Just thought I should keep forum members updated. after a hectic three months - partly caused by my strange work schedule - my lady has gone back to Moldova.
I may never have made it entirely clear in this forum - but despite my 3 BAs and my MBA and my real estate brokers license - I earn the majority of my living as a humble employee of the US Postal Service working midnight to 8:30. Since I sleep during the latter part of the day (say 5:00 pm till 11:00 pm) our schedules conflicted badly. She was a late riser - often time getting up at noon. I arrived home from work at around 9:00 am and would occassionally get a couple of hours of sleep with her. Then she would prepare in the way FSU women do... taking 3 to 4 hours to have "breakfast" and to put on her make-up. So she would finally be ready to do something at around 3:00 pm or 4:00 pm. Of course that gave us 1 to 2 hours per day to do anything without eating into my 6 hour allotment for sleep. Most of the time we went well over 1 or 2 hours as women tend to do when shopping at several stores and i would find myself leaning up against a post in some bra department at 7:00 pm asking if we could please leave and get home so that I might perhaps get THREE hours of sleep on this particular night - since I had managed less than three hours on the previous three nights.
Lack of sleep led to my general crankiness at times and some ill words exchanged between us. She made some effort to be ready by 10:00 or 11:00 am on days that she really wanted to do something after that (during the last three months) and we seemed to get along a lot better.
I also live in a rather small apartment - perfect for a bachelor with its fancy skylight and Jacuzzi tub - I have a laundrty room and double sinks in the bathroom. But unfortunately - having lived here for seven years - every square inch was accounted for and I swear that the apartment itself got smaller with the addition of another person. I did get used to wearing slippers around my own place eventually but it wasn't easy.
What will happen now?
I don't know she said that she wants to think about it for a while. Perhaps, she says, she would like to get married in Kishinev in January. It leaves me in a quandry because I took considerable time and money to clear the way with a fiance visa. I spent literally tens of thousands (altogether) to get his far and have the door opened only to watch it close again. Marrying in another country is NOT an easy or inexpensive situation - and to airline tickets (one for each of us) are not cheap. It goes without saying that I could have used the tax deduction that would have been available if we had married this year, here, as opposed to next year, there. We are talking about around $2,500.
I can say that I miss her very much right now. Though it SEEMED she did not read this forum - she is aware of it and much more internet savy than she was previously. Its likely that she will check to see if I write anything. So what I write in this post is about as personal as I am about to get.
Ask questions if you like - but keep in mind I can say little as far as answers.
Jet,
I'm really sorry. I know how often my wife and I came close to packing it in. There are cultural things that get in the way and there are the personal ones: habits, preferences. I know about the schedule thing. My wife's a late night person and I leave for work at 5:30. I wind up staying awake until 11:00 and she wants to talk.
I also would not recommend the K3 route. The denial rate is definitely higher. Best of luck to you with whoever, even though I don't know you or her, I still hope this one works out for you.
I am also sorry to hear of the problems, I hope you guys get it straighten out, sometimes a little separation is all one needs to make the necessary chages to be successful. I will keep you both in my thoughts, good luck.
I am sorry to hear this and wish you the best. I am in no position to judge anyone or to advise you as to what would be best for you. In my own case, prior to finally finding my own Elena I did encounter the type of lady you are talking about; late to get up, late to go to bed, taking her time to get ready without consideration to anyone else....all very selfish. I guess what I am saying is that in my own case I wanted to find someone who would respect what I do and is willing to have an open mind. My Elena is a very responsible and proactive person.She is very considerate of my feelings and always makes sure that things are also right with me, this in turn makes me want to reciprocate and do the best I can for her. She does get up early in the morning and goes to sleep early as well. I am telling you all of this because there are ladies out there that are what we are looking for and so you should not be discouraged. If it still works out for your great! If not, do not dispair, the grass is always greener on the other side of the ridge. I have been there before.
I am now waiting for my K1 visa to be approved and hope for results by year's end. Good luck to you.
Jet
Don't take any notice of Jetson. He told me that they spoke French in Kherson and I believed him. Didn't realise he was full of shit until I got there and they hit me up with the old 'Privet' in Kiev. Then I realised that it was a Russian only country. See that is what happens when you listen to Jetson.
Oi Jetson I have stuff for you!
Jet, although today I am hating women(:-)), I would tell you several things.
First truth. All people are different not depending on their natinality or country. Some of them are "owls" and some are "i-dont-know-the-english-word-for-that-small-damned-bird-that-gets-up-early".
I am a typical owl, going to sleep at around 2-4AM and getting up at around 11-12. I can afford it and this shedule suits my working shedule as I am my own boss. My both wives(es and present) are owls also but they both had to get up early to go to work. This has never been a problem but as far as I always find time to be togeather, to talk, walk, play and whatever. The main thing is wish to do this.
Truth two. Women DO like shopping and doing their "face painting". For my ex it was taking at least 1,5 hours to get herself ready to go out, for Tatyana(my present wife) it takes 5-15 minutes and this is a GREAT advantage. But I never complained because a relationship is a "Give-take" enterprise, i bear with some her points and she does the same with my roughness, inflexibility, total seriousness and so on. It is easier for me as I have not been a bachelor in this life. The period of my loneliness after my first marriage actual collapse was 5 days.:-) So I am a person who totally does not imagine his life without a woman. This is why I can be quite easy with almost any "disturbing things" that are very annoying for an experienced bachelor. I simply know that all this small stuff is just worthy...
Finally my solution how to deal with women't shopping... I am not an exception and I start yawning after 1-2 minutes in any place selling not cars, computers, weapons and fishing equipment. I hate clothes stores! And this can be a problem as in Vitebsk we have the biggest shopping center in Belarus which has around 1000 small shops in it.
So what I do is just leave my lady there and tell to call me when she is finished so I can drive there and take her home.
felice - first of all, I LMFAO at your description of that small damn bird.
It can be any number of species on any given continent but English sayings its just refered to as the "early bird".
When left to my own devices I am ALSO an owl - prefering to stay up until the sun rises if I can get away with it and sleeping until noon. Unfortuantely my current job does no allow it. I make fairly good money - but my hours are quite rigid. Ironically, if you add the extra eight hours between my home time zone and hers - I am biologically set to just about what would be a normal 9 to 5 schedule in Eastern Europe and as such we got along fine at first. But she slowly drifted to be a noon riser - meaning that she was now getting up at what would be 8:00 pm in her home country. She is now trying to catch up again as she is in Eastern Europe.
Also I DID use the technique you mention. I had to out of necessity. I woould drive her to the mall with X number of dollars in cash and suggest that she use it sparingly and then call me when she was ready to come home. Sometimes i got sleep by using this method. Usually I only got enough time to do paper work like paying bills etc.
jetmba...its had it. She will not come back as she does not like the your lifestyle.
Shift work (night shift) puts a strain on any relationship as I was involved with it and kills it.
If they go home to Russia, it means they don't like it (the US) and it was not what she dreamed.
You need to get a better apartment or house..they have cramped apartments in the FSU so she did not want to have the same in the US.
Move on, mate and forget her and don't waste anymore money on her.
Time after time, I write in forums that FSU/Western relationships do not work in the majority of cases and yours is such a case..don't be a desperate fool..move on and find a local woman and learn from your expensive lesson.
She backed out of a fiance visa and did not commit to you in marriage and left the US vouluntarily..she will not get another visa.
If an FSU woman did that with an Australian fiance visa, she would be barred from ever coming to the land down under again..this is why they give you 3 months to decide to marry (in Australia, its more generous as a 9 month visa from date of issue)..if you can't work it out in 3 months, you can't work it out at all and immigration authorities will waste no time with her and she will be denied entry again.
A fiance visa whether its from the US, Australia etc. requires the applicants (you and her) to demonstrate and prove, that you will marry the girl in your home country before it is issued and before it expires..after it is issued and you fail to live up to the promised intent to marry and the girl goes back home, why would the INS issue another visa to the same woman when its been proved that she can't abide by the conditions of a visa..FURTHER VISA DENIED!
I am sorry about your situation Jet. It was truly sad to read the outcome of your lovestory so far. I really wish, honestly, that it will all work out for the both of you. I know how hard it can be to make it work, just as many others here, but there is usually a light in the other side of the tunnel. Good luck!
Aussie, that is not true, from the US side. I know of 2 women from Ukraine who have been issued multiple visas for multiple men. They did abide by the conditions. They did not marry, so they left. Those are the rules and they followed them.
well, it seems not to be the end, but from your words it smells to be so.
as it is only possible to give a contribution to your description above i would say, that she is not seriously interested in life with you. or, if she is interested in a life with you, than in a life of comfortability.
a woman, who is really interested and in love with you, will not care about a "small" apartment. she will rise early out of bed to prepare all things for you, to show her love to you. she will treat your money more carefully than even her own money.
and she won´t be worried about your times of work, because she will understand, that you are working for you and her, means for your common future.
This might be one of the most poignant posts in this forum. It is also one of my greatest concerns. We all have our hand wringing about the K1 visa, the the most difficult times are ahead for some of us here. Actually the K1 process for us so far has been rather easy, but I have concerns about her moving to my country and the difficulties that are ahead for us.
Jet hits some topics that are truly some great concerns for all of us. She is going to go through displacement, detachment etc. Good, bad or indifferent she is leaving a lifestyle and culture they have been comfortable with most of their lives and the adjustment for some, no matter how much they love a person is going to be difficult, maybe even impossible. Coming from the FSU to the United States is a diametrically opposed situation and takes a special lady to make this work, also a special man will be required. No matter how well we try to cover all the bases it can still blow up in our faces. It is a risk, a great risk that I feel is well worth the chance.
As my father used to tell me, nothing worthwhile comes easy, it takes sacrifice and sometimes great heartache is involved. All that glitters is truly not gold as one esteemed contributor has said, with that in mind is true gold really easy to find? Neither is finding a true love in the FSU.
Even though Larissa and I seem fine now and the compatibility is excellent the truest test is coming when she walks through our doors here in Indiana.
I'm keeping my eyes keen and hearing sharp for her. I know there may be a possibility that I could be writing a similar post in the future. I'm leaving nothing to chance and trying to expect the unexpected. The easy part for us is almost over, the great trial of our future is still yet to come.
Jet I wish you all the best in the future and hope things will work out for you.
The point I would make about Nas's post is the flipside of the coin. I agree that the easy part is getting the visa and the tough part starts when she walks through the door, but the "she" that walks through the door is not the kind of lady most of us have experienced here in the West.
My wife and I have had some difficult times since her arrival, some caused by cultural differences, some by miscommunication. Some of those times I felt like packing it in and I think a lot of Western relationships would have, but in those times she was also able to communicate to me that she loved me and that would never change. Once you have her heart, you have her heart. Any woman who can understand that trials and tribulations cannot asail a heartfelt commitment deserves every chance I can give her. Now the only thing I have left to question is, am I as much of a man as she is a woman?
Aussieman,
You are full of shite, you seem to believe that you know about visa legislation in every damn country in the world. Well your post(s) prove that you don't have this knowledge, you stick wih your Australian rules, we've heard these so many times we don't need to hear them any more thank you.
Your full of sh*t mate...I feel sorry for jet..he wasted a lot of time, emotions and money on this FSU women and it would be a great disappointment for anybody for this to happen but there is a risk it will happen when a FSU girl leaves her country for another as life is so different for her and there will be a lot of "adjustment difficuties".he should not get his hopes up she will return under the circumstances.
I was married to a foreign girl for 12 years from a totally different culture..the first 6 to 12 months was hard as she got homesick a lot and knew nobody here and was dependant on me ( I was in a somewhat similar situation to jet at the time living in a small apartment and working the afternoon shift from 4 pm to 12 midnight so she was home alone to late at night)...I bought her a 12 month open return air ticket when I flew her here after she got the fiance visa in case she could not adapt and I was willing to send her home if she wanted it and cut my losses but it worked out.
I hope jets woman has a change of heart and comes back but she will probably have to marry him in Moldova and go for a K3 unless she got a previous multiple entry visa that has not expired..hope its not a waste for you, jet.
Jet you should make enquiries to a reputable immigration attorney about your situation as US immigration laws are complex as soon as you know where you stand with her and then follow his advice and act on it...if I had invested so much time, money and emotion, I would try and do my best to salvage the situation.
Perhaps if you improved your living conditions by getting a nicer and larger apartment if affordable, might help entice her back.
Martin are you a shrill for this agency or a total wanker..your the one that started the insults so up yours, mate.