"This is one of the biggest mysteries I have faced since I have been in FSU.
When we first met with my wife for a few misunderstandings (especially a girlfriend of her, whose behavior I did not like ) we got a few times in situations where I could not trust fully her behavior and she could not trust my behavior.
I have the habit to call people directly on matters of trust and so I did with her. I simply told her straightly what I did not like and told her straightly that if I do not see changes into that I cannot consider a serious relationship with her. This happened all in the context of a reciprocal very deep feeling of love between each other and strong passion.
In a word we were simply crazy about each other..
At that point she told me about her concept of trust and I was simply amazed about it.
It seems that she assumed I should trust her TOTALLY no matter what incongruencies I saw in her and her girlfriendīs behavior.
She told me other things about Russian romantics which may be connected with this. It seems that the concept of spirituality is in Russia is connected with the belief that someone could do the most IRRATIONAL things just because he/she believes that it is "destiny" or "connected with own soul" or something like that.
I explained my wife that our concept of trust is in Western countries more connected with BEHAVIOR and that we trust people basing on what they DO and not what they say.
She seemed to keep her position about trust and she still does: she was assuming that I had to trust her blindly no matter what incongruencies from the beginning!
In a conversation we had with another Russian couple at restaurant the lady seemed to fully confirm this. Her man stayed silent about the matter (very intelligent man, otherwise very much into deep, spiritual and intelligent conversation)
Is this true or is this a very smart way to have peopleīs guard off from the beginning?
I had no problem telling Lena and every other woman I have ever discussed this matters with that my trust, love and committment to any woman is CONDITIONAL to the fair exchange of reciprocity we both agree from day one, develop along the way or compromise into based on whatever situations come up in the future.
In my never ever humble opinion, only children and worthy parents deserve unconditional love, support and assistance.
Sorry but you get what you pay for... If you do incosiderate things and expect to get away with it because its destiny or some other excuse... then expect your destiny to be without a man with any sort of pride... Actions are louder then words... A woman or a man could say love until they turn blue but until actions back it up... well its just a word.
And what is the problem with trusting a person, a dear and close person, no matter what he or she does? If 2 people are in love, they will never do anything to hurt another person, if a partner is not satisfied with something, this should be discussed. But the mysterious Russian soul will always be there, and there is nothing you can do about it. Intuition, sparkle of inspiration, thoughts and ideas that appear without even a single base for it...it will always be there...the only advice I may give is to get used with it, this can't be changed, this is just the nature....
if you do not like the things she does, how can you like her? A person is judged by there actions in life, not by there thoughts or there words of love. Who can read true thoughts if you act another way? I too have encounted this russian soul and it unpredictability does not make for easy times. If you want to trussed, act trustworthy. If you want to act foolishly without regard for others, maybe you should not be in a serious relationship
Ok no offense ptichka but you are making no sense here. If what they do does not hurt you then... who cares... why even bring it up? Blind trust is not romantic... its stupid. I think all of us guys here have had a ride on the blind trust train at one time in our lives.... No way in hell Im getting back on.
There are limits to what each man can handle and what we like.... We come in all flavors.... thats why you have to choose one that is right for you.
Likewise Pititchka, enough with the mysterious Russian thing. I'm not buying that romantic stuff. I have seen too much pragmatism. There are huge amounts of romanticism but "mysterious Russian soul"? Have you been reading Barbara Cartland again?
I'm not offended it was really nice to read all the thoughts:) Actions...hm not good for me:) For me it is best when I can look into the eyes of my beloved and see all his love:) And I don't care what he does or what not...I know he will never hurt me:) For me there are 2 things: trust or no trust, in this matter for me personally there is no any middle:)
Of course each has his own point of view, it is just good to discuss things:)
Trustiness. You have met her for the first time. Now you learn how to get along with her.
just reading the title of this tread is stupid. " Now you learn how to get along with her". why would I travel all that way to have to go to more effort to get along with her. I am looking for the right girl, a girl that is me all over and I am the same to her, sure relationships are always work but you you cannot even get along with her, whats the point.
Ptichka. all have opinions sure, but bargirs is saying her does not like what she is doing, is that hurting him? after time together peolple can do things that we can overlook. Because of your strong history together you know this person and know there love, how they feel, but is that any way to start a relationship, for her to say she should be able to do as she pleases with his unwavering trust. Trust is earned, and if he gives it unquestionablely, I have no doubt that it is easily possable to for her to take advantage of this. what has she done to to deserve this total trust?
ID, you speak very good, but you missed one thing. We started trusting each other completely from the very first moment together, it was a flash of lightning. We saw each other, and understood that this is love. And we trusted each other since that time:) He had to do nothing to earn my trust. I have a very very powerful intuition and from the first 5 minutes talking with a person I already can say if he should be trusted or not, if he should be worked with or not and so on and so forth:)
Yup I gotta agree with Toad. Dear what your saying is that every man should trust his woman completely in 5 minutes... or not at all... Whats wrong with a slow learning process? So if your husband see's you naked in bed with another man that is naked he should trust you did nothing to hurt him? He should ignore the facts... and the incredible inconsiderate action? He should just say to himself.." oh she would never hurt me! I trust her completely?"
Your statement is too broad... Sort of like a palm reader ect.. Vague and generalized. It is also very niave.... No man that has any common sense or experience is going to truly do this blind trust thing... One might say he is to placate you but he will not truly ignore any evidence or facts that make you seem suspect.
I understand your thoughts, ideas and the way you feel or want to feel about this...not agreeing with is a consequence of decades of dealing with life's dissapointments and lessons learnt.
it is these very same lessons that you have not learnt yet.
Enjoy your blind trust while you're young and don't listen to anyone else trying to convince you to do it differently. Eventually you will learn on your own and hopefully it will not be painful to the point of turning you into resentful person.
Most men are not intuitive and the replies to your post show this. There are those who rely totally on their intuition or inner voice to make decisions and do very well in life. The resentful ones just haven't learned to let go.
I don't think you are leaving out reason and experience by what you say. When so many people nowadays are good at masking their true motives, intuition can be very useful. So much communication is non-verbal and unconscious that logic and reason can be fooled. There is a place for both.
One could also mention optimists vs pessimists. The optimist is right. The pessimist is also right. From their own particular standpoints they are both right. The question is... who is happier?
Careful though. Optimists get run over more often! ;-))
I am so glad you are still out there. You are right. I rely on intuition a lot. In fact it is the main stay of my life. It is fundamentally why I ended up with Marina and not one of the other women that I had contact with. I didn't do a search like others did, I used my intuition. I think I have been blessed.
Doesn't hurt to be a little practical also though. Just as Ptichka I also believe in love at first sight but only so long as it is 2 way. Been there done that and have the scars to prove it. Now I am a little more cautious but feelings are feelings and I think that without them we live lives of dull boredom. There is nothing better than caring more about someone else than yourself. Especially if that person feels the same way.
The romantic stuff about the 'Russian Mystery' I just can't go for though. Largely people are the same the world over. They mostly seek the same things in life and have many of the same problems. There is no mysterious Russian, Egyptian, Mexican or Malaysian. There are just people.
Giving love and being loved is one of those primary things that everybody seeks.
Unfortunately there are many people out there who will take your love and turn it on you like a weapon. I think that is where the distrust is coming from in this thread. I too have experienced this in spades and you would think I would know better by now but even after 12 years of marriage or maybe because of it I am as ready for romance as I was when I was 17. Just a little bit more knowledgable about the whys and wherefors of it all now.