right everybody thinks of "giving an impression that they sleep with anybody on 1st meeting". and it s the problem. does it really mean she is SERIOUS? if yr lady thinks of that and she just counts the dates up to the "right number of days" to sleep with u finally dont u think its sortof a trick she uses-just to make u think she is SERIOUS? i know so many women who use that trick. and they r not that serious:)
i dont think this rule "no sex on the first date" is a good one,let alone this scary thought -"giving an impression that they sleep with anybody on 1st meeting".
yes i m also one of those who share these stupid rules and judgments, and do it only not to give u,men,that IMPRESSION. is not it better to do what u both feel like doing?
dont u agree that if u know u r both serious and hope for serious relationship, u wont think that bad of yr partner? especially, after many month sof correspondence...when u have become rather close...of course it may be difficult to become close to a person who does not speak english and each letter starts and ends with Hi and Bye, nothing more, then maybe its possible to play hte game "what-impression-i-ll-make-if...".
I didn't write to my lady for months, or even weeks, or even DAYS before I met her.
I met her, the first time, face-to-face at a Romance Social.
Things went PERFECTLY between us the first night - never had a better intital meeting with a lady. It was like HEAVEN. But she DIDN'T jump into bed with me. And I'm GLAD that she didn't. Because now that I am back in my home country I would be wondering if she had special "perfect first nights" with countless other guys and jumped into bed with them as well.
Impressions DO matter and with 5,000 miles distance between you - it DOES make a difference.
did u think of that if yr GF can "jump into bed" with another man on a third date? no ,she is not that bad,no "on the first date", only the third one, as all "good girls" do. what would u think then? u would say she is SERIOUS? (its just an example, of course nothing bad said abt yr GF)
so waht matters more- the girl herself or the number of dates before she did it?
i did read:)
actually, i mentioned the correspondence at the end of the post and at the beginning i was speaking abt the general idea.
serious...for me serious is what the two think and what their intentions r.
its almost the same as the idea what age women have sex for the 1st time- early or not.
i have two real examples- she was 14y.o., he was her 1st man, and they had sex almost on the first date, maybe 2-3d , by the way, fell in love later, married and ve been living happily for 6 years already (she is 25 now).
and another example- she was virgin till she was 21, wanted to use this fact to find a rich husband and then prove him how SERIOUS she was, and she did it- found a rich husband and showed how SERIOUS she had been before she met him:))))
so who was more serious and a better person in those 2 situation?
Waiting doesn't absolutely PROVE anything. But nobody values anything that is given away TOO freely.
There are a LOT of guys who want to score immediately. But men and women realize this. And if the girl REFUSES to allow it the first night - well the guy is either forced to find wait or to move on to someone who might "put out" a little sooner. I would like to think that my "special someone" would AT LEAST be in the latter category.
Not SPECIFICALLY refering to my lady either in this case as she isn't that way at all. But if the girl just jumps into bed with the guy immediately...well then who can blame him if he considers her to be only so much meet, treats her badly (after all he can find another to jump inot bed in a night) and then sets her out to the curb when he tires of her.
Women shouldn't complain about bad treatment from men - if they are going to ignore any and all "rules". Else, why shouldn't the MEN ignore rules as well?
Actually I totally agree with Nobodyknows and disagree completely with Jetmba.
My few experiences with sleeping on first date developed into honest relationships between two free human beings (at least) and at best - two free souls; and in an event always ended freely without troubles, hassles or stress.
My few experiences of waiting 3 or 4 dates developed into games playing/ toying/coying with the other, testing the other in a mating game which on account of growing higher expectations did not develop into successful relationships.
Worse than that the lost time from both sides became thereafter an issue or argument/bickering and worst of all - potential/actual misrespect to the other partner - the latest being a Ukranian girl who finally repeatedly agreed that she cannot find another man because there is something wrong with her mind.
Unfortunately I am in Croatia and while the women are beautiful they are conservatively very very catholic (in upbringing) and so are much conservative than the Orthodox women from neighbouring countries (serbia etc).
Motto: if it feels right - the man should never ever wait to proceed to embark on sexual adventure, and if he waits long or effort is involved without payback he should immediately dump her as if he does succeed and it doesn't work then he will feel betrayed and blame her. On the other hadn, if it doesn't feel intuitively right the man should not proceed (although he can make one or max two mistakes in the intuitive process) and it may in the future blossom into a beautiful friendship followed by romance.
So, if a woman doesn't jump into bed with you on the first night, she is into game playing? And there is no possibility of success in a relationship? And if she DOESN'T jump into bed, or requires any effort - the man should simply dump her.
And how many commited one-on-one long-lasting relationships (marriage etc.) did you say you've had?
I am catholic and I do not think is a matter of Catholic or Orthodox
I think a woman should let the man involve her in romance before lets him in bed.
I am not sad, in fact I like the lady alot is just that make me wonder how much effort a man needs with her to get into a closer relationship. She was wonderful and I do not blame her. I am just cautios. I asked for two beds in the room and none of them use their bed.
I am romantic and very easy going, hold her arm and kiss her hand gave small perfume on the first dinner. Nothing big. No the most expensive hotel just a nice one.
I am so happy with the vacation and I hope that she and I develop a bound of friendship to carry romance and love.
Sounds like OM does all the right things to increase his chances.
He sounds like an easy going, romantic guy. Women all over appreciate that. He's not going TOO young - at 32 to 34 (I think that's what he said) he's probably with a girl who has been around the block a few times - and if available still, knows that a nice romantic guy is not always easy to find.
He gets a seperate bed for her. VERY IMPORTANT! (Don't underestimate this one). So she doesn't feel that sex is EXPECTED of her. Actually it puts the ball in her court, with a STRONG likelyhood that she is going to give you a nice serve. By moving to YOUR bed, knowing full well that one is available for her, she is giving you a very nice little gesture as a gift.
He mentions one girl refused his offer of a monetary gift. That's typical behavior for a TRUE FSU woman in circumstance like these. The other mentioned that she lives on $40 per month from parents. Thats honest, and telling.
Maybe this IS just a case of simply very romantic encounters in the FSU with very legimate girls. (Maybe I jumped to wrong conclusions from his first post.)
For a hispanic man is normal to be romantic, specially when chassing a lady
I found that one of the ladies was actually very surprise to find a man who will hold her arm all the time and will pray before meal and will kiss her first thing in the morning and before go to sleep.
I even kiss her hand a couple of times and scratch her back and put some cream in her neck and she collapse
Young kiddo she was temperamental and cold, argue with me a gave a piece of her mind when i was getting something for her. She then later appologize and told me never treated so good does not know how to react.
I was married to a lovely educated woman she is great we never had a problem we lost our love by been to busy.
Pity I need to find another again, but I need so romantic soft warm woman other wise is a waste of my day dreams
One thing about FSU women - isn't it great that they like to go arm in arm down the street with you? I think that that is a wonderful romantic custom I wish were practiced in the west. Oh, I know its not always romantic. In fact two FSU women might very well walk arm in arm with each other, without any special significance.
But I enjoy it. And I enjoy opening the doors for these ladies.
American women stare in confusion if you do the same.
I don't think it is so black and white as it is all portrayed here - it depends on a number of things like age/character/personality of the man and woman involved. I just think that just because the woman jumps into bed with a man does not make her a slut and just because she waits 3 or 4 times before doing so does not make a good girl. I only expressed my personal experience where women I laid the first night were more committed to me than the ones who waited. Of course becuase of my own experience I have my own subjective viewpoint and hence my motto. But whatever - I really don't think one can judge a girl becasue of ther stance one or another. Which is my point - although do and believe what you will. It is a free world and women want sex at least as much as men do (Fact).
I agree with the wish of sex both side equal/
But we have this believe that a woman keeps her treasure between the legs.
I do not try to put a woman in a bad place because of early sex. I am just wishing to get every one points to help me to understand the FSU ladies, who are living in Ukraine and I have no ability to know how she behaves with other men.
If she meets another, chances are is she will please him too.
Anyway, has anyone travel to surprise a lady and got himself surprise with learning she has a boyfriend or else.
OM...from my understanding, women are similar in every country. I think early sex means girl enjoys it, if you happpen to have good timing, good for you. But don't expect to be girls only sexual partner, especially if you have early sex. Since I am looking for wife, early sex is not good sign, that is just me.
Bean...did you ever think that girls you 'laid' first night were more committed to you because girl is so insecure, it is her only way to have a man or should I say..... keep a man...through sex???? I think if girl is confident in herself, she will have more important things on her mind..like lets say, values, chemistry, morals..............just a guess?????
Morals in russia ?? = you jest ! where are they ? i read this thread i smile guys,,, girl stays first night , my bloody oath she should many good reasons too
If your first time to russia you cant speak , you flat out even going to a shop its a scary joint ,SHE IS YOUR EYES - HER JOB IS TO LOOK AFTER YOU IN THESE RESPECTS !
You have come in many cases 1/2 way round the world , you have spent $3000/ $5000 accom air fares ----------what yu'd pay that to be alone in some sleezy hotel?? = your joking .
IF YOU THINK THATS GREAT YOU NEED TO SEE YOUR GP = QUICKLY !
Hey you can stay at home for nothing ( i will give credit where its due !) they dont leave guys alone in a hotel in 2008 anywhere near as much as they did in say 2003.
Thank god they grew a brain in that respect , after all whats sex its a natural body function enjoyment!!!!
MY GOD IN MY YEARS GOING TO RUSSIA CLOSE TO 9 YEARS NOW --- NO NO NO any bird left me alone from hour 1 she'd be looking up at me from the park bench as i tossed her a blanket from the balcony ! no thats just tooooooooooooooooooooooo!! much to cop.
Thats rude with a capitol R
You dont leave a man alone !! after he's gone to so much trouble to be with you ,.and i dont give a toss who say's what - nobody can form relations looking at each other via a telescope one side of the city to another.
It wont work, it puts a wedge where you need to have each other 12 inches away at most .
You only have so much time there -- you dont waste a minute.
Hey adopt the old analogie --you may be dead tomorrow enjoy today!!! --and in that country the phase ''may be dead tomorrow'' means a lot more in truth than in our countries !
My interest in FSU wome began when I frist dated a Lithuanian woman who had just come to America on a tourist visa. Sh elived some three hours from my place so it took some condierable effort to see her.
After the first date, I just hoped for a goodnight kiss (at least?) - but it was not to be. She completely brushed me off telling me that she NEVER kissed on the fist date.
The second date - which was the next WEEK - I ALSO hoped for a goodnight kiss (anyway). As I got ready for that three hour drive home I approached her. She backed away quickly when I attempted to kiss her lips and instead pointed at her cheek, indicating that I could kiss her THERE! (I did.)
By the time we considered a THIRD date I was serious wondering if there was EVER going to be anything physical between us. A very good friend suggested that she only liked expensive restaurants and the attetnion and that that there was never going to be anything more between us. He suggested that I STOP making the three hour (six hours both ways) drive and look for someone nearby. But this girl was very special, so beautiful, fiftenn years younger than I was (I was 42, she was 27). She was certainly WORTH just spending time with even if nothing else transpired.
I was gratified when she called me and suggested that SHE drive the distance the next weekeend to visit ME and spend the entire weekend. I only had a one bedr-room apartment at the time - but a sleeper sofa in the living room. Having been as conservative in her behavior as she was - I wondered if she expected me to book her a hotel room, for propriety sake, here in my home city. SHe thanked me but said that she would be happy to use my bedroom while I used the sleeper sofa.
Without getting into intimate deatils - lets just say that once she arrived at my house, after we went out and returned, we kissed a bit whereupon she went into the bathroom and emerged wearing the tiniest, thinest little nitey I had ever seen and led me straight into the bedroom......
When I asked her about her behavior - why the first two nights I was only allowed to kiss her cheek and sudeenly on the THIRD meeting - THIS! - she seemed surprised . It seemed that she had read in some magaazine that this was the way it HAD to be - that this was what Ameerican men expected if they were to be serious with a girl. Nothing except a kiss on the cheek for the first two dates - and anything goes on the third. She seemed to think that these were the RULES!
So the question, and misunderstanding occurs both ways, regarding what to expect.