Three (3) styles of marriage

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GLTALLTOAD

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	Send: 4/4/2005 7:32:35 PM

More toadish gibberish..:)) Nobody needs a piece of paper to get married. The actual marraige actually begins when the maculine energy gives up his birthright of polygamy, and the feminine risks being bonded by giving his or her body. But I do believe that if you want to give 100% commitment with the physical, mental and emotional doors shut, you must be married legally. It can also be seen as a commitment made to the society of which you want to be a part. When a masculine man or woman commits on paper, he or she is committed. There are only three types of marriages in western societies: 1. A marriage of convenience, a basic and findamental exchange of money and sex, in which two people stay together for the superficial goodies, usually what money can but or a divorce can deplete. 2. A marriage of co-dependency, in which two insecure people live one life like siamese twins scared shitless of surgery. 3. A spiritual based, risk taking, covenant marriage two single, autonomous, creative, spontaneous, independent, narcissitically healthy people who wish to face life together, with love for themselves and with the spiritual ability to share themselves physically, mentally and emtionally with each other.

Jdbenjamin66

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	Send: 4/4/2005 7:35:41 PM

well said Toad

GLTALLTOAD

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	Send: 4/4/2005 7:50:49 PM

And if you've been married in the US, high chances are you, like myself ended up in one or both of the first two types of marriages. A well negotiated marriage of convenience is practical, not romantic. Money, power, passionate sext, and prestige are the cornerstone of every convenient marriage. One person usually brings money and the other brings sex. You've seen me post before several times that I see typical US marriages as: Men marry the best looking women they can afford and women marry the most affluent men they can attract. this goes to the nuts and bolts of it. Since both people generally want the bestthings in life, when any of the items are depleted or destroyed through loss of career, job, illness, accidents and so on, the marriage falters and either a divorce, or an affair or avarice fills the gap. In this type of marriage, the husband usually pays the bills and socializes with his wife, but withholds emotional intimacy. While he is working for the family, he often has a mistress who serves him, and gives him sex in exchange for money, gifts, trips, and promise of a future which never comes. The wife may crave more attention, affection, and emotional intimacy than her husband provides, but her need for status and financial security is so great that she remains conveniently quiet, usually until the kids are raised. Then she may hire a lawyer to fight for her half of the property in a divorce, so she can go out and get new boobs and various other body parts, and a new wardrobr with which to attract another man with more warmth and usually less money than her present husband has. In order to stay together two in this marriage of convenience must either: a. Stay out of each other's way, which diminishes the intimacy of sharing or, 2. One person must do all the sacrificing of thoughts, feelings and actions to avoid conflict. He or she must make all the sacrifices so the other will stay. Another type of 'convenience marriage' is often calledthe 'power couple'. Both are independent, actualized, autonomous, equal partners. they are narcissists who follow their own dreams for their own goals. They do not believe in sacrificing any of their individual rights to think and communicate their thoughts and feelings, and express all their feelings spontaneously or act in their own behalf. They relate only if it suits their own personal needs. When their narcissistic independence is confronted, they scream: "You'retrying to control me. I have a right to be myself!!"

GLTALLTOAD

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	Send: 4/4/2005 8:06:17 PM

now to the pathetic Co-dependent marriage: This is the one where it feels sooooo good to be needed and being together ALL the freaking time. Usually one is eager to please and respect the other. once this codependency neediness is fulfilled invariable the receiving mate develops a need to grow wings and fly. But then guilt trips come, because doing things with the codependent partner drains the life out of the one left behind....uuggghhh, what a mess. A codependent symbiotic marriage is one where one spouse absorbs the other. In this type of marriage the goal is not sex or marriage but emotional symbiotic security. It is as if a big fish swallows a little fish that agrees to be eaten alive. The big fish is a narcissitic, independent and overly controlling person, male or female, who wants his or her thoughts AND feelings put in number one position. The little narcissitically deprived fish mate has so little self steem that he/she allows him,/herself to be treated as a victim, or martyr, rather than a person worthy or respect or cherishing. As sad as this is, even worse is how greatful the little fish is to be eaten by the big narcissist big, and how comfortable he or she feels as a non-person. The intimacy created is so codependent and absorbing that there is little space for either partner to grow. The slave needs its master and viceversa. Any cleavage resuts in the pain and abandonement and rejection. When one of the partners emerges from the death grip of the other, the marriage usually falls apart. This is in my not so humble opinion the most toxic of all marriage styles....gives me the creeps, lol.

GLTALLTOAD

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	Send: 4/4/2005 8:27:19 PM

And of course, I saved the best for last...:)) A covenant marriage. My favorite! This the highest spiritual (and no need for religion) form of marriage. The analogy is that two independent companies decide to merge into a single corporation. A covenant marriage consists of two single, healthy narcissists who consciously decided to give up some independence and lack of repsonsibility to marry. Their goal for marriage is to expand and enhance their individual lives by forming a team. Their covenant is to support each other's individuality while giving up their narcissistic rights to be respected and cherished equally. It is based on freedom of choice and a willingness to give up narcissistic selfishness in exchange for respectability, financial security and social status, as well as cherishing, sensuality homemaking and sexual security. A covenant is formed by a feminine energy person who is well grounded in his or her worthiness and desirability, and by a masculine energy person who is grounded in his competence and adequacy. The feminine person magnetized the masculine person, who is then generous and giving to the feminine energy person (who requires receiving before giving back - BUT DO NOT SEND MONEY :) The covenant couple negotiate a mutual interdependency and become a balanced unit in the world for a greater good - thier love and spirituality, which is their goal in life. If the two people do not have a purpose for their relationship other than sexual gratification, it won't work. only the soul, never the body, can really fully be satisfied. This typw of marraige combines chemistry (sexual lust), compatibility (mind liking) and the ability to communicate verbally and non-verbally what each person wants and doesn't want. The couple must communicate without resorting to intimidation thorugh fear and abusive tactics, or using a partner's lack of self steem ot seduce him.her into submission. In marraige bodies commit sexually and sensually. The mind commits with money and property and status in the community. When the body and the mind are committed we have Love, Like, Lust and then, ONLY THEN is a person in love. To love and be loved is the ultimate spiritual goal of all good people. This type of love is so hard to come by that when we do get a little bit of it we should nurture it to the very end with all our might. OK, I'm off your hair for a while now..:)) toad

Bagira

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	Send: 4/6/2005 5:31:23 PM

Toad, You have mentioned love in your stile types but it seems not important issue for you, I think. How can you build family without love? Did you feel that the person not just a beautiful woman, mature partner with the similar purpose in live as you but just a relative soul?

GLTALLTOAD

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	Send: 4/6/2005 8:06:12 PM

bagira, Maculine men treat love as a verb, not a feeling...it's something men DO, not feel. Because we can only feel good when we DO good. Or like good old Pat Allen would say "masculine energy people treat Love as a verb, not a feeling". That's why women from FSU are attracted and fall in love with men who DO things...buy flowers, write nice long letters, spend time with them, travel half way across the world to see them, etc etc etc...it is what I did, do and she trusts I will do in the future that Lena loves me. Not the way I 'feel'. She can have the monopoly on that stuff.. Please accept that. Most men here, me included to a certain extent, are trying to 'cheat' our society and the developments that have affected our conditioning for the last 40 years. Trying to find a woman who has not been conditioned to be a symbiotic combination of masculine + female energies is pure cheating..:)) We're basically giving the society that created that phenomenon the 'freeway' finger. "Here US, we want NON-symbiotic women. I found one and I will show her how much I love her, by honoring her and providing for her.." Do you understand?

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