Izzi, I do not want to pry, well maybe just a little. I have read extensively about your relationship with Marina and that it did not work out; would you be willing to share why it did not work; what happened to destroy the relationsyhip. If I have offended, my apologies.
Marina had some emotional issues based on prior relations gone bad. You can only really know a person by trying them on like a glove,sharing intimacy with them. This should be the last piece of the puzzle before deciding on a committed relationship,and this should come after the written relationship. The writing/understanding requires a certain time period. It is easy for me to put my heart down on paper,or the keyboard,so,like Izi,I am vulnerable. A woman I had dated,then had internet relations with,cohabitated with me after six years of the yo-yo, up and down emotionality.We went back and forth like a tennis match. I should have questioned her more intimately,but damn she was so pretty,and so sexy too.I invested everything I had and put all my hopes on her,but 3 months of living with her was all I could stand. She was also an emotionally troubled woman. I do not say this to be self-righteous. She was a fixer-upper,and the more I tried to make her life better,the more she resented me. I know now that I am the only one I can fix. I did not read deeply enough,and I also ignored the warnings that usually surface fairly early in a new relationship. Some of the warnings are blatantly detectable,and I am sure you all know of somebody who was BLINdly in love with a real jerk. I relate this because my situation was similiar to Izi. I was the jerk really,because I would excuse inappropriate behavior from her. It is like having a party--there is always a reason. She is having a bad day ( 28 out of 30 ) SHe will change because she does really love me ( yeah but never AS much as you love HER ) SHe is off her medicine ( Good excuse to de-rail the man who just put the ring on her finger ) SHe is just out of a bad relationship ( and wouldn`t you interview this man if you had the chance? Did she treat him the same way--have the same troubles with him? ) Her dad screwed her up emotionally ( So--I am her dad too? Every man is her dad? ) SHe is really a closet lesbian ( well,come out of the closet! ) We tend to do this with abusive people. Often a person becomes emotionally bonded with this kind of person. You all have read Izi here. Some woman should be jumping all over him,begging for his attention.And,like all of us,the odds of the beloved relations are seemingly a million to one. This is why the search takes so long,and why we fall on our face occasionally. Izi is going to find her,or she is going to find Izi. Thank god he was not so addicted by her ( like me ) that he spent so much life trying to repair her into a working model of a woman. Sailor--what I can really say is that Izi was very torn up from this failed relation ( how many times have we persevered in a decaying relationship because we could not accept failure? ) It is hard to speak or write of these things. I can write now,but it took 3 years and grief-loss counseling with a psychotherapist. I would never have dared to write of my own weak addiction to my ex. To cap this letter off,I feel that despite years of communication,nothing will lead you closer to her then immersion in her life,or her immersion in yours. I am about 4 months into my own intriguing woman,and communications seem to have hit a plateau. I am troubled by this,because I know it is like shooting in the dark for understanding. WHat had seemed so promising is now is in danger of failure by attrition. If we cannot progress,we will regress. It hurts every time strangely enough--but I will not die,and if I want to get laid--I will. That is not my concern. SOme men may never find a partner,just as some women will be spinsters all their life,and I will repeat that this forum has taught me just how similiar ALL women are,regardless of location. Just remember to fall in love with the woman,not the country,and have a nice,easy,long courtship via written and spoken communications.Then consider visiting her. Do not be in a hurry. Hello Elena--nice to see you again!! Blaine
Interesting -- tj
sounds like you have had good experiences without happy ending but !!
These women are VERY family orientated and leaving is a HUGE mission for them. I am experiencing problems, but with the mother of my fiancée. You cant blame them, when the reality hits and sinks in, I think many will get cold feet.
after all put ourselves in their shoes, it would scare the crap out of me too
Marina sent Izi an explicit email by mistake which was intended for another man. Understandably Izi ended it. Going over it again is not going to do his wounded feelings much good. His experience only shows that a little objectivity is needed, whether dealing with FSU or western women. The rules of the game are the same.
thanks QC, understood, thanks. Even though we have never met, we get attached to the other members of this forum and want to know details of these experiences. I truly did not want to cause further hurt and I have searched the forum for the reasons, I do thank all who responded. Izzi, my heart goes out to you and I wish all the best.
Izi has returned.
I have been busy and just got royally screwed this very day t the tune of $750.
I will explain all and remember this name. Natasha or Natalia Jons or Manokhina.
She is a Russia woman in New York and who is after a greencard. I will explain everything and no she did not directly pinch money from me or con me into sending a her even one penny.
She comes on like this sweet girl in fact her EWM handle is exactly that. What she doesn't say is that she is illegally living in New York in the Russian community up there. She managed to fool me by using a wonderful Dutch Aunt routine to get me to go and see her. The problem was that she was a pain in the butt. I spoke to her extensively on Yahoo Instant Messenger.
Anyway as each conversation took place I became convinced that mayve there was something there at least worth investigating. SO I decided to go this weekend. I purchased a ticket after a go around with Delta. They gave me a refund of my ticket to go an see Marina. Minus a $250 'admistrative fee'.
Ka Ching !!
Then I bought a ticket for $310.
Ka Ching !!
Then I booked a B & B in Staen Island for $90 a night total $180 non refundable.
Ka Ching !!
Total cost $740.
Then we get into an awaful fight last night and I said go F.... yourself you stuck up russian wannabe princess.
So here I am at the keyboard today instead of on an plane. Oh and don't get the wrong idea I was not going for sex. She heavily intimated that, but I had absolutely knew that was not going to happen with this prissy bitch.
Just a few dollars I will live.
But it all gets back to the Marina story. It has a bearing and what Spirit and especially QC said is true.
why did you not still use your ticket and go to Russia ???? Yekaterinburg or Moscow.
I know a Indian chap in Yekaterinburg who would have probably lined you up with more ladies than you could poke a stick at.
QC hit the nail right on the head.
That is what happened Sailor in a nutshell. Although the likelyhood is that it was as she said a ruse to test me. Last Saturday she sent me 2 birthday cards anonymously. Of course I knew it was her. I have been pining after her all week.
Why you say?
I will explain. Finding a good woman this way is like looking for a needle in a haystack. It is a monumental task. Marina might have had her faults but she was great looking super in bed and despite everything I really believe she really did/does care about me. The problem is fundamental to my disagreement with the scmuck in New York. YOU CANNOT LIVE ON LOVE.
It is only romantic love at first. After the shine wears off you have to live with this person.
Do they snore?
Do they want to sleep til noon every day?
Can they hold down a job?
Do they even want to work at all?
Can she cook?
Is the broom for sweeping or for riding throught the sky with?
Does she have a well hidden bad temper?
I have been having a nightmare throught he last month since Marina and I split up. Finding someone has been almost impossible. And the reason is I know too much.
Unlike when I started I know exactly what I am looking for and that is dangerous knowledge.
I have received brickbats because of my very profile. Iam too 'strict' too 'demanding' etc
Others like that I know what I want.
I am writing to several women at the moment and am probably going to switch from Russia to Ukraine. Less stuck up and calculating.
I am investigating a agency in Kherson. I am waiting for a response.
In answer to Sailor and Maxi.
Yes I keep making mistakes. If I had kept the original plane ticket(s) I could have used them for Russia again it is true. BUT with an additional $25 charge per ticket AND a 430 fee for Orbitz. Therefore a round trip to say Moscow (which is probably what wouls have happened) would have been and extra $130. Therefore the loss of the $250 is acceptable. I can also accept the loss of the round trip ticket AND the B & B.
There is a valuable lesson here again to be learned from my latest cockup.
First don't believe a word that is written. Only personal contact is going to do the trick. Even that can be a problem. Next go with your comon sese. If something feels wrong don't do it a la Spirits post because you think that you can make lemonade out of lemons. It doesn't work that way.
Both Marina and Natasha think they are beautiful. Frankly I wouldn't put Natasha in the same class as Marina but that is another story. If a woman starts telling you even sideways that she is beautiful BEWARE. She knows what she has got brother. She is selling it. Oh yes it is for sale not necessarily for money either. How about your self esteem, your freedom or plainly speaking your balls?
Natasha wanted all three.
Unfortunately I won't take too much crap. This is proving to be my downfall. So some dollars got spent so what. I will miss the dollars a lot less than a dozen toungue lashings. It is worth it.
Ok I have had the cold shower now to what I am looking for :))
Right at the moment I am giving a woman in Chelyabinsk the dear john letter. This woman is great in all ways as far as I can see. Unfortuantely I sent her some flowers and got a very good quality picture back. Although she is sweet I don't want to wake up next to that for the next 30 years. Bye
I was spoiled by Marina. She was gorgeous. I will not settle for less.
So it is good looking and wacko or homely and fits the bill. Screw it I'll keep looking.
Which brings me to my next adventure. :))
My friend has found a lovely girl which I am not going to reveal any details of. Anyway the way he did this was by going to a small agency of sincere folks, a family business in Ukraine. Very personal. Very detailed. also not expensive.
I am going to explore this.
Writing letters or IMs is a forest of barbed wire. They lie they have photos that are not too straight etc. Might as well just go and havea professional help you.
I am just about Russianed out. They are prissy, spoiled, picky and generally not what they seem. As for Moscow I am completely convinced they are all worse than going for a woman in New York or LA.
So I am going to try the Ukraine. Maybe Moldava. It just can't get any worse :))