Good old Prince "trophy head" Charles got married this afternoon.
I hope all of you waiting for your honey for you wedding day paid close attention to the wedding ceremony for tips to add to your own..:))
Personally I got a kick out of watching the royal family beig herded into buses.
I would like some of you guys that have went and proposed to your girl to outline your thought process before you actually visited her and then right up to the time that you decided to pop the question of marriage. I know that I am not asking a whole lot, ha. I will be going on my first trip in May and have been debating this issue of marriage. It is not that I don’t see myself marrying this girl that I am about to go and see, it is more a question of timing. I have been talking to her for almost a year now but it just seems to me that having to make such a decision in a two week time period is problematic at best; at worst a big mistake. I don’t want her to feel rushed but the fact is that I feel like I am driving a bus through her life and that if she doesn’t get on the bus there is not much point in making a return trip. I would just like to hear from some of you guys and what you experienced in tackling this issue.
speaking personally,my thoughts were that if the chemistry was there,and all my requirements had been met then I decided to take the plunge and ask outright.These ladies appreciate honesty and directness as I'm sure you know by now,but NONE of them will feel in any way offended by a proposal.
As daunting as it may seem Ice.....if it feels right go for it!
That will be a difficult question to answer. One that you and her will
only know if the timing is right. You have corresponded the same amount of time as I have with Larissa. You will know when you first me
whether the question is valid also if you will want to return. It was yes for me on both. I gave her a ring first time to think about it without conditions of making a second trip back. The second trip the formal question was asked. Her answer? well I have an attorney working on her visa application now.
I think in the west we have this stigma of courtship process needs time. Hell I dated my ex wife for two years and then 14 years later
bust city. So I don't think the length of time is as important as getting to know the person. Writing is an excellent way, but when you spend time together living each day with each other you will know all you need to know.
From the first time I read Lena's profile, saw her photos and until the day she met me at the airport 18 long months went by.
Our first kiss in -25 C weather was well earned by both of us.
Our initial curiosity grew into an acquaintance of sorts, then friendhsip only, simply because my blockhead brain initially did not allow me to consider someone that much younger than me for a serious relationship and marriage.
But as time went by we learnt more and more about how we lead our lives, what makes us go tic-toc on all aspects of life and the type of background that formed our character, goals, dreams and ambitions.
It wasn't till late last fall that I gave my self permission to get emotionally involved with her because finally I had to admit that no matter what measuring stick I used to compare the six or so ladies I was developing friendships with, Lena's character always came up a little higher, her smile and laugh a little easier, her judgement more sober and her chosen course of actions more organized and disciplined.
And she only last month turned 27!!
And still I made her wait till March this year to meet her AND her family.
I was not going to Siberia for a fling. I made that plain and clear when I told her: "I give up... no matter how hard I've tried to deny it, you're the best woman I know. I'm coming to meet you and only you if you're serious about me....And if everyone is happy and satisfied we will discuss out future together. How do you feel about that?"
And still....I was not going to consider popping the question if I had encountered a 'Chernobyl' regrigerator, or an apartment in disarray as Izi reported or public display of scandalous behaviour as Aussie painfully described...or anything less than a bare minimum of polite acceptance by her family.
As it turned out, I did not need any of those cautions.
But I'm glad I carried them with me.
It made the whole experience that much sweeter.
I popped the question the day before March 8. Still on time to cancel and avoid a potentially uncomfortable situation for both of us if we decided things were not what we expected or wanted.
Another unnecessary safety pin, lol...
Take reasonable and measured precautions and keep your expectations realistic and on the low side.
Just don't let the risks of failure or rejection keep you from going or asking, mate...
Excuse the old saying “every case /situation is different”
What I experienced and what I think is an important issue is you (we) are dealing with very different cultures but more importantly it will depend on your level of accurate dialogue. This is solely where I went wrong. Poor communication blurred very important issues that should have been recognized and prioritized earlier. Which they would have if we could have talked like two English people would and do.
A lot of these issues can be sorted in emails and phone calls etc, but there are still many things that need appraising and monitoring in person.
The few ladies I have had hands on experience with (excuse the wording) have really switched on all my inner emotions and desires for a women. This is where you have to take control of yourself a little. It is very easy to get caught up into a whirlwind romance without sorting out the basics of what will make a solid and long-lasting relationship (in this case marriage)
It is difficult when you have only 2 weeks to experience each other and get to know so much that is required to make that huge decision and then pop the big question.
Ice-I knew that waiting to pop the question on a second or third visit was only going to delay getting Jenia here. I also knew that she was not going to be any different than from the first time we met. She is a very open type of woman who says it like it is. In every aspect, she was exactly what I was looking for. I do think that every situation is different though. Basically it is really your own judgement call. No one can you for sure what is right for you.
God where do I start??
On another note I seem to making progress. We are now up from 5% to 25% and it is sitting at about 33% right now. Long way to go though and the frigging software translator does absolutely not help!!
Personally I think several trips are necessary, time together is key. It is still Russian roulette though. Pardon the metaphor:))
On another subject i.e. straightforwardness. I have been looking around and I have taken to saying in one way or another right up front. The idea is not to waste time. Look what happened to me. Forthrightness is much better.
So I asked one lady how do you feel about adopting a child? She answers it is too early to talk about children, I like the beach and collecting mushrooms and I like the cosy house.... Oh and when can I come and visit her, like it was New York or similar.
She is gorgeous but she's dumped. It isn't too early to ask that question it is very, very basic you are either in or out. Why waste time.
Still I am a little biased right now and still smarting so maybe it is best not to listen to me.
I appreciate you guys taking time out to give some input on a set of obvious questions. I suppose the real issue is that the last 10 months or so will be on the line so to speak. This venture has at times struck me more has a dream more than anything else. I understand that in some ways that if there was nothing between her and I then we wouldn’t have been communicating as long as we have, though I certainly understand that if there is no spark when I meet her that there won’t be any point in continuing the venture. Of course I do have a backup plan if this fails but hopefully it won’t be necessary to open door two.
I think this is a whole other situation. You cannot compare it to a date in America. Also there is a choice. No it is not unreasonable and yes I do not plan on continuing writing. It is pointless.
Toad this is not exactly "planning parenthood" it is an open honest question and I have found that the majority of women I have talked to about 99% are quite willing to discuss it. They don't have a problem with it. It isn't something to be squeamish about. It is only one question and delivered not in the first email, only after a couple of emails.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with it.
I already spent 4 months talking to someone in elmails and on the phone and never fully resolved it because of being too polite. If these things were discussed candidly at the beginning it would have saved a lot of wasted time.
I don't want to hear about the "cosy home" or "I go in for body shaping". I want to know are you prepared to leave your country? What about children? How do you really feel about an older man? Andsd a bunch of other stuff far more innocent.
Right now I don't care if I get the odd stall at the fence it doesn't matter. It is in the same category as being the right height and weight. Simple stuff and is acoiding a lot of wasted time and energy.
ice. My past and admittedly bad experience could have been avaoided if i slowed down a bit. This decission is hopefully for the rest of your life, thats the plan right? I asked my x on the first trip. That trip was great, fantastic. second trip was even better in some ways but I did see a hint of a black heart. But mostly good. So I applied for a visa. While waiting for the visa I returnd to see her again. It was not as good as I would have liked. But while their her visa was aproved. I had a decission to make and I made the wrong one just because it was aproved more than any other reason I think. I think that on a second and third trip, these girls will be more relaxed and act more themselves. The initiate excitment of the first meeting is gone. If the excitment remains in her, it more that first meeting excitment, its because she loves you. the decission is yours but I would not jump the gun. The first time you go will not tell all about her.
izi, my current girl is asking me these question. You are right, I had one write for months and then she said she thinks she cannot leave her country. So why was she here then? Still at least she told me in a letter. Or maybe it was just an excuse. either way, thats not important, but she did not waiste to much of my time. Emails are easy so we should ask all we can. any refusal to answer is waiting time.
This thing has come up several times with me about being prepared to leave their country.
It is ridiculous.
If you have a strong lidfe in Moldova or Ukraine and don't think you can leave don't advertise yourself to a foreign man. It is simple.
I must say the majority say yes because they have thought it through. However I had one recently write to me first and then when I asked her this question said that right now menally she is not prepared to leave and anyhow we had not met yet. Rubbish!! Are you in or out one of the 2. I don't write to her anymore. She wanted to write romantic drivel about walks on the beach and candlelit dinners. I turned it around really fast and that was the result.
I think that some of these women are starved for romance and joining an agency and writing to a foreign man is an outlet for their fantasies. Sort of a keyboard romeoette.
Toyota advertised with the slogan "The best car in its class" (fact)
They were taken to court by their opposition (fact)
Nobody could prove them wrong (fact)
They dropped using the line because, due to the upheaval it had caused already, everybody knew already (fact)
The country where this happened is quite close to you N()R ;-) (also a fact)