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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > what gives Author Post mike eckert Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/7/2003 6:21:13 PM   Okay, I need a second opinion. I am currently involved with a beautiful Russian girl, who is arriving in August. When I visited her (our 3rd meeting) she seemed irritated when I would ask for her opinion, or thoughts. For example, if I went to buy her a Pepsi, I would ask her if she wanted one also. She said that instead of asking, I should just buy her one also and "force" it on her whether she wanted it or not. Is this normal behavior, cause I don't think I can get used to that. wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/7/2003 11:03:01 PM   Interesting. I have somewhat similar experience with the girl that I am seeing (3 visits already) and another one that I have had correspondence. It seems that "real" man has to take all decisions even decisions of everyday life. I have been told several times that I am the man and I should take all decisions ... where we go, what we do, what they do, etc. I am not sure if this is typical of CIS woman or it's typical of CIS woman looking for foreign marriage. It seems they are overwhelmed by the complication of deciding and planning things that seem very easy to us. In a way, you can pereceive this as weak personality. On the other hand, I don't like American, independent type woman at all so I guess from the two, I much prefer CIS style. I think your lady meant that you should bring her a soda anyway out of courtesy. CodeRed Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/7/2003 11:27:08 PM   wtrav02, I agree, My Olga does not like to plan anything. I do all the planning. She prefers that I discuess major issues or major purcheses with her. However in general she wants me to take action. She expects me to be the head of the household. (A lost value no longer present in American homes) Dont get me wrong. I am not a military commander of the house. I am head of the family. I see this in most Russian American homes. Treat her with respect and give her the love and courtesy she deserves. But run the family as a man. They are independent in their own way. But to the extreams on American woman. I discuss with her by asking her thoughts on where we go, what we do and I make the decision with her knowing that I took her input. But I Never ever decide what she will do. I will advise her and inform her of what I think but she has to think for herself at some point. She is in no way a slave. We have our disagreements and we work them out. But she always respects my decisions. What I think is more amazing is her openess to tell me the answer to whatever I ask. She may not tell me all things but if I ask I get the full and honest answer. So with a Russian woman, If you dont want to know, Don't ask. Good luck to all.. To Russia For Love Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/1/2003 4:17:00 AM   Although this might sound stereotyped, I would say it depends on the woman. It is characteristic for Russian woman generally to be used to being walked on (from the Russian men), but even early in your correspondence inform them that you appreciate their thoughts and opinions. Don't tell them it's "OK" for them to have an opinion. Tell them you WANT their opinion. Let them know they can express themselves without risk of intimiating you. They hesitate any actions if they feel it will hurt your feelings as a man. I have found women who certainly prefer to be led by the hand and have the man completely in charge. But I have found women who are happy to lead or express themself when they know you desire that. You will find that you must repeat repeat repeat: you cherish their opinion, you welcome their thoughts, you love their ideas. Repeat these things every time they do one of them. They want to please you in all ways including this. If they know such actions are enjoyed by you, they will do it more just for you! You will find you get more of this response from them. But if you're involved with a woman who is different than what you like, does something you can't stand, and there's no compromise, you might not be right for each other. You might be looking for someone else. norway Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/1/2003 5:58:53 AM   I agree with to russia with love, Cool nick. I'ld add though, concerning the soda, you feel like a soda when you're out, you buy one and don't even blink. But a buying soda from a town centre might be a once in a month experience for some of these girls. Do not forget that (finacially only) you are the prince they are the pauper. A soda is not something you feel like, it's a gift a show of wealth and generosity. That's why you can't ask a modest woman if she feels like it. norway Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/1/2003 6:22:34 AM   I've lived a bit in Zimbabwe. It's even more exteme there. A genuine coca-cola costs a US dime from a stall in the townships. But nobody only the richest can buy them. Relative to wage it's like 10 bucks to you guys. Now in the town centre, tourist areas, a coke costs a buck, because the tourists and the yuppie class executives think that's reasonable. . That's like a 100 bucks for the man on the street! norway Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/1/2003 6:33:01 AM   But marry this woman and take her home, and how long do you think it will take before she adjusts? Big-time trouble ahead for those that don't adopt an attitude of encouraging independance. You got max a year to get your act together. You are not a prince and she is no pauper at home. It's an illusion, and woman are people. So Mike, it's nothing to worry about, just to be aware of. FrankChicago Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/3/2003 11:49:11 PM   I find the prince and the pauper analogy to be a bit extreme. Mind, I've never been to Russia or Ukraine, but I've been to other countries abroad. A coke is a coke, not a luxury. If this is said about a coke, is burgers and fries a gourmet meal? norway Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2003 2:29:33 AM   To a degree yes, particularily a McDonalds burger in the town center. Ask Ogla what the average wage is in Russia compare to the American, and do the ratio arithemtic yourself.It's kindergarden abc stuff. Would you consider a coke a luxury if it cost you 100 bucks relative to your wage? Now that was Zimbabwe. I'ld guess the price of a coke in the tourist areas of the city centres in Russia would cost the ratio equivalent to the average incomes, about 10-20 bucks reative to US wage. That's not impossible, but yes a once a month luxury. I guess Russian can afford cokes, but only if thy buy them from supermarkets in the suburbs. norway Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2003 2:29:44 AM   To a degree yes, particularily a McDonalds burger in the town center. Ask Ogla what the average wage is in Russia compare to the American, and do the ratio arithemtic yourself.It's kindergarden abc stuff. Would you consider a coke a luxury if it cost you 100 bucks relative to your wage? Now that was Zimbabwe. I'ld guess the price of a coke in the tourist areas of the city centres in Russia would cost the ratio equivalent to the average incomes, about 10-20 bucks reative to US wage. That's not impossible, but yes a once a month luxury. I guess Russian can afford cokes, but only if thy buy them from supermarkets in the suburbs. best of luck Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2003 3:07:37 AM   I don't think this is really about the cost of things. We've gone off the beaten track. The issue is the woman's conveyance of her attitude. I would have been more comfortable if she could say "Yes I'd like one. And don't feel the need to ask - I trust your judgement". Or at least she can not sound so bothered by his inquiry. She should appreciate this practical nature, attempting to be generous while not wasting money. Jerome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2003 9:44:12 AM   When in Moscow with my girlfriend… she had me make every single decision concerning what we were to do…ordering from menu at restaurant etc… most of the time I was just as surprised as she was when the food arrived. Luckily I had researched stuff to do in Moscow otherwise we would have been lost. Finally after a few days…she once changed what I ordered with the waiter… because I guess she didn’t like it… I would get a little upset saying what do you want to eat…what do you want to do today? She would always say… “I trust you” I do not think it was as much out of respect, or shyness because we took a walk soon after we met and pretty much loosened up for the entire trip… and we were joking about everything and very comfortable together. She was also very opinionated on everything…relation between men/women, religion, politics, raising children… I basically came to the conclusion that since she was from a medium sized city, and was helping support her family…sister/mother that she seldom ate out at restaurants. Or at least moderate to nice restaurants. Our restaurant bill in some in Moscow was often two months of her salary. Basically I think some of the girls do not make decisions because they would not be spending this kind of money eating out in their current situation…not to say this doesn’t change once they are married, and over here. I know she had never drank a coke, or had been to a McDonalds till we went…that was actually her decision, but she was very embarrassed, and shy in suggesting it, but she had never been) But this is because she is from medium town. In Moscow they are lined up around the corner to get into McD’s… I think she even saved condiments, or something…basically she saved a lot of souvenirs…I bought her a backpack just for the stuff she collected during the trip…a lot of it was newspapers, theatre programs, napkins, matchbooks…etc. Whenever I asked her if she was sleepy… She would say no…I sleep next week when I go home. Another thing she said a lot was “First Time…” there were a lot of first times on this trip. (By the way she has slept for last three years on a couch, so the bed at hotel was “first time”…at least in awhile). (She didn’t crawl out from underneath a mushroom…she’s 25, extremely attractive, teacher…very intelligent about many things basically from reading… She is very cultured… she corrected me a couple of times once when I sat to the left of her at a table, and once when I was holding an opera program under my chin to get my wallet…she would say please Jerome…and correct me. She even managed to get herself on nightly news at premiere where Putin was at… Another first time…on Television) The last night she asked, can we please go to “Il Pomodoro” an Italian restaurant we had been to before? Basically over the course of the trip she became a little more vocal… I am sure that you will met girls esp. in big cities that are immediately ready to tell you exactly what they want, But for a lot of these girls, if it was actually their money they wouldn’t be spending it on restaurants and cokes…so that is why it is up to you to make all decisions, and spend money. Once she comes to America she will grow accustomed to a lot of this stuff that was not afforded in her previous lifestyle… hopefully shopping will not become an extension of herself like so many Am. Women. Again as I have mentioned in previous posts…I had to question what was real in the relationships…and we have had lots of serious discussion since returning from our trip… on both sides you can kind of get carried away and not see what is real… I am waiting on visa…but returning to Russia in October for a month, this time spend all time in her hometown…last trip we only visited her family for a weekend. It is fun to play the prince charming…but I do not think I actually am… or can afford it… wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2003 1:55:52 PM   Jerome, She seems cute and honest girl and you sound very interested. Good luck! I also have good news. My Yulechka's interview in Kiev is scheduled in less than two weeks. I just got the email from the embassy today. So, I booked my flight right away to be with her for her medical exams and her interview. Her visa should be issued the same day or the next. She will be all packed, so we'll come back together. Very interesting posting like all your previous ones. When getting married to a woman rather than fooling around, the quality of the person is very important. Her love is very important, her understanding is very important, her willingness to stick around in the good times and the bad times is very important. It seems you've found the one! Congratulations and good luck!! FrankChicago Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2003 11:17:21 PM   Jerome, Best wishes! Olga Moderator send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/5/2003 5:28:19 AM   <<<A coke is a coke, not a luxury. If this is said about a coke, is burgers and fries a gourmet meal?>>> Just a comment: For those who live in small towns it is. Not a gourmet meal, but something they never seen before.And can't afford. Because if an average meal in McDonalds(lets say...a hamburger,milk shake and fries)will cost around 3$, and the average salary of a teacher in a small town is less then 100$. So lots of people here don't go to McDonalds just to eat... they dine there. Again, this is about those who live in a small towns. Of course in Moscow and St. Petersburg the standards are much more higher. norway Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/5/2003 8:25:56 AM   Please say that is MONTHLY salary when you say less than 100$ a month for a teacher. Here is Norway a teacher gets about 2500$ a month. IE 25 times the salary. Hence a coke that costs a dolar for me, seems like 25 dollars for russian woman. A happy meal that cost me 3$ is like 75$ for her. Just imagine if you went by a ticket office with an exectutive girlfriend (owned half the business in your town) and she says to you. "I feel like a ticket to the superbowl. Do you feel like one too?" Wouldn't that make you feel a little small. Wouldn't you at least expect that she didn't ask you and just bought it for you as a gift. Jerome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/5/2003 9:23:33 AM   Thanks a bunch wtrav...frank! Jerome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/5/2003 9:31:30 AM   wtrav...if you can shed any light on the interview process (your girlfriends advice to other girls preparing for process, etc) when you return...that'd be great...thanks! wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/5/2003 12:21:43 PM   Sure Jerome, I'll give the full scoop at the end. After the INS approval, the process is really smooth and fast. The NVC (National Visa Center) takes over, assign a number and send notification that the case in the embassy (2-4 weeks). Then the embassy in Kiev very quickly (1 week) sends out 2 forms to fiancee. She needs to fill out the forms. These are in order to let the embassy know that fiancee is real person and is still interested in the visa. Embassy suggests that filled out and signed forms be scanned and sent to them by email (which is what we did). They responded the next day and scheduled the interview in 2 weeks from that date. I have an attorney, so part of the service is preparing my fiancee for the interview. She has her prep today. They'll take her through all the questions typically asked during interview. Interview is typically short and the focus is on making sure the fiance is not bogus (they'll ask her questions about me and my nbackground, how we met, etc.). In addition to the forms required by the embassy, it is good that fiancee has with her the following: (a) my most recent W2 form, (b) most recent tax return form, and (c) copy of affidavit of intent to get married (the one I submitted to INS). A recent bank statement with total last 12 month deposit amount and current balance would also be useful but not as important as (a/b/c). Attorney also sent her package with copies of all documents that they submitted to INS. It is good to show to embassy that fiancee knows everything about your background (example: complete divorce decree if divorced) to prove the openness of the relationship. I will continue this with the most frequently asked questions and a report after the interview or I will have her directly post her impressions. FrankChicago Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/5/2003 8:02:02 PM   wtrav02 - You're the man! This is really good information. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > what gives
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