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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > for Olga: What is custom for meeting family of a lady? Author Post Po Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/25/2003 5:41:48 AM   I am scheduling a trip to St Petersburg to meet a lady as the first important step. She has said to introduce me to the whole family. Mother, father and younger brother. I would like to bring a gift but in my country it is custom to only bring a gift for the lady and the mother. Is it the same in Russia? I have no idea! Secondly, what do i bring for family members. In my country you bring some sort of drink for your father in law, when you like each other. But having read about the problems with alchohol abuse in russia i don't know if this a good idea! Any suggestions are welcome! Olga Moderator send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/25/2003 6:18:43 AM   Actually I think men on this forum will answer this question better and give you suggestions on what one can bring to his fiancee's family ;-) There are no certain traditions on brining gifts to all family members, but I think( and as far as I know many men do it this way)since its your first meeting with a family,it will be great if each member of the family will get something from you.Thats not required, this is not a tradition(if you will not bring anything at all nobody will be offended ;-)))..this is just being nice to people who may become your relatives and showing that each member of the family is important for you.For russian family meeting a foreigner can be a shock , I mean, usually its a great event if a girl introduces her foreign date. So if you bring something nice to all of them this will just show that you know about all those people and that you appreciate their hospitaity. What to give for mom, dad and brother-depends on their hobbies and age.I think the best way is to make hints to your girlfriend you will visit and find out what her relatives will like. Po Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/25/2003 6:32:59 AM   I forgot one question. Do you or anybody else know, if dress sizes and such, are the same in Russia as in western Europe? The lady in question has given me the suggestion that she likes lacy lingerie, lucky me!, and has given me her bra and dress size. Naturally it would be a little bit of an embarrassment if I get something too small or too big! I can take her shopping in St Petersburg, but she said she likes surprises! I would prefer to have something picked out when i go there! I have enquired in a lingerie story but the saleswoman has no idea, can't find anything on the web about clothes sizes and possible difference around the world. So I am lost! CodeRed Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/25/2003 7:06:03 AM   You have a bad sales woman. Im in the states and its most defenatly different from Russia. But the sales woman was able to help me find the correct size, just from her pic and the description. If you go to Victorias secret the have a size chart. But I would say bring the sizes she gave you and a picture of her and find a better sales lady. For the first Question. Just be yourself. Gifts are nice and as Olga said try to get a little something for each member. But Keep it in perspective. Dont spend on really expensive stuff. You dont want them to feel like you buy her. But if you talk to her and tell her what you want to get for them. She can tell you if its to much. But mainly be your self and Be sure to talk to the father and let him know your intentions. He will respect that in you. Ad at The first dinner you should be the one to annouce your engaugement to the family and make a toast to them for respect. Then allow then to ask all the questions of you they like. Good luck !! CodeRed Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/25/2003 7:21:27 AM   Here is a web site that gives conversions from russian sizes. http://www.marstonia.com/marstonia/russian/clothes.html Hope it helps Po Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/25/2003 9:04:56 AM   for CodeRed or Olga, Thanks for the suggestions, really helped. But one of your suggestions CodeRed, have raised a new Question. My intention with this lady, was to communicate for such a while, that i would become so comfortable with her, i would feel like she lived next door to me all my life, and to be cautious for those things that have been discussed on this forum before. The start: i wrote her a letter, she replied normally, not at all over eager. But she said she prefers to talk through IcQ. She works in an cyber cafe and has access to the computers and webcam and such, whenever she works. She has started to come to her work in such hours, that are more comfortable for me because of the time-difference. She goes beyond, what i dare to ask, to be able to contact me, and make it comfortable for me. I have permission to call her on the phone whenever i want, but of course $$$phone$$$$. She has asked when i want to come visit her. I explained what i explained to you just now. She started to give me small hints, that made me suspect that she wanted me to come visit her ASAP, even if it was for a casual visit. Like a starting boyfriend so to say. I asked and she confirmed my suspision. Now i am going for a casual visit, and i ask, how do i go about meeting the parents now? I know what i would do if this was in my own country, but that is russia. I dont want to do the wrong thing, because i see potential in this relationship! Any suggestions now? CodeRed Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/25/2003 1:56:27 PM   Again, Go for your visit. Be yourself. Dont over think the situation. They all realize that you are a foreigner. Most of them will know very little english and she will be doing allot of translations. You have to trust her, she will protect you from any embarising situations. Make sure the two of you talk about what your plans are for the future before you meet the family. So you are both on the same wave length when you meet them. Bring your gifts. Keep the gifts simple but sweet. Try to make them something from america (not made in china). Russian parents are like anyother parents. They love and want the best for their daughter. So If your getting engaged you should be the one anouncing the engagement to the family. You are metting her parents so she is serious about you. Its not a casual thing. Make sure you have an engagement ring for her. This is not a game for her I can assure you that. You will find her to be very close, open and loving to you. So be yourself and be respectful. If your not planning an engagement I would bring a ring just in case. Its a dicision you may wont to make there and it would be good to be prepared for it. I would say Im about 99% sure you will ask her to marry you when you are there. Its to spooky to travel all the way to the other side of the world and not make a relationship to be committed. So just be prepared. Be yourself, and the family will adore you. I hope I answered your question. Good Luck!! CodeRed Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/25/2003 2:44:12 PM   oops! your from the Netherlands so make is something from your home country, not made else were. They will apreciate that. Have Fun, Be prepared, and dont over think things. Just be you. (Bring A Ring Just incase) Good luck!! Jerome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/28/2003 9:36:07 AM   I agree the most important thing is to be yourself so that you find if you are truly made for each other. I just returned from my trip to Russia Saturday evening. I planned a whole lot for this trip restaurant, theatre, opera…things to do maps of city, metro maps, daily plans…especially the first three days since she knew only about 50 words in English, and me a dozen, or so in Russian. And we were immediately thrown together for the duration of the trip. We met in Moscow, and she is from a very small town, and had never traveled to Moscow. So being well planned kept me relaxed, and helped me to not stress out, be patient and be the person who I genuinely am. Russian women are very strong determined, and intelligent women…who at the same time have managed to retain all the beauty, passion…and sensuality that make women so attractive. So if you can be yourself, caring, and loving they will do all the rest of the work… I have traveled a lot in Latin America so subconsciously I started speaking to her in Spanish… she was confused until I explained…then she quickly started learning Spanish words… so by the fifth day between non verbal communication, drawing, few Russian, Spanish, English and our own words we created we were able to discuss everything from religion, politics, love, and problems in relationships… Anyway my point was that being extremely well planned for this trip allowed me to relax, and be myself, and have such a positive experience. So planning was the key for me. As far as dress sizes I have bough pajamas, sweater, and dresses for her… and even though I have her dimensions…European dress sizes etc. I never seem to get it just right luckily she sews wonderfully and makes everything fit. Any gift will be appreciated by the family, but if you can get some general info. from girl of what parents like it helps… the mother of my girl loves Marilyn Monroe so I brought large picture book of Marilyn of which she was extremely touched, but any gift, or attention is very appreciated Good luck! wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/28/2003 8:38:12 PM   I am just curious how is it possible to discuss everything from religion, politics, love, and problems in relationships… with a combined vocabulary of 60 words. I am not trying to be sarcastic, just curious as I have never been in such a situation and canceled a trip on a girl recently when I realized that she doesn't speak any English at all (although she told me she speaks a little English in our translated letters). Maybe there is a way to communicate, can you enlighten us? Jerome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/29/2003 9:19:51 AM   Let me clarify that we touched upon all of these topics... many times we had no idea what the other was saying. We had corresponded for eight months prior to this meeting, and discussed all of these topics in detail so when we were together even with what might seem like limited means of communication there was a great deal of mutual understanding. So getting to know each other for many months by daily emails (over 150) was important. We also used dictionaries, and spent one day at internet cafe using the online translator we were both familiar with clarifying miss-communication from previous days, but the most effective seemed to be one on one...no! our communication was not perfect, but I felt we touched upon subjects as much as I have in the beginning of other relationships where we spoke the same language. We discussed how hard times can bring about best/worst in a person...that maybe a man who wants to be strong... and because of economic situation is unable to provide for family might turn towards alcoholism...this topic began by looking at painting in Pushkin Art Museum... and saying it looked like man on Moscow metro… they’re was a demonstration in Red Square that initiated topic on Russian/American perceptions etc…it might have been as simple as you/me make baby…in discussing us having children in the future… basically we used every possible way of communication available. It began with yes… no I’m Sorry, and grew every day over a two week period… Since I experienced this personally, the level, and depth of actual communication might be evaluated differently from outsider… I guess I might have understated myself in previous email…but the many months of writing…and then being open…and relaxed on trip made it work well for us with communication Thanks, Good Luck! Po Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/29/2003 10:14:10 AM   Thanks for all the help guys, Really appreciate it. Comment for Jerome. I am European. But thanks to CodeRed’s website suggestion, I have found that East European sizes are a lot different from West European sizes. The girl I am going to visit said that she wares size 44. It is a good thing CodeRed gave me the suggestion, because Russian size 44 is size 38 here! Oops! That is a difference of 3 sizes! Comment for wtrav02. When I started browsing profiles at bride agencies, after I had decided that I want to find happiness with a woman from Russia, I noticed that the majority of Russian women only speak basic English. Some speak intermediate English and only a few speak good or fluent English. Since I don't like a language difference becoming the decisive factor for my future happiness and my choice of lady, I took it upon myself to study Russian. I still have a very long way to go, I only know some basics. But I already notice, that even these basics help, especially when calling! I am counting on a good impression with her non English speaking relatives when I visit! Of course I am Dutch, so I have more concerns than Americans, because my troubles are not over when a lady speaks good English. At some point in time, she is going to be a Dutch citizen and if she wants to have any chance of being accepted completely, she has to learn the Dutch language. I can teach her much easier if I speak her language. My suggestion: If you can afford it, you have the time and the unselfish willingness, learn her language! Thanks, Good Luck! Jerome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/29/2003 10:24:50 AM   I’ve tried to re-create conversation. Again this built up over hours. On subway…it was Sunday many people drinking…I held up imaginary bottle, and went “gulp, gulp”…she’s says father… “gulp, gulp”…later walking around I see apartment.. I point, and say your home,…and then name of her town, she says no…later at café she draws layout of her home…one room mother, me…another room father… father gulp…gulp… point one finger father…one mother. Then she say man stupid…which I understand to mean no work, lazy, drink… etc. Then with a questioning look she’s says America. I say Russia good/bad…American good/bad, men good/bad. Basically this is very subtle, and what your level of expectation may be might differ. But I learned her mother, and father had problems… and a cause, or effect was alcoholism… that she was concerned with it creating problem in a relationship…are there the same problems in America? Yes…there is good and bad in both countries, and good, and bad men. There were only a few combined words used…father, mother, good, bad I understand this might seem primitive shallow level of conversation… be we had already discussed much by email. This was simply an opportunity to discuss things one on one which helped further our relationship. thanks I love the Russian language, and audited a course at University prior to trip, but it was too little to late...I hope to improve... Po Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/29/2003 11:06:11 AM   Hi guys, The language study I am doing is an 8 month study, based upon an hour of study per day. It teaches me to speak, read and write. It teaches me more than just the tourist phrases. It came with a 1798 page Russian-Dutch dictionary and a 1265 page Dutch-Russian dictionary, three 225 page text books and 26 audio CD’s. I have completed about two weeks of work and I can say without a doubt, to those who might get the incentive to take up my suggestion, you should prepare yourself! I don’t mean to discourage you, because it is really fun, but it is different from other languages I have studied! Thanks guys, Good Luck Jerome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/29/2003 11:25:39 AM   Great input/advice...yes I'm fluent in Spanish, and Italian...and Russian is a challenge for me, the problem I had was I started to late at University in January...and only had a couple months, but at least learning the alphabet, and sounds...helped to read maps...and understand common words. Listening to the spoken language was incentive enough to want to continue studies. thanks Jerome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 4/30/2003 10:16:51 AM   Back to topic of sending clothing… It might be better if you have yet to meet her in person to send pajamas, summer dresses, sweaters… things like expensive lingerie, designer dresses, and pants…can vary +/- a size depending on fabric/designer. My personal suggestion… send a comfortable pair of pajamas that can be loose fit, they will keep her warm at night, and buy the lingerie together when you meet in person. Not familiar With St. Pete, but those guys traveling to Moscow: GUM mall, or Tsum department store are great places to start. Less classy, but equally romantic is at metro stops on either St. Petersburg, or Moscow subway lines buy a pair of nylon stockings for her while you are exploring city Thanks I am not a cross dresser, nor do I wear women’s clothing Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > for Olga: What is custom for meeting family of a lady?
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