Thanks for the helpful comments - from MOST of you.
Obviously there are certain key circumstances that I cannot freely discuss which might further shed light on WHY she left and her intentions when coming here.
"..,As my father used to tell me, nothing worthwhile comes easy.."
Nas,
My wise old mother still says the following whenever others (including moi) try to copy her favorite recipes and fail miserably: "If it was easy to do, everyone and their granmothers would be doing it"..:)
Jet,
I don't envy your position, but what's there to think about 'thsat much'?
She came, she saw, she pissed you off ...and she left.
You both tried.
It didn't work...Life's a bitch and then you die, mate (or marry one..:)
The money you spent is gone, it's not coming back. From the monetary point of view, why even consider throwing more good money after something that did not work?
From the emotional point of view I would only tell you "Buck up" and move on.
You know there is more and better out there. She probably does to and maybe that's why she's back home.
Either way, I'd do the work to heal myself and move on.
Good luck,
jetmba,
I feel your pain about your schedule. Being an over the road train engineer . I work on call with two hours to report for duty. This means 24 hours a day seven days a week i must be rested and available with no scheduled rest days or any schedule to report to work.. The phone will ring anytime of the day, evening or middle of the night . I am only given 8 hours guarenteed rest when i am back home and i am subject to be called again and many times i am back out to work in 8 hours after i am off duty to be gone for up to two days again . I can`t make any plans for the future or keep appointments. Try to keep a relationship under those hours . I must be sleeping when the rest of the world is waking up or going to a picnic. I am always dead tired . They expect me to be a safe operator and win safety awards ....... At least for me it is very hard to keep my wits under those work conditions and maintain a relationship. It also takes a certain woman who understands these conditions . I can be really agitated when i am not properly rested or my rest is disturbed . I would kill for a 8am to 4pm job and weekends off but those jobs never seem to pull in the income that i make .
I wrote before that the first lady I had serious plans to unite with saw the pics of my log home. I was so proud of it--built completely by my own hands ( from a kit ). It had a nice lot too. It was small,but a cozy 2 story with a loft,and I put a hip roof on it,with corrugated steel roofing. I have thought since that I should not have mailed her the photos. She told me she did not believe in "Paradise in a tent",and "How do you expect to raise a family in THAT". Too bad for her that I did believe--and still do!! It is certainly not like living in a pull-behind trailer-even if it is a 30 footer. Paradise could be in the back of a pick up truck at the drive -in movie theater if there is real and deep rooted love. Heaven is in your mind. There is more that we do not know about this tragedy--but I do hope she will be the freed butterfly who comes flying back because she cannot bear to be without her own private Jet!!! Man makes the house ( clothes,automobile,paper currency,etc..) not vice versa.
Aussieman,
You stated that a fiancee visa is to demonstrate that 2 people will marry in the country that issued that visa, that is bullshit.
You also questioned, raised doubt, that if 2 people don't marry within the term of that visa then another such visa would not be issued, bullshit.
And you stated these were the rules for Australia, USA, etc. One may presume by 'etc.' you meant the rest of the world.
A fiancee visa is effectively to 'try before you buy' and under the UK rules, which I am aware of, there is no dictation where 2 people may marry within the term of that visa, it could be a marriage in literally any country of the world.
Furthermore, if there is a reasonabe explanation, under UK rules, why they didn't marry within that visa, then another visa may be issued.
In the States it is possible to get a second K1 visa for the same woman. I think it is unusual but I am sure it happens now and then.
For me if it didn't take the first time I would be gone like a rocket. Too much expense and agravation involved to give it a second try. One shot that is it. In fact for me I would say that if I brought any woman back and it didn't work out I would completely give up with bringing an FSU woman back. Just too much hassle.
I am hoping that I have been lucky but you never know :))
My AW came over to the UK and found it very difficult to adjust. There were tantrums and manipulations which were put down to 'adjustment reaction'. Funny how it all stopped when I eventually threw a paddy of my own. What became abundantly clear but I refused to see it for way too long was that she wanted to be taken care of and not vice-versa. The end was slow, painful and inevitable. No amount of investment in time and energy and expense, etc.. is worth the grief you may experience over the long term if you hold onto the belief that she will change. It's 'death by a thousand cuts' (disappointments).
If I were to take note of any words written on this, it would be WT's....
...'listen to anyone here she is not seriously interested in life with you. or, if she is interested in a life with you, than in a life of comfortability.
a woman, who is really interested and in love with you, will not care about a "small" apartment. she will rise early out of bed to prepare all things for you, to show her love to you. she will treat your money more carefully than even her own money.
and she won´t be worried about your times of work, because she will understand, that you are working for you and her, means for your common future.
sorry to here jet and i wish you the best like some of you here im a nite owl also being up all night and part of the day my lady understands what i do and she says will not be a problem but i think once she gets here ill changed what i do somewhat and and change my works plans a little as for now the visa process ios going well and she is selling here apartment in chisinau and has no plans to return to moldova and i have told her she needs to make sure because she may not like it here but she says all will be fine and she wishes to spend her life here with me she is a little older than alot of women and there is not a big age difference in her and i so i guess she nows what she wants like i said jet good luck and i hope it all works out for you and your lady ill should be going back to chisinau in december or when she gets her visa hammer
You draw attention to some very relevant aspects.
-And more "things" to "clear up" as early as possible. (so there are no misunderstandings later).
Unfortunately, if one is not a talented writer and still try to "clear up" a lot of things early, one's letters become very boring and somewhat scary.
Too scary (or too boring?) for some ladies apparently!
How many times (-that was a song some time ago) - how many times must one return to the drawing board before one get it right?
Sorry to hear about that Jet. I brought my girl(now my wife) to England on a fiance visa(you have 6 months to marry or leave) She came to my small 1 bedroom house in a village of 50 people. She did not like it after the city. Every day, including weekends I left the house at 7 am and returned at 9pm.
Never did she complain, aways had a smiling face when I returned.
Now I have moved to a 4 bedroom house in the city, our baby was born on the 1st of October, my life is brilliant and I didn;t think a wife like her existed. I fly to Europe a couple of times a week, she will keep the kids quiet while I go to bed early and then get up with me at 3 am to make me breakfast before I fly.
She stuck through the early days which were hard for her, she has never criticised me or my life, only given me 100% support and loyalty.
My advice is: this girl is probably not the kind of wife you want or need, try again with an Fsu girl or one nearer to home
God luck
An FSU woman IS living up to the USA Immigration K-1 visa requirements if she decides against getting married, and then voluntarily returns to her home country within the allowed 3 months. If she does so, she will find it VERY easy to receive another K-1 fiancé visa, a student visa, a work visa, or even a tourist visa in the future. The USA Immigration Service. cares only about a person living up to the conditions in a stated visa. They want to stop illegal immigration ONLY!!! Once a FSU citizen proves to be trust worthy within the USA Immigration visa definitions, they are always given the benefit of the doubt in future visa applications.
She made the same agrument when we decided on the move we took.
She reasoned that even a Tourist Visa would now be easier to get. (I can't recall if I mentioned this before and am too lazy to check.)
I told her that I agreed completely with her logic and reasoning - but then reminded her that "logic and reasoning" have no place when dealing withg the Federal Government.
Having WORKED for the Federal Government for some years I can say with complete confidence that "logic and reaoning" are not even concepts comptemlated by policy makers at the Federal level.
The paperwork for a tourist visa doesn't take very long. Most of it is done at the American embassy in her country. The question is IF she gets approved.
Hi Neon:
It is an option (a Tourist Visa). It is a one DAY application - in by 10:00 am answer by 4:00 pm 2 days per weeks (I think) at the US Embassy in Chisinau as opposed to all the ridiculous paper work of filling out a K-1 application - having it approved in Nebraska, then at the National Visa Center in New Hamphire, then sent to Bucharest Romania (in her case because K-1s are STILL not handled in Chisinau).
These things all add up taking a few hundred dollars, many weeks of witing and of course (as we did most recently anyway) paying for airflight to and a room in Bucharest.
BUT there is a fly in the ointment.
While it is technically legal to marry a US citizen on a Tourist Visa and to apply to stay in the US after the marriage - it is NOT legal to come over on a Tourist Visa with the express intent of GETTING married. Doing so constitues FRAUD regarding the application of the Tourist Visa (as that IS the express intent of a Fiance Visa) and can subject the intended benefactor to three and ten year BARS which would prevent the person from coming into the coutry for those time periods for any reason. Of course the petitioner would similarly be subject to prosecution, with possible penalties including fines and jail time.
The situation might get very ticklish trying to explain why, on a Tourist Visa, with no preconceived intent, she just happend to marry a guy that the record shows had previously brought her into the country on a Fiance Visa.
Is it possible for a guy and a girl who have not had sufficient time to make up thier minds on a Fiance Visa, to decide to bring the girl over on Holiday and then, without the prethought-out intent, to decide that they want to get married? I say YES.
But there is that logic and reasoning thing, again, that is so foreign to government thinking.