I have been writting and phoning this lady from Mariupol for over a year now. It has been beyond wonderful but my family i very skeptical about the whole thing mostly me Mom, because she knows of a true story where a guy met a lady from StPetersburg Russia, eventually brought her to Minnesota. Minnesota by the way should have been too much of a weather shock because both Minnesota and St Petersburg have bad winters...Anyway they ended up getting married then have maybe 4 months or so she up and went back to Russia and he never heard from her again...Obviously he was devestated and has been ever since....
My Momis worried that I will ultimately get hurt. My question is does the story I told ever happen and how do I convince my Mom that everything is going to be ok and she shouldn't worry???
Start reading prior Posts - you will see good and bad - been a lot of bad of late though.
This forum seems to dwell on the failures more than the successes. The feedback is mostly directed at those having problems and not the ones who have found and succeeded. They are the people who can give good advice - but they seem to get almost completely ignored on here - Why - F~~ked if I know !!!!!!!
no guarantees dude.. My 1st wife was from the philippines and she just up an left for no real reason after 6 and a half years of what i considered a "happy marrige" I still talk to my ex and she still cant tell me why she left other then i saw too young and too poor. She wants a filthy rich guy who is 30 years older then her and willing to send his fortune overseas. Her sister got a guy like this and she wants it too.
You cant convince yer mum that everything is gunna be ok.. you are a grown man and must choose your own path as your heart dictates...
I write to a gal in mariupol too, hope this aint the same gal !!! whats yer girls name ?
Put yourself in the mind of the girl that you are talking to. She is leaving family and friends, a way of life, country, to come to a strange country to live with a guy that she hardly knows; having to rely on him for everything. If you bring her here you have to marry her in the first 90 days or she has to go back. She will get homesick and bored here especially if she had somekind of life in her area. Most of the women in these countries do have a life. You should check out some books on such relationships to increase your odds of success.
If you are a selfish controling guy you might as well not bother.
Right to the point, IC! Why didn't I think about it before I decided to move? so naive I was, so carried away :(((
It hurts a lot being completely dependant: no money, no job, no life eventually.
Evry case is different though.
Coach, you need a lot of talking with your fiancee.
Coach, it is mostly like with your hometown girls but with some differences.
I am affraid in your case it won't come to enjoying the "differences". I don't know how in the US, but here I hardly know a girl who would be happy to date a mommy's son! All your post sounds absolutely mizerable, sorry(if it is not a sophisticated american humour of course).
Guys, am I the only one to see this or not???
Coach, write down this word and memorize it before beginning all this. SELFSUFFICIENT! That's the clue.
You know I was only looking for moral support here, I am not a mommys son.
I dont like someone telling me my posts are mizerable. what made me try to get into this is that i was tired of all the games American women play with guys...I have enjoyed the experience of getting to know this gal...it has been a wonderful experience for me...
No matter what happens i will never forget meeting a great gal like the gal i met...
Of course stories like the one you told happen. In fact, a guy on another forum told an even worse story. He married his wife in Ukraine, got a K3 (spouse) visa for her to come to the U.S., and she showed up pregnant with another man's child. He kicked her out and sent her home, but not without a lot of nasty legal and personal problems. On one of my trips to Russia I met an American guy who was looking for his second Russian wife. It seems his first one came to the U.S., married him, stayed with him for a couple of years, and then left him for another man.
There is no way to guarantee to your mom or anybody else that things are going to be OK. Any marriage is difficult, and to have one person move to a new country, learn a new language, leave their family, friends, and job can make things even more difficult. All you can do is choose your lady carefully, get to know her well before marrying her, be honest with her, and give her a lot of love. Don't fall in love with an idealized image, don't ignore red flags, don't rush into something because of outside pressures.
If you do those things, you have a good chance at making it work. And that's all you can tell your mom.
Thank you VNVnation, that was very good advice and you make such sense.
But a quick comment directed at felicedate. Do you respect your Mother? Do you take your Mothers advice when she gives it to you? Someone told me once how a guy treats his mother is the same way he will treat his wife. If he disrespects his mother trust me, he will disrespect any gal, but you are with a guy and he his respectful to his mother than he will be good to you also...Think about it felicedate....
Coach, sorry how old are you? I don't think that too old.
I give you my word that not depending on the origin of your future wife(Russian, American, Chinese) with 95% probability she will flee in the first 6 months. With American gals it is easier because there they can see who you are quite quickly and our girls are usually quite blind until they get to the states.
Answer to one question. What does a girl want to see in a man? Many different stuff can be said but in short any woman wants to see a real, strong, independent MAN. A MAN is making all the decisions himself and does not ask his mother or anybody else if she likes it or not. Politeness and respect are all right, there are traditions in our society. You will show your future fiance to your mother, you will ask here - ok. But if everything was all right in your family your mother will NEVER say that she does not like your choice, she will respect your decision as you are a man and she had to make possible and impossible to raise a MAN and not a MOMMY'S SON. Actually, I am sure it was quite on the opposite in your family and your mother is now enjoying the influence she is having on you, it is making her happy but it is making you nothing.
Believe one thing, if your girl will see any cases like this, when she will definitely know that you let your mother, family friends get with their dirty legs in your relationship, she will never treat you with respect and most probably will leave to seek for a better variant.
Sad but true! This is men's world!
"in short any woman wants to see a real, strong, independent MAN."
I've got to disagree with you here Felice. I know plenty of women who prefer to call the shots and make the decisions in their families. I can't speak about FSU women since I haven't observed the inner workings of a marriage in Russia, but I know many married couples here in the U.S. where the women (both American and Chinese) want to be more in control and don't want a "strong, independent MAN."
You can't generalize to the whole world when it comes to relationships and marriage. Everybody wants something different and it's up to a person to find a partner who matches their needs.
Ok Felicedate I cannot say that you are wrong, I agree with much as you say. Let me surprise you, my age is 36...and i live in Denver Colorado..My parents happen to be divorced and live in different parts of US...I have never been married and will admit I do not take too many chances with ladies here in America, mostly because i do not trust too many of them. Many ladies here are superfisial, they like a guy with a certain look, if he is somewhat overweight they will not give him a chance...I like when i see that age and weight are not the most important thing to ladies in your society...That is good..Not every guy can be a TomCruise or Patrick Swayze look...
If this is men's world as you say felice, then what is wrong with men in your society that you need to find man in another society? May I ask since I told you where I live, where you live?
Lastly I went into this with idea that i have nothing to lose but much to gain...If it dont work,I learn about how life is like in another culture. I sometime wonder about my friend, i wish I could be "fly on the wall" so I can see what her live is like in Ukraine.
VNV. Generalization is my profession!:-) I insist that when a woman takes a leading role in a family it is abnormal. yes, this is very often in this life and actually this was all the same in my parent's family(may be that's why my mother raised real men-leaders out of me and my brother).
I am sure that this is a man who, sorry, has got the balls! In this rude idiom there is a big deal of truth. Somewhere there an interesting hormone testosterone is produced, this unseen thing makes us men go forward, love, earn money and fight for our possession. it is not normal when a woman's body produces testosterone, but this is a problem for a certain ammount of them, the sympthoms are hair all over the body and the wish to rule in her family!:-)
besides my experience tells me that usually such women one day had to take something that fall on the ground from their men's hands, I mean women are more responsible and hardworking than men and if she gave up to see her hubby bringing a long buck home she has 2 alternatives: to find a new hubby or to start moving forward herself. This is the Russian approach, I insist that here women have no "career gene" from birth like most American girls, our girls are more femine and so more willing to take the following role behind their strong men.
Coach, I am happy that you are taking everything easy. You might have noticed that I am here not to devastate the idea of marrying a Russian girl but to prevent you guys from making a lot of mistakes on this way. I am living in Belarus and run a dating agency as a part of my business. As this "part" is not too big now(pretty many other directions) this helps me stay more or less objective not defending this business to much but not letting others say that is too bad.
Dating a Russian girl is a phylosophy, one of the most interesting and exciting but at the same time quite dangerous thing in the world.
Forget about your weight, this is nothing. Ask Uncklebuck, he is a big guy but he won his girl who is young and modellooking with his man's approach.
Our last client who came here weighted approximately 120-130 kilos with around 170cm height. yes, his girl wasn't a top model but they are progressing very good as I know.
The main thing for you is to find the right girl right now, cross out all the chicks in their early 20th, forget about the sexy blondes. Be realistic. As I see you need a kind of cozy home mother-wife. There are a lot of them here! Mostly once divorced, may be with one child, they don't expect too much from life and want to have better a happy quite famiy life than a macho near them.
And I insist now knowing your age, never ever mention the fact that your future girl should be approved by your mother. This sounds ridiculous! You are in the age to start making such decisions spitting on all the world! Finally, if a man makes mistakes these are his mistakes and he and only he pays for them!
Ah, by the way I forgot to answer the point about the men here. Nothing to chose from! I I would be a gay apparantly I would have to move to the USA! 1)There are in general more women than men here
2) I don't know why but I so scaresly see at least not rough and ugly man's face here! This is odd! Almost 25-40% of women here are beauties and so few handsome men!
3)We all know that man's lack of beauty is compensated by a thick wallet. Draw conclusions yourself. Not many people here earn good money while in the states men rarely earn less than to provide a decent living: a house, two cars for a family, no need to count money in food stores, entertainment.
So, as the girls whom I know say, all the decent men are not reachable, they are all married and you can't eaven see them as they are all moving around in their cars!;-) So believe me that this part of the world is a paradize for men and hell for women!;-)
Oh know it is nice for me to chat with you felice, to help get some perspective on life over there for ladies. The only Russian ladies we see are in US either figure stake, are in gymnastics or they play tennis...
I work for an airline so I have traveling for me is much cheaper,I wonder i would be interesting to me to go somewhere like Moscow or Kiev, go to a shopping mall of some sort, get a cup of coffee and just watch people. Hope that doesn't sound strange,but it interested me how people that live outside of America live...See what its like to turn on TV and instead of see George W Bush speaking to you, you see V.Putin
Well I just want to thank you for your knowledgable advice, I really appreciate it...