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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Trying to tell her that employment is necessary Author Post Donnie Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2006 6:37:48 PM   Guys, I need some advice with this issue. I am just a normal guy. I have normal goals to have a wife, 2.2 children, house, dog barking in the back yard in a surburban neighborhood. The issue with the current lady I am writing to is that she doesn’t want to be employed. I have had this issue with other women too. She doesn’t seem to understand that it a rat race for a man and woman to have these goals of sucess in the US. Let’s face it guys this is true. Nothing wrong with this but I do not want to be an apartment dweller or live in a Jerry Springer trailer park. These are good women. Most are well educated and employed over there. For a guy to have a total stay at home wife; he is either wealthy or he is lying about being wealthy. If she is going to stay at home all day eating bon bons and doing soap operas(a good way to learn English, yes?) this will not work. I can’t get them to understand one salary in the US will not work. I don’t want to lose her and I will not lie to her, I’m trying to get her to know what real life is like in the US. Hep me! Hep me! wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2006 7:03:58 PM   Donnie, "one salary in the US will not work" so true but on a global basis not only in the U.S. I don't know your lady or the situation between the two of you, so I don't want to make any dramatic statements. I'm married with a Ukrainian woman for nearly two and a half years. She is currently 22, which makes her more than fifteen years younger than me. From the beginning, she wanted to study and work. I told her to try to do the first and see if she would have enough time to do a part time job if she was still interested. She speaks English well, but even so classes proved very demanding and in fact not only took all of her time during her first year in the states, but also some of mine since I had to help her especially in essay writing through the early morning hours at times. Her desire to work has not stopped and it's only because of me that she has not gotten a job, yet. I convinced her (underscore convince) to try to do well in her classes and once she graduates, she can of course get a job, a much better job than any job that she might get without completing her education or without getting good grades. She even chose a field of study that is different than the one that she might enjoy the most in order to ensure that she will find a job and will be able to make substantial income right away and have further prospects for advancement in her career and financially. Literally all Rus/Ukr women my wife knows here in the states work or study and work. I even know of one example where the man just got a job after one year in unemployment while his wife continued to be employed all this time. I like the fact that my wife wants to work and grow as a person. I know some people might say "the woman's job is to arrange flowers in the house ..." and I used to entertain the idea of the woman staying at home, but not anymore. It is ridiculous. A person who willfully stays at home all day watching soap operas would not have my respect. I don't know your situation and I don't want to run to conclusions, but I'm surprised that you said other women told you they expect to stay at home and don't want to work. Again, my experience is totally the opposite. I'd say that FSU women want to work even more than American women do. Good luck! danny3777 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2006 7:24:40 PM   Donnie, Many have the opinion that we earn, perhaps, a million dollars a month, we all have swimming pools and our streets are paved with gold. I have/had the exact opposite problem, not that it is a problem, my wife is determined that she wants to work, as I say this is not a problem for me as any surplus money can be invested in our properties either here in UK or in Ukraine. I would, however, like to see her sometime thus we've agreed to meet in the middle somewhere. You need to agree, disagree or meet in the middle somewhere with your lady, if you're having such a problem so early in a relationship and if there is no compromise to be found then you need to move on, such a situation will only get worse! I appreciate it's not what you want to hear but I found myself unable to compromise with a lady some 4 years ago. Martin Eudes Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/3/2006 7:25:34 PM   I don’t agree with you. If you think a house wife sits around and eats bon bons all day you are mistaken (well maybe some do.) Raising a family is a full time job and one way or another you will be paying for the services a house wife would provide or see a drop in your quality of life. If she is a skilled worker and can be more productive outside the house than push her but consider the impact of having two professionals in the house while bringing up children. Real life in the US does not look after the family unit. If she thinks she's going to be eating bon bons all day assure her that she'll be busy walking the kids to school, weeding the back yard, picking up the dogs crap, going to the grocery, helping with homework maybe even home school the kinder. If you are looking at having a couple of children you are looking at a couple of years where she would be at home anyway and you providing the sustenance anyway. She may not value the American luxuries over the quality of life she can bring to you and your family. Be sure you meet eye to eye on this before you push her to get a job for it may very well dissolve the relationship down the road. nasfan6 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/4/2006 6:00:04 PM   Well just tell her to enjoy the small vacation. Chances are she won't realistically be able to work in the US for about 6 months, First you would have to get married then file a change of status for her to get a social security card. By that time if she was working in her home country she will probably be bored to tears, especially if you are going to work daily. Plus it will give he time to adjust and adapt to a new lifestyle and culture. Guys don't worry so much about her as second income when you have bigger and more difficult problems you will have to deal with in the beginning. Later Mike Donnie Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/6/2006 8:30:49 PM   Thanks guys for the advice. But if you have met enough women most will say that they want to stay at home. I have lost several women over this issue. I agree that this is not practical. In their culture perhaps they can do this, I don't know. I don't want to lose this one. I have been trying to tell her gently about our culture and raising children. Perhaps, the agencies, or from other source, the woman is geeing some hype that we have bottomless pockets, ya think? wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/6/2006 9:38:33 PM   If you're right and she's after your presumed by her big pockets, why wouldn't you clarify things up front and right away so that you don't waste your time or hers. Personally, there would be two things that would immediately turn me off (aside from ugly looks and bad chemistry of course): (a) if she asked for money in any way or form, and (b) if she tried to set up expectations up front about her lifestyle after marriage. Alarms would go off and I would run away faster than Carl Lewis - Annika77 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/7/2006 5:04:25 AM   Happy new year first to all! But even in new year anything havent changed. The same crap continues. What happened to traditional women, now its bad when somebody is homemaker? You ask in dating sites for traditional women and you get what you want-girls who tell you they dont want to work (other thing is what they THINK). I was home with my kid still he was 3 years old and I never had`nt time for lying in sopha. Donnie-so called FSU women work, where do you get idea that in this culture women are housewives? vivalasvegas Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/7/2006 8:17:10 AM   Annika, I too have experienced this problem. I met lots of girls in the Ukraine when i went and every one of them wanted to make babies right away and stay home to be housewives. I think a larger portion of guys who look to the FSU are looking for a true partner in life rather then the "traditional values" type of girl. nasfan6 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/7/2006 9:42:37 AM   Happy new year Also Annika. Instead of being so acerbic, maybe explain to the people here that have never been to Eastern Europe is most women do not sit at home watching TV and eating bon-bon's. Rasing Children is a full time job. My own mother stayed home until I was of school age then she re-entered the work force. Yes it might be difficult in the beginning, but if you really want a traditional family you will make it happen. It is not impossible in America for a man who makes $40,000 a year to have a stay at home wife to raise children. Instead of the woman working, do any men think of having a second source of income? No what I hear mostly is she must work. For twelve years of my marriage to my Ex I was the sole source of income and we did fine. What happened to the American man? Being resourceful and doing for his family what needs to be done? Giving up on his selfish wants to promote the needs of the family first? Well it can be done and if you really want to do your children in the future a favor, you will not want them to be latch key kids. All of my fiance's friends work, and they have all raised their children. It is a dream to stay home and raise children in most countries. All a dream is a goal that has not yet been realized. Like I said in a previous post, I wouldn't worry to much about throwing her in the working world right away, there will be greater issues you must deal with first. Later Mike wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/7/2006 1:07:22 PM   In my mind, "traditional role" does not mean the woman should stay home and become a maid. A woman can both work and keep her house clean and her kids well raised. The man should help in all this. In my mind, both spouses are responsible for all things in a marriage including housekeeping and raising kids. Both spouses are responsible to contribute to the family what they can. It's a myth that the woman must stay in the house and raise kids otherwise she will not have a solid family. Times change and people must adapt to new standards. Many jobs today require one's time beyond the old-world eight hour work schedule. 12 hour work days are not unusual at all. If a guy who works his butt off on a 12 hour work schedule must take on a second job to supplement his income, then wouldn't that mean the woman should take on all responsibility for raising kids and housekeeping. Then when are the kids seeing their father. I believe the father is as important as the mother in raising kids. Aside from this, a woman is an individual, not only a mother and a housekeeper. She needs to grow as a person, get to know life, develop interests outside the home, as well. Why refuse her the desire to develop as an individual? Women who stay at home all the time become boring and depressed people. None wants to feel totally dependent on her husbandand if she does, then something's wrong either with her personality or with her intentions. felicedate Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/7/2006 6:52:34 PM   Donnie, the problem has 2 sides. On the first look, one shouldn't like the girl who wants to sit at home and do nothing at all. She may seem lazy, selfish, not caring, whatever... On the other hand, stop the "endless pocket" crying! You should realize that if a man decided to aquire a Russian wife(sorry for pragmatism) here we can have two variants: 1) His pocket's bottom is quite deep from the surface and he can chose between a Russian chick or a new SUV. getting a russian wife is an investment that will pay back very not soon, if it will in general. 2) this guy is a non-realistic dreamer who will understand this very soon. So in short, a girl can and has all rights to account on a husband who will not care if she works or not. She can, but at the same time nobody tells that it is good. It is a matter of your man's ego. Personally I respect myself too much to account on any other money in my family's budget other than earned by me. I don't care if my wife works or not, it is her choice solely. Still I like women who have interests in life, some aims, some places to visit except our home. nasfan6 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/7/2006 9:22:32 PM   Ditto Alex I will never worry whether my spouse is an income earner or not. The responsibility falls on me to provide, especially in the situation of finding a woman from the FSU. At least in the early part. She isn't going to jump right into the workforce, at least not here in the US. I like you don't care if Larissa works or not. I know she will she's been employed at the same job for the last 20 years. She really put in to perspective to me. She said a man works to provide for his family a woman works to provide for her soul. An interesting concept when she explained it to me. I don't need a woman for income, I don't need a woman for a housekeeper. What I have found is a woman I can live with and also the woman I cannot live without. I have found my best friend, my soulmate, my partner in life and soon she will become my wife. Later Mike T.East Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/7/2006 10:08:17 PM   NAS! Damn! You can write an excellent post. I only hope others will see (and understand) the truth buried in your words. T. felicedate Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/8/2006 6:08:22 AM   Mike. All is tru to the end. My regards. If a person is seriously concerned about his future FSU wife working or not, that's a clue to think that he won't be able to get the process to the end. Larisa is true. You know, my wife works as a teacher and she hardly earns enough to provide gas for the car I bought for her. It is fairly nothing. But with this job she at least sees something else than the four(or around this) walls, talks to anyone else but me and is solving some other problems than chosing what to cook for me. That's social activity as I call it. It is very important. All the best to you and Larisa, you both desrve it! Alex Chedz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/8/2006 7:03:18 AM   For crying our loud!!! This is NOT an FSU issue. I was married for 17 years in the UK, she didn't work until the very end, after all the arguements caused by money (or lack of) had effectively ended our marriage. Just be honest with her. Whether she is FSU or a native makes no difference. The comments about boredom have to be the main reason to "encourage" her to go to work. If she loves you and wants you to be as happy as her, then she will do whatever it takes. jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/8/2006 2:34:18 PM   Its not exclusively an FSU issue - but every culture has those where women really do not have to work. The men bring home the bacon. And I think that there are quite a few FSU women who desire that in the western man they find. jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/8/2006 2:35:01 PM   Its not exclusively an FSU issue - but every culture has those where women really do not have to work. The men bring home the bacon. And I think that there are quite a few FSU women who desire that in the western man they find. Donnie Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/19/2006 6:14:40 PM   This ia reply for Annika77. Thank you for your reply but I think that you misunderstood my concern. Yes, I agree it is true that you work hard and in addition to this you are a single mother. You say thay we ask for traditional women. Whereis the traditional women in your country today? Is she only a housewife? Is your economy so great that you can do this? There are many men, good men who want a good wife, a traditional wife. The reality is that both who are loving, have trust for each other, agree on goals to raise children, both need to work hard, in any country. They do not have to achieve the things in life just good things. The point is Annika, many ordinary men, not rich men, with ordinary jobs, not head of corporations, these men want to be loved and want to search for love. In the US, Russia, and Ukraine, I do not think goals to have children and an ordinary mediocre home can be accomplished on an ordinary man's salary. There are too many women searching for a wealthy man and not enough women searching for an ordinary man, a good man. Most ordinary men are not wealthy. Annika77 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/20/2006 11:20:55 AM   In my country is one of the highest employement of women in the world. Economy havent nothing to do here, it depends of attitude and education of women and attitude in the society. I dont think estonian men looking for "traditional women" its sort of american thing. We practically havent housewives, but we have law woman can be home till kid is 3 years old. We have small families too so its not really hard work to balance the time. I generally think that girls tell exactly what men want to hear and I think in so called FSU traditional woman means housewife what is quite rare! I dont even understand where comes the idea about girls who dont want to work, their grandmothers worked, their mothers worked-I just dont belive it! What about looking ordinary and not welfy man, sorry but girls have enough ordinary and poor, but loving men at home...why they must go to look in America for that? What about "hardworking" single mother, thanks for compliment but Im not really hardworking:)and not always single mother:) What I wanted to say, houswife who have small kids and house to take care dont lie in the sopha and eate bon-bons, in USA, in UK or in Russia. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Trying to tell her that employment is necessary
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