1. Forget communicating through marriage agency's. Use them only to pick a city that you have a historical, geographical, genealogical, etc. interest in. You may be visiting often if you marry a women from there.
2. Go to that city. I suggest small cities less than 1/2 million. Mariupol and Lugansk have been mentioned on this board often.
3. Rent a flat in that city. Frequent net cafe and the center park where the beer garden is in the summer, beach on the Asov or Black Sea
3. Women will see you with a computer. Immediately offer to allow them to use it as long as they want to check their stuff. They will talk to you after they see you writing in english.
4. If the lady lives with mamula make sure you bring flowers and a small present if invited to her home.
5. Be prepared to help support mamula if you marry. 2-300USD per month is adequate, but a good son-in-law will send 500USD.
6. She will not be able to make much if any money when in US so plan on completely supporting her.
7. Research real estate while you are there. You will need a place to stay when you return to visit Mamula. She will not be able to visit mom for 2-3 years until she gets her green card, so you may need to pay for visa for parents to come here to visit. I would not be kind to have her nor see her parents for years!
If you can not do at least 80% of this you do not belong here. Now I will wait for all the others to tell me I am wrong.
Well the more I read this forum, the less interest I am having in pursuing the FSU. I need to find a beautiful, sterile, english speaking and orphaned lady somewhere else. not necessarily in that
order. LOL. Laugh... that might sound awful, but maybe it's my reality.
Beemer, I think your girlfriend theory might be the only way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I need to sign up for this support program, I think I will withdraw and shut down my profiles.
1-4, 6 7... no problem, been there done that before.
#5.... The FSU too???? This is more shock to me. This must be the same the world over. "Find a foreign husband to support the family as well as wife and any preexisting children if any." The
money you mention will never be enough though... so those numbers double, triple, quadruple, etc. Once you open that door...
Can all you other guys concur with this? Do you support the extended family too? Do they live with you?
First of all, I obviously, enthusiastically, and with a large smile signed up for supporting my wife through the years in all respects, she saved and so did I she was good with money for the most
part and have no qualms about it- duh, it is why I got married. I never even wanted her to work, just care for our daughter..... BUT HER PARENTS???... that's another story. One reason I married her was
that the family was upper middle class and did not need any help.
Now the money $500/mo you mention today isn't alot for me fortunately, but way back then- NO WAY! For years, I've known many other couples who were mixed race here in the states, these
guys petition the MIL, do the AOS and allow the Mother in law to move in with them! Not me. Ex -wife used to harrass me with that guilt trip "Oh so and so- he takes care of his MIL".. I'd rather gargle broken glass than ever hear that again. Culturally for my ex this was tradition, it dies hard, I understand... but in the FSU too? My MIL was a contributing factor to screwing up my marriage- MIL told me point blank after she arrived.... I was obligated and now "Entitled" (I hate this mentality) to her since "I married not just my wife, but all of her family"!!!!. Great.... In order to visit she insisted on the visa for green card (Not tourist) so she could (as their agenda unfolded) petition the rest of the family. I had to sign the "Affidavit of support" document. I signed it after a long detailed discussion with my wife as to the impact this document would have. I agreed she could stay for 6 months only and I'd take care of her expenses (Wife did not work at the time) and my she agreed her mother would get her own health insurance at her expense (They had the cash for it too)... but when she arrived- she broke the agreement. Meanwhile I was in start up mode of my business and had no cash and was working 16 hours a day (Not exaggerating either). I was miserable- this old bag did nothing to help with our infant daughter, I had another dependent on my hands. As a matter of fact, after she arrived my wife and I drove 1200 miles for a short vacation and a break as a couple- the first in several years. Daughter gets a fever 103 deg. while we are away. MIL is clueless how to deal with this. Calls
neighbors for help- who kindly give her Tylenol and sponge bathes (What's so difficult about that?). Next day after arriving destination- we call to check in and MIL begs wife to come back! (Fevers happen, no big deal it wasn't menigitis...) So there goes my long earned vacation... I drive another 150 miles to nearest airport- and have to pay 3x the normal airfare for the emergency- I think it was usually $300, and it cost me over $1000. Nothing was wrong with daughter at all when Wife arrived home 4 hours later. Thank god when the 18 month nighmare ended with her flying back home and pissed at me and she did not get sick under my watch. Then to further insult me she wrote me off since I didn't enable the family to move here (I would have had to support them too I imagine) MIL and I have never spoken again 15 years later and then as punishment the ignorant b*&^h MIL never learned how to read a clock and would phone my wife at 3am for years, when I was rudely awakened and answered she had the nerve to hang up on me!!!.
I assume most U.S. guys know about this document usually after they have fallen in love like I did.... if not- do your homework before proceeding. Know the risks and liability before signing the AOS for relatives. What you do is put yourself up for major risk financially if the MIL gets sick as you guarantee Uncle Sam that the person you sponsor will not become a public charge.
If you don't sign- obviously your marriage might end! How embarrassing for your new wife to feel you don't love her enough.
On another note about supporting the MIL, If you don't volunteer to pay... my ex (Non FSU) used to send money home secretly without telling me !, when confronted no remorse or explanation- a huge breach of trust, so for the next 16 years I controlled most of the funds. She is so crooked. Against court standard fam law restraining order, she recently has been shifting money via wire to an offshore back home too- 50K a pop. That way she can look poor on paper. If she would be honest and explain this, it may or may not be a problem. When we were having tough times at my business start up years ago, she borrowed money from her parents without my consent then told me to pay it back.
Sorry, I went off abit. I will hang around here for awhile, but things don't seem to be looking good for me and the marriage issue if this is a stumbling block.
One thing it is not 2-3 years until she gets a green card. Thats totally incorrect. You can file for advance parole so she can travel before she gets her green card.
We don't send mom money. Only at particular times of the year for gifts. I didn't marry the family I married my wife, I don't know where you guys get this idea you have to support the family sounds like nonsense Mike00 used to write.
BadPenny, I can relate to the ex playing games, especially with support. I think the curve is changing these days where guys don't get screwed as much anymore.
Guy's I can see I burst a few bubbles here! The nice young wholesome girls you are after do live with mom and maybe dad. If she stays there she will take care of her parents as they age. Here we just stuff mom and dad in a nursing home and have social security pay for it. You would not expect a woman from US to never see her parents again, would you? If she did not there may be something seriously wrong with her psychy. I am not saying everyone's situation will be exactly the same, but if you do not concider some of these things, and if you cannot afford them, you may be setting yourself up. This is not a cheap date! But meeting women over there, not on the net, is the best way to go, there are plenty!
Once you get in the habit of sending money to her relatives you are done for!!
I married a Venezuelan, both parents are dead and she has no kids. She does not want any either.
Hot little body. The only problem is she has a short temper like many spanish women, but I am working on cooling her off.
i dont find it strange if a russian woman supports her parents, and sends money to her mom. tight bonds r typical for russia, ukraine,and we always help our parents (or they help us.-it depends on who earns more:)))
so if u r going to marry a russian woman, be ready to help her Mamula:))) (and if those who r already married to russians think their wives dont support their parents, it does not mean they dont do it- they may thansfer money without letting u know abt that fact)
500 a month in Ukraine is approximately 2600 grivnas a month, that's living pretty large for many Ukrainians, especially pensioners. Avg income for a speech therapist is around 200-300 a month or 1500 grivnas. This is a myth of sending money to mothers. Like I said above the normal Ukrainian doesn't do this, let alone and it fits nobodyknows, they don't do it behind your back, at least the legitimate ones.
No bubble burst here, this April I will be celebrating my 2nd anniversary with my Ukrainian wife, and to some as they chagrin, it keeps getting better each day. Life is what you make it, if you see shit and negativity in life, that is all you see, if your willing to take a risk, it just might be worth a lifetime.
Also it doesn't again take two years for them to return to their home country. Green cards can take less than six months after application. Depending on where you live you may not even be required to have an interview. My wifes green card was processed in California, we live in Indiana. No interview, just pay this window please.
nobodyknows talks shite yet again,
He makes it out as if it's a sin, a deception, that daughter should financially support Mama, what bollox!
When I met my wife her father had died the previous year, Mama had scrimped and saved all her life but lost it all when the bank(s) went bankrupt during the fall of the USSR, and daughter was already financially supporting Mama when I met her.
Last time I was in Ukraine during January/February I was there without the wife and I took Mama to the supermarket, the trolley was overflowing with lots of meat products, lots of beer (for me), party food, and it came to all of $80. Now when we get home we'll put a chicken as a whole in the freezer and thereafter take it out and cook it as a whole and it will feed us for 2-3 days. Not Mama, she dicected it before freezing it, legs, breasts etc, I mean that just one chicken will probably last her for some 3 weeks rather than 3 days.
Mama also receives a pension, I recall, of some $75 a month so how the hell a pensioner needs up to a $500 monthly supplement from son-in-law is quite beyond me unless the guy is trying to buy his way into her good books, I for one don't need to do that, Mama adores me :)
Nastafan6 The green card you received was a temporary one, you apply for the permanent one after two years. Where is your wife's apartment in Mariupol? Do you still have it? I am looking for one this spring.
It looks like that is an issue that should be discussed on an individual basis. Whether you completely disown her parents or if you will treat them as if they were your own is information she should know before marriage.
The tight family bonds that nobodyknows talks about are one of qualities that are sought in these women. The family structure is different than it is in the Western world. From a generous standpoint it is probably better but it is different. Whether you support or do not support does not make a difference in your marriage. But whether you discuss with your wife or future wife and agree on your decision does. And I do not think it was wrong to bring up that if you do not agree that she could share her money with her family just as you might make a purchase and not tell her.
I believe the retired people there do get a little pension but not much.
There is no "temporary" green card. The first is usually a two year green card, but it is still a green card the same as the ten year green card you call the "permanent" green card. You don't seem to understand how this works. The two year card works the same as the ten year card and travel is not restricted. It is now taking from a few months to six months to get a green card. It is also possible to travel with advanced parole prior to receiving the green card. Do a little homework.
i know better what we do, and if it s typical of us or not:) chicken for 3 weeks? nonsense!!! even if she eats this chicken alone, it will last abt a couple of days.and even if it s so-3 weeks-, do u think it makes her happy to have a need to save this chicken and think when it s better to eat it? do u know how much they must pay fpr the appartment? abt 40 $.the pension is abt $75-100. how much is left for food? so u think the pension may cover all expenses? i dont think so. $500 may be much (actually, i said nothing abt the sum of money yr wives should support their moms with), but 150-200... will be ok.
it s just my point of view. u may not accept it. and think it s bullshit:)
Regarding visiting home.... with open arms and pocket book....
An important point I forgot to mention with my tome above..., my ex-wife flew back "home" just about every year for 15 years- money we could not afford at the time either, and I did not take vacations. I sacrificed for her and since I have a good heart and knew that it was the right thing to do. As your you know, people often have short memories- MIL and Ex have no perspective. She'd buy $1000. in gifts too to bring back too, more money we could not afford. I just turned the other cheek. I intend to do the same if I decide in the future to go this route.
Ex got her Green Card in a few months after we married/fiance visa.
Nobody knows writes: they may thansfer money without letting u know abt that fact)
Do you also condone this behavior? Exactly like I stated above. With dishonesty like that, how can a marriage be based on trust??? The basic foundation of being married is trust, but skimming cash from your community funds or husbands wallet is the same exact thing as shoplifting, taking money from the cash register- a crime of "moral turpitude" which the law says you can be deported for engaging in such behavior. There is no excuse for that crap.
Both husband and wife should agree on some small budget with some reasonable amounts like Martin mentioned, couple should concur, and send it as needed.
Martin, you must have a great mother in law, be thankful she sounds like a good person.
Nas, I have been too nice most of my life- in hindsight I never should have signed the AOS and let her stay with us in the first place. Here I thought I was doing the right thing, only to be duped.
Actually the divorce has... "makes me that much stronger, makes my skin abit thicker, makes me that much wiser, thanks for making me a FIGHTER"... - Christina Aguilera.
we t talking abt different things. i did not mean to say that it s right on the part of the wife to send money to her parents when her husband knows nothing. but if the husband is against this support, or even worse - does not care at all. he may be a nice person, great husband... BUT - my parents r my parents. they r the people who took care of me all my life, gave me money which they needed, paid for my tuition, paid for my tours , denied themselves every luxury (in the FSU countries most of the families face this problem) So leave them without support is out of the question. however much i loved my husband and if i faced a choice whether to tell him abt the money transfer and make him angry, or do it without his awareness and prevent ant conflict, i would do the 2nd.
i firmly believe that we see it differently because of different mentalities. some of u may say again-what NB is saying is shit:))no different mentalities, no different attitude towards the same subject. maybe. but for u , and not for yr FSU wives and girlfriends.it will never be shit for them.
trust in relations goes first.but what should we do when we have different views bacuase of different cultures? dont u think of any comromise?
This thread brings a question up to me that is none of my business but I think it is worth mentioning. This woman that is your wife that you love what are your financial roles. Some of these posts sound like she has no freedom to spend any money. Do you live in poverty that in a month she would not have 100 or 150 dollars a month to spend on what she wants. Or do you discuss together each small item of purchase even down to the grocery list. Or am I reading something into these posts that is not there.
First of all Mama pays nothing for rent, like many people the property is owned, and there are charges of approx $50 a month for gas, electric etc.
Do you really think that a 66 y/o lady who lived and worked most of her life under the USSR regime is going to change her ways now, she has always lived like that and yes it does keep her happy to live like that, she knows that I have money should she want to change her ways but she likes being economical, my wife has spent years trying to change her, she even tells her off about it, but Mama will not change.
She'll take one piece of chicken out at a time, mix it with lots of vegetables etc. and just one piece will last her days. Now you've reduced your bottom price to $150, it was $200, beginning to think I have a point perhaps?
i dont want to be rude, but what u r saying is so strange for me to hear.... - have u ever seen a person (man or woman) who does not want to have a better life? even now, at 24, i want my parents have more then they r used to! and i buy more delicious food just to spoil them a bit!and when my mom says " Irina, i dont want to eat this or that , u ll take it tomorrow" i say" i ll buy it tommorow if i want, but u must eat it today!" i buy them some things they never had and wont buy it with their own money.
jesus, it seems to me it s impossible to make u think differently:)
in ukraine and in russia people have apartmnets in their property, but have to pay for all that stuff u mentioned above. sometimes it s more than half of their pension. Do u know how much r pills the old people buy? u think they should not be helped? unbelievable, guys!