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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Im still married - advise please Author Post tas Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/4/2006 8:59:36 PM   Hi all, new to this and after some advice. I am currently approaching the end of a 17 year marrage and it appears that women from eastern europe are more likely to give the femanine part of a relationship, you know caring, love, affection etc. The advice I require is basically, what do you recommend as to contact ladies, should i wait until im single as and when that will happen, or may it be safe to start relationships now? Look forwards to your advice. Mike Cycleserg Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/5/2006 1:49:15 AM   Tas You are still married! Get over that little hurdle first. Finding a lady from FSU is hard and very expensive. Later Bagira Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/6/2006 12:31:11 AM   17 years of marriage? I hope you fail in marriage not because you thought that you could easily find a pretty younger girl somewhere in FSU. During 17 years you have not create the most important part of a relationship, you know caring, love, affection and hope to obtain it from absolute strange? aussieman41 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/6/2006 6:41:10 AM   Tas don't delude yourself..reconsider your marriage and its problems..have you had marriage counselling to try and solve the problems? A young foreign Russian girl is not the answer for you. If your marriage is ending, you need time by yourself to heal and re-evaluate your needs and what you want out of life. Relationship experts agree it can take up to 5 years for a man to recover from a divorce and failed marriage and generally the longer the marriage has run, the longer the recovery. Its taken me that about 5 years to feel ok about the end of my 12 year marriage but I did not have another relationship for 2 years after it ended as I was not psycholgically ready for it and even then I was not right and it took 2 relationships to learn what I really wanted from life. Tas. when you leave you wife of 17 years and are on your own the pain and hurt will start..you need time to grieve and go through the stages of grief because it is a loss, you can't erase memories and you will experience painful remembering for the rest of your life but it will get less and less over a longer time...you will carry emotional baggage for a long time and you can't carry that into another relationship. My advice to you is "To live, one day at a time and let time pass"..divorce is a very painful thing and if there are young children of the marriage, it is a 1000 times worse! You must give yourself the necessary time to grieve and recover..it is the natural human process and you can't even think to enter into another relationship in the psychological state you will be in when it is all over and you may need grief and personal counselling to help you through this..it is important to remain in contact with people and talk about your feelings to those whom you can trust and professional helpers and not close yourself up and awy from people as marriage breakdown often leads to the mental illness of depression which creeps up on you and you do not know it until you are really sick. Try to be around your friends and get there support and talk about things and don't close yourself up and away from people as what many men do in this situation Don't beleive anything a lot of internet marriage agencies say about Russian/FSU woman being more loving, devoted and caring than a Western woman because its not true...they are the same as all other woman and because of cultural differences and mentalites, they are much harder to understand and many find it too hard to integrate into Western culture and way of life..in fact they can be hard and cold emotionally as they are bought up with a hard life. It is a very expensive, time consuming exercise to find a real honest Russian/FSU woman to marry amongst all the internet scammers and non-serious players out there. Tas, you are not ready for this at all and there would be many disappointments which would not help your mental state..I don't advise any relationship for you at the moment..you can't just hop straight into another relationship after a 17 year marriage and divorce and expect things to be like nothing ever happenned and you can not use another relationship to try and mask or obliterate the pain you may be feeling as it will not work and you can really get hurt yourself again as well as the next woman you choose to involve with..its not the psychologically healthy and correct thing to do as it will be doomed to failure so please don;t do it. Give yourself a chance mate to grieve as divorce is the most psychlogically devastating to happen to a man and you need that space and get help if needed and don't be ashamed to do so..don't do this masculine, macho thing "I am a man and can take it" because thats bull shit..you are a human being with feelings and emotions and it will hurt and it is ok to cry because it bloody hurts when the curtain comes down on marriage and your personal emotional recovery will take a long time. You must have loved your wife of 17 years at some time, you married her out of love and you will never forget that love..not possible..you mind might be clouded by emotions of anger and hate at the moment but when its all over and on your own, all that will give way and you will feel the pain of a broken heart and it will take a long time for the pain to subside and to feel better and you will not be the same person. Don't pay attention to Bagira..she does not understand what divorce is from the mans perspective..no woman can understand..this is the cold mentality you will get from a foreign woman. I used to be involved with mens counselling groups and became a group leader through training and my own personal experience of recovery from divorce and loss of my family. Even today I am asked to do one on one counselling with recently divorced men because only someone who has experienced it and survived can possibly understand what a man feels and help..Bagira's comments are not constructive and insulting. I was married to a foreign woman and when you bust up from them, it is my experience and what others I have meet that have been married to them and told me, we all have the consensus, that foreign women are the biggest bitches in court and give you the hardest of times and play games with your kids than most local women. and so say I. PS: THIS POST IS NOT MEANT TO INSULT OR CRITICISE RUSSIAN/FSU WOMEN AND COMMENTS HEREIN CONTAINED SHOULD NOT BE CONSTRUED AS THAT. and so say I. delta9 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/6/2006 3:15:42 PM   Good advice above Tas....of course there are many circumstance's surrounding a divorce and 17 years with one woman...though you dont yet have "the paperwork" from your divorce...how long have you both been emotionally divorced?...this is probably the more important question....people don't just decide one day to get a divorce....circumstance's for divorce often begin years before "the paperwork" become's a formality. Sean aussieman41 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/9/2006 12:06:14 PM   Thats right Sean, the problems and "rot" in my marriage began about 3 to 4 years before it ended and I knew about 6 months before we split up, that it was over and that I was going to take a one way trip out the door. I was separated for 18 months before the divorce papers were served on me and I was not emotionally divorced..even though I had not lived with her 18 months and could not go home as it was all over, when those divorce papers came to the door I was shattered..it signals the death of a marriage. Tas, it will take along time to "emotionally divorce" your wife of 17 years and you must give yourself a chance to grieve and cut the emotional ties. You will not "get over it"..theres no such thing as "getting over it"...you will learn to "live with it" and in time the pain will get less and you will move on in life..you must let time pass as the passage of time will heal the emotional wound but you will always have an emotional scar from it. One day you will be ready for another relationship but I feel it is not now and pursuit of a Russian bride is not the answer..the difficulties are far too great and youa re not ready to face them. hussar Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/12/2006 11:41:49 AM   Aussie writes.... "Don't beleive anything a lot of internet marriage agencies say about Russian/FSU woman being more loving, devoted and caring than a Western woman because its not true...they are the same as all other woman and because of cultural differences and mentalites, they are much harder to understand and many find it too hard to integrate into Western culture and way of life..in fact they can be hard and cold emotionally as they are bought up with a hard life." Let me ask then ... WHY ON EARTH are you looking in the FSU for a woman that can easily be found local to you?????????? Thanks for taking the time to respond! Adman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/12/2006 6:36:48 PM   Hussar Aussie is right on the money. They are also generally more materialist than Western women as well and expect the guy to provide it all. Why would anyone look for an FSU woman? Because they are attractive. Everything else is bullshit. There are big trade offs for those good looks. But we all hope to be lucky danny3777 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/13/2006 1:56:21 AM   I would disagree to a degree, Yes, there are very many materialistic ladies out there but in my ppersonal relationship my wife has some beautiful qualities, I'm not about to enter in to too much detail but there is truth to the FSU lady loving, devoted & caring thing but as Adman makes mention of, you need to be lucky, I'm very lucky. But for a lady to be loving, devoted & caring etc. she needs to be involved in a loving relationship, one where she genuinely loves the guy and if a guy thinks that he's going to make a single or perhaps two trips to FSU and return home with his 'mail order bride' then he's heading for trouble. There will be no way that the two of them love each other in that time frame and if there ain't love then there's going to be another reason for her being with him and he won't be the recipient of love, devotion & care. I'm not so sure if the guy needs to be lucky, perhaps he just needs to be intelligent! aussieman41 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/13/2006 8:15:21 AM   The time period you can spend on trips to the FSU is by far no where near enough to get to know a FSU woman abd form a loving relationship in the true sense of it. Love requires a lot of quality time to develop between two people and you can not get it on lightning trips to the FSU, even multiple ones. The majority of men do not have the time committment needed because of responsibilities of work ( you just can't take a lot of time off work to pursue this or take holidays when you like to go to the FSU and meet ladies and develop serious solid relationships ) and also there is the financial factor...no work = no money = you can't afford to take multiple holiday dating trips to the FSU to develop relationships..it really is a catch 22 situation. Also to go through the fiance visa is process is expensive and difficult and time consuming and you face the following problem: 1. For a USA fiance visa, you only get 3 months in which to decide to marry her..IT IS NOT ENOUGH TIME TO LIVE WITH A PERSON AND GET TO KNOW HER TO MAKE AN OUTRIGHT DECISION TO MARRY SOMEONE...I call this a 'shot gun relationship" that sometimes leads to "shot gun marriages", the term "shot gun" meaning relationships and marriages developed and done at bullet speed which leads to mistakes and disasters because really both people do not have the quality time to discover the truths about each other and if really properly compatable or not as it is all too rushed without enough thought. Marriage is meant to be a life committment to a person..you can't decide to commit yourself to someone based on a couple of week long visits to the FSU and a fiance visa valid for 3 months..its not not enough time for people to truly love each other. Sometimes too, some women come to the West for the dream and sake of a better life and not out of love for the man..its called "a marriage of convenience"..convenience for the foreign woman until she gets her green card, permanent residence or resident status of her new country after which she dumps her man...it happens a lot. Many fiance visas do not work out and the FSU girl goes back to her country after the 3 month visa period or whatever is up or if they do marry most of the marriages don't last. 2. I think UK fiance visas last six months and Australian fiance visas are valid for 9 months...more generous time in which to live with her and get to know her. I advise if you go through with a fiance visa, when she comes make sure you purchase a return ticket to the FSU that has changeable return date and valid throughout the visa period so if it all goes up in smoke you can send her back...a return ticket is generally cheaper than buying two one way tickets so you might as well try and salvage some savings by doing that if in the likely event it will not work out. Yes, a very lucky few of these relationships between Western guys and FSU or other foreign women do work out but most do not..dreams of marriage evaporate at the first personal visit or in the first 3 months of her stay on a fiance visa in her new country. I agree with Martin, it requires a relationship in which she genuinely loves the guy in order for her to be "loving and devoted" and such things take a lot of quality time to develop..there is "no love at first sight" and if it goes that way you are headed for trouble. I think there is a lot of intelligence involved here and a lot of common sense..the luck factor comes in if you get an honest woman or a scammer and you need to be on the ball here to pick them out before its too late and don't rush madly and blindly into this. aussieman41 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/13/2006 8:20:57 AM   Many a man has rushed into marriage blindly..married the wrong woman and had a messy divorce and stuffed up their lives! Clifford Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/13/2006 9:14:12 AM   When my ex told me she had met someone and I could HONESTLY be happy for her,I knew I could move on without too much baggage.Are you to that point? danny3777 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/14/2006 9:58:33 AM   It was as Aussieman previously said regarding many guys expecting the winning lotto ticket to be sitting there waiting for them. Love, devotion, care, whatever cannot be picked off the supermarket shelves as add-on accessories to the lady one might meet, these are genuine feelings and as such they are things that need to develop during the course of a 'natural' relationship. Any guy that expects such qualities to be present from day 1 or tries to demand such qualities from a lady, well he's a loser :) delta9 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/14/2006 1:46:37 PM   Quality thought's and wisdom shared here for you Tas....and all from men i think...well done boy's....maybe the thought's of a woman here would do justice to the cause...certainly another perspective and one of great interest when you consider we are all here about....and because of woman....and i not being sarcastic.lol. hussar Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/14/2006 4:27:26 PM   So let's summarize what has been said then. 1) FSU woman are more materialistic. 2) It's highly unlikely she'll love you after a few trips to visit. 3) It's highly likely we would all get divorced. So what are we doing here then? Are we all looking to "catch lightning in a bottle" (American expression), and we're all losers because we all hope to score something we can't score in our own countries? Sounds like we're all heading down the road of dread and despair then. MIKE00 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/16/2006 6:59:06 AM   I was married 21 years huh time for a trade in ---top many miles on my old boiler ! guys get offered a nice 25 years old fsu girl that i have now then peer around the corner at the bombastic ole Tart i had ------complete with more wrinkles than a prune and i tell you what it took me a whole 55 seconds to decide which road to go down. Beauty and youth keeps and aging man young -no good putting old after old ! now i get looked after by quality -not by some old bombastic - past it special From the day you are born you start to age / die you may as well go out in grace with a darling --you are only around once . so what is it to be ---style --or stale? i know which way i went and ive not regretted 1 minute of it . aussieman41 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/16/2006 11:03:08 AM   A young beauty will not stay with an old man...a 50 year old man with say a 22 year old FSU woman..get real man..she will dump you as soon as she gets her permanent residence/legal resident status in 2 years or so and find a younger more virile man. No young girl wants a wrinkled old prune whose sex organ is starting to fail him in his old age..erectile dysfunction is common in old men and they don't want a man that needs to take viagra just to get a hard on. Young girls want young men with prince looks and not old has beens! Stay with your old mole..proven mileage and reliability and put away your tool and save yourself the embarassment..old man can not keep up with the sex drive of a much younger woman. danny3777 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/16/2006 6:21:37 PM   Hussar, Have you got a 'chip on your shoulder' by any chance? 1) FSU woman are more materialistic. All women can be materialistic, yes there are many materialistic in the FSU and why, because there's so many western idiots falling in love with photo's and acting like complete idiots and of course these women will take advantage of such an idiot. 2) It's highly unlikely she'll love you after a few trips to visit. A few, how many is a few? Many guys, expecting that winning lotto ticket, in the shape of blonde hair and blue eyes, to be waiting for them and they think it reasonable to propose marriage within one week of meeting each other, If to say that each subsequent visit to the lady is for one week then how many weeks would you believe reasonable to know a person before proposing marriage? 3) It's highly likely we would all get divorced. Yes, if you propose marriage too quickly, in less than your quoted 'few' trips then you are at high risk of becoming divorced in a relatively short period. MIKE00 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/17/2006 1:09:33 AM   Wrong aussie man ---iam 49 girl pushing 26 - ive had not a worry ! i know 2 guys from perth one is 48 has girl 30 - the other is 47 has girl 27 . Now they have been with these girls 12 months and 17 months respectively . Ive never seen a solitary problem with any of them . Ive certainly had not a worry with mine ---------ok maybe we are 3 cases out of the ordinary --if your talking marriage yes well i suppose you could run into grief , but like none of us have any intention of getting married so that side tracks that element of grief . I made it quiet clear to my bird marriage no i told her you got the WRONG GUY !she seemed to wear it ok !!!!!! Hell if you want an old UV deteriorated fat- so -then you keep money in bank stay home in aussie get your rocks off rubbing the feet of your 16 stoner . Man who wants to do that ? Ive now met 8 aussies country wide and the least age difference between all the couples ive seen would be like 16 years . I see few worries --- but again i stress its good time attitudes - marriage is on the outer anyway log on to google read the stories on marriage stats in aussie - its all over mate nobody wants to get married hear all go to the divorce 9 months later. Citizenship -- only you want em hear with you --thats like making a ''rod '' for your back. myself and the 2 mates -we keep the kittens overseas -go over like 3/4 times a year stay a month have fun with your girl. If person can afford it really is the way to go! suits me to the ground iam happy and if it all turns foul you can leave your troubles behind yes. Hey you are not going to run out of em -lol lol lol lol . Why do you think a man goes there mate ??--------- come on your an aussie -you know whats on offer hear??? ------hey they all going to die alone to -i mean how ''gross'' - ending up with a materialistic melon from aussie ------------------NO THANKY !!! MIKE . idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/18/2006 7:09:42 AM   oh mike, I like your style. I have a mate from wa doing it. he is 47 and an animal. He gets all the good ones and has no intention of bringing one here. Wish I was so hard, and cashed up Russian brides > Main Forum > Im still married - advise please
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