A very, very rare visit to Fiance.com and it will be a very, very long time before I return.
The odds of making a serious relationship working with a girl/woman from the FSU are very, very slim.
I am not saying don't try or that it is impossible but it is extremely difficult and costly.
If you want to develop a real relationship that is not with some pin-up but a pin-up who is also a real woman i.e. a living breathing human that just happens to be female then get ready to spend a large amount of cash. Photographs prove nothing by the way; they are no different to you first thing in the morning. Glamour photos are for one reason only - fishing bait.
You are the fish.
No I am not saying they will necessarily get the cash. Although that can and will happen due to some cultural twists that can't be helped. The money will go on hotels, apartments, tours, airfares, train fares and general living costs while you are there. The odds of finding that special lady on your 1st trip are slim to nothing so that means you are going to have to keep working on this year after year dumping more and more money into the project and believe me it is a project.
When you eventually find the 'one' you are faced with a whole new set of problems.
More outlay of dough for the immigration process and bringing her to your country. Quite a lot of worry and hair pulling in dealing with the immigration authority of your country. She will not be able to work for a while so if that is an issue be aware that she will not be contributing to the family coffers for possibly a loooooong time.
Meanwhile you will have to support her not only with the expenses of general living costs but bearing the costs of, once again, dealing with the immigration authorities.
Most of the guys looking in FSU for ladies are above 35 years old, often in their 40's and 50's.
A guy of 45 with his head screwed on probably isn't going to look for a woman less than 35 although I am not against looking in a younger bracket but 15 years should be the max. As soon as you start talking about a woman of 25 and up in the FSU you bring children into the fray. She will have them and / or she will want one / or more.
Factor that into the cost issue.
Next think that a lot of these women are passed over for some reason. That is why they are looking abroad. All this talk of there not being enough men in the FSU to go around is a bit of a fallacy. Also the guys are not all philandering alcoholics. It just isn't true. The guys are a cross section no different in their own way from America or Europe. There is a different set if circumstances they find themselves in but essentially they are not the demons that they are often portrayed as.
Yes there are a lot of really nice ladies out there that genuinely are looking for a nice man to marry from the west - no question about this. However there are also LOTS that are difficult, are dragging kids that have serious problems, are into spending cash in a big way or have other problems even actually loving too much and offering an emotional black hole sucking up all attention in sight.
The permutations are legion and you won’t find out until you have spent quite some time with that one single woman. Possibly still not knowing which way is up with her until you bring her home and live with her permanently.
To find that needle in that proverbial haystack is going to cost you both arms and quite likely your legs too :)
Don't get involved in this if you don't have plenty of money to throw at this. Although having said all this there are many exceptions to this rule. Each case is different but you can draw some general conclusions after a while. 6 visits to Russia, Ukraine and Latvia did it for me. I gave up. I found a better way to move forward but that is just me.
As for the 18 y.o. crowd - you have to be kidding right?
Any man over 35 with marriage on his mind that is dallying with teenagers is a lunatic.
Most young creatures are attractive and appealing nature made it that way. They know full well they are beautiful. They use that as a tool to get what they want. It is as obvious as the nose on your face. Sometimes straight up and up going for money using culture as an excuse (BTW don't fall for that 'it is all a misunderstanding caused by culture and language that is pure baloney) but more likely it is shopping sprees, gifts and the like.
All of the above can also hit you upside the head with older women too. Been there done that. Then there is the old sending money every month ploy. Often you will even bring this on yourself. The 'volunteer' approach.
I will end this rare post now. I shall go back to my other life and delete Fiance.com from my bookmarks. Two and a half years of wasting time was enough for me.
I wish you all well. Good luck in combing the FSU for that "bright elusive butterfly of love". You will need it every bit you can muster the odds are heavily stacked against you.
My best wishes to old friends from this forum and goodbye.
Great post!!! I hope you'll hang around a bit longer so we can talk more about this. I would love to get your email or talk on the phone with you about this. I understand everything you say and it sounds like you a made a good personal decision not to continue on with this game. I just hope you'll find that special someone in the future. As for myself, I've experienced failures with women from the FSU. For a while I gave up on it, but since I'm NEVER going to meet a nice attractive single woman without children where I live in small town America, I'm willing to give it another shot. But now, things are going to be different!!! I've learned A LOT about this business during the last six years. This time, I'm the bait and the women are the fish, lol. I won't even look at flights or check out apartments until the woman I want to visit is eating out of my hands, not literally of course! SHE must sell herself to me. One requirement I have is that she MUST send me a letter and her photos by post. I want her to take the time and spend money on me. I want a nice hand-written romantic letter and photos of herself. Also, she must be emailing me at least 4 to 5 times a week. Anything less is not scoring points with me. She must answer my questions in my emails. I've bent over backwards showing care, trust and respect to the women I have corresponded with and met...along with their families. I don't like to toot my own horn, but I don't think most guys could have topped what I did for the women that I had met. She must show sensitivity. If I say I'm having a bad day (whether or not I am), she must show concern. I will not send money for anything. Never send money to a person you have never met in person. No money for English lessons! If she loves you, she'll get a part time job to pay for the lessons. NEW: I will no longer send flowers/roses for birthdays, Valentine's Day, International Women's Day, etc...unless I have already met her in person and we have a strong, serious, romantic relationship. I'm sick and tired of spending $50-$100 just to satisfy a holiday or FSU tradition and make an impression. One time, a woman refused my order! Can you believe that? I courted three different women and treated each of them like a queen. Later, it all went to waste. I personally believe in traveling across the ocean to meet one serious person that you have corresponded with for a few months, at the minimum. But you really need to dig down deep and get to know the woman. And you must be able to feel the love and care in her letters and phone calls. You must have excellent chemistry in your communication. Going on those tours, although I haven't done this, is a complete waste of time and money. I'll have to go into that in another post or thread. But I'll say this, if you're a tour kind of guy, be prepared to be frequent FSU traveler for at least 5-10 years. If you're not debt free and knocking down $50k+ a year, don't get involved with this. The tours are overpriced and then some. I know there are plenty of success stories for guys hooking up with women from the FSU...and I hope to join that group someday. But don't spend money on travel, gifts, etc......if you're not getting what you deserve in return. The love between a man and woman should be equal. If it's unbalanced, time to jump ship.
While I agree that it's hard to resist the beautiful 18 year old girls on these sites, if you really want a real relationship with a girl you definetly are not going to find it with them. In my experience most of the young girls are either looking for a penpal or if they actually want to meet you they are looking for a sugar daddy to buy them gifts.
I met a truly "wonderful" girl from Zaporozhye a while ago who was 21. (I am 34 BTW, 32 when I met her) She was not serious at all about me but of course loved me to pay for everything. My favourite thing is when she told me that she wanted to be with a man who would keep his hands off her as she didn't like men to touch her! Not a nice thing to hear from a guy who is a very affectionette person. Of course I had no idea of how she was for real until I met her, by then I had spent a lot of cash and wasted a lot of my time. It's too bad too because there actually may be some fairly young women that are really looking for a husband and a family to have but the other young gold diggers have drowned them all out and ruined it for us. I once talked to a 19 year old girl from Odessa who happened to be the sweetest nicest FSU girl i've ever spoken to in my life so you never know, but it just didn't work out with her because she still had so long to go in her schooling and I was worried she was not very serious about marrying a foreign man.
Unfortunetly even the older girls in their mid-twenties can be bad for this too. I've run into a lot of women in their age bracket who we're only interested in being my penpal or in getting gifts when I met them. Hell I've been talking to a woman on Fiance.com for the past 4 to 5 months and it's taken me all this time to realize that she is only interested in me as a penpal and isn't serious about me at all. It's really great when you waste all this time for nothing. At least when they are in their mid twenties and up they seem a bit more serious about wanting a real relationship but then you run into the fact that most of these women are single Mom's. Not a big deal to be with one if you have lots of money but if not I don't see how you could pull off taking care of her and her children.
As someone who has been doing this for 3 and a half years and had a lot more bad happen to him than good with writing and meeting woman I can totally relate to izifaddag's above post. I've gotten to the point I'm not sure if I want to keep this up as well.
I am glad to hear your comments on your experiences and your feelings on the issue of finding your soulmate
in FSU girls. My feeling is what is the difference between finding a women at home or in Eastern Europe. MONEY
The hardest thing to do in life is make a relationship work because it takes 2 people to make it work. My
outlook on these trips is to meet a couple of women on each one. Unfortunatly, I work for a living and I cannot go on a trip every month. So this is a time process. I think nothing is more important than to meet each other
in person. It is the start or the end of a relationship. If you go into these trips to find a girl and marrying her, your crazy. If and only if, you meet a girl and you both have chemistry, then there may be a chance. I personally would like to meet the right girl and be married again but my trips are for more than just meeting girls. It is meeting new people, learning a new language, understanding a different culture, visiting historical sites. Maybe because my focus on trips is different I do not have the same outlook as the previous responses.
David you crack me up, you'll never be the bait, don't hold your breath waiting for that girl from a some planet to be waiting hand and foot for you. If you do get those letters you want, they will be from girls that get letters from nobody. I hate to tell you it's work to get what you want.We all have our reasons for being here and most are ther same, it is how you handle the situation which makes it rewarding for you. Age should not be the determining issue between a girl and guy, it should be their honesty, compatability and interests.
Sorry you have just not absorbed what I said. Forget FSU and 'soulmates' and book a flight to Bangkok. Head down to Pattaya have a wonderful time, go home and save up your money so you can do it again. It is honest and surprisingly real. FSU is a giant smoke and mirrors act. Get out while you can.
While I am at it PLEASE stop with the soulmate issue. Examine yourself very carefully. This is to do with sex and security. Think about what I have said it will save you heartache and thousands of dolars.
Thanks for your input and welcome. I have to disagree with you. I will be the bait, lol. Never again, will I be hung out to dry. When a guy spends a lot of money courting FSU girls and still comes up empty, you have to adjust your gameplan, learn from your experiences, so you can succeed in winning a woman's heart. I'm not holding my breath at all. I do agree that there is a lot of work to this. Things may not work out for me. But it's going to take a lot of effort from a woman before I hop on a plane to go see her. I definitely do my part. I'm not writing to every hot-looking girl that shows up in the "new girls" section without reading their profile. If someone doesn't speak English, kindly step aside. If their career goals aren't possible where I live, keep searching. If they have children, keep looking. Etc. I would bet the people who have had success finding their other half in the FSU did the right thing by spending lots of time reading women's profiles and thinking about compatibility. You want someone who is attractive in your eyes, but maybe more importantly, matches up well for you. I didn't do this enough in the past. These days, I'm firing out emails to those who I think would be a good match for me. I'm juggling several correspondences right now and trying to see which woman rises to the top. It's kinda like applying for a job. You keep sending out resumes. Over and over again. Sooner or later, a door will open, IMO. Let me just say that after four trips across the pond, I'll sum up what a trip to the FSU was like. You meet an attractive woman at the airport, go for casual walks around the city, have nice but un-exciting talks, hang out in cafes, have meals together (don't expect her to peek into her purse to pull out some money, BZZZZZ.....not happening!) look at the same churches and monuments (trying hard to sound interested) over and over again. It's like she's there to hang out with you for a few hours each day. That's what I have experienced. You don't want someone to hang out with you and show you stuff. You want someone who wants to be with you from morning until night and is happy as can be. You want someone who forms good chemistry with you. When you drop $1000 to fly across the pond, that alone should make a good impression on a woman. Not that showing up is a reason she should go to the altar with you. The woman should be excited that you chose her and nobody else as the person to devote your entire vacation with. If you go over the FSU to spend a week or more with a woman you've been spent several months talking with, there should be fireworks, or at least, a sign of them. Let's be honest here. In the USA, many men and women become couples after a few dates/evenings together. You don't date for several months or even years, and then decide to become a couple. It doesn't work that way. Do you want to take a few trips over to the FSU to see the same person and find out if you're going to become a couple? Nope. It kinda has to happen on that trip, IMO. If it does, of course, you'll be going back over in the same year. Perhaps a few times. You want someone who is low-risk and high-reward.
For you single guys who think you have no social life outside of your job and the FSU game, I suggest you get involved with something that you like. Don't let this become an addiction. I have plenty of outside interests, thank goodness! Anyone play fantasy football or follow college sports? :-)) The FSU game is something I dabble in. I don't let it consume me. It's a lot of money to stay in this hobby. I really hope all of us on here, sooner or later, meet the woman of our dreams, and we'll all become happily married in the future. I wouldn't mind meeting someone in my area, but dating in small town America is difficult. That's putting it mildly. I may not agree with the opinions and insight of other people on here, but I do respect their views.
CHEMISTRY! As beemer says, If you meet a girl and you both have chemistry than there is a chance. You don't know if you have a chance until you meet her. My little experience definitely tells me that, loud and clear.
You're on point re: women w/kids and FSU men. I'd like to note that some FSU women are passed over by FSU men because they are high maintenance, have unrealistic expectations and are generally sulky/complainers. The FSU men avoid these women for the same reason we avoid western women. Yes, materialism did exist in the Soviet Union.
David and Globus,
You've been playing this game for 6 and 3 1/2 years, respectively? Good grief! That's really discouraging.
your posts are so instructive. In three lines you say more things, and more important and sensible, than some guys of this forum who exercise their fingers on the keyboard for hours.
I wouldn't know if Italian women love American men. I think Italian women don't mind that much the men's nationality. I think that in Italy there was the myth of American men in the years 1945-60 or so. Just as the myth of western men in the FSU after 1990. Similar situations in many respects. For sure, you are completely right about the reasons why western men pass over western women. It perfectly applies to Italian men and women.
Bangcock you say? Compared to the girls neXXXt door it would be hardly worthwhile I guess.
In agreement I suppose the lure of the girls in Toofaristan dried up since the world became global, and indeed there's some truth to the rumour that of these women some are purposely passed over by their local Stans. Mind you though, such surely works both ways.
It is why I've always said to go for a holiday first, any spinoff to be considered a bonus. Too much 1track-mindedness leads to derailment, the track quite different than in Pattaya where such may just be the ticket.
This old friend wishes you well!
Dear Izi. I WARNED you several several months ago-such person like you-character, attitude isnt successful in FSU dating.
Why you didnt listen me and wrote insulting posts about me?
Answers: a)a woman b)easteuropean c)woman over 40?
I am in east-west relationship. I dont find that particulary costly, but we both live in Europe. Aifrare is very cheap if you shop smartly, if woman loves the man she dont expect expensive gifts and dinners all the time!