Thanks Jerome. I'm just interested in what RW who got married or just moved abroad have to say. Testostorone and western male culture seems to color a lot of the information on this forum. I agree that Fiance.com is a good dating site.
I think Olga answered that Frank. It's not common practice at all but when it comes down to it many will understand and go along if its important to you and you put it sensitively. That bit varies from person to person. Correct me if I'm wrong Olga.
Thanks folks! This site mentions statistics in various places. Where can one go to find testimonials of successes, statistics on divorces rates specifically for our circumstances, etc.. I would like to know what percentage of these marriages are the result of gold diggers.
There are five types of lie. Black, white, politics, statistics and the nett.
I think it would be very hard to make such statistics without invading on peoples personal lives. And I'ld take them with a whopping great handful of salt.
Like statistics on whether people prefer coke or pepsi.
Still if there are any statistics I'ld also like to know about them.
I can speak from my own experience by talking to friends and acquitances. I conclude so far, not much scaming at all, many men who change young RW bride every other year, and a lot of serious marriages that don't work for genuine reasons.
In short the biggest risk is emotional/romantic not financial.
There is alot of scams going both ways, i feel it is sad to see a couple getting married and the marriage is ruined due to the lack of.....
Yes i know it is not all men who is looking for a cheap maid who they can do with as the please, but it is also not all women who comes over here with falsh hopes.
What most people doesn't see is the work there is behind a marriage between cultures, and what do you do when it is not fun anymore and your fight all the time?
More and more women who comes over here, end up as a number down at the local police station, why? well where is the backups when things goes wrong? immigration, shelthers, communities... nope you are stranded in a hopeless situation with a husband who is frustrated and don't know how to handle the situation since she doesn't have the same values as an Native girl, and in the other hand you have a female who is scared, worried and try to find a way to settle in a country she has no clue even where to begin.
couples need more help.
Yes they do need more help. Moreover, They need to really know they in this together. So many people get together for convenience and not for love. Itís not a game here as so many people think. There are two lives at stake (not to mention if children are involved). But itís not so bleak. I know many Happy Russian/American Marriages that are working out just fine. This is because they have both accepted each otherís culture and identity. Olga suggested a book once it was "Wedded Strangers - the challenges of Russian - American MarriagesĒ By Lynn Visson ISBN 0-7818-0832-4. Itís not a bible of the issue. But it does bring to light some of the things that can and will likely come up. Some parts are funny and some will get you thinking. I believe that some of the descriptions given in the book of Russian attitudes and lifestyles have changed quite a bit due to increasing western influence there in the last decade. Nevertheless, I would wholeheartedly recommend this book to any American in a relationship with a Russian. It is a great help in discerning which of one's partner's unfamiliar/unpleasant behaviors are culturally driven and which are due to his/her own personality. Some of the examples of RW/AM marriages she describes may not be representative of today's marriages as a whole, Having said this, I also beg to suggest to not look to a mere book to save your marriage, Knowing why someone behaves a certain way may not necessarily make things any better in the long run.
Yes, there are scams out there, however there are also serious decent women out there. You canít take the small percentage of hopeless situations and make it sound like they are all destined to fail. This is simply not true. Most brides and grooms have ample opportunity (and access this day in age) to really get to know their partners. Of course, that doesn't always guarantee marital bliss, but in those cases, most brides and grooms have ample access and opportunity to simply LEAVE the relationship (I'm not saying it's easy). But itís not a hopeless situation. A big factor is if she can speak English. And if she canít I know many lawyers that will find a translator for her in the divorce (if it comes to that). Currently if she stays in the United States for 3 years she can self-petition to stay with out any concern for deportation. When things go wrong itís up to the couple to seek help like any other couple. The services are there and there is a very large community of Russian/Americans (with successful marriages I may add) that are willing to help. If you bring her here and you isolate her I will almost guarantee you will have problems. If you get involved with her values and her culture and make a Russian/American home you will be surprised at how the relationship will flourish (IT TAKES TWO, MARRIAGE IS A PARTNERSHIP, ESPECUALLY IN INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES). Good luck and remember She is giving up her whole world to come to you!
Wow, that is an excellent post. Thanks for perspectives. Is ther a Russian version of the book or a similar book for the RW? Where should one go to find these resources of other RW/AM couples? I have considered that if I brought a wife over, she would need to interract with others of her background. I would much rather expose her to other successful couples rather than taking a chance with a group of RW that have been Americanized and would spoil my wife.
Nope no Russian version. If you want to expose her to a Russian community in the states. you may want to go through the phone book and look for a Russian market and get yourself aquainted there. I don't know where you live so I can't tell you if one is in your area. Another Avenue it the Orthodox churches or the Catholic Byzantine church. Both normaly have a large Russian Following. there is a web site for Russian woman that is used by some Russian woman who come to the states. However I have heard that this site Unhappy Russian Woman use it to find a way out of the marriage and they complain on it all the time. Some even Use it to find a better husband than what they found themselves stuck with. I dont have the name of this site but if you want it I can find it. But I dont see much use for it. Good Luck!!!
Hello all; I will refrain from long-winded retorts but I feel compelled to make a few points here. First as to the cultural differences: I feel strongly that just as much as the man here in the US must try to understand and accomodate (within reason of course) her cultural habits and understandings, that it is just as important for the woman who is coming to this country to try to understand and accomodate our culture and it's nuances (including the prenuptial). Irrespective of the European outlook on such things, if she is to live here in our culture there will be many things such as this that will have to be understood, explained, and accomodated. Not the least of these are our INS laws, rules, and some of the simple things we take for granted like driving a car and getting a license. Our corporate culture is also one that takes getting used to. Next on my list is who should use a prenuptial... I believe that it is more important for the man with very little. My rationale'? Simple... as I have seen many friends in both economic situations I have concluded that the man of wealth will usually protect his assets one way or another, and certainly can regain the 1/2 he would lose by applying his accumen for wealth to this situation. However, a man with a home, a normal job, and normal debt ratio's here can often not recover from such a loss for many years. They are often forced to sell the home, split the assets, he will generally have to assume credit debt-load, and have to pay for and ensure that any children have health insurance and are paid for properly. This does not include the often generous alimony that is often granted here in the states. It is often you find a middle income man struggling for as much as 8-10 years before he is back to where he was, and sometimes even thrown into marraiges for the added income as much as the love itself. In general the upper-income man is going to get back to square one in 2-4 years, and will usually protect his assets during a divorce with expensive lawyers and good accounting during the marraige. I myself went through an expensive divorce 2 years ago, and because of no prenuptial I was significantly affected. However, I have been able to fully recover in 2 years and will not accept a marraige with anyone, citizen or not, without a prenuptial. I firmly feel that if either party is unwilling to sign such an agreement that he/she is a potential problem later. Lastly, if we are willing and happy to purchase Life Insurance against a death or catastrophic loss we all hope we never experience, then why is this "Insurance Policy" so different? Please don't mistake my forthrightness and honesty as "attitude", I am simply being succint for the benefit of all.
Just wanted to point out what CodeRed said above is nonsense. First, in the US, if a 90 day visa is issued, it requires a clear statement of who the intended betrothed is!! And it clearly states in the law that if the marriage does not occur with that man, then the immigrant wife gets deported. If she marries another man, she gets deported and has to file for a marriage visa.
Second, the woman has to come here and live with you for 90 days. Unless the woman is a total slut willing to do whatever she has to during that 90 days to get into America, then you will know unless you delude yourself terribly. Like she denies sex etc for the 90 days because of religion or something.
Then, it takes two full years to get the actual green card. All the person gets after the marriage is a temporary resident status. If, during those two years, the people divorce, then the immigrant cannot do much. Even if she were to try and scramble to remarry before she is deported, the process would suck.
The false accusations of abuse (to get restraining orders), now those are real even with American women. Shoot, mine threatened me with one when she wanted the house.
I am not saying that scams do not happen, I am sure they do. But it would be a shitty thing to go through, unless the woman had no scruples or the man was way too trusting.
Scary we do very well :o)))
There are 1000`s of good women there to be met, if you get scammed it will only be your own fault as there are a miriad of warnings all over every site telling the does and donts of FSU dating and marriage.
Read a lot, listen a lot, and if you are unsure about something, ASK someone here !!
There are enough of us with great experience of the FSU and its women to be able to answer your questions and keep you safe and sound :o)
Attitudes vary all over the world to these nasty legal get out easy papers, the FSU is no different, some women know about them and understand them, others will be offended if asked for one, and most have no idea what the hell they are being asked to do, or to sign.
The biggest problem, which has been mentioned on the other thread about this matter, is that if it alls goes down the river, her lawyer has the perfect get out, "She didnt undertand what she was signing" Pre Nup Null and Void !!!
"...She didnt undertand what she was signing" Pre Nup Null and Void !!!..."
Good warning, lol!!!
Make sure you not only have a complete agreement with your with to be, but also have her read and sign it in her own language.
In my NOT so humble and traditionally abrupt opinion there is no bigger marriage scam than getting hitched to a westernm woman.
You will automatically shed your fears or basic lack of confidence simply by following TimH's advice to read, listen and pay attention to the milion and one warnings posted everywhere.