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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > It's just too much Author Post Vent Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/7/2006 7:41:36 AM   To all, I don't expect my posting to be warmly received here or on any FSUW marriage board, but all the things I've seen from the male part of the community over the past few years have just built up to the point where I'm disgusted with most of you. So many of you treat marriage to a Russian/Ukrainian girl as a hunting or shopping trip. You start out by drooling over the thousands of pictures on websites and dreaming of marrying such a wonderful girl. Of course, all you really know about them is what you read in their profile....a profile that was either constructed using the highly scientific method of "multiple choice" or from some old stock profiles the agency kept on hand. So then the letter writing begins, and your behavior gets even worse. Do you learn Russian? Of course not, it's easier to just get a translator. After all, she'll be moving to the US (or wherever) and why would you ever need to know anything about a language or culture that she will surely be forgetting about as soon as she steps foot on our blessed soil? But wait, if you're going over to visit, wouldn't learning the language be beneficial? Of course not! You'll be making one or two trips, tops, so just hire a translator for your "dates." After all, real communication is with the heart, yes? Most men involved in this kind of pursuit fall into one of three categories: 1. The Hunters - for whatever reason, they've decided to look to the FSU for a wife, and it becomes nothing more than a shopping trip. How young and beautiful can I find? So many to choose from! The bad thing is that so many of you are within the range for a "mid-life crisis" that it winds up being some kind of trip into a candy store for you. How quickly the idea of actual love is abandoned. Let's debate age differences! Let me tell you how much better my email relationship is than yours! Hmm, how soon can I get the papers in so I can get my 90 day test drive? 2. The Partners - at least these guys have a bit more emotion about the process. They've been married before or in a very long-term relationship and just can't seem to live life without being married or attached to someone special. These are the ones who wind up touting reasons like "family values" when they begin their search. To them, it would be more painful to wake up to an empty bed than to wake up next to a wife that he can't really communicate with. 3. Those with an actual connection - this is the rarest of breeds. Some other reason led them to meet someone in or from the FSU. They didn't go into it planning to marry someone from there, but fate somehow stepped in. These are the ones with an actual APPRECIATION of the land and culture. They realize that the world looks different to different people raised in different countries....no one mindset is 100% accurate, it's all about perception. So here is my advice to you. The way you go about your search is exactly the reason why scams happen. It's because of your chosen methods that you have agencies out there who think of you as nothing more than a paycheck. Your best bet for success is to create a real FOUNDATION for your relationship, and unfortunately this is not something you can establish via email or phone calls. It takes physical interaction and time, and by time I don't mean 2 weeks vacation and then file the visa paperwork. Stop trying to think of these women as dying to get out...dying to go to the West. If she comes from some small country town, sure, she might be looking to get out of there...just like kids from Kansas and Nebraska dream of NYC or LA. But life isn't unbearable...this isn't war-torn Africa. You aren't rescuing them from some kind of concentration camp. If you've got some kind of saviour complex, keep it in check. Our perceptions of their day-to-day lives are colored because we are always comparing ours to theirs. Family and friends mean a lot to them, and they are also one of the best ways to help them cope with the disappointments and hardships. It's also ingrained into their collective history....no other region or people suffered the devastation they did during WWII. They are born survivors. If you thought "I want to get married" before you realized "I'm in love and I want to marry HER", then your intentions aren't in the right place. It's not meant to be something you can do as quickly and as cheaply as you like. You are just adding a wife to your life, but you're uprooting not only hers, but her family's and her friends'. On a final note, I will admit something that you might find shocking. I'm getting married to a Ukrainian girl. We met while I was living in Ukraine and I am thankful every day that I got to actually "date" her, see and appreciate what her daily life is like, and that I was able to meet her parents and get their blessing. Don't fool yourselves. You may hate the MOB tag, but the way most of you go about it just reinforces it. Cycleserg Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 12:55:56 AM   Vent Sound like you know how to do it right. gladiatorUK Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 5:11:22 AM   Great post Vent, lots of valid points,maybe you will touch a few nerves but the truth never hurt anyone. Congrats on your forthcoming wedding....:)) Adman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 8:32:35 AM   Vent What a load of bollocks from beginning to end. You begin by inferring we are wrong to looking for attractive women. Why would I go to the other side of the world and look for an unattractive woman? It is normal for a man to like attractive women. 1. Is “hunting” supposed to be a bad thing? Isn’t there a saying, “Seek and you will find”? 2. If you are so happy waking up alone. Why bother looking for a partner? They're just going to spoil it for you. Wanting a woman in your life is normal. We would all love to have your luxury of living there and “dating” the woman. For most of us, that is not possible. I have a 20yr old daughter that I’m putting through university and trying to maintain a stable family life for. Swanning off to the FSU for 6mths or a year, to chase women, is way down my list of priorities. If trying to begin a relationship through the internet falls into the MOB category, well without any better suggestions, so be it. Vent Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 9:46:39 AM   Current nerves touched count = 1 Yes, hunting is a bad thing. I'm not talking about seeking, or searching, I'm talking about treating the whole process like some kind of glorified shopping trip, complete with sampling the merchandise at every stop. I never said anyone is wrong to look for attractive women, but when that's the reason that you decide to make a single 2 week visit to propose marriage to somebody you've never met before, then perhaps it is wrong. If you read back through the forums, some themes keep getting drummed into your head. How little can I spend to find the woman of my dreams? Should I tell her about the other 10 women I'm involved with? She's hesitating, she must be crazy/stupid/a scammer. Maybe there used to be some adventure, some romance in the whole process, but now it resembles something more along the lines of a trip to IKEA. There's a hole in your life (or living room), so let's whip out the credit card and fix it. Let me emphasize something I wrote earlier - If you thought "I want to get married" before you realized "I'm in love and I want to marry HER", then your intentions aren't in the right place. I realize not everyone can take large amounts of time off to go over there (and I didn't go there to chase, I was working there). But this idea of hitting the minimums so she can get a visa, come here, and forget about her past life and start using those "old-fashioned values" to iron my shirts, cook me dinner, and clean the house......it's repugnant. Bagira Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 1:21:04 PM   First, I thought that it was written by a woman. Then I realize that it is written by a happy man who thinks that his way of leaving is the only right way in the world. Good luck to you. wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 1:27:50 PM   Can I underscore bollocks? damn the underscore function doesn't work, the bollocks still stand! Swimming in the ocean of ignorance what makes you think you have more chances to succeed because you "lived" there and because you "learned" her language-:) unless you stay there for good, you're exposed to more risks than others. She may come to the states and not adapt, and miss her country, etc. In fact, she, unlike other women who are decisive about moving to another country, may be more likely to change her mind, drop you like a hot potato and go back to her parents and friends. So, you're in deep shit and not qualified to come strong on issues you have no experience. Marry her, live with her several years in the states, and then come back and tell us your theories again. Otherwise save your prophecies for the morons who buy them. Bagira Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 2:07:30 PM   wtrav02 Of course, you are right. Mostly all woman who came as a dependent (married to American citizen or to FSU man) go over period of strong desire to drop everything and come back. Be prepared and supportive. Really it is not a big problem in loving family. gladiatorUK Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 2:29:00 PM   Still a sound argument Vent,and as you correctly guessed several touched nerves. I personally agree with you that too many people choose to turn a search into a shopping trip,and that is repugnant. "Let me emphasize something I wrote earlier - If you thought "I want to get married" before you realized "I'm in love and I want to marry HER", then your intentions aren't in the right place. ".......that phrase should be foremost in anyones' mind no matter where you choose to look for a wife.A prophecy??????...........I think not.....common sense more like. Vent Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 3:27:14 PM   Nerve count is up to 2, it sounds like. Wtrav02, you missed one part of my initial post and that is where I said I was disgusted with MOST of you. If you are doing it out of love and aren't just going shopping for an accessory, then more power to you. Of course, if your chosen methods are a little too close to what I was railing on about, then I can completely understand your need to lash out. Do I think someone who has lived there and can communicate in her language has an advantage over a guy who went for 2 weeks and immediately filed his fiancee visa packet? Call me crazy, but I most certainly do. "she, unlike other women who are decisive about moving to another country, may be more likely to change her mind, drop you like a hot potato and go back to her parents and friends." You're gonna have to explain yourself on this one. Are you saying a woman who registers with a marriage agency and accepts a proposal after meeting a guy one time is more likely to adapt to a new home than one who got to see, talk, date, and even live with the person they will be marrying? You need to cut down on your daily intake of lead paint chips. It's too bad you spent your entire arsenal of insults in your post. Wife's gonna leave me - check. I don't know crap since I'm not already married to her for at least 7 years - check. I'm ignorant and anyone who listens to me is a moron - check. Wow, you really put me in my place. Is it really so tough to listen to common sense? If I told you that preparation for an exam is more beneficial than just winging it, would you scoff at that too? I'm not saying this is the only way, just a better way, and if you can take away some part of it...appreciating her culture, making more of an effort to spend time with her and let the relationship grown rather than trying to bag one and get it home ASAP...then that's all I'm aiming for. wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 3:37:58 PM   People who go online to find a date are looking for just that, a date. If it leads to more than a date remains to be seen. You're saying that the entire online dating industry is flawed? That would be naive because too many people have embraced this sort of dating. International online dating is no different. If you have noticed, profiles on dating sites state the person's intention (marry, casual dating, etc.) because it is just honest to state one's intentions up front unless you're talking kindergarten dating. My take on the Romeo who started this thread is that he wants to pretend to prove he knows something about which he has no clue. Vent Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 3:58:19 PM   My posts are on a bit of a delay due to the need for moderator approval, so pardon me if I can't fire a response back right on time. International dating sounds fine and dandy...and rather funny on a website called "fiance.com." Dating doesn't always end in marriage, and I don't know many FSUW seekers who would claim they went into the process just intending to spend time with the ladies and get to know them socially. Well, maybe the sexual tourists would. And you're right, the websites list the person's intention. But how many agency websites are going to list women who don't say they are looking to get married? Now if you mean Russian personals..their equivalents of match.com...I'll give you some bonus points for that. But then again, if you're just looking to date, why look halfway around the world? Many thanks on my promotion to Romeo. Sounds more promising than Ignorant Prophet. Dont think it fits too well though. On another board the term "keyboard Romeo" means the 95% (their estimate) who never get on a plane, but just write steamy letters. tal55 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/8/2006 7:57:54 PM   Vent, I honestly thought your post was from a woman as well! And, I was disappointed to find out you were a guy. Because, your thoughts were intuitive, and tended to give most guys a psychological bashing. :) And, perhaps some of us need that! But, frankly, I don't really know how many true "hunters" exist. Because, by no means could traveling to a foreign country in hopes of finding love and marriage could ever constitute a "shopping trip". Why? Because, unlike choosing a favorite book from a shelf, a wife cannot be obtained in such a way! The book cannot say no, women can and often do. And, I do agree with the contrite comment of Adman. 70,000 years of mating practices have determined that men will ALWAYS be attracted to the women who look the best. And, yes, there must be reasons for seeking a wife in a far away foreign country, or else why do so? Note also that I have experienced no "sampling of the merchandise" that you speak of. I have found Ukrainian and Russian women to be very "old fashioned" in many ways. You will be fortunate to hold her hand and "steal" a kiss. And, that is perfectly fine with me, though perhaps not with some men. Also, unless you make the conscious decision of "I want to get married", you may never take positive action to come to the situation where you can say "I'm in love and I want to marry HER". There's just too many other posts to comment on, but I do agree that immersion represents truly the #1 best way to have success in love in a foreign country! I wish we all could do the same! I really do envy you your opportunity and I think you personally demonstrate probably the best all around method. Adman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/9/2006 2:04:09 AM   All I see in your post is, "Look at me, Look at me"!!!!! I think it is bloody rich, for a guy to come on here and slag off almost the entire board for not doing it right. When his experience is, hes lived there for years, speaks the language and no doubt earns 10 times what an average local does. Who here couldnt score any chick in those circumstances. Big deal. Every one knows, the more time you can spend getting to know the woman the better. Hardly a rhema from God. Only Bag, our resident female poster, thinks 2 weeks is long enough. The rest of your discourse largely irrelevant and worthless. With all your on the ground experience. Why dont you tell us something we dont know. To Moscow! Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/9/2006 3:25:59 AM   RFLMAO!!! This thread is pretty funny! Guy #1 is the "Trophy Hunter." He's generally an older man seeking a younger, more attractive female to showcase to his friends, colleagues and even strangers. Guy #2 is the "Momma's Boy" (Family Values' Guy). He wants a woman who'll fetch his slippers and have a warm meal prepared by the time he returns home from work. Guy #3 is the "Traditionalist." He falls in love over the course of an old fashioned relationship and does not have any pre-conceived notions or expectations. Let's see ... Vent is scolding the men of category 1 and 2 for not having the time, money or inclination for taking the traditionalist path, failing to realize that most of those men will never have the opportunity his employer gave him. Imo, it doesn't matter which road you choose to travel to your destination as long as you make that trip only once. Btw, as some of you know, the wedding in NOT the destination. geriatrix Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/9/2006 10:04:52 AM   ".... "Let me emphasize something I wrote earlier - If you thought "I want to get married" before you realized "I'm in love and I want to marry HER", then your intentions aren't in the right place. ".......that phrase should be foremost in anyones' mind no matter where you choose to look for a wife.A prophecy??????...........I think not.....common sense more like. ....." -gladiatorUK wrote. However, most women's profiles say , directly or indirectly, *exactly* that! So??? wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/9/2006 12:13:19 PM   Ok Vent I agree with you that the sex tourists, some love tour goers, and perhaps even some of the letter writers might land their first time in Ukraine with a ring in their bag determined to marry a young, beautiful woman not bothering to build the relationship first. Have you considered that most people take the time to exchange correspondence, talk on the phone every other day, and visit the woman several times in her country before she is finally here? I went to the parents of my now wife of three years and asked their permission to propose to her. I visited her first time after having exchanged a few months of correspendence every day and called her every other day. I visited her several times before she came here, and I was with her in her interview. The first time I visited her, I was dating her with the intent if things worked out between us to marry her in the future. There were no strings attached and I forced nothing on me or on her before the time felt right. What is wrong with that? And you know what matters at the end? we're married for three years, our marriage is rock solid, we're in love with each other and value what we have as the most precious thing in the world! If you date someone for a long time on a daily basis before marriage, you're guaranteed a successful marriage? that is absurd and naive. Then why people who know each other for a long time get so many divorces? I think your note is too general and lacks insight into the true foundations of a successful marriage. ben2006 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/10/2006 2:18:44 PM   i think vent has issues with the perceived stigma of a having a russian/ukrainian bride and goes around telling everyone that hes different (better) than those who fall into groups 1 and 2. Maybe some of his points are valid but living there and "dating" one girl doesn't make someone an expert automatically. I'd rather listen to wtrav02 who is married and has his wife living with him in the US? wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/10/2006 10:02:30 PM   Vent, Ben has an excellent point! If you have issues with the perceived "stigma" of having an FSU bride, then you might want to sit down and re-think whether you want to marry this woman. The worst thing you can do to her would be bringing her to your country and showing to her in your own way that you're not proud of being married to her or showing to her that you perceive her as lesser than the local women. Think about it! sometimes others can read between the lines and discover the things that you cannot admit to yourself. Good luck! soonermike Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/10/2006 11:58:23 PM   I agree with you Vent, there are those out there looking for an international booty call, and even some with a savior complex. I've read the threads by some of those idiots and grimaced. But to say this is the majority is, in my opinion, just wrong. I wonder, if I only intend to make a few trips to see my girl, am I a "hunter", or am I in the category of "How little can I spend to find the girl of my dreams"? Good for you, you lived there for awhile. Do we all have to live there to meet your approval? You haven't touched a nerve with me, like I said, I agree with you- to a point. I just would like to know the reason for the thread, Is it to feel superior for living there? If so, big deal. Is it to voice frustration over the whorehounds on the site? Well, both the men and women on the site are grownups and can voice their intentions through email. My girl received alot of emails from men wanting to meet her without knowing her, and she ignored them. Some women I wrote to were just looking for a short term thing, and I blew them off as well. That's how it works, you look until you find what you are looking for, just like anywhere you meet women. There are many types of men- and women- in this world. so what if you don't agree with them? How are they hurting you? By the way wtrav, congrats on you and the Mrs. I hope to be in your shoes someday soon. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > It's just too much
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