This is certainly one post I never thought I would be making on this forum.Those of you who have been here some time will know me from my postings and my sometimes outspoken views about FSU dating.
Unfortunately I too have been deceived to a barely credible degree.........deep breath here goes!
My wife and I first met in 2003 and in the summer of 2004 we got married.Quite honestly the happiest day of my life...here I was marrying the woman I loved and looking forward to a long and happy future together.We did all the things newlyweds do....shared our time,discussed our plans and generally seemed extremely happy.I taught my wife to drive,she found a job and I doubted things could get any better than this.Perhaps the only blot on the landscape was that my wife was missing her mother.
Not a problem I thought......we can arrange a multi-entry visa for her,which was subsequently obtained.Mother came over and life went on.My wife was working with people from Ukraine/Russia and other parts of the FSU,so she had friends she could relax with and talk to in her native language.
Around this time I have since learned,her Russian employer ws planning an expansion of his business that would affect my marriage with dire consequences.Sadly I was blissfully unaware of this until very recently.
In November of last year my mother-in-law returned to Ukraine to obtain a new international passport and also to renew her UK visa that was due to expire.It came a quite a shock when the renewal was refused.....for reasons I will not go into here......but quite naturally I thought my wife was devastated on hearing this.I have spent the better part of 12 months fighting immigration law through the courts until the appeal process I had initiated was successful.
My mother-in law returned to the UK in mid September and even I was euphoric seeing the smiles on my wife's face.Imagine the shock and total disbelief on my face when just 4 days later she announced that she was leaving to take up a job with her employer in his new venture (which incidentally had been on hold for some 10 months!!!).No amount of talking had any effect,her mind was made up and even though like any married couple we had our disagreements,this just seemed totally out of proportion.
Gone was the face of the loving woman I had married,and in it's place was the cold and calculating look of someone who had acheived precisely what they set out to do years before.
Completely hoodwinked doesn't even begin to explain it.......I've never thought of myself as a bad judge of character,but never in my life have I ever considered that a person could fool another so utterly and so completely for such a long time.
This is NOT a bashing of FSU women,even now I still wouldn't hear of that,and neither is it a case for self pity.....although I do feel torn apart.I suppose with hindsight I maybe should have checked a little bit more..who knows if that would have changed things???
I can't say for sure.
I have good friends here past and present on this forum and my time here has always been "interesting" to say the least.Now I have to pick up the pieces of my life and limit the damage as much as I can.My apologies for a somewhat rambling post.......just something I needed to get off my chest
gladiator
That is a very very sad cruel experience you have had and a real hammer blow.
Sadly there are many other women from ukraine with this cold unfeeling attitude towards men here. If it is a decision between love and money, MONEY will always come first for ukraine woman.
gladiator, don't beat yourself up about it, just hide your earnings and money as much as possible, cut her off immediatley, even if it means selling your place and moving in with your parents for a while, because she may file for divorce and expect money, if it does get to court, say you have no money because you gambled it away due to depression caused by the break up.
I feel for you, at some stage you must have trust, and she threw it back in your face.
I am getting married in march, and i did many tests on my fiance, and now i trust her, however i cannot predict the future, none of us can, but i like your attitude and wish you good luck.
Glad, sorry to hear your sad news. After reading it, I womdered if your wife or other Fsu girls that marry western men are really calculating for a such a long time.All through our lives many decisions are to be made, some given more time than others but if your wife is guilty of anything it is being open in discussing what is on her mind with you. I wonder if it is cultural or not. As bad as your situation is, you had some great times maybe one day
you will work things out..who knows..let your heart heal and your mind be focused..good luck!!
That is very sad indeed. It hurts to spend a few months building feelings for someone to find out they are after something other than a relationship but to devote 5 years of your life to loving someone and then losing her is devastating. This can change your whole goals in life and make it difficult to even do anything. But you must figure out how to pick up the pieces and continue on. Did she leave immediately after she announced her job advancement and are you still in communication with her? I must also say your post was very well done as to not showing anger and contempt when you have so much pain inside. We could all learn from this.
Incredible indeed, stunned in fact! I like Zeeco's way of thinking, but there's another small matter - da littlegun so to speak. I'd consult a lawyer Glad, to see what can be done about custody. And whilst there ask what you could do about liquefying your assets, go play some financial hide & seek. Can't pluck feathers from a bald chicken now can ya? The cost of raising kids, the fact that she is doing the leaving, your possible custody of your shared 'un and I wonder who has to pay who.
Wish you the bestest, and don't get scarce now ya hear?
Cheers,
TD
Glad....Mate i realy am so very very sorry to read this story.
Even though your situation has nothing to do with me, it doesn't stop me feeling real pain. I cant begin to imagine how YOU feel right now.
What has happened to you could have happened to any one of us!!
I can tell from your post that you are a genuinly good person who just wanted to share your life & love with your wife.
If its any consolation...I find that generally the good guys (like you) do win through in the end.
I know it is easier said than done, but you have got to try & cling onto somthing positive..Anything
You will come through in the end...I HONESTLY beleive you will!!!
GladitorUK,
I agree with Land of oz, beemer18 and zeeco. The best of luck to you in the future! Boredfukka..well done, such sympathy from you...perhaps a side I have not seen of you, well done BF!!
i think one of the reasons actually i look for someone a far is I'm tired of mother in laws manipulated my relationships, maybe there is never a place called far enough.
sorry to hear of your problems, its just when i hear "mother in laws" mentioned i .........
if we could work out if they have this little switch in them it would be grand but.
it seems when they spent a lot of time with there own people, they compare notes, do a lot of thinking, their choices open up to other possibilities, their old ways possibly click in to play.
Ive seen this here with different nationality's, like a weird peer pressure.
sadly glad in the beginning she probably never intended such a thing herself.
if she didn't work with these people of home there possibly and i mean only possibly would never have been a problem, but what do you do.
something flicks the switch.
really i probably shouldn't generalise like this here, wrong place.
I joined the website in early sep and I have been actively reading the forum, which I think, has provideed invaluable info for both sides of the coin. I still remember how you posted your engament and the many gestures of well wishing you got, even of those who had to suffer your outspoken comments sometimes.
I am very shocked to read your story, and sadden for I know how devastating emotional blow can be, heck, Im still recovering from one (nothing to do with a FSU lady), and I tell you, it is diificult to think right when your hurt. Some guys here are giving you sound advice, specially in covering your assets, when this happened to me it seemed I was hearing this advice as through a dream but could not move a finger in that direction, leave it to a close buddy or brother or sister to take the action for you now!!!
I am also edifyed by your calm reaction to post your experinece but not take it as a generalization to all the FSU ladies, way to go!! But as marco UK has said, keep on posting and do not suffer in silence for the anonymous community here can help and learn as well.
Guys:
what can I say?
thanks would do for starters,just reading these replies has lifted me a lot,and right now I feel like I need that.Not trying to wallow in self pity at the moment as there is hell of a lot for me to consider...(yes TD that is where the hurt is most).As beemer has mentioned the hard part is trying to stay focused on everything.
I keep tryin to work out where I went wrong,and try as I might in my wildest dreams I didn't see this scenario coming.I've always beleived in trust in a marriage.....after all is that basic ingredient aint there,then why bother!!
Beemer I understand what you are trying to say to me,and to be fair if it just involved my wife and I,then you would probably find me in some sort of agreement,however grudging it might be.It doesn't stop at just us 2 unfortunately,as there is the slight matter of a little 2 year old boy to think of as well........sort of puts things into perspective a little doesn't it? And for me that not so insignificant fact is biggest hurt of all.God only knows how this is going to turn out........certainly focused on that one my friend!!!!
Thank you all once again,your words are a great comfort.
i to agree with everyone that has posted- keep looking up and our prayers are with you- remember you will allways be a dad and he loves you unconditionally- know everything about him- when hes a at school, his friends, and most of all teach him the skills-as a positive male role model
as single dads we have a choice- we can provide or parent
I am new to this and I am going to Ukraine soon, and going through this forum I hear some positive stories but also a lot of negative ones about men married with Ukrainian ladies, no matter what country they are, it would be interesting to see some data if story like this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I am not sure but I think if you call Immigration and suggest them to investigate her for fraud she will not bored you she will probably take either a divorce or end with immigration asking for the green card back. Citizenship is irrevocable but green card is not.
Good luck
Gladiator,
even if I don’t know who are you,even if I never write on this forum but I read only yours posts,even if my experience doesn’t mean nothing compared to yours,I feel to say you that I’m sorry very much!!and even if you won’t believe me I can understand your pain! Now I know that it is very hard for you, but you must manage to overcome all that!!!
The show must go on!!
Holy S**t, Glad - This is news I thought I would never read about. Shattered is the only word I can think of.. I know its been a really long time since we taked but if you need someone to talk with I will send you my email. I see there is a messaging feature here now and I will send my address over to you- and what about the Baby? Over a dam job?? All I can say is hang in there pal, I can only imagine how tough this is for you.
Geez Gladiator thats bad news I'm sorry to read this, I wish there was something I could say to help. Surely she wouldn't have planned this from the start, 5 years is a long time and she had your child as well. No wonder your wondering how it happened. I guess all you can do is take the advice of the guys above and let her go without both of you hating each other, maybe she will have a change of mind after a break. But you need to move on and get on with your life.
Good luck mate.
To all:
I am amazed at the depth of feeling shown to me here by people I have known and a great deal of strangers too,each and all of your words is a great help,and I will never forget that.Never let it be said kindness and compassion is dead......this forum is proof of that.
Crash:
Hi buddy,so good to hear from you and if the offer of a little chat still holds I'll be happy to get in touch.
Glad,
leaving someone for 'a job' you also do not really believe, come on now. Plus you want your son, I mean hell, of course you do.
I may come across as harsh and probably am too, but ponder on this: you could get a leverage on her regarding custody by mentioning you might lay a charge at your Immigration Dept, for premeditated fraud or something. Further, assuming he has the British nationality, you should already have notified the authorities that your son is not to leave the country without your consent, and maybe you could block her too.
Just some ideas I'm no expert in Glad, so go get some legal advice, cant hurt either way I think. And no, this is not to make her life unnecessary miserable, it is just something you should do now to turn an undoubted future settlement in your favour.
Sorry pal, but face it, soonest, now: it's over, all that's left is him and some assets/money. Get cracking, the early bird stands the best chance for the worm.
Yeah, I'm a cold hearted git, but do your homework without delay first before you tell me what I am ;-)