Why does it have to hurt so bad when you leave the woman of your life? I mean... She is only far away, not dead... But it really hurts inside, and it is almost as something just died... Came back from Tallinn yesterday, and the only thing I want is to go straight back there, open my arms and lift her up when she comes running for me at the airport... The flight home was the heaviest I have ever had, I really felt sad and lonely... Does it really have to hurt so bad? Anyone with some good advise how to think? Some times it helps to just think in another direction, see things with other eyes... Because right now.. I am in pain... And it won't go away...
Norwegain,
My first response was to just be straight and tell you to get a grip. But, I will instead refrain from this and say to you that people have three minds: the rational mind, which is what we use when we balance our checkbook, build a bookcase, make the bed, and etc; then there is our emotional mind, which is where you are right now, using all our emotions to drive our thinking and preventing us from a rational and calm state of being; and then the third is our wise mind, this is where we know the truth, our intuition that provides us with information that sometimes we don't like to hear, but we know is the truth. The wise mind tells us who is a scammer and who is not. I suggest you get into your wise mind and concentrate on taking care of yourself by eating well, sleeping, exercising, maintaining your relationships, get back into your daily routine, read interesting books, focusing on your work, and other daily activities. Use your strengths to increase your personal boundaries and lower your enmishment with your lady. It is time to slow down your preservations and obsessions.
Harsh yes, but honest words, and by the way, you asked. So now flame me.
Well.. first of all I have to say I did not leave her for good... Only for this time.. So I know perfectly well I will see her again soon. I see no reason to flame you at all Frank. The advises you are giving are good advises, but at the same time your oppinions give me the feeling you either are very cynical or haven't experienced real love, at least not lately... (i could be totally wrong of course). I am a reasonable man, and I think most of the men in here knows exactly what I am feeling right now.. At least the men that dare to go out there instead of sitting by the keyboard fantazise about it, keyboard Romeos as Martin so nicely put it in another tread here. When you have been out there meeting this woman (2nd time for me), and the day comes when you have to leave.. OK, talk about minds and how the human brain works, but if you feel love it still hurts. Am I patethic?? No, I don't think so! I am just honest with you guys, and are for some reason honest enough, and not at all afraid to show my feelings. If someone say this is stupid, I don't think that person ever had the opportunity to feel real love.
I can see from another tread you have a girl named Lena, well... at least then we know it isn't the lack of love... Seem like I was wrong on that part.. sorry
Norge,
Now that you've purged your emotions, there is one thing left for you to do, mate.
THINK...!!!
You'll start feeling happier once you start thinking, planning the next visit or even the rest of your life with her.
Anything less will be a waste of emotional output on your part.
norw- use this emotion to motivate you get do what you need to do. You know what I am talking about. Do not ignore it, use it as fuel and put it to some use. You may hurt, but inside that hurt you have found some purpose in your life. Be happy about that and use it to build on
If love hurts that much it isn't love but other things, such as dependence, clinginig and blured idenities. Understanding our emotions give us a clue where to go in life. I believe you when you say you are hurting, but love doesn't give hurt, people do. Ypo can miss osmeone very much but your emotions would be balanced if you put your thoughts into what Gltaltoad suggested, filling our forms and preparing your life for her to come to you. Any human that has to fill a huge void will eventually become tired in that role. This is a good time to take a serious look at yourself and ask those hard questions why you feel so bad right now and work very hard to become healthier. We can met someone, fall in love, but we have to be able to kep them too. Your pain has meaning, lok at it, it is not love.
Of course I can sit down and be reasonable, just like I am right now. I can look at what I wrote above and say to myself that I was pushing this too far... I can say to myself that I was not reasonable when I wrote it yesterday... But I wont! Because yesterday I really missed her BigTime, and if that does not hurt in some way, well... It did for me... But when that is said, I don't call her on the phone and cry out my pain.. and I am not totally crushed in my normal way of being. I don't even think people around me notice it much... Yesterday I just felt like writing what I was feeling right at that moment, and yesterday it did hurt to think about that I should not see her for a while, may be I was just looking for some support, some one else that knew what I was talking about? If it was too painful for you to read my thoughts, I would advise you from now on to just move on to next tread if you find something that does not fit in your way of how to be. I see no wrong in expressing feelings, it does not at all mean I am not a MAN! But may be I wasn't tough enough? May be I wasn't cool enough to fit your ideal of how a man shall be? It is many years ago I needed to show how cool and tough I am.. I am selfconfident, and that is also why I can write this stuff, this does not mean I am weak or something. Since you can make the statement that this is not love Frank, I really wonder what love is to you? Don't you feel just a little sad when you leave the woman you love, and you know you will not be able to see her for a long time? Have you at all been over there? Or is your Lena just a nice picture and some lovely words from some mail? I did not respond to be rude Frank, but I think it is funny that you can make such a statement.. You really don't have a clue.. do you? I hope you will find true love, and not just a fantasy, then you may understand what it is to miss someone... BUT; my life is back to normal, and today my smile is right back where it is supposed to be.
Finally: Toad, ID, Jetmba and also you Frank, thank you for good advise!
Believe it or not Frank, but I really appreciate your words, between all your hobby-psyciatric mumble Jumble wich I don't take seriously, you have some good points.
There is nothing that you can do Norwegian, but acknowledge that the Shadow will always be there with you no matter what you do. You can push it away for awhile but it will always be with you. You can die and be dead for six centuries and the Shadow will still be with you. Hell or Heaven you are stuck with the Shadow. Find a new Shadow and the old one is still there hiding behind the new Shadow.
By the way, Norwegian, I do know what love is, I have visited Lena two times and i have a fairly good idea what missing her means. As for hobby-psychiatric mumble jumble, it is what I do for a career. And, I am considered very good at what I do.
Now that you have had some distance from what you wrote a few days ago, perhaps now you can identify with the other readers who read your thread.
Norge,
Screw the psycho mumble jumble.
And give your willie a cold shower, as well...:)))
After reading your initial post, one of my first thoughts was:
"...If this is how he feels when a woman accepts him, how many forms of suicide would he be trying if we had been rejected, instead???"
It should only hurt when we get rejected, wouldn't it?
That's why people with careers in sales are often seen as damn human rhinos because the thick skin we must develop to deal with all the rejection we face until we get a YES.
Norge, you have with this woman what could probably become the biggest YES of your searching 'sales career'. Cherish it.
Toad, love your sense of humor!
I used to have a career within sales some years ago, I know excactly what you are talking about! Well, first of all I have to say, it does not hurt as if I was rejected or dumped.. hehe.. it is more like a sweet pain, feels good and bad at the same time I guess.. Is it possible to say good pain???
So the status right now is that I am laughing because of your comment, and smiling happily about the situation I am in, lucky in love... and.. my willie is freezing cold after the shower :)) The temperature of the water was about -2 inches... LOL
I know about substance abuse treatment, I do not however do the work. What I see is what is written. If people are not writting what they mean it is not my responsiblity to figure out what they really meant. I do not believe I am a cynic, a realist and pragmatic perhaps. If you or others with to do so,I'm ok with that.