Send Flowers to Russia, Ukraine and Worldwide with Cyber-Florist.com Fiance.com: Beautiful Russian brides
Home  |  About  |  Forum  |  User Blogs  |  Login  |  Register

	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > How Often To Return? Author Post izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/19/2005 7:06:22 PM   The question in the header is bothering the hell out of me. This is being addressed by me now with my present lady. I want to make it absolutely clear to her that I cannot afford for her to return to Ukraine much more than once every 2 or 3 years. It is simple matter of economics. It makes me feel like a complete jerk and it might well be a show stopper. I am not sure how to handle this it kind of baffles me. I know how much maney is ithe pot and I know how much money it costs to visit there. Once she comes here life is going to change radically. True reduced income tax but offset by increased health care costs and a dozen other things. No extra money for tripping back 'home'. What have you guys encountered with this question? Is it even a problem? Has it ended any relationships for you? This is killing me. olegnay Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/19/2005 7:48:40 PM   just tell her that it is better to get her relatives over from time to time. it will be cheaper. and go there as you said every 3 years. wmferg Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/19/2005 8:22:16 PM   I have commited to once every year Steve. But in my situation Lena has a two year old grandson that she will be leaving behind. If I can accompany great, but if money is tight then she will have to make the trip on her own. Bill Ditto Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/19/2005 8:40:56 PM   I have promised my wife one each year. It will be in the summer, which is unfortunately the height of tourist season and the airlines jack up the price. Oleg, having the family over is more expensive and more difficult, if you live anywhere but Russia or Zimbabwe. The red tape and the cost of living makes it better for her to go home. We are going to try to have her visit for one month. The only real costs are the ticket and food. I plan to use my tax refund. philb Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/19/2005 9:21:27 PM   Every 2 or 3 years? That is a long time. Are you talking about both of you going back, are there children you need to get back there also? Honestly, I think you are going to have to look at cutting back somewhere so that she is able to get back to see her family. What if there was an emergency? In my mind her being able to visit her family is a necessity. Maybe she will decide on her own to only go back every 2 to 3 years. But to be told this.... If I was in her place and I was being told I couldn't go back any sooner, it would, quite frankly, cause me to think twice about the entire financial situation. Sorry, this is probably not what you wanted to hear. jmoluv Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/19/2005 9:35:21 PM   My mother has been back to Italy two times since she moved to America 65 years ago . You guys are too soft :-)) olegnay Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/19/2005 11:23:04 PM   I have family there, and my wife too. It is cheaper to bring grandmother then going 3-4 people to visit. also, what did we not see there? it is easy to travel if you live in Moscow or St Petersburg, Kiev.. but if your family is somewhere inside Russia... after one time travel you will need three years to rest... he 卙e.... also I am sure you wife would like to see some new places instead of old dirty village without hot water in summer time. but again, everything is individual. everybody has own situation. izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/19/2005 11:42:23 PM   It would be probably realistically every 2 years and for as long as she wants governed by how much time she can get off from her job. Yes she will have to work I am not rich and it isn't that she might like to work she has absolutely got to work. There is a child involved and I would like it to be all 3 of us but it depends on money again. Yes I am concerned she is going to question the financial side of things. I have been stressing loyalty, fidelity and teamwork from the first date. This is what I was talking about. She gets one husband that will love her, one family and an open future. OR She stays in Kherson, sees Mum and Dad all the time and dooms herself and son to a nothing future. It is tough for all concerned. I am definitely not out of the woods. frankly if this doesn't work I am going to give up the idea of a wife from over there completely. That will finish me off. jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 12:36:36 AM   We had PLANNED (if we had indeed decided to get married) to send her over TWICE a year and for her to be able to spend a few months there each time. Reason? Because she is so attached to her mother - an only child, her father passed away when she was 8. She and her mother are quite close. Never really looked at the option of having Mommy come over here twice a year or even once per year. And the reason for that was her concern fro their apartment. She didn't trust anyone to watch it and would not want to leave it alone for a few months at a time. Besides - as previously mentioned - my place is too small for even two people (by my opinion anyway). Should I have moved to an enitirely bigger place, we fully intended of course, plans would have changed. Right now - it kind of looks like "none of the above." Deano Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 1:27:26 AM   Izi I hate to say this but it sounds to me that you don't have the income or the bankroll to be in this search for an FSU bride. If she has family that she cares about then she will absolutely need to return home at a minimum of once a year. I would budget for twice. Once with you and once without you. And keep in mind gentleman it will only get more expensive. I have been there 8 times in the last two years. The cost have already doubled from the first trip. Inflation is growing in Ukraine and Russia very fast. And with the cost of fuel going crazy high I would expect next year airfare to be double the cost. Rhino1112 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 1:59:03 AM   Have you guys ever thought of bringing the family over here...I haven't looked at it so I'm not quite sure what the visa/immigration/citizenship restrictions are...I'm sure it's not a cheap venture as well...but maybe it will save money in the long run...never mind, I just pictured the thought of in-laws living with me...Forget I said anything! I imagine some of them would eventually like to bring their families here??? Any experience with this? izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 3:18:26 AM   Deano Yes I am giving this serious thought. I guess $45k is just not enough. It could be but that depends on the woman. If she wants, wants, wants then yes that is not enough. If she is willing to act in a normal way and undersatnd what going to another country really means then yes it is. I do not make $200,000 a year and I refuse to believe that I need that much. I am willing to give this up for other reasons. Too numerous to mention. We don't all make that $75 grand a year bud. In fact I would go as far to say that I am the norm and the guys that do are abnormal. America is not a kind place it doesn't pay as well as the cost of living is increasing. It is a constant battle just to stay afloat. I think that going back twice a year is just plain unreasonable unless the guy makes all kinds of money. It is not the norm. izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 3:19:12 AM   In laws coming to America is a ridiculous notion for a bunch of reasons. I would be happy to explain. Worldtraveller Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 4:29:53 AM   izi, sorry, but i don磘 understand your problems completely. sure, with her and her son being in the usa the costs will increase somewhat. and it will take some months till she will adapt, have learned the language good enough and find a job. but after she will also earn money and this should be enough to travel once in a year back to place of residence in ukraina. it might sound a bit pathetic, but if a couple decides to stay together, then it means in good and bad times. you know, izi, i have experience with this since 14 years. and one visit per year back to the FSU was always enough. costs for visit was flight plus small presents and pocketmoney. maximum $2.000,- - $2.500,-. don磘 see it so pessimistic, izi. WT Worldtraveller Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 4:33:15 AM   izi, an addition: my soulmate and mother of my newborn child hasn磘 been and seen her parents in russia since nearly 3 years. sure, she wants to see them and also present the grandchild to them. but much more she knows, that her place being here has absolute priority. WT izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 8:34:33 AM   WT I agree with much of what you say. There is a big difference between a couple that have a baby together and a man who is basically adopting her child. The airfare alone from Fort Lauderdale to Kiev for 1.5 people is about $2,000. That does not include incidentals so allow another $1,000. If I go with her it becomes more complex. It is now not only the cost of 2.5 airfares but also the rental of an apartment. The actual being there is not expensive and not a problem it is the above scenario. I am not mean or anything like that but there will basically be one income not two. She is not going to be able to contribute any significant money into the coffers for several years maybe 5. jmoluv Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 10:34:48 AM   Hell , Make arrangements to bring her friends over too while your at it. Kissing a woman`s ass too much and being a nice guy is what got some men in this situation of looking elsewhere to begin with . Be a man and display your chauvenistic qualities and lay down the law now.It has a great calming effect over a woman when you tell her how it will be in a stern manner, you get instant respect. She knows damn well she is leaving her country and starting a new life and she best leave it behind or you can be a nice guy and let her have her cake and eat it too.What accomodation will be next? Worldtraveller Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 11:21:18 AM   izi, i got your point. but what jmoluv says is quite right. also, izi, don磘 forget, that especially in russia and ukraina relatives don磘 see each other sometimes for years. there was and is a big moving from one place to the others in that countries and relatives parted far away from each other. this is nothing unknown for them. so tell her how it has to be/will be. if she loves you she will understand and accept. wt castawaysailor Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 11:34:42 AM   Izi, there are not good answers. When the money is gone, there is no more. We all want many things but reality is "black and white". Sure you can save a few bucks here and there but I agree $3500 is going to be difficult to swing. Really, my friend, it is her decision, not yours. Tell her the truth and she will need to make that determination. On the other side of the coin, $3500 is $300 a month. There are many jobs she can do and stay under the radar. None are great but they earn money. Look into home employment for her, watching someone elses kids for a few bucks, washing laundry, maid service, mowing lawns, many many things she can do to make a few dollars. If she works hard, you may be able to go once ever two years. Really, it is totally her decision. America is the land of opportunity, that is why they want to come here, for love and opportunity. Just make that clear that she gets you and opportunity, period. izifaddag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/20/2005 12:17:08 PM   JMO, WT & Sailor, This is the exact approach I have taken but in a nice way. Think of it as a test. I am in waiting mode right now. I am trying to find out if she is wasting my time. I have told her I am not wealthy and that a trip home will probably be once every 2 or 3 years. In reality I think I can swing once a year. I want to see what the reaction is going to be. Here is the dilemma. Firstly many of these women think that all Americans, indeed all western men in general, are loaded. That has to be dispelled. A little reality check. We all know that the money we spend over there on a vacation wouldn't last 5 minutes over here. They don't know that. The next thing is am I buying a wife or does she truly want a relationship with me? Is she just trying to create a better future for her child by sacrificing herself or is she genuinely attracted to me and looking for love? Tough questions and I dumped my first woman from Mariupol because I got that sense. JMO's point about basically saying this is the way it is going to be is extremely valid. I agree and it is a way to sort the chaff out from the wheat. I met someone in Kherson that I thought was great. We dated for 9 days while I was there and she was surprised at the end of it (when I was going to return) that I had not asked her to start putting papers together. Here is how this played out exactly. It is interesting. I spent my last evening in my apartment with my lady and the interpreter. We ate and watched some TV. Then it was time for them to go. A kiss and goodbye. I was up at 3am to start the grueling trek back to the States. After they left the agency owner arrived so we could settle the bill and figure out what was going to happen next, loose ends. We talked and that was when she told me that my lady had said to her she was surprised that I had not asked for paperwork. I was shocked. I said look, I have only known her for 9 days. We have not slept together, she has not told me she loves me and she wants me to start paperwork? Are you joking?? She said it was normal and gave me examples. I do not doubt her word for a second I only know what I expect and am prepared to do. So I said well I am coming back in November to see only her this time we will cross that bridge then. Now I have been back about 5 weeks. In that time I have had 4 short emails. That is not all her fault there are reasons which are partly to do with me. So in this interim period I have cooled and decided that I wanted to find out where she stood. She was overjoyed that I had 'picked' her from all the others but I am not detecting quite the enthusiasm that I expect. She even in the last email thanked me but said that a present I had given her (via a friend) was not to her taste. Extremely politely said but a little fucked up I would say. Now I am fishing. I have given the impression that I am not that well off and a trip back would be every 2 or 3 years. What will the reaction be? I started this by mentioning 2 things in my previous email I wanted her to start thinking about. The first was that I am not wealthy and that we would have to trust each other and pull together. If we did that anything was possible. The second thing was that homesickness is very common amongst new people to the USA. It can be strange here and it needed to be said that whizzing off home to see mum at the drop of a hat wasn't going to happen. This is a commitment for life. The husband comes first and mum and dad take a secondary role at that point. There was some other stuff but you get the point. She wrote back and said that she was thinking about thsese things just as I asked her to. BUT she did say that her mum was asking how often she will come back. BINGO!! The money shot. That is what I was looking for. So I now took that opportunity to say that it would be at least 2 years before she goes back the first time. Actually that is probably the truth. There is going to be a lot happening and the money is going to be needed for other things. To be continued: Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > How Often To Return?
	Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7