are correct that you will never be the same as their mother and that should not be your goal but to be a trusted friend and advisor I think is the best way to aproach them. They will need to know your place in the new relationship and yes will want to hear your point of view on things and will test you just as they do their own parents. I think they will judge you on your own actions and how you choose to interact with them and their father. It is hard to become someones close friend. It would seem to me a requirement for a successful marriage would incorporate this in the courtship but I do understand there are those that jump the gun abit and rush into such things. I do understand as well that people grow apart and it takes effort to sustain a loving, trusting and forgiving relationship. I think the bottom line is this person will only know you to be this person if you make it so. It is so different for everyone that there is no magical answer other than if you want to be this I would say start by letting them be the same for you. Tell them how you feel and what you are hoping for. Just remember to be careful what you wish for. Last is try to help him out. If he must work so hard as not to spend time with the family of course he will be weary. Find a career that can help with the income if your time is not taken with children and house work. Find ways to help him with is work load and find more time for him to be home with you and your children. I think you will find that his happiness will be present. Just a few thoughts ;) rrlinders Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/2/2005 7:31:54 PM   Bagira, Wow! What a deep thought this is. I am a little like Shaggy, not sure what you are looking for. America men ( I know I can not speak for all of them), have been caught up in a whirlwind of the American dollar, and those that have not been a catalist to this have been forced to do so by big Corporations. What does this all mean? Well for one thing it means long hours, and time away from their families, no time to relax to enjoy the world around us,and all good things it has to offer. Just in the past few years I have realized that corporate America will work a person to death if you allow them to do so. I have made some changes in my life(not to say I still do not do my job well), but have come to work smarter, and not harder. This will work and will leave more time for the things I mentioned above. The lady in the mans life should not feel like she must wait on him hand and foot and not to feel sorry for him because he has the world on his shoulders. The best thing a lady can do to help, and he may not realise this , but is to help him find ways to make time for his loved ones. Communication is a great part of this as is understanding what the real problems and issues are, only then can they be solved and a big burden will be lifted from him. Help him to find ways to lift the burdens for good , for one night of sex to try and solve these issues by making a man feel good is only temporary and he will awake in the morning with the same issues and problems. Solve it for good with him and life will be better for you both. Bob Bagira Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/2/2005 8:20:47 PM   Thank you Bob, These are excellent words: "for you both" I am alone and have never been part of his life. I am just thinking about the past time. spirittraveller Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/2/2005 10:30:37 PM   One more thing that has changed American men is the worship of the almighty dollar. For most of us,putting up the horse and plow has been replaced by working for the man. I am no exception,and I resent this sometimes. I am a service plumber,and there are many frustrations and delays in reaching a solution. I take worries home with me because I care too much about the lack or excess of flow ( water) in the customer`s home. I have to tell myself that there is light at the end of every tunnel,and a solution for each problem. But sometimes there is no immediate cure. Bagira,doing housework is not just a little thing. It is work made out of love and caring,not just a hygenic need to clean. There is nothing better then a tidy house at the end of a work day,and not having to walk through stuff just to sit in your easy chair. Also,there is certainly something that will provide him with what I call 'spirit food'. Men need to replenish their spirit,and too many overwhelmed men do not have a creative or physical outlet. I loved the idea of primal scream therapy,but usually the guys always just got drunk and beeitched about their dads. Your man has that happy place,and you probably know ( not sex necessarily,or at least not until later ) at least one thing that will bring him joy. I hope it is fishing-I am so jealous of almost everybody-Arizona fishing sucks.In a city of 3 million people,I have found all the quiet mountain trails in the desert. Where they summit the hills,I have the wondrous view of the whole mountain,and can see the Superstition Mountains shining in the western sun. It is peaceful. And the air tastes different. I really believe every man must have some activity to help him feel vital and rejuvenated. You may have to 'discover' it,and give him a friendly push to get him going! Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 4:41:20 PM   I guess that many people here won't agree with me, but I think that when a woman is a housewife (I don't take into consideration the situation when she just gave a birth to a child or had a very hard pregnancy), when she doesn't work from home even...she stays on a rather low level then her husband is...as working the person develops as a personality. And when people have 2 different levels, meaning one develops and another doesn't...then to my mind all the problems begin! So I vote that a woman should work, at least from home. My friend worked from home through a computer until they took her to give the birth to a child, and she had a very easy process of giving birth, and no problems with pregnancy...as she didn't stay at home all the time on the sofa, but worked and communicated and did all the things like always!:))) GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 5:19:51 PM   Yes, dear Pitchka I am one of those who disagree with you. toad wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 5:38:40 PM   Ptichka, in fact I agree with you on this one with a couple conditions. When the woman is young, she must have education first to be able to get a job that will satisfy her in the long run or start her own business. I would never like my wife to work as a waitress or anyhting similar to that, I would much rather prefer that she becomes a good housekeeper and care for my children. Nothing wrong with waitresses, it is just me. Some men are more protective than others with our wives and families. I belong to this category. As liberal as I may sound on this board on general interest issues, I am very traditionally conservative on family type issues. If the woman's job does not have a certain high level of dignity for her as a person, I am not allowing it. I believe it is the man's responsibility to figure how to bring bread to the table every day and care about and protect his family and even account for the possibility of loss of his life that his beloved ones are not affected. The woman when she chooses to do so, she can work, as long as the job pertains to a certain level of dignity. In other words, the woman should work if she wants as a means of personal satisfaction not as a forced means of trying to make ends meet. That's me and others may very well disagree. Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 5:57:47 PM   Toad, I knew that you would disagree:)))) wtrav02, you know, I think that each person should choose the work he wants...I would never forbid my boyfriend work in any area he wants, and he would never do that to me. As if a person chooses some work, it is his responsibility for it! And if he or she made a mistake, it is his own fault...and his own mistake! And I'm just curious, why is the level of dignity of a work is so important to you? And what do you mean when you say a certain level of dignity??:))) Just curious:))) Actually, I don't agree with the idea, that only a man should bring the money into the family....in fact to my mind it gives him the power over his wife, and his wife is dependable on him...and the husband can do whatever he wants to, give her money or not, go out without her (as he brings the money and she just uses his money, as the husband says). Just saw too many examples of such families, when the wife is dependable, and the husband does anything he wants! All I said to my mother and she completely supports me "I'm not an animal to give me food, clothes, and so on, so that I should be greatful for that...I want to be loved like a personality and not like a pet".... wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 6:10:48 PM   Dear ptichka, you're the first true Ukrainian feminist I have met in my life. I thought this sort of woman was extinct in Ukraine :) Ok, to set the record straight. I did not say "forbid", I said the woman is free to choose a job from a very long list of jobs that qualify. If she gets education, the list is limitless. If not, then options are more limited. Dignity means, she does not have to flash her cleavage to receive tips or make discussion with people she would not otherwise like to interact, etc. I think this describes it. I also did not say that the man should be the only income earner in the family. I said the man should be capable to provide for his family even if the woman can't or does not want to work. In our family, it is our money, our assets, and all decisions are taken together. It works very well like this for us. Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 6:23:23 PM   Have to correct you, I'm not a feminist! I always disrespected the women who were too radical about this fight...actually I don't see the need for this fight even...well to say it short I don't understand and don't like feminists:) Just try to understand, that I'm something else...some other type of a girl:))) Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 6:24:33 PM   And if an educated woman likes the work of a waitress?? Then what???:)))) GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 7:25:33 PM   Well, if you want to work as a waitress I'm sure you will find men willing to love you regardless of it...I would not be one of them. I suspect wtrv2 is another. toad GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 7:26:59 PM   wtrav02, Feminism is not extinct in Ukraine or FSU...it's only now barely starting to rear its ugly head. Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 7:34:25 PM   Toad, I was talking about theoretical situation, when I was talking about an educated woman working as a waitress:))) You see, myself is against radical feminism, but I still think that a woman should have a right to choose to work or to stay at home...and not that after getting married she should stop working immediately...as married women don't work, actually to decide about her destiny on her own, and not because this is a tradition of a society. I just vote for that:) And not for radical feminism:)))) spirittraveller Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 8:34:59 PM   It is always better to come from your own place of strength before making a relationship commitment which may suck power from you like a thirsty vampire. This is why I have always wanted a woman with a little ambition. She should pursue her own dreams in life. And if I fit into those dreams,so much the better. It should not be a matter of one person controlling the other. Create your own destiny!! wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 9:26:52 PM   I'm with toad. Educated, single women sometimes work as waitresses out of need until they find a job relevant to their education. I don't know anyone who would work as a waitress for leisure although the tips can sometimes better the salary of a real job. Hey ptichka, is it true in Ukraine (and Russia I believe) is customary waitresses to sit at customers' tables and sometimes accept a little spanking :) I'm seriously asking, that's what I've heard. Yes of course women are free to choose between work and staying home as long as this is discussed and agreed prior to tying the knot. By the way, I noticed your exuberance about your new president, congratulations!!!, hope he'll do good things for Ukraine, and wishes also that his face cleans up and it looks younger like it was before. wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 9:39:08 PM   spirit, it's not a matter of control. I actually encourage my wife to take initiative because she's still young and she needs to develop as a person. There were these two girls in college who teased her because she doesn't work, they said "oh my God! you don't work, are you serious? we work because we like to shop". Working for the wrong reasons I guess to buy those pink high heels that match the britney spears ear rings and mannequin purse? I'm a little different. I want the both of us to create our common destiny. I was not going to get married a second time unless I found the right person, I mean it really, I would go back and forth between US and EU and FSU and enjoy but would not tie the knot. The picture of a dominant, independent woman is a turn off for me. I am not threatened at all, I've dealt with this type of woman many times in business. I simply find the career woman has no sex appeal and lacks femininity. wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 9:41:46 PM   Talking about work, we check from time to time Russian sites frequented by FSUs married to Americans. Apparently many are trying to get jobs as models for things like trade shows, advertising. They post pictures on the net in hope someone will see them and hire them. I cannot believe anyone would bring a bride from the other end of the world to have her post her pictures on the net to become a model. GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2005 11:41:28 PM   wtrav, We do agree on this one. You're describing scenarios that are probably foreign to most men's intention in this forum. Except QC, of course. Why bring a foreign bride to live with in US if she's going to have her independent life from her man...separate work, separate income, separate friends and working colleagues, etc etc...?? Despite what Pitchka thinks is her ideal set up for her in her country, most of the FSU ladies I talk to want to be housewives = their husband's right arm = household managers = mothers = traditional female role, etc etc...None of this independent lifestyle. There are plenty of 'independent' women in the US to choose from. No need to import something or someone we have in abundance already. I have argued Pitchka's point about 'mutual growth' before. Couples today live together for the convenience of having a warm body at night to enjoy and please themselves and even share living expenses while they rush at first light to go out of the house to live their independent lives away fron the one who they claim to love....but both lack the much higher level of enjoyment, purpose and commitment that grows from sharing family goals, future achievements and overall service to each other. toad Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > What do you expect from the woman which you search? What for she is necessary for you?
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