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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > "Family" Author Post izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/3/2005 2:40:25 PM   Here is my problem. Continuously we see the words - family, family values, I am ready for a family, I want a family loving man etc etc etc. The trouble is that I don't think that the word family means the same to them as it does to me. Family refers to a husband and wife and a child or children. Simple huh? Nope. I had a long conversation with a woman in Almaty. Family is now her priorty - she says. I tell her what I think about a chld and she says she thinks she is too old to have a child. She is 37 so granted I agree with her. However I don't want a baby. I am too old for that madness. I look for a woman with a child or who is willing to adopt. So I mention adoption. Today I received an email that says that adoption is something she has not thought of and it is a serious thing. Well of course it is a serious thing I know that. So I asked her where did she think the child would come from. Act of God?? Drop out of the sky?? The only thing I can think of is that the word family to them actually means just being married not having kids. Am I wrong about this? wmferg Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/3/2005 3:11:27 PM   Izi, my understanding is that a man and wife constitutes a family, does not have to mean children too. Bill izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/3/2005 4:41:00 PM   Not where I am from. A marriage is one thing a family is another. wmferg Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/3/2005 4:59:26 PM   Yes Izi but from where they are from a family is a marriage and unless they have lived abroad then that is all they can base it on, as you feel that a family includes children. at 54 I have no intentions of raising more children so I have asked this question to every lady I have written to and so far every one has said the same thing...that to them a family means husband, wife and children if any. It made no differance what FSU country she was from. gladiatorUK Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/3/2005 5:14:14 PM   Iz: I agree with Bill....I have had numerous conversations with my wife regarding the word "family".To most FSU ladies a family is first and foremost a man and wife,unlike our interpretation of that word. It can cause confusion for sure,marriage to them is the start of a family. izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/3/2005 8:36:58 PM   you got that right Glad Nadya Moderator send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/3/2005 11:50:38 PM   in my opinion family is husband, wife and kids. if there is no kids then it is just a couple. in other words if I had a husband and no kids I wouldn't say that he is my family. but some people in russia do call married couple "family". if a couple is just married they call them young family. davey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/3/2005 11:56:23 PM   "Creating a family" - to them it means getting married and living under your own roof, i.e. separating from the extended family situation many of them are used to. It's more like creating a new family unit. I guess the expression comes from the old patriarchical ways. I've seen ads from 50 yr old women eager to "create a family"... It does not mean having children. Discuss that topic on its own merit! It's a separate issue! Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/4/2005 6:51:31 AM   For me, family means my beloved man, our future children, my parents (and his parents too), my grandparents, all my uncles and aunts, my cousins, even those whom I never saw and those who are are dead already, but they all make my family, IMHO:) If there are no children, it is a family still, because children don't appear only by our wish only:)) Children may appear after several years of marriage even if both partners are healthy... izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/4/2005 2:52:45 PM   See how confusing this is? I agree with our Russian lady friends Pitchka and Nadya. So what I think is actually coming from the lips of 2 FSU women. However I have come to understand whether I agree with it or not that many women think family means just marriage. I think it is a language culture thing. I tripped over this twice recently with women who actually had not bad English. The longer I do this the harder it is getting. I try to get the practicalities out of the way first after physical attractiveness. Money back to mommy. Adoption. Signature for a child from father. Ability to work. height weight. English level. It is endless and at the moment somewhat heartless. I wish it was finished and I could just settle with one lady. In some ways I was lucky with Marina. Shame that ended like it did. Upwards and onwards. Hey ho. Good luck to Jet !! Bagira Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/4/2005 7:47:43 PM   Dag Why do you need more kids? Do you spend enough quality time with your daughter? Do you really the most important part of her life? In Russia woman unusually born kids then they are 20 - 30 years old. And they know that full financial responsibilities of their kids are on their shoulders. It is too serious issue in order to say the Internet acquaintance - yes, I really want kids. For me family is two person who really wand to be alone family and I think it is too unrealistic to create a family than your are mature person. It is much easier to make a family then you are in early 20. You are maturing together. Have the same family values and aim in the life. And one more subject. Life really do not give us a lot of chance to meet "MY" person. And each person who really has become even a small part of your life is very important. It is not appropriate to kick him of if he is not ideal is some aspects. You can adjust or he can adjust. You have thousand ladies on Internet sites but in reality you can easily miss your only chance if you would always think that in the trouble situation you would always find another woman. ONEKINDMAN Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/5/2005 1:57:27 AM   This Is A really good post, Very interesting. I do not have anything to add but I like the post. David. izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/6/2005 5:38:23 PM   Bagira I can only assume that by Dag you mean me. Usually I am called Izi, whatever :)) Ok first I don't have a daughter or a son I have no children at all. Life kind of past me by. However at this point in my life I am finally settled and ready for a child. I am too old for babies so I look for a woman whoalready has a child of the right age or a single woman that is in her late 30's or early 40's that doesn't want to have kids but is willing to be a mom. I agree with what you say about raising a family in your 20's but life doesn't always work the way we would like. I do not think it is too serious an issue to discuss with a potential mate over the internet. Why is it too serious? I can think of no reason why you should not do this. Better to discuss it now instead of flying half way around the world and finding out she hates kids. Right?? For as long as mankind has existed there have been arranged marriages. They are often extremely successful. Why?? Because often older relatives are involved that know better than the young. Why?? Because they have been there and they think of things that a younger person will not think of. Ok, now why is it so common for FSU women to want to genuinely marry a much older man. Answer - Because he has a lifetime of experience. He is stable and finacially in a position to provide. And if he has a setback he can overcome it. Duh!!! Finding a wife in Russia and using Fiance or another site is basically an arranged marriage. She comes with a shopping list, I come with a shopping list. We compare. Maybe we have a match. If we do not we continue with the next. The love stuff can come later. Now about adjusting. There is no such thing. You have just given away the most basic mistake of anybody looking for a husband / wife. You cannot "adjust" anybody or even yourself. It is damn near impossible. Adjust read "change". You cannot change anybdy else and I am willing to accomodate but not basically change. Sometimes on profiles you see that the lady wants a man that will accept her just as she is. Quite right too. This is why folks like Toad spend a year and a half discussing everything under the sun with a potential partner before commiting to anthing. You try to shorten the odds. Judging by the number of divorced ladies I see in FSU getting lovey dovey close up and personal isn't working too well is it?? No, a formal more organized approach is better. When 2 people see that they agree about most things love will come naturally. I had an arranged marriage and we were together for 12 years. There were good times and bad times but I don't regret a minute of it. Just wish it happened when I was younger. I know plenty of Indians that always get an arranged marriage. Seems to work for them too. Common sense prevails with an older man and searching on the internet might not be for you Bagira but it works for millions of other people. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > "Family"
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