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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Foreign men and former Soviet Union women :-( Author Post PSLena Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/27/2003 12:53:16 PM   Hi to everybody! I live in Ukraine. I am student and study psychology. Recently I received homework: I need to analyse situation with foreign men that are coming to former Soviet Union to meet our women. This site is an excellent field to work on and few personalities are very interesting to study, like Turboz, Fifty Cent, Thunderdome, Codered and especially Wtrav02! I want to ask few questions to all foreign men, who visit this forum. You are so different – some one wants to get married and to be happy. Some one wants just to have fun. (by the way, it is difficult for me become aware of what wants Wtrav02. On my mind he did not find himself in this life yet) I am sure you will many interesting and wise ideas. My questions are: What is your opinion – why is it happening – a lot of men from Europe and USA come here to have a chip sex. And when it will finish and is it possible to finish and how? What is so special to have sex with women from far away? And do not you think, that chip relationships make you even chipper then those poor women? I am sorry if I was not polite. I know, there are few people who serious in finding wife between my compatriots, but it look like it is not popular now…. I think it is horrible what happening with my compatriots and I wish I can change this situation. If it will continue – this attitude to women from this countries – former Soviet Union will become Bawdy-house countries! dragonsight Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/27/2003 7:11:34 PM   PSLena, Well,unfortunately not all men are marriage minded,so what do they do,they go where the women are.I am doing this to find a wife and nothing else,as I know what the women in the US are like.That is where I am from.You may,or may not,know that not all the women there are angles.As some of them(very small number)maybe into just having sex. To answer your questions,take a look at the nightlife or entertainment of your country,I am sure you would find that men and women have sex there also even though their not married.It is the same in any country you travel to. Now,let's say a man from the US goes out all the time to nightclubs,and has sex with a woman allmost every time,if you where that man would would you want to stick around if one of the women got pregnant,I think not,so then you should be able to understand why these men do that. Yes,I agree it does make the relationship cheap.As for me,the sex will wait until I have found my one and only,and we are married.I hope this helps. deanis Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/27/2003 7:41:33 PM   Well Lena I'll give you my opinion. I have traveled to Russia and Ukraine four times this year myself. I consider myself the serious type who is looking for that special girl whom I will marry. During these trips I have met many American and European men and have become good friends with some of them. Most men I believe are serious about why they came to the FSU countries. Some are not. Here is what I have discovered. In the beginning we all have good intentions of getting married to that one special girl. Then when some of these guys get there they discover this fantasy land. They don't have one or two to choose from, they have hundreds! Some of these men haven't had a date in a year and all of a sudden they come to the FSU countries and anything is possible. These men are typically between the ages of forty to sixty and they just discovered that they can relive their twenties again. All of a sudden they are no longer interested in getting married so soon and decide to enjoy their new found single life in the FSU. In the FSU a fifty year old man can date a woman who is in her late twenties and she's beautiful. In America that won't happen unless you own a very big house and boat! Your women, I think become a drug that these men become addicted to. When will it all end? I predict as soon as your quality of life in your countries improves. I'm thinking five years at the most and this dream us men have been living will be over. Moscow is a perfect example of what lies ahead. Already the women there are polluted by our western ways and attitudes and their quality of life is much better than anywhere else in the FSU. I met twenty different guys who told me they had a difficult time getting dates in Moscow. In closing I want you to know that still most of us men from America respect and cherish the ladies from FSU. I personally think that American men and FSU women are a perfect match for each other. Good luck with your homework! Let us know how you score! MELON Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/28/2003 9:56:39 AM   I'm a fulltime college student who is seriously looking for a GF (possibly for marriage). Is this thing very expensive? Would Russian women understand that I am not the typical Old/rich American guy? I'm still in my 20's - currently studying engineering. Will I be able to meet them for just penpals for now? Do all of them expect you to be ready-rich-and-etc..?? I am not realy cheap. Thanks. olegnay Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/28/2003 10:00:56 AM   get your self one/two semesters in any Russian university, college. there are international exchange programs. you will get all the girls you want. start communicating with girls using this site. Thunderdome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/28/2003 12:15:08 PM   Lena, for such a clever girl it's a bit sad you've missed a couple of points I think. For one, do you really believe it is cheap to go over for a visit? But never mind the cost – you think guys go there to get laid only? If so you’ve got no clue what it’s all about I’m afraid. Let me guess a couple of things – which might be wrong also, I’ll admit, but still: 1) You’ve never been abroad for more than a holiday 2) You react according to your environment, and with that I mean from a viewpoint which, due to the fact you live where you live, is quite likely typical (no offense meant). ‘Foreign’ guys are not all rich, but in absolute terms they are most likely better off. They don’t have to fight as hard for their existence and also they live there where Cash is not really King anymore. Are you quite familiar with concepts like Higher Purchase, Bonds, Banking, Cheques, Credit cards and Buying on an Account? Probably not, and I’ve left out Short and Long-term Insurance as well as Retirement plans. Or Medical Aid Scheme’s, voluntary Access to reduce premiums, and planned educational fund savings. You know it’s all money Lena, but I’m convinced you don’t know how it really works. “Rich’ is somebody who’s got more money than he needs, but most of us really need what we get – because we spend it all. That is very different than living near the breadline, a phenomena not really uncommon in your part of the world I’m afraid. “Jealousy makes you nasty’ is a saying which maybe applies here. ‘Rich’ foreigners visiting your country spending serious amounts (in your opinion!) of money on women advertising themselves via the Net… of course such must have consequences. Not only the fact that the women probably offer less resistance, but also towards the common perception generated by these dudes with the population in general. A perfect breeding-ground for silly misconceptions, and let me tell you they are abundant. Lena, such a trip is costly, and also one tends to regard it as a holiday, an outing. Of course they spend more then, you would do too! And men being men, coming for women anyway, obviously will take advantage of the situation if they can. Fact is the ‘can’-bit is relatively easy, and this has nothing to do with money. But add a wad of notes and the choice just widens. Yes, there are plenty men who go there just for fun – and there is basically nothing wrong with also. Irrespective if they pay for it or not (direct I mean), it basically is on offer - this part you should be very aware of. But I’d say that these ‘plenty men’ are way outnumbered by guys who really are looking for something permanent, they mean well, and also they go through plenty of trouble – and expense - to find what they’re after. And in the same breath let me add that the serious women outnumber the slutty one’s, even if you add the Scammers. However, the latter bit depends a bit where one goes and looks. You’re going to be mad now – do you realize that the Ukraine has a bit of a bad reputation in this respect? The general perception is that indeed the women are more attractive physically, but also that they cannot be trusted like Russian women (2 huge generalizations, I know, in fact 3, read on). Add a higher density of Scammers, and I just might see your point a bit – maybe your country is visited by a higher percentage of the above ‘plenty guys’ than Russia is? And if this is true than I feel bad for the genuine women of your country – not for all your ‘compatriots’ like you seem to feel! We both are not going to end it, it’s a question of demand and offer. The majority of the demand is genuine and so are the one’s on offer – but if you can tell me how to ‘pick’ then let’s write a book which is destined to be a bestseller. Of course we’ll split the revenue – deal? :) MELON Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/28/2003 1:19:52 PM   Okay, I'm not into just sex. I have no problem meeting women here in America. It's very stupid to go to another far away place just to try a foreign meat and leave. Geez, people can realy be this stupid/shallow? Now, I lost my respect for this site. jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/28/2003 1:58:29 PM   Don't know who Lena or Stanilav are. (But it is clear they are not really husband and wife). But I have a graduate degree in Psychology and happen to be in Ukraine at this very minute looking for a Russian wife. Did that register? I am looking for a Russian not just cheap sex. The fact is that neither I nor most American men can stay here for thre months or three years to establish a proper relationship - therefore things are done quickly. It is a fact that I can offer my wife a better life - as far as physical things are concerend than she can get here (I am here and have seen conditions that would surprise Westerners) at the same time I would have to remove her from her culture which may or may not be an acceptable trade-off. You Lena, are a fool to think (under the guise of acedemia) that we are here just for cheap sex. All things must be done quickly and if that is what happens it happens - but it is not the reason for my journey. I treasure a woman who still knows that she is a woman (she lets me take her by the arm as we walk the street) and knows that I am a man. I treasure an intelligent woman who has some awareness of the arts. There are so many things that a Russian woman is that American women are not - you cheapen your own culture by thinking we come for sex. MELON Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/28/2003 5:32:56 PM   jetmba, Thanks for clearing things up. What is the best way to meet serious minded Russian woman based on my condition. Remember I'm still in school here in the States. Penpal maybe - and what are the best agencies? Thanks. PSLena Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/29/2003 12:45:56 PM   Hi again! Thank you everyone for you thoughts and ideas! It was very cognitive and useful for me. I still do a lot of search about this issue and think it will be very good homework and it will be interesting to read for many people… Unfortunately, I do not have a lot of time to write a long message – I need to study. I just want to say - this PStanislav has no relation to me. Seems that persone has too many free time and no friends at all and no sense of humor – I think this is a great example of looser. But I do not care about him and I hope you will ignore his message too and it will not finished our discussion. P.S. Thunderdome, what a great idea to write bestseller! :-)) Thunderdome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/29/2003 5:05:32 PM   Hell Lena, Of course I mailed this Psycho Stanislav immediately. I mean, talking of cheap, he offered filthy pictures for FREE, from you on top of it, so I just had to! No idea what 500 Grivnia's are worth, but that's of course absolute zilch for a guy who flies over for a quicky every now and then :-) Do your homework Lena, and I hope it is/was interesting for you as well. If any more is needed honk down the yahoo-line. Your command of the English language is excellent so by the way. jasonp Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/30/2003 1:17:14 PM   Good women are priceless! Jason Thunderdome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/30/2003 1:17:41 PM   So, my dear PS, basically, because it's only ten bucks, you admit you're a cheapskate? Never even crossed my mind, let alone that a lowly price is normally in direct relation with the general quality, and here no pain intended towards your spelling. Commission? Come on now, you're on a mission if you think I'd pay a pimp a dime let alone a dollar. Second-hand car salespersons tend to adhere to the slogan "A sucker is born everyday" - what's your birthday? Canadianboy Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/30/2003 10:53:56 PM   This discusion is a double edged sword! I and some friends have been tring to meet a nice,attractive Russian for more than sex. We have been scammed numerous times and at times it can be discouraging but we still try. One of my friends did meet a very nice girl and she now lives here in Canada. Good luck to all! jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2003 2:11:46 PM   To all interested - the best way to meet a Russian woman is to go to Russia (or one of the former Soviet states). Its the only way that really works. (And trust me... it works). To those who only want to write - you have to be more dedicated. Nickname_Taken Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2003 4:53:26 PM   ince we are talking about men going to the FSU and getting "screwed" for all of you who are new to this sort of thing, here is true story written by a gentleman named Shane Neff. He was recently featured on the Ricky Lake show with his horror story. There are some good women in the FSU, but be careful. I have been searching for a FSU woman for more than a year and I cannot tell you how many times women have tried to scam me. Some of these women don't really even realize that they are scamming you. They are perfectly to hop on a plane, leave there family behind and marry someone who is twice there age and not GQ type of material. They will tell you that they are "not worried about looks and age but its what is on the inside that counts." They actually feel this way or they wouldn't get on a plane and leave their motherland behind with a man that would be considered "less than desirable" by the women of the same age and level of physical attractiveness in the USA. Read the story. "Be careful, and hopefully, you wont get screwed, and I don't mean the kind of screwed that you would opt for." All of this started for me back in February, 1998 rather by accident. I was "surfing" the CBS Winter Olympics web site one Saturday afternoon and clicked on a link that, somehow, directed me to a marriage-agency in Odessa, Ukraine called, "Odessa Orchids." Strictly out of curiosity, I checked-out a couple of the women's profiles and sent a brief e-mail with an attached photo as an introduction. What the heck? I had been divorced since 1990, was 38 years-old and mainly had just been bouncing-around from one casual relationship to the next. Soon, I received a response from one of the women I wrote, a 34 year- old physician with a 4 year-old son from a previous, unmarried relationship. It was quickly apparent that she spoke NO English whatsoever, by the "quality" of the response I received, but I didn't let that discourage me. She sounded charming. The translated responses I received were about 75% "comprehensible" and the rest I got the "jist" of by simply reading between-the-lines. My curiosity piqued, I decided to try getting to know this lady a little better. During this "courtship" phase, I also decided that it would be a good idea to try to meet this woman "half-way" on the issue of language. I found it difficult to ask someone to learn MY language without the common-courtesy of trying to learn a little of theirs? I spoke NO Russian. She spoke NO English. It seemed logical to pursue Russian language lessons with a private tutor, who I found through the Modern Languages department of my alma mater. Over the next 7 months, I studied Russian 6 hours a week with my tutor and his wife (from Oryol) and spent an hour each evening doing homework and listening to the "Russkoe Radio" web site with streaming-audio. This effort yielded results quickly. I was, by no means, fluent in Russian by the time I arrived in Odessa, but I could follow the "jist" of most conversations, read the billboards, restaurant menus, etc. While, I realize that this isn't possible for everyone to take upon themselves, and that my efforts were ultimately a waste of a time, I still bear no regrets for this part of the experience. It was a lot of fun. Between March and October, 1998, we carried on a "torrid" exchange of e-mail that eventually escalated into weekly telephone calls, weekly telephone calls escalated into twice-a-week, etc. I was completely intrigued with this woman, despite the fact that we were unable to communicate directly, without the assistance of an interpreter. I had never "conversed" with a woman who possessed such deep, meaningful thoughts without reservation. It didn't take long for me to decide to make the trip to meet her. I arrived in Odessa on October 10, 1998 at 4:30pm. I'll never forget "bouncing" down the runway to a halt, that hadn't been paved since Gorbachev was in power. My first thoughts, other than the natural anticipation of meeting this woman for the first time was, "Damn, I'm not in Kansas anymore, Toto!" Upon successfully making my way through Customs and the two, separate police checkpoints, I finally met "the girl of my dreams," shyly waiting for me at the passenger exit. Her photos didn't do her justice. She was much better-looking in person. The next three weeks couldn't have gone any better. I mean that. I had never experienced a perceived state of "compatibility" with any woman to the same level as I did with her. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. We couldn't do enough to make the other happy. I left Odessa on October 30 with the conviction that I had found someone truly special and who wanted the same things in a relationship that I did. I couldn't wait to get the ball-rolling on her K-1 paperwork and even hired an attorney to assist me with it, as to ensure against me fucking it up and causing any extra delays. Between November, 1998 and March, 1999 we either called or e-mailed each other every day. We couldn't wait to be together. Everything went smoothly with her K-1 paperwork, the physical exams in Kiev and the interview in Warsaw. She landed at Chicago's O'Hare Airport on March 29, 1999. This is also the day I mark as the day everything began to fall-apart. It soon became apparent that she wasn't nearly as glad to see me as I was to see he Nickname_Taken Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2003 5:23:47 PM   Contd.) was to see her. I mistakenly interpreted this to be an indication of "homesickness" that could, understandably, be attributed to leaving friends, family, and everything familiar behind. She was also extremely "self-concious" about the 30 pounds she had gained between the time I left Odessa and the time she arrived in the USA. I found-out later that this was due to a "thyroid condition" that she never disclosed to me but, again, I assured her that a few extra pounds didn't detract from her appearance. I loved her all the same, although I was secretly shocked by her weight-gain. Nevertheless, I didn't treat her any differently, or with any less "desire" than I had before. My feelings for her were based on her inner-qualities, not her outward appearance. When we arrived at home a couple of days later, things had not improved. In fact, if anything, they just got worse with her four year-old son's aberrant behavior added in the mix. Obviously, this woman never gave one prior-thought as to what she was getting herself into...having never been anyone's wife...or mother. Indeed, I was aware of the fact that her son lived-with and was raised-by her mother, while she pursued her career as a physician. I just underestimated the extent of her involvement/participation in raising the kid. Apparently, she wasn't much more than an "absentee" parent at any time in his life. Regardless, I was not allowed to discipline or correct the child in any way, shape or form. This was made painfully clear to me after the child purposefully punched me in the groin within hours of our arrival at home. When I attempted to warn her son in a "forceful" tone of voice that "punching and kicking" was not acceptable behavior towards me, she became extremely upset, reminding me that he was not "my" son and that she would handle the discipline herself. This was the first "red flag" that things may not work-out. Aware of the fact that her son's attitude towards me was inspired by resentment and jealousy for the open affection I showed his mother, I decided not to press the issue of disciplining him right off the bat. I let it slide, as I did so many things early in our relationship. For a child who just celebrated his fifth birthday, I found his behavior totally inappropriate for his age. Things like sneaking away from the dinner table to spit mouthfuls of food into the corners of his bedroom, physically attacking me every time I kissed his mother, pissing the bed, refusing to go to sleep at night and CONSTANTLY requiring attention seemed more like the behavior of a "toddler" than a five year-old, at least, according to all my friends with children the same age. My theory that being raised in a home devoid of a male role-model and exclusively by women seemed to have some basis. Again, I didn't "force" the issue or attempt to discuss it, given the limitation of our ability to communicate. The most stressful event of our first week together, though, was her son waking-up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain from several rotten teeth, festering since he was the age of 3, according to the Pediadontist I ultimately had to have him treated by. This required a surgical procedure to the tune of $2600, all of but $800 which was paid by my company insurance. The rest came out of my own pocket and I had absolutely no qualms about it. The possibility of a "good night's rest" was money well-spent at this point. Meanwhile, Natasha and I were having one hell of a time trying to communicate with each other, even in the simplest ways. You see, the entire time I was busting my ass, learning Russian before we met, she made NO effort whatsoever to learn English. God only knows what she did with the $125-a-month I was sending to her via Western Union? I thought I was paying-for e-mail translation and English lessons? I should have been alarmed by the fact that her knowledge of English hadn't progressed past "Hello," "I love you," and "Good-bye" but it didn't. As a former DOD-trained German interpreter in the U.S. Army, I fully realized the difficulty in learning a language COMPLETELY different than my own. As a dumb-shit, in "love" I wasn't thinking rationally. I justified it with the thought that, hell, she's a doctor...maybe she's just a late-bloomer? I had no doubts about her intelligence or her abilities. It was the fundamental inability to communicate that, I believe, was the main culprit for the failure of our relationship. That, and the assumption that she also recognized this "obstacle" and would give it the same degree of priority that I did. Of course, this was one, of several, errors in judgement that I freely admit. I can still hear the echo of my drill-sergeant's words, "Neff, when you ASSUME something, you make an "ASS" out of "U" and "ME!" :-) I only wish I would have heard them and heeded them the same way as I did some twenty years before! Despite my best efforts to learn HER language, she adopted an opposing attitude: why try until I'm in a situation where I absolutely HAVE to learn English in order to be understood? She had a very arrogant attitude about the language barrier that prevented us from making little more than small-talk with one another. Eventually, my attempts to communicate with her in Russian became a source of ridicule, with her either constantly correcting my minor grammatical/syntax infractions, or laughing out-loud at a Russian word I would mispronounce. I gotta tell ya, this went straight through my ass. It was a very belittling and condescending experience, much like my previous membership on a List dealing with the subject of Russian Women! :-) I remained as patient as long as I Nickname_Taken Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2003 5:25:20 PM   Contd.) could but, eventually, this became a tremendous source of frustration fore me, that I verbally expressed on numerous ocassions with, "You don't understand because you don't WANT to understand!" It was unbelievable. The harder I tried, the worse things became with our lack of ability to communicate. I enrolled her in ESL classes and even introduced her to my Russian tutor. The only thing my efforts accomplished, though, was to create more resentment from her. Within a few months of her half-assed attempt to learn English, she gave it up completely, telling me that the only possible way she could learn English was for me to enroll her in the $4000-a- semester, "English Language Institute" program at my alma mater, Marshall University. When I got up out of the floor from laughing my ass off and composed myself, I (nicely as I could) told her there was no-way-in-hell I could afford such a thing on my teacher's salary. She took this to mean that I was a "poor" man, unable to properly support a family. Subsequently, she was on the telephone within an hour, telling her friends (here in the USA) and family (back in Odessa) that I had lied to her about my income and was, in reality, little more than a pauper. At this point, I was nearly going out of my mind about the entire situation. It was time to put my foot down and quit being a "doormat" for this woman and her kid. OK, so far we've covered the first month of being together in the USA. Like I said, it was damn near impossible to communicate with one another, due to the language barrier and her stubborn, childish attitude. I was frustrated out of my mind, yet, I had maintained composure despite all of the inequities in our relationship. Things weren't going anything like I imagined they would, though. I swear to God, I started thinking that someone had replaced the woman I met and stayed-with in Odessa five months earlier with her fat, evil-twin! I just couldn't understand how anyone could go through such a sudden, dramatic change in personality? It was borderline schizophrenic. The sweet, good-natured, easy-going girl that I fell in "love" with was now a mean-spirited, stubborn, intolerant, childish BITCH...and I didn't know this person! Only one thing to do: send 'em back home! I purchased a one-way ticket for two to Odessa through an on- line "consolidator" and waited for it to arrive. I was dreading the inevitable confrontation, but there was NO WAY I could continue living in this situation. It was a fucking nightmare. 50% of the time, she slept with her son at night. She had no physical attraction towards me at all and our sex-life was non- existent. Again, the exact opposite of our time together in Odessa. She resented the fact that she was married to a man who couldn't give her every goddam thing she wanted, with the snap of her fingers. Shedidn't like the brand-new 1999 Toyota Corolla that I bought for her. She wanted a larger car. She didn't like the 3-bedroom split-foyer that was our home. She wanted to live "in the city." She didn't like the public school where her son attended kindergarten. She wanted him to attend "private" school. As far as I could tell, there wasn't one aspect of her life here in the USA that provided any satisfaction. Therefore, I thought I was doing her a favor by sending her back home? I sure wasn't going to continue tolerating the "poison pen" e-mails and long-distance, international telephone calls to friends and family, describing her life with a man she didn't think could adequately provide for them. The airline ticket arrived via Federal Express and was dated for a week from the day that I received it. I figured, well, there's no reason to delay this confrontation so, I waited until she got the kid to bed before I sprung it on her. When she finished getting her son to bed, I told her that we needed to "try" to talk. Rolling her eyes in anticipation, she reluctantly agreed. I told her, with my Russian dictionary in-hand, that I couldn't continue with the "status-quo" in our home. I tried to explain that I wasn't going to be any woman's "indentured servant" and that it was, obviously, best if she and her son returned home. Amazingly, she seemed to understand. I produced the airline tickets and told her to get ready. I couldn't stand any more of this bullshit. Suddenly and unexpectedly, I received something from her that I thought I'd never hear: an APOLOGY. God, it must have been hard for her? She told me everything that I wanted to hear: she knew she hadn't been "nice" to me, that it was wrong to continually "put me down" to her friends and family, she truly appreciated all that I had sacrificed and done for the both of them, etc. etc. etc. Like the true "sucker" I was at the time, I bought her "story" hook-line-and- sinker. It's not getting an easier to discuss this but, I think it's my duty to tell you the "unabridged" version of my experience with Natasha in order to establish my credibility. The 180 degree change in her attitude, with both a sincere apology and _expression of remorse was so unexpected that I nearly tore-up the airline tickets right then and there, but I didn't. She asked me for another chance and I said, "Let's just see how it goes..." I didn't think it would be possible for her to maintain such a sudden, dramatic change in attitude towards me for very long. I was betting that the next few days would bear this out and I stashed the airline tickets for future reference. I gotta hand it to her. She was a damn good actress and delivered a performance worthy of an Academy Award-nomination. Nickname_Taken Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2003 5:27:48 PM   Contd.) could but, eventually, this became a tremendous source of frustration fore me, that I verbally expressed on numerous ocassions with, "You don't understand because you don't WANT to understand!" It was unbelievable. The harder I tried, the worse things became with our lack of ability to communicate. I enrolled her in ESL classes and even introduced her to my Russian tutor. The only thing my efforts accomplished, though, was to create more resentment from her. Within a few months of her half-assed attempt to learn English, she gave it up completely, telling me that the only possible way she could learn English was for me to enroll her in the $4000-a- semester, "English Language Institute" program at my alma mater, Marshall University. When I got up out of the floor from laughing my ass off and composed myself, I (nicely as I could) told her there was no-way-in-hell I could afford such a thing on my teacher's salary. She took this to mean that I was a "poor" man, unable to properly support a family. Subsequently, she was on the telephone within an hour, telling her friends (here in the USA) and family (back in Odessa) that I had lied to her about my income and was, in reality, little more than a pauper. At this point, I was nearly going out of my mind about the entire situation. It was time to put my foot down and quit being a "doormat" for this woman and her kid. OK, so far we've covered the first month of being together in the USA. Like I said, it was damn near impossible to communicate with one another, due to the language barrier and her stubborn, childish attitude. I was frustrated out of my mind, yet, I had maintained composure despite all of the inequities in our relationship. Things weren't going anything like I imagined they would, though. I swear to God, I started thinking that someone had replaced the woman I met and stayed-with in Odessa five months earlier with her fat, evil-twin! I just couldn't understand how anyone could go through such a sudden, dramatic change in personality? It was borderline schizophrenic. The sweet, good-natured, easy-going girl that I fell in "love" with was now a mean-spirited, stubborn, intolerant, childish BITCH...and I didn't know this person! Only one thing to do: send 'em back home! I purchased a one-way ticket for two to Odessa through an on- line "consolidator" and waited for it to arrive. I was dreading the inevitable confrontation, but there was NO WAY I could continue living in this situation. It was a fucking nightmare. 50% of the time, she slept with her son at night. She had no physical attraction towards me at all and our sex-life was non- existent. Again, the exact opposite of our time together in Odessa. She resented the fact that she was married to a man who couldn't give her every goddam thing she wanted, with the snap of her fingers. Shedidn't like the brand-new 1999 Toyota Corolla that I bought for her. She wanted a larger car. She didn't like the 3-bedroom split-foyer that was our home. She wanted to live "in the city." She didn't like the public school where her son attended kindergarten. She wanted him to attend "private" school. As far as I could tell, there wasn't one aspect of her life here in the USA that provided any satisfaction. Therefore, I thought I was doing her a favor by sending her back home? I sure wasn't going to continue tolerating the "poison pen" e-mails and long-distance, international telephone calls to friends and family, describing her life with a man she didn't think could adequately provide for them. The airline ticket arrived via Federal Express and was dated for a week from the day that I received it. I figured, well, there's no reason to delay this confrontation so, I waited until she got the kid to bed before I sprung it on her. When she finished getting her son to bed, I told her that we needed to "try" to talk. Rolling her eyes in anticipation, she reluctantly agreed. I told her, with my Russian dictionary in-hand, that I couldn't continue with the "status-quo" in our home. I tried to explain that I wasn't going to be any woman's "indentured servant" and that it was, obviously, best if she and her son returned home. Amazingly, she seemed to understand. I produced the airline tickets and told her to get ready. I couldn't stand any more of this bullshit. Suddenly and unexpectedly, I received something from her that I thought I'd never hear: an APOLOGY. God, it must have been hard for her? She told me everything that I wanted to hear: she knew she hadn't been "nice" to me, that it was wrong to continually "put me down" to her friends and family, she truly appreciated all that I had sacrificed and done for the both of them, etc. etc. etc. Like the true "sucker" I was at the time, I bought her "story" hook-line-and- sinker. It's not getting an easier to discuss this but, I think it's my duty to tell you the "unabridged" version of my experience with Natasha in order to establish my credibility. The 180 degree change in her attitude, with both a sincere apology and _expression of remorse was so unexpected that I nearly tore-up the airline tickets right then and there, but I didn't. She asked me for another chance and I said, "Let's just see how it goes..." I didn't think it would be possible for her to maintain such a sudden, dramatic change in attitude towards me for very long. I was betting that the next few days would bear this out and I stashed the airline tickets for future reference. I gotta hand it to her. She was a damn good actress and delivered a performance worthy of an Academy Award-nomination. Nickname_Taken Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/31/2003 5:29:19 PM   Contd) She had all of her Russian friends here in the USA (all from the same marriage agency in Odessa) call me and "beg" not to send her back, give it another chance, blah, blah, blah. The most disturbing thing I was told, though, was that she'd be facing unemployment and being "ostrascized" by her friends, family, and former-colleagues in the medical profession upon her return. Little did I know at the time, she was far more "desperate" to stay in the USA than I ever imagined or that she would ever "hint" to. I thought she HATED it here? As you'll discover later, no, this was all part of the "plan" she came here with. Five days of relative "bliss" featuring regular-sex, cooperation, understanding, and mutual-respect was about all it took to reconsider sending them packing. It was like I had flicked-on a "happy" switch inside her head? Combined with the continuous telephone-campaign from her friends, I decided to cancel their airline tickets at the last-minute and give it another shot. The LAST thing I wanted to admit was that I had wasted nearly $18,000 and countless hours learning Russian for this relationship. Hindsight tells me now that it was more a state of "denial" than a fear of making a bad investment and having nothing to show for it, though. Regardless, I just didn't want to spend the rest of my life second-guessing the decision to send them back. The only way to really know if things were going to work-out or not is if I kept them around a little longer. A month later, we were married in a traditional, Russian Orthodox wedding. It was really cool, listening to the Priest chant the marriage vows in both English and Church Slavonic. The only other time I witnessed an Orthodox wedding was when I watched "The Deer Hunter." While it didn't particularly matter to me where we got married, or for that matter, HOW we got married, I chose this method to "honor" her cultural heritage and out of respect. I was raised as a Methodist and, of course, she was raised as a godless Communist, though I over-estimated how much this would have meaning for her. As it turned-out, marriage-vows made in a solemn, deeply-religious ceremony had about as much meaning to her as the concept of mutual-respect. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Her son stayed with my sister's family while we spent a five-day, four-night honeymoon at a friend's condo in Hilton Head, SC. Things were going so well, that I had practically forgotten about the six weeks of utter hell that she and her son had put me through immediately upon their arrival. Our relationship was beginning to resemble something like I imagined it would be. However, "marital-bliss" lasted approximately two-weeks before things returned to the way they had been, prior to my threat to send them home. Again, it was like she had a chemical imbalance in her brain? Another one of her "Jekyll & Hyde" changes in personality compelled her to wake me up at 1:30am one night with something I can only describe as totally fucking bizarre. I'm sleeping peacefully when all of a sudden I'm jarred awake. She told me that there was a "problem" and that "we needed to talk." In my sleep-induced stupor, I managed to say, "What's wrong? (Shtotakoy?) well, she had been in the bathroom, looking in the mirror at the small pimples on her cheeks. She claimed never to have any problems with her complexion until she arrived in the USA...therefore, her skin problems HAD to be the result of some "fungus" I had passed to her during sexual-intercourse. HUH???? OK, imagine for a moment you're me (and be glad you're not!). You've just been awakened from a dead-sleep, and forced to listen attentively to the ravings of someone who was, obviously, out of their fucking tree! I had never heard such bullshit in my life but, I held my tongue until she finished. She demanded that I make a doctor's appointment for MYSELF...and that she refused to sleep in the same bed with me until I had myself examined. Upon this last demand, I said nothing, switched the light off and tried to go back to sleep, leaving her with the impression that her insanity wasn't even worth arguing about. I refused to even dignify it with a response. It was such utter madness. The next thing I know, she picked up the ceramic lamp from the nightstand and hurled it against the wall, shattering it into a million-pieces. Well, that's when I got pissed. I rose-up out of bed like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist" and threw her out of the bedroom, locking the door behind me. I tried to go back to sleep that night but, ended-up just reading, smoking, and wondering how long it would be until I had the cops called on me for domestic violence. The next morning, I got up early and crept toward her son's bedroom to find the two of them there, sleeping together as they had nearly 50% of the time since arriving. Although I thought it was a little "odd" I didn't say anything. If this was the solution to my ever-worsening sleep-deprivation, I was all for it. Needless to say, I didn't make the doctor's appointment for myself. I didn't even acknowledge the events of the previous night. I cleaned-up the pieces of shattered lamp, got dressed, went to work and called my sister to have her come pick-up the kid for kindergarten. I wasn't really in the mood to see either one of them that morning...and as a public school teacher, with a classroom full of (Middle School) kids to instruct on American History since 1929, I HAD to put-on my "game face" and not give any indication of all the problems I was having at home. Hey, thank GOD for my students! I give them ALL the credit for helping to keep me focused and maintain b Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Foreign men and former Soviet Union women :-(
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