I am curious. Many here say plan A did not work out for them. So I ask each board member here individually. What was your level of involvement with her? How long? Phone, etc... The reason I ask is I am heading to Kyrgyzstan to meet Plan A and we will have been in contact with her for a couple of months with 3-4 phone calls/week, daily text messages and a few emails each week. Yes, I am new to this so maybe I have some unrealistic expectations but unless Tatiana is not as cute as her photos reveal and she is not the person that she has led me to believe then how could plan A go wrong for me? Of course I understand people are different until you meet but I have been genuine with who I am and from what I can tell she has too. Some of you enlighten me about your plan A success/unsuccessful stories.
I met Tatiana on a website that is all in cyrillic and not aimed at western men. She speaks good enough english but we often have communication problems both from a technical stand point (internet, phone) and linguistically. She really has been my main contact point and like I say, unless she is proven to be a fraud and I was duped then I think she could very well be the one.
It's really quite sad. Her grandmother is in the hospital and needs surgery and asked me to send her $500 to help cover the expenses. Of course I sent it to her because I did not want her to die from not having this surgery,,,,,,,,All right guys! THAT WAS A JOKE!!! Just making light of the scams here and a little self depracating humor regarding my visions of sugar plums!
So, I am interested in hearing your stories both good and bad for those that may have felt like I do about my "closeness" I have developed. Give me what you got. I'm tough skinned. I'm a roast...baste me :)
One Russian lady… Lydia her name is… was exchanging emails and phone calls with a terrific guy from Canada. Finally they decided to meet in Moscow. Reserved two singles in a nice hotel for a week. They were very anxious about being together. And I witnessed their happiness coming to a happy “I do.” But when she came back… oh, what a face she had. As if there was no sweet in a wrapping. The only reason they parted was… his farting. Yes, he did fart very often at the hotel, in a taxi. It was quite all right for him. Probably he was kind of Shrek-guy. But it was too much for her… So – don’t ever fart!!! Or do it quietly :)
Actually AFTER I first went I had a plan A - which was to be with the Russian girl who I had originally dated in the US, who actually dumped me but suddenly was reinterested, and we started dating again when she discovered that I was going to Ukraine.
Plan B - which was to be with the first girl - a Moldovan that i met on the trip and spent time with.
Plan C - which was to be with her friend who had shown some major interest in me.
Plan D - was to go again!
It was a Romance Social so I had a few travel companions, other guys from the US who were on the same flights. I showed them pictures of each of my PLAN GIRLS by letter, and received letters refering to each of my plans later.
How did it work?
Well Plan A, broke up with me for going on the trip. It was no great loss in retrospect as she had broken up with my three times previously for much smaller reasons, and I suspected she would again.
Plan B. lasted nearly three years. Almost ended early on when she found that I had even considered a Plan C. I was engaged to Plan B and brought her to the US for three months. Unfortuantely she was the only child to a widow and she missed her mother very much - there were other factors as well. But it did end.
Plan D. is on the horizon now ans I will soon be going again.
As time goes by, plans change. Flavor of the month, meet in person and no chemistry, letter writing after months fizzles out....many other reasons. To me, each trip has a set of Plan a,b,c as well as each city you visit. I don't offer to girls my itinery because she does not give me hers.(Who knows who is coming next week)
What would concern me is your line 'she could very well be the one'. Doesn't sound like a statement from a guy that is thinking straight. Remember you are new to this. It takes time, sometimes years to find the right girl. I wish you good luck!
Thanks, beemer. As I said "COULD very well be the one". Believe me, my eyes are wide open and I understand that statistically speaking I will not get lucky and meet the right one on my first trip. Tatiana has arranged an apartment, will meet me at airport and will be my host on this trip. I did tell her she needs to understand something. That we may very well not be compatible and we will not know if there is even a chance at a successful relationship until we spend at least 3 days together. That's only enough time to consider the possibility of compatibility. So I told her to plan on us being together for 3 days. If we both feel mutually that it is going well then we will spend the entire 8 days together. If not then we will part ways and, unbeknownest to her, I will get in contact with some of the other ladies I have communicated with. The saving grace with all of this is I have met via the internet a man that works at the American Army base there and he has agreed to show me around and have me over for dinner and such. He also has a sister in-law (23 yo Kcenya) that has seen my photos, as I have hers, and is interested in meeting me. I think I have a well thought out plan and we'll see how it goes. I am excited as I leave April 1st. Just got my visa today.
My message was based on 'could be the one' and 'she has to calm me down' and 'I get lonely at times' (from other posts) John you have never MET this girl, 'on paper she's the one', if it doesn't work out your tremendously high hopes will be shattered. Your words do not show that your eyes are wide open. One moment your raving about her next you are saying how you are giving it 3 days. The trip should excite you. Believe me, I hope it works out for you. You have good back ups.You have communicated with other girls in this area? I have not seen any.
I guess I don't understand how all these guys on here say "don't get worked up" or "don't get attached". I mean how is it normal to not become at least partially attached to a member of the opposite sex that you communicate with for awhile? I am not going overseas to buy, for instance, a piece of medical equipment where of course I would have absolutely no emotional connection. I just doubt that the guys on here that give that advice really are not excited and a worked up and a little bit hopeful. If they are then I do not call them liars. Just of the personality type that can do that. Yes, my eyes are wide open. No, I will not settle for less than what I seek. There is more at stake here than you know. Yes, I do feel quite a connection with Tatiana. No, she is not the panacea for any lonliness that I may have in my life (what guy that seeks a girl overseas is honestly not lonely). I am totally payched to meet this girl and the only way I will be heart broken is if I fall for her and she does not want me. I can say with confidence and not being pretentious that I don't think that will happen. If she flakes or is not who she says I will just be pissed but not heart broken. And if we meet but she is just not what I seek then honestly, again I am not heart broken. I will have a blast on this trip no matter what happens.
I don't know. I think 3 days, to me, is plenty of time to at least feel if their is a chemistry. At least for me it is enough. And I have 2 for sure ladies that I can meet and a 3rd possible one. I have met all these girls on a Russian website that is all in cyrillic. It is not an agency and these girls, by and large, do not seek western men as we don't read cyrillic. Ya gavaroo pa rooskie no nee ochin horashow. But good enough to navigate through the profiles.
I am not entirely a newbie to Russia. I choose not to divulge too much personal info. but-- oo menya dva rooskie deetee. Moy seen dvanotsit lyet e moya dotchka dyeset lyet. Onee brat e sistra. Mama gavareet paka. Ya papa seechas adeen.
Yes my Russian is terrible. Tatiana is perfectly clear about my situation and she says it is not a problem. Again, I will know more about her after we actually meet. I have more to think about in this decision than just myself. And if you knew me you would know that moy deetee and their best interets come first. I don't mean to sound defensive and I appreciate your words. I really do know you are offering your opinion to offer help. That's why this forum is great.
john,
if I understand, you are new to this. Exchanging letters can only give you a clue. I wish you all the best, but chances are that you will encounter disappointments after you start the REAL "game", that is going there and meeting them. You can encounter disappointments even with girls that seemed to be SO serious ans SO interested in you, when writing letters. This happens because meeting face to face is the real thing. It's the real start or the beginning of the end.
John your plan sounds rock solid to me. Plus you found her on a non-marriage agency site. That is a positive for her. You have been talking on the phone often and this is a plus too. Two months gave her enought time to request money in some form. It seems she has not. The only thing you have to worry about is if she will try to take advantage of you once you arrive. Over charge apartment rate, pay for her friend interpreter, etc etc. But you are not at her mercy since you have a back up friend there so you can walk away from her at any time. Good plans. I understood all your Russian. :) Good luck
I'd say the *plan* itself is rock solid, from the sound of it. And i agree, Johnwill, how can you *not* get emotionally attached to some degree with a woman you've been speaking with for some time now. Yes, a face-to-face will tell so much more, but for a PLAN, it is absolutely rock solid. And I, too, understod your Russian, (but be sure to use the DATIVE case when saying that your son is 12: moemu sinu dvinatsit let, i moyei dochke desit. (And i think you meant to use the past tense: Their Mama said (as opposed to, "is saying") goodbye: mama guhvorila poka...
johnwill,
in short, what is the point with your thoughtful thread? Who can tell you what is gonna happen with your girl? If you are so confident, what are you asking about?
Do you ever wonder about the week or two after you are there who Tatiana may be talking to? These girls are in
contact with who knows how many guys. Of course yours may be a little different. I often wondered this and it makes me look carefully at things from a distance. I don't know how things will go but I hope they will go well. You have to be lucky to be the right person at the right time
King Arthur, I was sincere in my comment to you. I wasn't being sarcastic. Geeesh!
The point of my thread was "So, I am interested in hearing your stories both good and bad". I wanted people to share their experiences if they had been are are in similar situation. Yes, I am confident in my visit with Tatiana. Should I not be? I am confident that she is who she says she is and see what happens when we meet. I don't know how many times I need to say that.
I think most on here meet a girl through an agency where these ladies correspond with many western men. And you guys have a list of ladies from the agencies that you meet and you roll the dice meet them all and hope one pans out. Sounds like a feasible way to go. I met my lady on a Russian website (I reiterate) not geared to us Americans. It would probably be the same as yahoo personals or eHarmony but it is all in Russian. I have developed a relationship with her via daily text messages (probably 10 a day), email, frequent 2 hour phone conversations that have become almost daily. I talk with her Babooshka and her Mama. She has never met an American and to be quite honest is not "star struck" by the fact that I am. She is very shy, still lives at home with Babooshka and Mama, is very poor (makes $200/month and is a medical professional) and can only afford to use internet cafe a couple times/week, and she does not even have a toilet in her house. It's a hole in the ground in what she describes to be an outhouse. She is, in my opinion, cute but not a knock out like many of us seek. She is very modest. I just assumed that she would be staying with me in my apartment but recently clarified she will spend all day with me but must go gome every night because her mama would not approve. Sounds commendable.
Why do I tell you all of this? Because all the skeptics will read into everything I just said and say she could be tricking you, she may be seeing all sort of men. And she wants to go home every night because she probably lives with a man. Call me a fool or what you want but I believe what she tells me. I believe her whole heartedly. And this trip will verify what I believe. If I am wrong then I am wrong. I have had my heart broken before. Big deal. But I have to go into this with confidence and belief in this girl. For me personally this is the only way that I could do it. I hope to have a success story for you all when I come home. Whatever happens I will share with you all in probably a longer and even more boring post than this one :)
johnwill,
what I wrote is rather obvious to everybody here. That's why I thought you were sarcastic. I had a plan A in St. Pete. It was a failure, in spite of my expectations. I had a plan A in Kiev. She sounded very serious and very interested in me. She didn't show up!!!! I had a plan A in Mariupol. This seems to be working. Honestly, I wouldn't have bet a penny on my plan A in Mariupol. This is my experience with plans A. You are confident. Good. But I would like to remind you another "proverb" that circulates in this forum. Hope for the best, expect the worst.
It's kind of funny. I shared with Tat the ongoings here and such and people's opinions. She told me that she read on the internet (I don't know if it was a forum) where many women would discuss all the bad things that happened when they met foreign men. Everything from "they all want sex" to even stories of men that have murdered their brides. So I guess they get it on the other side as well.
John
My own experience is similar to yours and I will be travelling just a few days behind you. We are probably on the same Russian site as well, most of the Russian dating sites are connected to create one big one.
I have been messaging, the woman I am going to meet, for about 8 weeks. She has her own computor at home so most of our communication is on site, morning and night. I have good feeling about the girl Im meeting and so my whole trip has been organized around her. It is impossible to develope simialr relatonships with many women at the same time, because how many can I have meet me at the airport, and there is also only so many hours in the day.
On the site I am on, it is fairly easy to tell if a woman is chatting to many guys, because the site tells you when they are online and also to the minute when they log off.
The woman Im meeting almost always logs off immediately after messaging me. She is never online for long periods of time unless she is chatting to me. I think it is a good sign.
I dont think there is any graurantees with online dating, but I do think you can get a good feel for it. Im fairly confident she will show up and Im thinking we will have a good time together no matter what happens.
I do have backup plans, but they are way under developed in comparison to the one I am meeting.
Im trying to cram Russian at the moment.
Best of luck with your trip.