I just got an email from a woman I'm corresponding with. Everything is great so far. But I've created a new rule in order to test the seriousness of the woman. Emails are fine, but it's easy to hide behind them. I want to receive a letter from her by post. That's all. It would make me believe, even more, that she is serious about me. Of course, I would do the same as well. I want her to take the time to write on a piece of paper and spend money to send it to me. In reply, she told me she can't send a letter to me by post because it's expensive. She's a nurse and says her salary is very low in Simferopol. Fair enough. My question: How expensive is it to send a simple 1 page letter by Ukrainian standards. I'm just wondering. If, for example, I were to send $5-$10 USD to her, would that be enough to help finance this expense? Thanks in advance.
no offence intended, but your "new rule" sounds pretty hilarious to me. Why should a letter by post not allow a woman to hide behind a sheet of paper? Why on earth should she be serious just because she licks a stamp?
Well, licking a stamp is a start in the right direction in more ways than one.:-) No I don't agree with you. Sure it is no certainty, but it is definitely a step in the right direction and was a stratagey I employed back in the hunting days. (Just after the stone age and just before the bronze age) It is a start of good habits.
Answer to the authors question. If she says it's too expensive, she is bullsh!tting you. Around about $1 USD if I remember correctly, or maybe a touch more. If she has used that type of line at all, frankly I would be very circumspect henceforth. How can she use the internet? That is at least 50c / hour. Go figure..........
it's not expensive to send a letter by post. all she needs is paper, envelope and a stamp. i would say a stamp would be less than a $1. it's strange that she said that it's too expensive. i would be suspicious.
jetmba: What you say is quite correct, but and yeah there is always a but, she (Or whoever it is) can oviously afford to use the internet from time to time and that doesn't come for free either. I never, repeat never found any FSU lady who was genuine even if her salary was next to nothing, who complained about it or more importantly objected to sending a letter air mail.
Frankly this one has The "S" word written all over it. Go right ahead and send the $10-$15.....better yet, send a bit more and at least "Fat Yuri" can buy himself a decent bottle of vodka, but I doubt it'll produce a letter.
Thanks for the input. So it costs about 1 USD for a woman in Ukraine to send a basic letter by post to the USA? That's factoring the international rates at the post office?
You could hide behind a "post" letter...but most women wouldn't do this. Why would a woman sit down and write a letter by pen or pencil...make a special trip to the post office...and spend her hard earned money (1 USD ???) to send a letter to the USA...while she isn't even serious about me? Bottom Line: Money Talks. Emails have no value. No matter what the woman says, until you meet in person and/or she sends something to you by post, emails are just a hook to keep you interested.
DavidUSA: I just checked a letter I have here out of Russia and it is much the same from Ukraine, slightly cheaper actually but I was a bit off with $1. Apologies, but it is probably closer to $2 USD. $3 USD for secure mail. Nevertheless I still think if she cant send 1 letter, you at very best have a needy case. The one you need doesn't need you. I think you catch my point.
Again, put it in proper perpective - if you are making $150 per month, then $3 USD is 60% of a FULL DAYS WAGES (. Are YOU willing to spend close to what you make in a day to send some girl you've never met a letter?
Average per cap wage in the US is around $36,000 (of course if you are prospecting here I HOPE you are making quite a bit more - but lets figure conservatively) or around $3,000 per month. Are you willing to spend SIXTY DOLLARS (which is 60% of your gross wages) on a postage for a letter regularly to some woman you've never even met?
Would it be EASIER for you to justify to yourself spending $60 per pop on letters, if you knew that you were ALREADY spending $30 PER HOUR (the equivalent of 50 cents per hour for them) ON THE INTERNET?
If DavidUSA feels special about receiving letters by post there is nothing wrong with that. But if he is going to insist that his lady write that way then she will have added expenses. If he wants to send her $5 to $10 ONE-TIME-ONLY and VOLUNTARILY I see nothing wrong with it (he should get a good feel by that time regarding whether or not she is genuine anyway).
If she IS a scammer and he loses a whole whopping $5 to $10 to her, I think he will recover from the economic hit. Some of us are TOO terrified of scammers - we imagine them hiding behind every rock and tree. There is a big difference between being wary and being cheap (makes you wonder if that is why a few of us ended up looking in the FSU in the first place).
If risking $5-$10 puts you out of the game, then you should be looking elsewhere, because you can't afford to find a girl in the FSU.
If she's making $150 a month - that's enough to send 25 letters by regular post (at the rate you quote) or between two and three via FedEx.
But you know something? I bet she is using that $150 for FOOD, and other living expenses during the month! What nerve she has! That scammer should be uing her entire wage to send letters by post to guys she has never met before, maybe spend a few hours on the internet too, and not complain about it!!
Reminds me of the guy I met in Ukraine when I went to a Romance Social who decided that he would only date a woman who took HIM out for dinner (and paid for everything) at least half of the time - that way he knew he said that he wasn't being scammed.
It is said that only 5% of the men that write letters are actually serious.
So let us say that 20 men ask the same lady to spend USD3 per letter each, she has spent USD60 for perhaps one genuine guy to receive a letter, perhaps a week or more salary to her for one poxy letter!
And what is the significance of that letter, providing that the FSU postman hasn't stolen it in the hope of something valuable inside? ..... Diddly Squat!
And how much is it going to cost to Western Union $10 to her and don't even think about posting it to her, the postman is likely to open the letter regardless or put it thru an xray machine to look for money.
Bluntly you guys are blowing this out of all proportion. And most of you have no idea what you are talking about. I have posted more letters from Russia to my friends and family at home than I have had hot meals whilst I have been there. No, I repeat no letter has failed to arrive. 2 or 3 hours standing line at the post office. Bullshit. 10 minutes max anywhere. Ukraine and other places also.
We are talking about 1 letter here after they have had quite a deal of communication. NO decent Russian woman will refuse. The DECENT Russian women on the websites understand clearly what is involved and they understand the lies and scamming that goes on on both sides. I would perhaps say that this guy should write to her first by air mail. But if they are both serious in any way, air mail letters are just part of the deal. You'll probably need them for evidence when it comes K-1 or SC300 (In our case) time anyway.
Get realistic about this. She can't send a letter, she hasn't a phone rah rah phuckin rah, I have heard it all a hundred times. Say she is legit but this is her situation, how are you going to really develop a relationship. It just aint gunna happen.
My other half just laughs at all this bullshit. She found the money to write air mail letters to me when she was a student at uni without 5 roubles to her name. As she says, there is risks on boths sides and we ALL know about them. If either side is not prepared to risk a little, they might just as well pack their "Bongo Drums" and piss off because they are only pissing into the wind.
I have no objections if he wants to send $5 or $10, but Gaaaaaaaaaawddddd what an insult...!!! Now that is a cheapskate. Send your $10 and you can kiss your arse goodbye to most decent women anywhere in the world including Russia
Thanks I/O. So $1-$3 USD pays for a letter to be sent from Ukraine to the USA. I think that's very affordable for a Ukrainian woman who just got her mobile phone repaired. I DON'T ask every woman I correspond with to send me a letter by post. Right now, I just want this one Ukrainian woman who likes me and wants to meet me...to send me a letter and her photos by post. That's all. Just a simple request. If shes does this, great. If not, I'm moving on. Think about it. If a woman truly likes you...especially in a romantic way...wouldn't you think she would be more than happy to fulfill this request? She would want to score points with me just as much as I want to score points with her. I would have no problem with sending something to her in return...AND fly across the ocean to see her. If you guys have been involved in this hobby for a long time and/or have spent thousands of dollars with nothing to show for it...you have to understand what I'm doing here. A relationship between a man and a woman is not a one way street.
I/O is correct. If the one I need doesn't need me. Time to move on.
By the way, I've been to Russia twice and Ukraine twice. The women there dress very nice. They take great pride in their appearance. They'll spend an hour making themselves look beautiful if there going for a five minute walk at 2am. The clothes they wear are not from the Salvation Army. They don't borrow those clothes for their photos on the websites. If they can find the money to make themselves look like they belong on the cover of Cosmopolitan, they should have no problem finding money to pay for an international letter.
DavidUSA: Generally right on...!!! Personal appearance is very important to the FSU women and obviously you have a good understanding of what goes on there.
I do think you are making a slight mistake in one area. IMHO The boy chases the girl until SHE catches him. Thats just how it is, so I think YOU should be sending a letter or small gift first. THEN I think is the time to expect a letter in return. I just think the Man should make ALL the first moves. But, for God sakes, don't insult her by sending a small amount of money.
After some thinking, even before your reply, I decided that I wouldn't send her any money. First of all, Western Union would tack on $25 or so just to send $5-$10. Secondly, I've courted many women before. I've spent lots of dough buying flowers for birthdays, Valentine's Day and the almighty Women's International Day. At this point, I just can't justify spending money/sending money/or buying gifts for a person I've never met before in person. I've already said that I want to meet her (I'm serious), and she wants to meet me. Perfect. Now, since I'll be spending another $1000 to get back on the plane, show me some respect in return, please, by sending me a letter and photos. I need this piece of confidence to appear in my mailbox before I open up the checkbook.
BTW, even if I were to do this, I'm racking my brain trying to figure out how it would be insulting if I were to send money (Remember what she said, "It's expensive") to help her finance the tremendous cost of dropping off a letter at the post office. If a guy wanted to help a woman pay for English lessons, buy a mobile phone, etc...would that be insulting because she couldn't afford it? I certainly wouldn't send $25, $50 or $100 USD + Western Union fees just to help her send a letter. That's not fair.
I've learned NOT to open up my heart when things are going well in correspondence with a woman. You have to proceed cautiously and optimistically (is that a word?). I've made way too many first moves in my lifetime...in the USA and with the women from the FSU. After failures overseas and on the computer, it seems as if nothing is a done deal until you finally reach the altar. This may sound like I'm getting restless and desperate. Not the case. This is about applying your knowledge of past experiences in making decisions. It's about avoiding the mistakes and pitfalls you've learned along the way. The friendly and romantic emails that develop in the initial stages of correspondence (that get you all giddy-giddy inside) are like speeches coming from political candidates. It's all about saying the right things to make a good impression. However, the western man and the FSU woman are both the candidate AND the voter.
Thanks for your input I/O. I respect your views and opinions.
DavidUSA. Yep, I hear where you are comming from regarding being tired with previous failures, But...yeah there is always the BUT, it ain't her fault. She is not those other women who wasted your time. When you start with anyone, you have to start with a clean slate. Sure use your knowledge to be cautious. But she deserves to be on a fair footing from day one. I gotta say, I have my doubts about this one you have mentioned, but nothing is clear yet and if she has been receptive to the idea of you visiting, that is a good sign.
This is all why I always advise anyone to make a multi facet approach to this. Hedge your bets and play safe. Pick out your lady, write etc, don't get all lost in the Romance thing. Hook up with a marriage agency and go visit. You can go either way depending on how it plays out when you are on the ground.
Nothing wrong with due dilligence, but cynicism based on past failures ins't a very good way to start a life long relationship. Just pays to remember that she might be tired of all the big talkers and no shows also. Just how it is..........