Im still with the same girl. As you have observed she is Ukrainian and is therefore temperamental. I am fortuanately old and wise and therefore can manage the tantrums and she is young and beautiful which makes the effort worthwhile. The one good thing is she doesnt expect to be taken out all the time and shopping is minimal. I give her some funds to help her with her studies.
We are talking about getting married in August.
I have a friend who travels to Kazakhstan regularly for business. A lot of resourses development there.
Im starting new job myself in Guinea. It will be interesting and a new challenge. Life was getting a bit mundane.
beemer18! yep... i know... i know... more than just a 'stumbling block' lol!
it turns out from our conversation tonight that it's much more that she doesn't think that she *can* come to the UK. anyways... i currently work as a senior software engineer in hampshire, uk and dj whenever i can. i'm going to see her in a few weeks (when work allows!) and i am more than prepared to find a web based contract in kiev to give it a go. if it doesn't work out then what the hell, i still have my house here and i can find a new job. all i can say is that since july when i started going into these dating sites and stuff, she is the most genuine girl ever. sure... she is kind of hot-headed! but calms down quite quickly! she also actually knows more about me than anyone ever, and when i am down (which can be very down, but that's another story), she is always there for me as much as she can be!
what the hell! (apart from maybe the ice-skating! lol)
oh... and maybe drinking their water! or ice cubes! (so i have read!)
and anyway... over the last few 7 months... we have have had plenty of ups and downs that i can't talk about here. but when i was at my lowest, guess who called me and made sense! it's quite funny really... it's the smallest things that seem to make her mad! but in a few words, it's all forgotten. i wouldn't change her for anything in this world... and there you go! not all girls (by any means!) want to leave the ukraine!
yeah my fiance runs a agency out here in nikolaev, I see alot of guys come here that are way too old for the girls they are asking for. she's only 3 years older than me, but some guys come here and they are in their 60's and they want 20 year olds. not happenin. I gotta say the from all the guys I've met here(mostly fellow americans) the ones that succed are the ones who ressist the temptaions of the super hot chicks(and there is tons) and be realistic with what they need to be happy not what they want to be happy.
I happen to talk to a translator this time around in Ukraine. She told me about the 60 yr old plus guys who come looking for the youngest 18 yr old women. She was actually hostile toward the young women who lead the old guys on.
I look at it this way - It a 60+ guy thinks he is going to win gorgeous faithful 18 year old wife, just because he is American (or a Brit, or whatever) and because she comes from a less prosperous country- well we can't entirely protect people from their own delusions. If someone is truly intent on running face first into a wall - its hard to prevent.
But if an older guy realizes the reality - doesn't blow his life savings or do anythin else permanently damaging his well being - then what is so bad about a younger woman showing aome older man some attention, in return for some renumeration? I'm not talking about prositution here neccessarily (she doesn't HAVE to sleep with him). Just attention.
Now if you want a genuine long lasting relationship - then you have to be more realiztic. Big age differences are STILL possible - just maybe no AS big. And you have to be in pretty good shape for the age that you are as well as being able to find a genuine girl - and of course their are other factors as well.
There are all sorts of reason we western men go looking over there. And there are as many possible satisfactory types of relationships. It only matters, what you are looking for.
This is probably the only point I will have a disagreement with you. I agree with keeping oneself in shape but the stark reality is, like in our situations, I will be 50 this June and you are 50. If we are with a 22-28 year old, in 20 years we will be 70 and they will be in their mid 40's hitting their stride. Unlike the comment from the resident goof Mike00 who made a comment that my wife was some washed up old rag, I would put my 46 year old against his anyday and not pissed away all the time and money he did. Remember Dr. Kooks goddess, what a joke. Her energy level is high so think about that when we are 70. Along with the maturization process is there and they know what they want and you won't have the traumatic ups and downs and inconsistent indecision.
Age is such a relative thing. I've gone to a few class reunions and an AMAZED at the difference in the way that people age. When I went to my 20th - we were all 38-39 years old (of course) but if you hadn't KNOWN that we were all the same age - you never would have guessed it. Some men (and women) looked 60 - droopy skin texture, male pattern baldness, beer guts, but more than anything - the tired, worn out attitude. There were others who looked like they had barely aged from high school - they looked as if they could play high-school football at a competitive level. The older guys looked like the fathers of the younger guys, not as former classmates.
It all depends on how you ageand your comfort level. Nobody is more or less of a man, because he has a much younger woman - what matters is what you feel comfortable with.
A lot can happen in twenty years. There are many way to grow apart and many ways to keep it together. I prefer to live for NOW and let the furure take care of itself.
Its perfectly okay to have a difference of opinion as we do.
You make me laugh!! Nascar, well I'm not one of the guys who jumped on board and thought wow this is the new hot sport. I go back to the days of Santa Fe Speedway in Chicago and watching Petty, Pearson, Lorenzen and the crew was in the 60's.
We do differ on another subject. Living for the Now. Yes to a certain extent, but on coach from the Wisconsin area once quoted, by failing to prepare you are preparing to fail. Not that I think you will fail. I think you have to have one foot in the Now and another on the step towards the future.
What I have found interesting being married to my Ukrainian wife, she is nothing as depicted here by some. She's very introspective, her Dr. even said the other day, he has never had a patient so in tuned with her body. I think by their previous lifestyle they did live for the Now, but have learned to prepare to the future since it's not programmed for them now. It's very interesting to have a conversation with someone about their future when just 20 years ago theirs was pretty much planned out. She brings a perspective in our family that I would never have being married to a woman from the states. Sometimes challenging in opinion, though never done with contempt, this is a dream marriage for me.
I've never had someone give me total support in any endeavor. Also things we do together, ie our vending business she works just as hard with it as I do, Plus keeps an immaculate home, something I had to adjust to being a bachelor pretty much for the last 4 years.
You can find the winners in any age group, but I would suggest not counting out our female age contemporaries. It's nothling the the same as it is in the states. A whole different ball game when it comes to maturity, vision and not being a victim, when in actuality they were living life under communist rule. No whimpering or whinning. Yeah they have backbone and will stand up when they think they are right, but that is one of the characteristics I appreciate in Larissa.
"I think you have to have one foot in the Now and another on the step towards the future"
Nasfan, with relationships, I think you have to deal more with the now. Why put so much emphasis on 20-30 years from now. Since when does one know how long their life will be, whether your same age as girl or she is 20 years younger. My whole life I have been around younger people because of my interests and lifestyle, I don't look at age much, I don't really care, as long as we get along great. You are right about looking to the future but that is in regard to finances. It is great that you found Larissa but that is for you, I do wonder if she was 10-15 years younger would she have even got your attention. Why does one have to ask for a persons age to see if they are a match? Most girls that draw my interest are in their 20's but not once did I first look at their age...only profile and looks and am most intersted in what they say in letters. Right or wrong it is my way for me. It cracks me up when others tell me what is right for me. If I strike out with this, it is of my own making and will never blame anyone but myself.
This isn't a critique of anyone here but a general observation I have made from being around this a few years. With Larissa, ten years yes she would have gotten my attention, 15 I doubt it. Reality is relative to a delusional person. Not saying anyone here is delusion but just responding to Jet's age is relative.
It doesn't really matter what social circles you run in, that's like comparing 3 years ago I played tackle football on Thanksgiving with 15, 20 year olds. Does that mean I can do that every week. I was 46 and most of the guys were 21-23 except one because we drank a few beers after the came. Yeah, I was involved in contributing to the deliquency of one minor.
My inquisitiveness in this is purely for an educational thing for other guys thinking about this venture. I've already done my deal so lets explore what other guys do and why. You're exactly right it's your time and your money and I hope it all works out for you. That's why most of us are here for support. Though what disturbs me is the fact some guys come here chase the young skirts, get burned and come back bitching that they were scammed by a 20 something, when first and foremost they couldn't land a 20 something in their own backyard for many reasons.
With that being said, I only know one guy here that used to post that has carried on a successful marriage, and I assume that it still is, that has a 15 year age difference. That is the largest seperation in ages I know of. I think when they got married he was 35 and she was 20 or close to those age ranges. Jet Will remember Wtrav02.
You are also correct, the way we both have gone about it is diametrically opposed to each other. I wasn't going to make multiple trips to meet multiple women. I figured with common sense and experience in my age, I could know without a doubt I could meet communicate and weed out the one I wanted to see. If it went bust, it went bust and I would have dealt with it then. I've been to over 40 differenct countries, traveling in a foreign country wasn't really a new experience for me. It made me more critical in the process and less suceptible to getting scammed. I don't know if you have children or not, but I have a daughter that's 25. Sorry there is no way I could remotely be involved with a woman from that generation. Lack of experience in life circumstances and maturity is miles apart and I don't care what country she comes from. Guys here bitch about the tempermental women in the FSU. I bet most are from the 18 to 29 range.
I also don't care how much it keep yourself in shape. Time changes things and like I said before if she's 22 or 25 and your 50 when she's in her mid 40's and hitting her stride you're going to be 70 and that's just a simple fact of life. People will grow apart just out of the age difference. Hell we had the generation gap pounded down our throats in the 60's and my parents were only 25 years older than me when I was born and there was a huge social, cultural and morality gap.
If you honestly check the gap it doesn't work often, especially the 20 years difference. I support the right for any guy to pursue and say what they want. Though I will also support the right to say the odds are against most who chase that gap.
You get the Ego pups that come in here an run their mouths like this is common place in the FSU when talking to my wife and her friends this isn't so. Larissa told me if the was the case then she should have married the 65 year old attorney that was writing her. She felt she didn't want to spend the time with a guy who wasn't going to be physically able to keep up with her and his longevity came in to question. Though the 45 to 25 age difference is a whole different ball of wax. What bothers me is the guys who chase this gap, come back her and bitch and whine and complain that it didn't work out. They were in it just for the money and how much they could bleed from them for their families for surgerys and the like. I just laugh my ass off.
Sure you will run into the professional daters in that
group. I mean really step back and take a long look at the situation. How many 20-25 year olds in your own back yard is running to the alter? Why is it different in the FSU. When in reality it isn't. These women aren't jumping at the first westerner to help them from their poor impoverished lives, though many of the old farts have the savior mentality, that they are doing more for the women then they could ever repay them for. Then it becomes a barter and not really a relationship.
There are many trashed relationships along the age gap highway. It won't end until the guys get a reality check that the 20 something bombshells are going to run to their bed and then to the alter to change their living conditions.
To me the future ranges from tomorrow to 20 years from now. Life is a progression of changes. There will be more stability in a relationship is closer in age the the ones seperated by two decades. That doesn't guarantee all, but I bet the percentages are high that the ones closer in age can handle catastrophic situations in their lives better than the ones 20 years apart. It's a proven mental and physiological truth.
As for the blame came, we all responsible for our own actions. If you fail hey that's your business. There is no one single correct method for finding a woman from the FSU. Though it will be a lot closer to your own dating rituals back home than you will want to admit too. My wife didn't jump at the opportunity, it took 2 years of dating meeting spending time and reassurance that I was going to be there for her if she came to live with me. Actions speak louder than words to these ladies. This isn't going to be the happy romp in Ukraine or Russia when she gets here. It becomes work with ups and downs, cultural differences, language difficul
driving,banking, shopping and the like. I don't care how well she learned english in her country. We've slanged English worse than the Brits with Cockney.
Still the question still stands. What motivates guys to chase after women that would be their childrens ages? Is it ego, is it a control thing? I mean, damn just what I want to do, go visit my duaghter and my wife and daughter are looking a vogue magazine and communicating in their own langauge, one that is more foreign to you than Russian.
Good luck and God Bless to all in this search. I'm still real curious why guys do this?
all good points mind you:) unfortunatly Ive met alot of older guys who just want young girls for a weekend and unfortnatly I've met many young girls who want a older guy who's willing to pay for that weekend:(
Why do the majority of people want to invest in property knowing that the mortgage will not be paid off until 20-30 years from now, since when does one know how long their life will be?
Why do so many people worry about having a pension that they won't be touching until 20-30 years from now, why don't they just live for today when does one know how long their life will be?
I think the point here is why is the guy considering entering into marriage in the first place, is it just for regular sex and to have a pretty lady on his arm or is he entering into it, as marriage should be for, the long-term and he wants to reasonable assure himself that it's going to stand the test of time and indeed age?
Martin...you are equating girls to mortgages????
I mentioned that finances are different than relationships. I certainly differenciate. For one thing, mortgages do not get on your nerves, talk back, divorce you or take 50% of everything you have!!!. It is a 99% positve reaction.
I do agreed as to why get married?? There are legal reasons and religious reasons. I used kid with friends that marriage was just a piece of paper.
Since over 50% of marriges end in divorce, what is difference whether girl is your age or 20 years younger???? I keep hearing that if I wanted to be with a girl 20-25 years younger than me, it would never work, well I would guess of that 50% divorce rate 95% were from couples that were probably close in age. Is my math wrong????
I, not even talking about 'girls' never mind comparing them to a mortgage or whatever, I'm talking about the one person that one intends to marry for the rest of his life, I'm not generalizing.
I'm laughing beemer but have you ever had a martgage, how can you say that it, interest rate rises specifically, don't get on one's nerves, how can you say it doesn't take, in interest repayments, 50% of everything one has?
You're generalizing beemer that all ladies, or as you refer to them 'girls', the whole world over get on one's nerves, talk back, divorce one, take 50% of everything, well if 'girls' are that bad then why do you continue looking for one?
OK, so 50% of marriages end in divorce, you're thowing in the towel before even entering in to the marriage accepting a 50% chance it will end in divorce, so want do you want to be, in the 50% that stay together or in the 50% that divorce?