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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > help with... communicating something difficult Author Post sethie Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/15/2003 2:52:33 PM   Hi- My name is Seth and am new to the forum. I have just started looking for a Russian bride- and am curious about how to express something that is really important- and difficult. So I struggle with depression... and part of what I am looking for in a mate is someone who can support me when I am going through it. I have lots of talents, gifts and joys to offer usually, however, when I get blue- I become a whole new person. :( Not a mean one... just a deeply withdrawn one. I am not looking to my bride to fix me or solve this- just to help love me during these difficult times. I am working on it in therapy and on my own- and SLOWLY (arrrrrggghhh) making progress. So- I would like help or advice about how to express this. Please- if you have your own judgements or opinions about WHAT I have shared- whether or not I shouldn't look for a bride now, etc. feel free to keep them to yourself. If you have advice about how I could share this- feel free to do so! :) peace, Seth sethie Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/15/2003 2:53:21 PM   p.s. I am of course not wanting to hide this from my potential bride.... honesty is incredibly important to me! wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/15/2003 9:28:34 PM   Seth, welcome to the forum! Good pointer about personal judgments, you're right it's nobody's business to tell you what to do. And, by the way I think you're doing the right thing, which is never give up. That's exactly what these ladies are also doing, they are disappointed with their lives in their country each for their own reasons, but they don't give up and they look elsewhere in pursuit of happiness. Here is my personal opinion, take it as a data point and listen also to what others have to say and most importantly Olga, the moderator of this site, if she decides to answer this one. Many Russian women who place postings for int'l dating are burned or disappointed by men in their countries. The typical complaints are: drunkards, unreliable, don't think family, womanizers, heavy smokers ... it's an endless list. The point is: your condition is a medical condition, it has nothing to do with you as a person, and can be treated and it seems that you have the right attitude. However, if you mention it to the ladies right from the first letter, you run the risk that many women won't understand no matter how well you explain it, and you will be weeded out. Many of these girls receive at least a handful of letters and they go about a quick screening process in the beginning and you may be excluded out of lack of understanding. Remember also we are talking about provincial Russian ladies who typically have spent all of their life in one place and may not be as open minded in the beginning as you would expect. I think the right way to go about this is to establish correspondence with a few letters first, connect with someone mentally, become mail friends and make that person appreciate your personal qualities and then at some point that you will choose mention it to her and explain to her that it's a medical condition that can be treated. Don't underplay your condition but don't make a big deal out of it either. Be honest with her, put yourself in her shoes and try to make sure she understands what it really is and what the impact would be on your life together if any. The benefit of waiting a few letters before you tell her is that at that point you will have her full attention and time and if at that point she decides to pass, then you can be sure that it simply wasn't meant to happen (it wasn't the result of a "thumbs up, thumbs down" screening process). If that happens, don't get disappointed, move on to your next online date. Most men have correspondence with several ladies for months before we settle on "miss right". It's a type of dating that you likely enjoy. I would say you want to mention it to her before you visit her and her reaction will be a good indication to show you whether she is truly interested in you as a person. This is my personal opinion, good luck! norway Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/25/2003 5:47:56 AM   I pretty much support all that is said here. I will not presume I know how medical your depression is. Just as likely to be caused by a situation. I agree with honesty. The perspective you need is to be able to communicate yourself as you really are as a WHOLE person. The danger if you're in a depression and need support is that it becomes a predominant topic for yourself. You are much more than where you might be today. If you start rambling on about or overstating your problems its easy to give a bad and in fact dishonestly one-sided impression of yourself! Try and think where you will be in the future, and not to forget who you want to be with in your future. Easy to fall in love for the wrong reasons when you're not otherwise content on your own. Jerome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/25/2003 11:20:17 AM   I agree with Norway& wtra12…about not focusing on it too much, or right away, but of course still being honest. I have discussed mental and physical illness in my family with my Russian girlfriend, and a couple of Russian women, and their initial perception can differ slightly from that in the West basically because of current medications, and treatment available. I had a brief correspondence with one woman… and after a few letters I mentioned the current frustration I was having with my mother who is diagnosed manic-depressive, and how it can affect everyone in the family. And in the next letter she said that the most important thing in a relationship was for her children to be healthy, and that our children could inherit this disease. I thought her response was fairly abstract from my point of reference…and that probably, most likely she was not really interested in me, and felt this was the easiest way to end the relationship without specifically defining anything that was incompatible, or wrong in either of us as individuals. Seth, your situation is not the same as my mothers…however…this is how one woman responded… However, all the other women I corresponded with at the least were very understanding concerning discussing mental challenges… I once mentioned my 94 yr. old grandfather being in a retirement home…and my girlfriend said those places in Russia are terrible. And I responded most in Am. quite opposite… he’s surrounded by many women, he receives attention 24 hours a day… he plays dominos everyday...all food, cleaning is done, etc…I do not feel he would be alive, and as healthy as he is today otherwise… so perception about mental, and physical health/treatment…mental care can vary. I am confident you will find understanding Russian women here! In my relationship we often discuss the times when we have had “clouds above our heads”, and have discussed that their will be “many obstacles in our life, but together we can surmount them.” One common thread I have found in my correspondence with Russian women…is they have already been through the hard times…they are more than ready to share the hard times with someone who they have mutual care, and respect for, I discovered dating-ru by accident a little over a year ago when I was researching info. about Russia on Internet. (I had received certain responses from Russian men/women to my Internet biz.) I am fairly naïve, do not spend all my time in America and I had no idea The Russian Women/Western Man phenomena existed. However, when you type the word Russia into search engine 100 Russian women pop up…lucky for me dating-ru popped up…sparked my curiosity…and here I am. What attracted me to my Russian girlfriend…(which might be expanded to Russian women in general)…is that she is very strong, determined, understanding, intelligent, balanced, confident while still maintaining all the softness, laughter, natural innocence and femininity which I find appealing in women. She has the same basic outlook, and Philosophy on life. We both probably arrived at these conclusions from different means… her because of the history, and current, social economic in Russia has learned to loose a little self-importance, travel inward through imagination, and books …me through a variety experiences, self refection, and exposure to various people,… but we are not preoccupied, or consumed by so much of the petty, mundane, bullshit that so many are concerned with. I understand that some people may not be afforded the opportunity to be concerned with much else because of their situation…but I find, specifically in America, many people are preoccupied with stuff that doesn’t interest me… my Russ. Girl, and others I have corresponded with seem a step ahead of many Americans…Please do not get me wrong…I Love My Country… My fiancés mother says that she has always thought that all Americans are crazy…Since she has read the letters I have written to her daughter, and her, she says that Americans may not be completely crazy all the time! Sorry if I haven’t articulated my thought entirely accurately…thanks sethie Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/25/2003 7:52:37 PM   thanx all for your replies! all of your perspectives were helpful. :) peace, Seth Jim Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/28/2003 11:34:37 PM   Seth, Be forthright about this problem. I was, and have had no problem whatsoever. As a matter of fact next Sunday my lady arrives from Russia. Go for it my friend Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > help with... communicating something difficult
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