Good Luck, Izi; you are on the right tract as this is very serious undertaking. Success comes from smart decisions we make now.
That being said, don't test her to much. Your relationship is still very new and will not stand for a serious test.
About the gift, her comment is what I would now expect from these ladies, they are direct and tell you if something is not right; they do not express emotions well but they do tell you when the prefer something one way or the other.
That directness can be bad but also can be good. You do not need to wonder around worrying all day what she thinks-she will tell you directly.
Writing letters for these girls is hard, maybe she does not type and needs to "hunt and peck", the translations suck, etc.
Don't make to many decisions now, wait until your return trip to make you assessments, IMHO. I have struggled with some of the same feelings but will return next week for my next visit.
Another point, these ladies talk with their family and friends. Many of their questions will be questions from their family-like "how often you come home".
Good points from everybody even the ones I don't agree with.
Sailor
This is the money shot. Basically if she says to me that she is willing to wait to come home, that it is really me that she is interested in, she is willing to work together to secure a future and that she believes in the future. It will be a green light.
Anything other than that and she is wasting my time.
Am I being machevelian? You betcha! They are!
I have a great deal to offer and to risk. I will not do it on the strength of a peck on the cheek and seeya in 3 months. Nope.
She has to live with me when I am in Kherson, cooperate with me in everything I ask and be very realistic about the future.
You think I am being harsh?
No I am being honest and truthful.
I already did the trickster thing with a woman in Ekaterinburg. I see what is going on. I am not stupid. I am being sized up and valued. All women do this and there is no harm in it provided that one is not suckered into the emotional side until these practical aspects are taken care of. I have already paid lip service to it but the real thing is waiting in the wings. It is there but I want to see a lot more first.
There is much, much more that I could say but I will not. By far I agree with the bulk of what has been said here. Couple of daft things but generally not a person here has said one thing that didn't have a ton of merit one way or the other.
I will do this my way. I will run this show. All shots will be called by me. If this lady doesn't go my way I will find one that will. There is just too much at stake to do this any other way.
Ooooooh!! A tyrant!! A dictator!!
Yep absolutely right. But a tremendously benevolent one with a big heart and a really good sense of self preservation. Been hurt too many times in the past. Most recently having had the shit kicked out of me by Lady M. :))
So I wait to see what she will say.
I could say a great deal about finances here and what she can expect in the States but why bother.
Some want to send her home twice a year. Others once a decade. There is argument about how much money is enough etc. All I can say is I know exactly what I am going to do.
I appreciate every last comment here thank you everyone.
Izi
Izi, We are in agreement. Now is the time to determine if this is the correct choice. Many of us have had on-going arguments with1234 and van and others. If we do not evaluate this carefully before granting of K1/K2 then 1234, Van,et al are right-we will fail.
I am crossing some of these same bridges myself. Financial is not a major bridge for me but other bridges remain to be crossed. I agree, I want a bit more emotion, I want some sensitivity, and I want some passion (not talking sex-but that better be in the cards and those card shall be dealt to me). I want to walk in the door when I arrive and have her run from the kitchen full speed and jump into my arms. I want her to kiss me like she is doing a medical exam. I want to see the sparkle in her eyes.
This time will be the determining trip for me. We are going as a family on vacation from Belarus to the Black Sea in Russia, Sochi to be exact. We will be together for 9 days, sharing the same room, sharing the same sink, etc. She will see me first thing in the morning as will I see her. If after the 9 days, the covers on my bed in the morning look like I am at Iwo Jima (erecting the flag) then we have a deal. If not, I return without.
I am a creature that does not have sex without love and does not feel sexual attraction for more than a day or so without love. If we are in love, we will file K1/K2 when I return. If not, I will be in my car to share a beer and stories with my fiance.com buddies in S. FLA.
Izzi,
It is nice to hear you said you have agreed with me on all points . We both know who has to wear the pants and who will wear the skirt . They are always wishing for a real man, at least that is what they write.... And that is what they will receive. Our way or the highway baby.
JMO ..... and others (maybe),
So in the USA, and I can understand different nationality traits, is a marriage not a 50/50 partnership or is it all what he wants and she will do as she's told?
And when you throw her out onto the highway whereas she may need to enter into prostitution just to support herself and/or to pay for her air ticket home, will you not become in trouble with the authorities because you have sponsored her entry into USA and indeed you need to support her out of the USA and not just out of your own doorway and onto the highway?
Marty,
Your easy dude LOL . I knew i would pull you out on that one in minutes . That was between me and IZZI. I will gladly pay for a one way ticket if it doesn`t work.
Martin
You paint an extreme picture.
Prostitution?
Listen I am going to a lot of trouble to bring a woman from the others side of the world to live in a much better envoiroment. Her son is going to have a loving father and a bright future. I am engineering this, I am paying for this. It is definitely not 50/50. All I ask from her is to love me and support me. Until she has some real grip on life in the west, in particular America and let us not forget mastered the language, I am going to be making all decisions and running this particular show.
There will be a marriage contract and if she cannot handle this situation then just as JMO I will pay for a plane ticket back and lick my wounds.
This marriage stuff to a FSU woman is definitely not a democracy. There will be no votes. Having said all this I will give so much leeway and rope that she can hang herself and have enough left over to rig 10 tall ships.
Let us get it straight I am the boss, I am the man and I am the one taking all the risks. All she has to do is show up and use some time. If it doesn't work she just goes back where she came from.
When I first came to America I wish somebody had offered me a deal like that.
Just as JMO says they are always saying be a real man. Here is how I interpret that:-
Be strong but be gentle. Lead don't follow. Protect but don't coddle.
Sounds to me that you have the desire for a western woman but with an eastern european accent. Please do not misunderstand me I mean you no disrespect. 6 years of searching dilligently followed by a marriage where you and your wife live in 2 separate countries is not for the faint of heart.
However this 50/50 feminist stuff is not for me. That is exactly what I am trying to get away from.
My ex wanted to be 50/50 but at the same time wanted me to also run everything so that she could complain about that very fact. When I said ok you take care of this she fell over every time. So I took the reins and said ok this is how it is going to be. Then she got more open about the passive agressive attitude.
This time it is different. There is no pretence at democracy, it is simple. I am in charge end of story.
Actually I have found that as soon as I start to waver in this attitude and slide back to my old ways it starts. Well it will not have a chance to start this time.
Once again I agree with JMO
JMO,
You didn't, as you put it, pull me, I chose of my own free will to respond to your post which I believed to be chauvenistic from start to finish.
Is it really any surprise that no ladies regularly participate, and in agreement, in this forum?
Izzi,
An if your lady were to read what is written here? Put yourself in her place, would you be chomping at the bit to join your man in USA?
I wish you good luck in your future relationship(s), you're going to need it!
I guess I am and every guy who wishes to treat with wife with respect etc. to have a loving relationship rather than a one-sided dictatorship, well we're all wimps, I can live with that!
Martin
I really don't care what she thinks. If she cannot hack this then there are plenty that will. The search will continue. I am fully aware of this. I will not compromise. It is not a question of respect I have lots of respect for her but I will be making all the decisions. When she comes up to speed which is going to take several years things will change. Until that day comes then no.
Did you actually read the post? Here I will grab the relevant part again.
"Having said all this I will give so much leeway and rope that she can hang herself and have enough left over to rig 10 tall ships."
Soon as she learns to speak fluent English, understands mortgages, equity lines of credit and the child isn't the center of her universe every waking moment then there will be time for an equalization.
Until then she looks after the home, I will earn money and will work together to create a strong family unit.
Izzi,
No, I read what you wrote, including the positive points. Perhaps I am spoilt, my wife speaks perfect English, she has previously worked in western Europe for 2 years, we understand each other 100%, we are best friends and we have a 50/50 relationship.
That is to say, I do not agree with everything she says nor does she agree with everything I say but we are able to discuss everything, as two equals, and we make a bloody good team. I can't imagine starting from scratch again, to meet with a new lady tomorrow, and please understand that for each failed relationship, for whatever reason, one needs to get over the heartache, pick up the pieces, and start the process again right from the initial date, indeed initial letter, of getting to know each other and as the years pass this becomes more and more difficult, trust me!
Marty,
50/50 marriage in America means as long as you do everything her way to her liking it is 50/50. I can`t begin to tell you how many miserable men i know that are scared shitless of their fat wives here and all decisions are made by the bitch because he is to scared to be thrown out of the house he worked for with the threat of divorce over his head . Fuck that !!!! I laugh at them all and stick it in their faces and they know it is true . Yes i am a male chauvenist pig and damn proud of it. We are of a dying breed in the states because most men are brainwashed by the feminist that everything must be 50/50 .Rubbish, pure rubbish . And you are not allowed to voice your opinion either. My father was a chauvenist and we had and still have a great family . He knows what he has to do keepth family together and whatever means and my mother kept the house in order and raised the children and also kept her mouth shut.Yes she voiced her opinion but it would be only once and i am sure my father listened to her.My sister is a teacher and a hardcore feminist. She demands to run the show but needs a therapist to help her. She asks him to do thingsfor her and then she stands there and then tells him how to do it .Fuck that too. I have female friends who understand why a man should be a man because they know an American woman will walk all over you when given the opportunity.InKiev with my former girlfriend there when she started to give me some petty bullshit i had to point the finger and tell her in a raised voice how it will be . Well . it had a great calming effect on her and she looked at me and exactly in these words she said "I finally see that you are a real man" This told me that these women are different than western women . This was an eye opener for me too because i never thought i would hear this from any woman . These women want a leader , not a follower which American men are used to doing with their wives over here. So if you want to keep up the tradition of honey honey honey whatever you want then do it,but keep plenty of chapstick for lip to ass movement. Marty , I wish you could have had a few relationships with American women ,then you will know what me and Izzi know . but anyways you are happy and that is all that matters.
JMO
I do not want to pick on Martin because I think he is a very lucky guy. He has achieved something that is very rare. I wish it was me.
When I was married we were OK in chunks but there were other problems that were just totally unaceptable.
Example:
Our money and her money.
Example:
Her favorite TV shows came before talking to her husband who was driving a truck all over America so she could actually sit there and do that.
Example:
Putting her daft religious pursuits over her husbands needs.
Other than that we were friends and still are. She was/is short, fat and has a bad temper. Great fun.
To think what it would be like to have a pretty wife that actually knew that YOU are her husband and that YOU are the most important person in her life. I wonder what that feels like. To know that you can hand off the bill paying to her and be secure that she would not fuck it up. That she would learn all the financial strategies that you took years to learn. Then intelligently put into practise without any but minor prompting from you. What a thought that she could actually cook and that wouldn't fall to you also. What does an ironed shirt look like? Is it nice to get into a made up bed at night? What does a clean floor consist of?
You get the point.
So I think Martin is one lucky guy. He deserves it because it isn't like it fell on his head, he paid his dues. 6 years of looking that is no joke.
Martin
Do you see why we take the approach we do? I agree with JMO. Everything he says is what I have experienced. This is one of those rare instances in life that we can say we actually have the upperhand. Did anybody see that endorsement that Felicedate posted in another thread? Says exactly what I am driving at. I am not willing to take any shit my friend and I am not willing to surrender any ground in this process at all. If that costs me 10,000 women then so be it. There are 100,000 women to replace them. I too will keep this up for 6 years until I find 'the one'. I will not take shit, surrender my control or ruin myself for a woman. I have been through too much to get to this point.
JMO,
When I went to to school 50/50 meant 50/50, not 0/100 and I guess fat wives is a MacDonalds thing, Europeans, in general, are not fat.
I am not a male chauvenist and I hope I am not of a dying breed and all of my wife's friends, indeed her family, love me because I am very ordinary and I regard them as equals rather than looking down my nose at them.
Your post, immediately above, is very much American and perhaps leads others to understand why American men seek overseas wives or, indeed, why American women reject American men, something that I am not in a position to judge.
Do you know what a Turkish man's idea of contraception is, here's a tip for male chauvenists, make her take it up the ass, no risk of pregnancy and thnk of the money one can save on contraceptives!
If she doesn't agree to take it anal then show her the highway baby!
Dear Marty,
Like Izzi said before you have to take everything to the exteme and from your history on here you always have to throw the last punch or it will never end. So Marty , it is all yours.........
Izi, I thaught you was nice guy...what more I read your posts I see you are just stupid and dont know much about women. I think Marina understood that too...and found somebody welfier and more educated. Do you belive yourself what your writing...NOBODY dont except that she can visite homeland only once in free years! And if your woman is in USA she dont iron shirts and wosh dishes( I hope you have dishwosher at least)but find new man who is able to finance her trips to Ukraine...Honourable member fiance.com Jetmba will finance hes girlfriend and her trips and he will get nice much younger Moldovan babe, I think you must take excample! 100000 women...are you drunk or in drugs...you havent money even for your wife/girlfriends home visits!
I think in the end you have just empty hands, no girlfriend and no money. Errrrrr....sorry about that but seem you just need cleaner. Maybe if you hire cleaner, you can concentrate more!