Hi fellas, I got a question for you. My lady removed herself off from the site about a week after we started talking. Since then she has sent me private e-mails nearly every day for two months now. Honestly it feels too good to be true. She uses an internet cafe, so it finally occurred to me that it probably costs her some money to do so. She never said a word about it though. I asked her about it in my last letter, and offered to help. She said it does cost her money, and sometimes it is difficult for her, but she didn't want to accept any money from me because she didn't want to trouble me. I sincerely believe she is not trying to scam me, so I am going to try to talk her into accepting some money from me. After all, how much could e-mail be? Anyway, I've never sent money to foreign countries and I have no idea about how to do it. Could anyone help me out? I would also welcome comments about my situation, it is fun to read your views in this forum. Especially Toad's. :) Have a nice day fellas. :)
The easiest way to do this is probably throug Western union or some other similar service. It is quite easy to send money this way.
Then there is the question if it is wise or not... I once talked to a woman named Anya/Anna, she was so lovely, and it took her 4 months to ask for money, but she did... May be you just helped her to make this happen faster than she had planned, or may be she is just another lovely woman that wants you no harm at all? May be seriously looking for her second half... Hard to tell, time will show... Personally I do NOT send money what so ever. Where do you live Olie? May be you could go see her, then you will have most of your questions answered.. "My" Anya's emails did (After what she told..) cost more than most ukraines earned in a month... lol..
Welcome Olie---you can access so many subjects here from the archives with a word or phrase search, and read Toad and many more people who are invaluable sources of info. You will likely see the same info many times, as it seems to be repeated often. You might try contacting the individual cafe to deposit a credit in her name. Make sure to research and ask lots of questions. Western Union is very expensive. Try to get her to a phone. Hers--or a friends , then you buy phone card time. I have found that many convenience stores have decent cards, and there are many, many internet phone card sites too. This works nicely, and is inexpensive. I am paying 12 cents a minute to Almaty. You will eventually want her voice anyway, and her e-mails for more serious fare which may be restricted or harder to understand from her level of english speaking. I keep hearing about " send no money". Look - a cheap American date will cost you 50- ??? dollars. If you give 20 or 30 bucks to a friend, and he does not pay you back---what a cheap way of finding somebodies sincerity and integrity!!!! Depending on your outlook on money---what is too much for you? Would you buy a casual date a 25 dollar bunch of roses? Even better--have you ever given a down and out person 20 bucks--no strings attached? Send her 20 bucks, wait a couple weeks find out what impression this made on her. Likely it is that she will know others at the internet cafe-- and they will all sit around and giggle while deciphering your letters. She will most likely have help, so translation may not be the untmost in importance. The payback, and your joy will be how she responds to you. Not sexually or obsessively. You will be addressed individually, and asked questions about family, job details, and many questions that go deeper then the shallow surface questions so many insincere women ask. Your questions will also be responded to, because she will not be using your money ( hopefully ) to divide her time with many men`s letters. She should also be responding with more then 3 or 4 lines every time if she is truly curious and interested in you. Good luck man, and I hope you make it to the next level with this lady
Do it. sounds good to me. Spiritt summarizes the situation good with examples. After all there is NO evidence of scam. You brought up the subject of money not her. And good on you. It does cost a lot of money in cafe's. i have used them, depends what city she in. The main cities are 30 - 80 roubles in Russia. Ukraine was 6 - 12 hrv. (not sure how to spell their currency) So it does mount up.
If she already told you she does not want to trouble you, you will risk losing her by giving her the all too common impression that you're trying to win her with money because you have nothing else to offer.
BE VERY CAREFUL!!
Practical as it is among us in the west, dropping raw cash in many cultures is seen as tacky, thoughtless, rude and offensive.
If you cannot resist the practical side of your generosity, express it in a manner that NEVER sends the potential interpretation that she's a poor girl unworthy of anything other than charity in the form of a few dollar bills.
Consider the options Spirit mentioned above.
Sending her flowers or a fruit basket with a nice card telling her how much you appreciate her efforts to develop her relationship with you will go a much longer way than asking her to stay in line at her local western union office to collect 'western welfare' like other people do.
And don't say too many nice things about me...The viking cue ball gets jealous easily, lol
after Spirit's post I bet Olie is going to send some money!
He himself seems to be a good guy, and he will send money just because she's corresponding with him, which makes him feel good and simultaneously a bit guilty. He's going to send money I bet, and in doing so insulting her.
Mark my words!
If she's a genuine woman Olie, you better keep your money to yourself. Or put it aside, for her to have it when she arrives, or whatever - just don't send it, it is an insult, and will be taken as such.
A gift, flowers, perfume, hell, even a dildo is better than cash.
Oh, don't forget the batties then :))
Thanks fellas. I actually had no idea that sending money could be considered an insult. But now that you mention it, it does make sense in a way. I think I will just send her flowers and a nice message for now. Probably not a dildo though. lol. After that time will tell, I suppose. Thanks for wishing me luck, I wish the same for all of you. I know that this process can be a difficult and frustrating one, and sometimes feels like a longshot. But I just ask myself, hell I don't have a woman now, and if I'm smart enough not to get scammed, what's there to lose? Besides, even if nothing works out, I've had a lot of fun on this site. :)
My Ukrainian fiance is very proud. The only things she accepts money from me are for her English Lessons and Driving lessons, everything else she is very independent. I remember when I first stayed at her flat I told her I would pay for a better place to live, she got a bit irritated with that, and told me that she was coming to the states in a few months and is would be foolish for me to spend my money for her to have another apartment. They may not have the economic advantages that we have, but like she said this is the life she knows and has known all her life so money isn't really impressive to the good ones.
Actually it can be insulting if not done the right way.
It is ok to send a little money for the internet cafe and such. And like Mike above I paid for my girls driving and english lessons. I met her after 6 months of writing and calls and not once did she ever ask about finances. I send her 50 dollars every couple of months. Now since we are engaged and her embassy interveiw in Kyiv is 2 weeks away. I help out as her job let her go as they found out she is leaving the country soon. Its your call friend, but only send a little at first until you meet her and take it from there. Hey Mike your girl is from Mauripol? Mine is close from Berdyansk. Can you tell me too, they say there is a lot of Greeks living there. Is that so? (I am a Greek-American). Please let me know. Thanks Michael
Yes she is from Mariupol. There are some Greeks in Mariupol and you can see Greek Influence in the area, restaurants, Actually we had dinner at the Acropolis Restaurant in Mariupol and it was excellent.One thing I will say about Ukraine is the food is excellent. The influence is mostly from Crimea which has a decent Greek population. You can see many places in Mariupol, which has Greek
influence, from the Buildings to food.
DO NOT SEND MONEY until and unless you've met in person and choose each other for a serious relationship.
Malk's fiance's laid off situation is one reason why Lena is very cautious who she tells about our plans. Many women get laid off as soon as they find she's heading out of the country.
Labor laws in FSU are not what we're used to in the west.
So if your lady seems uncommitted until she has her visa stamped, sealed and delivered I would not hold it against her.
Many of these women hold jobs obtained through family and friends networking, so there is an element of risk and cause for embarrassment if you ask or expect her to "announce to the world" her recent engagement to Mr. John Ballbreaker.
Toad, yes, you are right. Our situation was she was seen with me there in Ukraine and snitched off to the boss. You know how it works. She didn't tell anyone at work nor is it advisable as you said. But, the hell with them, she'll be here soon. Thanks for the info Mike (nasland6). Next time we will take a trip to the Krim. Where are you from in the states? Take care and have a nice weekend guys!!
hello everyone!!! :) NEVER SEND MONEY to girls before you see them in REAL, and even if you do, there is absolutely no guarantee that she is for REAL... Internet Cafes in Lugansk cost USD 1.00 per 1 hour. And I have the cable internet at home and pay about USD 0.08 per MB.
say you meet a girl, take her out for dinner. whats the cost? if you send some money to help keep in contact at your offer, its not so bad. If you fell she is pushing for it with hard luck stories thats different. I am sure the money you send is pocket change. Lifes a gamble, but do not throw caution to the wind. I have refused to send money to a girl who had her agency try to corner me, but it all depends on the situation. We are not taking about $1000 dollars are we?
nobody is (I hope), but you miss a point - THE point.
Say you correspond with a girl, she pays for this herself, ergo no must's and only may's, free will only.
Now you send some dough to 'help' her. Back at the ranch she's not too fond of you, also corresponding with entire legions or whatever, but now, by sending her money, she likely will feel obligated to write you, you take her free will away. He who sends money also will lay some claims to her time, quite likely in any case, and 'expects' her to write.
That, ID, is something entirely different.
If she writes to you she wants to, so keep it that way, don't pay her for it - 'cause that is what sending money means.
This is a tough nut to crack i.e. sending money to someone that you have never met. The girl that I am talking to I sent some money to after having talked to her for about 6 months. It was not an easy decision, too complicated to explain the reason why but I can say that it was a situation that if I wasn’t willing to help her a bit then why would she have had any confidence in my ability to have a life with her in the states? I must admit however that I probably shouldn’t have sent her any money simply for the reason it is easy to fall into the mindset that I have bought her. Then you are left with the nagging suspicion that you have been scammed. It is mainly easy for us to rationalize sending money because we can always cough up a couple hundred bucks while at the same time we are helping out someone who is probably less well off then we are. I leave this coming Thursday heading to Kiev. I will learn whither I have been burned or not. It has been one year.
There is no doubt in my mind that you shouldn’t send money. I didn’t follow that advice since it is easy to get entangled in affairs of the heart. If the venture is successful then it will have been money well spent, if not I will at least be away from work for two weeks in a country that I would never have dreamed that I would be visiting.
thunder, I disagree with you point. Thats like saying you are paying a girl to go to dinner by paying for dinner. I ahve had many girls ask for help with correspondence but I did not feel that I realy had naything special with these girls and I was giev a atermaton (if thats hpw you spell it) by 1. Shes long gone because thats bullshit. I have however sent a small amount of money to one girl and there was a reason. She is a student and we talked on the internet in icq everyday. She sms me every day when she is not at home (she moves to attend university). Now I sent her some money becuase she finished her jog 6 weeks before she expected and I gave her some money to keep the internet on at home. Up untill that point she had visited an internet cafe on many occasssions and spent 1 hour the totaly talking to me on icq. the money that I sent her would not even come close to the money she had already spent to sms me and visit the internetr cafe up untill thatpoint (including the home connection). So I seen time and money invested and I sent her a small amount to keep the interent connected so we could talk some more and get to know each other. From that money on most days we talked for 3 hours or even more on a few occassions. Money thats was nothingn to me realy. Did I buy her attention. Well If that how you wish to see it, but I well got my moneys worth and she certainly could have made no proffit from it. I am usualy the first to say do not send money, but it all depends on the situation. I hat being cornered and will never send money in such a case. But after the time and money I know this other girl put in, some small help was no big deal to me. And if she chooses to end things with me in the long run, thats ok because I feel no real claim to her. such a statment is just stupid