Guess you wondered what happened to me. Did a lot of very hard thinking with a little help from my friends both in and out of this forum.
I decided to give Marina a pass. An extremely hard decision to make as I am just a tad attached to her and have invested not only a couple of thousand dollars but my valuable time. 4 months to be exact.
The reasons I have decided are something that everybody could benefit from and so I write them here.
1. Children are one of the reasons I started all this. After all these years I'd like one. This was discussed twice in emails and I was told that she was in complete agreement and in the last mentioning of this promeised any new husband a child hopefully a boy because she already had a girl. When I got there I was treated to a dose of bad tempered refusal.
Don't everything you believe read fellahs.
2. I received 2 verbal batterings that under different circumstances I would have just got up and walked away on the spot.
Don't go to Russia without a plan B and the ability to get away.
Don't be flattered that she wants you to stay with her, to the exclusion of others. Get a apartment and maintain independence.
3. The fridge looked like Chernobyl. The stove wasn't any better and the sink was always full of dirty dishes. The apartment generally wasn't any better. It was March and the Christmas tree was still up. Now it has to be said that the place was run down and would make anybody dispondent but so is my pad and I still keep it relatively clean even with renovations going on.
Iron out whether she can keep house before you go. It is a valid subject for emails.
4. The daughter was sullen, uncommunicative, sulky and moody.
Try to get the gauge of kids before you go.
5. Don't let wonderful looks and great sex sway you in any way. It ain't worth it.
Writing this post pains the shit out of me but I had to do it for the sake of everyone else. I have learned tons by this experience and absolutely don't regret a minute especially when I think of all the wonderful times we had together. There was real love there and I wish this could have gone another way but it was inevitable. If she had come to America after a year of struggle with immigration, money and time issues I may have regreted it for many further years. I will never know for sure 'cause I ain't going to do it. It's over.
However I cannot hear a fat lady singing yet. Since I have been back besides the confusion with this issue I have been busy. I have picked up with 2 ladies that I used to know and that is going very well and I am in contact with my Colombian amiga. I also have another babe in the wings. I seem to be drawn to Ekaterinburg like a moth to a flame. 2 are from around there.
I just want to thank the guys who helped me sort this out, you know who you are and I appreciate it. This hurts like a bitch but when the arm has gangrene........
Sorry to hear about your misfortune, but at least you jumped on the horse and gave it your best shot. It does sound like you made the best decision. My poor middle nephew is involved with a she devil that is pregnant and it may not even be his kid. After it is born I am paying for a DNA test to see if it is really his. If it is not his he needs to run like hell.
As I told you when you got back, I had read a lot of your posts prior to you going. I actually joined this site because of these posts, and I wanted to monitor your return. There was something about your pre visit that reminded me of my 1st trip.
You have done the correct thing. Yours is a similar outcome to my 1st FSU experience, but it took me 2 trips to come to the same decision as you have made.
You will have gained HUGE experience from this and it will repay you in the future. I think your mate Toad, has some very good and common sense rules to use as basic guidelines. As you full well know, there is a lot of ladies available, so being a stickler and disciplined on your qualifying guidelines will pay off.
Good luck and I salute you on your honesty and guts on sharing this with the forum.
IMHO you are right in your decision. It is one of the most important thintg for russian ladies to have her home in order. Situations like herīs at home would bring her in fully miscredit to her countries people.
Seldom I saw such a kitchen scenario personally, but when it was, sooner or later I found out the lady to be a "problematic one".
Maybe you should bring your own style of humour in more normal form to attract smart and fine ladies :-)
I appreciate the input guys. I have not written to her for 3 days and she has sent me nothing. I think she feels it in her gut and isn't going to contact me even to say "I haven't heard from you" so I don't think I will even bother to send a "Dear Joan" letter.
I have not let this get me down except for a couple of days there. I went back and forth with this for several days when I first got back. First deciding to let it slide and do what Maxirat did. Go back again and see what would happen. Cold hard common sense then prevailed and I decided to let my energy, money and time be spent in a more productive direction.
There were warning signs. Right at the beginning there was a agressive email, I am talking about the 2nd email!! Later we went through another period that I called her on. Then it was sweetness and light. Until the visit!!
I have learned much and I don't regret anything. Thanks to plenty of heartbreak earlier in my life I bounce back from these things fairly well nowadays. I will develop another relationship and fly over there again as soon as I can.
Incidentally I am now exploring Colombian possibilties. They are very pretty, don't mind older guys, I speak Spanish and they can slot right into South Florida without any headaches. Trouble is they are short!! If there is one thing I like about FSU it is that they are often 5' 7" or 8". Marina was 5' 7". I really like that after my short dumpy Cubana who would condstantly badger me to slow down when we were walking. It drove me crazy.
Thanks everyone, all is well that ends well. And WT sorry about my humor, afraid it will never change. Just be glad Toad or Thunderdome doesn't focus in on you over this. I am a pussy cat compared to what their humor is like.
"so I don't think I will even bother to send a "Dear Joan" letter"
You flippin' COWARD !!!
If anything, Izi, doing that is BASIC decency. Gosh, you can't be serious - it's your sick sense of humour right?
Talking of which, and referring to your above referral, I actually also object to your Nazi referrals, same like the Kraut (nein, warte mal...) did. You're British by default you say? Well, if true you surely miss their inherent gentlemenly manners, for any public jokes in that direction clumsily treads on toes here - toes you do not know Izi, simply because of the anonymous nature of this public medium. For your info, my grandfather was tortured, my parent nearly starved, and I was brought up looking at Germans with distrust.
However I don't, and certainly not for the reasons behind, for the simple reason that this period is literally history, past tense, with the generation in question extinct or geriatric. Any jokes now, today, Nazi-inclined towards Germans, displays a lack of taste, manners as well as basic respect, but also, and foremost, it displays a state of 'undereducatedness' of the one telling them - you, Izi. You meant Neo-Nazi perhaps, or the these days rare breed Skinheads? Still alive though, look in slums of big cities, but then keep in mind that you also will find quite a number of these washouts in Russia.
Bottom line is these jokes are an exceptionally mean insult to an entire nation, unfair, unethical and unnecessary. You blame Napoleon Bonaparte for your surname I guess, hence hate all Frogs (excusez moi) for it now? Take it from me that reading your posts in question has given your character, anonymous like we all are here, a somewhat bitter flavour.
As does the above cowardly statement, a duck&dive thing - you simply cannot be serious, but if you do your character is misshaped! You have visited "the Russian woman", slept with the "pitbul", accepted her invite to stay in her own home, per difenition hospitable as well as a sign of utter trust. You did have a good time, good enough to joll and have fun, and now, when back home and the reality sinks in, you're not going to tell her farewell, but more complete, tell her also WHY you decide to do so?
Pathetic Izi, but then again that's just my opinion. You realize that such puts you squarely on a par with Russian men, those you have commented on?
Then again you dunno what you want, or are not fully grasping the finer details I guess. What were those posts about again, relocating back to Blighty for reasons of income, political correctness as well as geographical advantages? May I remind you that especially the latter are clearly borne out your obvious lack of disposable income, a thing you've mentioned not once but many times?
Kids are taught if the play with fire they might get burnt. You're a grown-up, you should have realized what that saying really means.
My very first English textbook had the name "Look before you Leap", and I still remember it well - because it means a lot more than the silly sentences which were in it.
I have a lot of respect for the man who can come to the forum and lay it on the line. I am like most men,and will overlook basic problems in a woman--even what I deem to be completely unacceptable. And Izi`s post reminds us that we are sometimes sucked into this fantasy of the RW--dreamlike as it may be. TD is right,you should not let her have any power over you. Let her know that you are unfazed and nonplussed by her bullshit. Do not write with anger,as she will also benfit by having emotional power over you.
Also you are probably the most agressive unpleasant and generally boorish character here. remember the 'going to score' comment. That is apparently how you see these women. Get off your soapbox you little nazi. You are about the most vulgar idiot on here and aparently I have pissed you off whoohoo. I am terrified. Blow it out your rear little man. LOL.