I have been corresponding with a 34 y.o. lady of fiance.com for about a week: 3 + 3 letters. Her profile states "Children 0". Today she wrote: "I do not want to deceive you. But I have not
specified in my questionnaire, that I have the son, 16 years."
A very similar situation already happened a couple of months ago with another lady, but in that case the "news" arrived with longer delay. I wonder if profiles are reliable as regards the number of children. Seems to be a rethorical question...
COuld you please email this question and the lady's ID to email@example.com so that we could contact the lady and verify?
It could be that the lady did not want to post her info about a 16 year old son for being afraid that would scare off men from contacting her.
Nonetheless, please email at firstname.lastname@example.org, we will check and report back to you.
Obviously not as shocking as what happened with your lady, but it's also frustrating when they lie about smoking. I spoke with one Russian girl, told her that smoking is a turn off for me, asked her if she smoked (she said no). After our first date, she opens her purse and takes out a cigarette...And she said, and I quote, "Oh, I don't smoke...I just need a cigarette."
thank you for your feedback. I will report to admin. I agree with you about the reasons that can lead a lady not to post the truth about her children... well, a 16 y.o. isn't exactly a child... :-) Nevertheless, I think this is a silly behaviour. The scare is only delayed, with waste of time and emotions of two people, and the unpleasant impression of having been deceived by the woman.
did you notice that 99.99% of the women do not smoke, according to their profiles? I saw thousands of profiles and, as far as I remember I found only 1 (one) profile stating "Smoking yes". No additional comment is needed.
Kingarthur: You got to remember that standards of integrity are dictated largely by cultural surroundings. This is one of the most difficult areas for many couples to overcome, so far as I have noticed and for that matter experienced.
The "I didn't want to deceive", because I have not specified needs to be interpreted the way it is meant. She is actually saying to you, "I didn't lie, I simply didn't tell and now we are beginning to know each other a little through letters, I think it is time you knew all about me".
This is a really tough area, because there is just so many differences in western and eastern views as to what constitutes honesty or dishonesty. Couple that with the fact that women everywhere are "Masters" of not telling lies, but not telling everything they know and you have quite a riddle to solve sometimes.
As for smoking. Most, not all, but most Eastern women interpret "Smoking" the way Americans, Australians and New Zealanders would term "Heavey Smoking", so again it is local interpretation. However if anyone is against smoking they should delve into this very carefully, because in my experience, there is a large number of eastern girls who smoke to some extent. It is much more common than in other countries of Europe and smoking among European women is much more common than in USA, Au or NZ. Much more.
Caviar, I know how you feel. I corresponded with a lady for five months, went to visit her for two weeks and she did not smoke in front of me, and on the tenth day I smelt cigarette smoke in her bathroom. I challenged her and she said she smokes maybe 'one or two' I checked her bag one day and then two days later.( devious and mistrusting as I was with this woman) She was on her next packet and she clearly did not want me to know. (she said all her friends smoked and she said 'I see on TV english women smoke, is this problem?' What!!!.... She is a medical examiner!!!! My full story on my visit is written in depth on another forum, and in the end, well, she has bad karma now. I am honest, it is a pity some RW cannot be honest and upfront. I actually believe many RW smoke but probably some do not see 20 a day as a habit!!!
16 year old is not a kid. At 17 he would be in college. May be she imply that anyway he would stay in Russia for at least several years and only after graduation would look for job at a place near his mother (in Russia or USA)?
Men are affraid of kids. Even my Boss on Internship was shoked then he saw my 19 year old daughter at house of our friends. He realy was. I think I did not get the permanent position at his depatment beacause he of it.
Anyway you will avoid a lot of trabble if your woman do not have kids.
I agree with the last part of your post. We have to play this "football match" in a minefield. The woman's children are an additional headache that I do not need. If this is what you mean when you say "men are afraid of kids", then we totally agree.
There's even a DOS regulation that deals with prior undisclosed marriages/divorces/child(ren) of fiance(e)s discovered as late as during fiance(e) visa interviews. It leaves the decision-making to the couple. Consular official gets a hold of the petitioner in the US, informs him or her of the discovery and asks if s/he wishes to proceed with the proposed marriage. If s/he wishes to proceed, visa is supposed to be issued, despite that material facts were kept even from the petitioner, DHS, CIS and DOS; but most bureaucrats find it easier to simply return the petition back to the CIS with their findings.
Women in the FSU are quite aware that having children greatly limits their prospects of finding a western man. On most search engines (including here at fiance.com) there is option to choose a woman with no children, so listing children may eliminate a woman from consideration at all as you will never even see her profile. They know that.
When I was in Latvia I happened to go out with a woman I met on fiance.com. On our second DATE she coyly informed me that she wasn't being completely honest with me about something. When I asked her what it was, she informed me that she had twin 7 year old boys, and as part of her divorce agreement she would only have to have the boys back in Latvia (assuming we moved to the US) twice a year for mandatory visitations with their father. So I would only need to buy SIX round trip tickets to Riga Latvia (assuming I did not acoompany them - if I did it would be eight) each year until they were 18! She asked me if that would be a problem.
of course you answered no problem at all, didn't you?
I am just SCARED about surprises like this. I have heard many of these stories. An acquaintance of mine was waiting for his east-European girl at the airport and... he actually met two people: the girl and her son, whom he had never heard of. Girl and kid were boarded on the next flight back home, didn't even get out of the airport.
Yeah... no problem buying 6 to 8 roundtrip tickets from my city in the US to Riga Latvia for the next eleven or so years. That's between 66 and 88 tickets only altogether. I wonder if she would have been satisfied flying economy - its a long trip and maybe 50 or 60 of those tickets could be first class, so we could rest more comfortably.
Hi caviar, I am surprised at the lack of information on the subject, because I find the habit of smoking abhorrent. The reason for my dislike of the habit could be due to the following reasons: both my parents smoked when I was younger. My father even smoked a pipe. Get this-in a car with three children in the back!!! Also my mother smoked when she was expecting me and, also my grandfather died of lung cancer. Here in the west it is becoming an anti-social habit and also expensive(not so expensive in the east) I am sure there are many women in th FSU who do smoke to a degree, but do not actually have a habit.??? I am sure that once they do start then it could be any amount the choose to smoke at any one time. For my first visit to Russia please e-mail me and I will send you the details, my address is email@example.com The contrasts in these women are like any other, but trying to find the down to honest ones is proving a little time consuming.
I dug up the regulation on your fiancee's nondisclosures to you concerning her prior marriages, divorces and children. Regulation only addresses your fiancee nondisclosures, and not yours, because consulates deal with beneficiaries. Remember, it's DHS/CIS that deals with petitioners, not consulates. Regulation is so forgiving that even if you misstated facts on petition beacuse that's what your fiancee told you at the time, and different sets of facts turn up in fiancee visa interview, visa is to be issued as long as you are okay with the new set of facts.
There are several possible discrepancies between the facts stated on the PETITION and the actual circumstances of the K-1 beneficiary.. which might cause the petitioner to choose not to go forward with the marriage. These include having one or more children not named in the petition, or a prior undisclosed marriage (even if it has been annulled or ended by divorce or death), or, in the case of a fiancée, a current pregnancy. CONSULAR OFFICERS.. SHOULD.. FIRST SOLICIT from the petitioner information as to weather he or she was aware of the particular circumstance(s) and WHETHER, IN LIGHT THEREOF, HE OR SHE STILL WISHES TO PROCEED WITH THE PROPOSED MARRIAGE. IF SATISFIED IN THIS REGARD, CONSULAR OFFICERS NEED NOT RETURN THE PETITION. 9 FAM § 41.81(N6.6)(a) & (c) (Additional Factors that may Raise Questions in K-1 Cases).