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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > American women joke Author Post GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/23/2005 1:56:58 AM   On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: Two Italian men and one Italian woman Two French men and one French woman Two German men and one German woman Two Greek men and one Greek woman Two English men and one English woman Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman Two Irish men and one Irish woman Two American men and one American woman One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred: One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a minage a trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman. The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store. The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the English aren't having any fun. The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a goddamn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this god-forsaken deserted island in the middle of f--king nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping!!! Ditto Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/24/2005 4:55:07 PM   I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. wmferg Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/24/2005 5:39:45 PM   LMAO Ditto, have not heard it put better. scottlf Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/24/2005 6:22:07 PM   LOL, that a classic, Ditto! GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/24/2005 9:16:57 PM   That is a classic....Bravo!! Ditto Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/26/2005 6:58:27 AM   Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden, feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion, And that it would be a woman. He said,"This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make, and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children. . . . and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will NEVER have a headache, and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it." Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" Of course, the rest is history . . Ditto Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/28/2005 8:35:08 AM   Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/29/2005 5:42:56 AM   ditto in the tree of life, who put these women at the top out of reach. Us for thinking they are so wonderful and are therefore out of reach, or themselves for the same reason? Ditto Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/29/2005 7:15:58 AM   I think it is a little of both. They think they're at the top of the food chain and we don't show them they're wrong. There is no heirarchy in life. It's a playing field. Men need to be more patient in their relationships with women. Men give up and settle for what they find. Women settle for what they think is fixable. Someone once told me, too many people trade what they want for what they want now. How true. GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/29/2005 8:13:01 AM   Ditto, thanks for the compliment, lol...I still feel somewwhat guilty for having waited so long to fly to siberia. But I got what I truly wanted. And even if all turns to shit for whatever reason, I doubt I'll ever do something like this any different. ID, People in general and women in particular who put themselves on top of the food chain and expect 'tribute' for it from others rarely belong there, IMNSHO...We can claim whatever level of viruosity we want about ourselves, but untill and unless someone else validates us, anything we say is nothing more than diahrrea of the mouth or at best wishful thinking. toad toad Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > American women joke
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