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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Modest living bloke with kids who doesn't want anymore. Author Post Bookem-DanO Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/3/2008 8:52:18 PM   First off, I've really enjoyed reading a lot of the posts in this forum. Some were hilariously funny and others were quite informative. Thanks for all your posts. To the subject at hand ... I make a modest income here in the states ($60's+K) as a IT systems/network administrator. I actually make less due to child support. I'm 35 who's been divorced for over 2 years and been dating off and on in the US for about a year and half. I live in Austin TX, but will be moving to St. Louis MO to be closer to my kids. I have no problems picking up beuatifull women, but the moment they discover I have three daughters they quickly lose interest. The average looking girls don't mind, but want kids, in which case I lose interest. I'm sort of tired of American women's mentality. It just seems that they are becoming more and more like men instead of developing into ellegant ladies. I grew up in Germany, Puerto Rico, and France ... so I've noticed a differnce. With that said, here is where your advise and input is needed. I could only offer a Russian/Ukraine single mother a place to live in a townhouse or appartment in a nice part of town, for I do not want a house in average neighborhood nor can I afford a house in area I would like to live ... high living standards. (side note: I say "single mother", because I neither trust girls from 18-24 or most FSU women want children, which I cannot provide due to my visectomy) First, what do you guys gage the costs of courting an FSU gal and bring her and her child back to the states? What seems realistic? Second, what kind of expectations do these FSU women have of life in the USA? Love aside, is what I can offer them worth it to them? (I realize most women want security) (Another side note: I'm not interest in FSU women from large cities like: Moscow, St. Pertersburg, Kiev, Oddessa ... you get the idea. These women would have a hard time living in suburbia USA. They fit better with NYC, Chicgo, ect.) Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 12:08:06 AM   Cost wise once you find the right lady you will probably spend 3 to 5 thousand dollars per trip visiting her. You will need to visit every 3 to 4 months to keep a serious relationship going in my opinion. Probably 2 or three times to decide she is right and then 7 months wait on papers maybe a visit and then go get her. If she is divorced and her child (children) have a father who is not ready to let them out of the country there will be a court battle on that. Then normal family expenses and visits for her back to her family. I think living conditions you describe would adequate for most of the good women over there. There would be adjustment and the main thing is you and how well the two of you can meet each others needs. If you have trouble trusting a long distance relationship like this may be very difficult. Bookem-DanO Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 12:47:27 AM   Thanks for the reply OZ. I have $10k to invest in this, so I was hoping for 2 trips after several months of email exchanging, that's if she's ready. I have a friend who married a russian woman 8 years ago who's willing to interpret for me over the phone on the weekends. If there are no custody issues with some father, what are the costs to marry her and making her legal? Should it be in her country? Dunromin Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 1:17:59 AM   Many RW or UW will be very comfortable with a townhouse type lifestyle. Cost? Upwards of 20K over time might be realistic. I spent way more than that but.............. I don't think you're wrong looking in the smaller cities but I do think you are wrong deliberately avoiding the bigger cities. Good friend from CC TX married a lady from the high end of Moscow and she has adapted like you wouldn't imagine. My wife is from a large city and spent much time in the capitals and has done a wonderful job of adapting to being a small city wife. Expectations? Talking decent women here. A decent, loyal husband. What you can offer on a material basis is worth nothing to them and don't expect them to thank you for a trade up in lifestyle, if in fact you can provide that, it is expected of you as a man to provide that. No woman want's to track halfway around the world to live poor. What is worth something to a RW/UW is what you are as a person. At the end of the day, providing you can at least fund the exercise, it will come down to who and what YOU are. Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 8:50:41 AM   With no custody battles you are looking at $455 letter of application fee if you do it yourself, cost of med exam, transportation to interview, airplane tickets to get them here, wedding expenses depends on taste, more fees after marriage for ins over the next few years not sure how much. The fixed cost tickets, ins fees, and exam are probably not as much as preference costs wedding, honeymoon and getting her adapted to your lifestyle. So it is difficult to build a budget for another person. Bookem-DanO Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 3:57:29 PM   Thanks Dunromin and OZ. I guess, I'll need to save up more $$$ to make this happen. I imgagine a mother and child will be much more expensive. I only wish they lived closer. I'm currently courting a 30 year old single mother from Berdyansk. She has such a good head on her shoulders, oh, and she's beutifull. In our initial chat conversation she had to put me in my place and not allow me to over flatter her. Her daughter is 12 and they all live with her parents. Only problem is that she doesn't speak english. (Sort of a big hurdle) I'm also, chatting with a 25 year old from Lugansk. We have great in depth intellectual conversations about family, life, human development, ect. The only problem is there are long pauses between responses when we are online chatting, yet I see her typing away via webcam. This leads me to beleive she's chatting with other men at the same time. Not cool. Also, she is online at ungodly hours in Ukraine. I heard some agencies pay girls to keep men online chatting racking up the $$$. When I asked her if she could live without haveing children, she said she would cross that bridge when she gets there. Not too sure if I will continue pursuing her. You guys know any FSU women that cannot physically have children and speak english 25-35 of age? I know it's a long shot, but the most ideal for me. Dunromin Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 6:22:41 PM   English is huge HURDLE. You cannot develop a relationship with some you can't communicate with. Reckon on two to 3 years with someone who doesn't speak English if you want to know each other indepth before marriage. It is HUGE. You have the Lugankster pinned. Move on. BTW, don't expect these girls to NOT be talking to other men. They have options. Bookem-DanO Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 7:34:01 PM   Good point Dunromin. In many posts guys mention that it's better to just go over to FSU instead of using these sites. How would I go about doing this? I'm aware that I can buy a ticket and show up, but where do these women gather where it would be appropriate to pick them up? I wouldn't want to offend them due to my cultural ignorance. Would I stick out and be a target? What towns or cities should I avoid? (mafia) beemer18 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 8:00:06 PM   "Only problem is that she doesn't speak english. (Sort of a big hurdle) " Actually Bookem....biggest problem is you don't speak russian!!! To be sure there will be other problems you have yet to face yet. You may have trouble looking for younger girl 25-35 that won't want children. Maybe ideal, is girl nearing 40( or over) that has raised a child ready to leave nest. Something to think about!!! Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 9:10:48 PM   Well my girl is 30 and she has an 11 year old son. We talked about children when we first met. Her first thought was she did not want more children but she said that depended on the relationship and she may consider it so I would guess there are more ladies there that have one child and would be satisfied not to have more. And Beemer has a point. I have not corresponded with any fluent English ladies. I started learning Russian and if the lady will start learning English you can talk a little and if you have things you cannot say make notes and email comments on that subject. The first time I went over there I was armed with only the 90 lessons of pimsleur under my belt and she had 3 months of English lessons. We never used an interpreter but there was a lot we could not say. Now I have been through Rosetta Stone and still I cannot understand what they say but can say almost what I want to and my friend is very intuitive and although we laugh at the missuse of both Russian and English we understand each other. So there is an alternative to finding an English speaking lady but it is not easy. Bookem-DanO Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/4/2008 10:18:04 PM   Ment no offense Beemer. You're right I should learn Russian ... and plan to. My friend met his current russian wife 9 years ago and been married 8 years now. Neither spoke each other's language. He said they had the most fun learning about one another with an electronic translator and book. It's one of their fondness memories of their courtship and development. He was 49 and she 25, but with child at the time. It took her 1 1/2 years to be fluent in english. So, it is quite possible to get to know someone without knowing their language ... I'm sure frustrating, but possible. And as Dunromin pointed out, I would imagine it is also what each of us, especially myself, brings to the table. If it is lots of love and attention, it will succeed. I'm going to russia and ukraine with my friend in Janurary after our conversation today. He knows his way around and help smell out any scams. He actual owns an appartment in Moscow in his wifes name. I guess the plan is to have two girls waiting and see what pans out. However, my friend did mention that these girls take big risk if they have jobs, because they cannot take too much time off or get fired. He told me a story of a time when he want his friend to meet a russian girl. The two did not have much chemistry, but she lost her job, because the boss discovered she took off to meet an American. I would hate for a single mother to lose her job, because she spending 4 days with me. Life there must be hard enough. Perhaps I'll stick to 25 year olds and hope they can wait 10 years to have a kid. Dunromin Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/5/2008 12:13:55 AM   Bookem: I've seen guys show up, wave a few dollars and a passport. Net result: They end up standing on the street corner in Someburg, D**k in hand and a hopeful look on their faces only to be cleaned up by the local hookers. Then they go home and brag to all their mates about all these Eastern Hotties they bedded. Sorry to be crude, but you do need a little preparation. There is no city, big or small I would pick out as being "The" place to go, nor is there any city I would be at pains to avoid. Forget the mafia thing because you most likely wouldn't recognise anything even if you tripped over it. It is everywhere and it is nowhere. Your most likely issue as a foreigner IF you have an issue will be local police trying to shake you down for a few miserable dollars. It happened to me once several years back and I was dumb enough to part up with $20. I have some idea of what I am looking for now and haven't had a problem anywhere for years. Russia and Ukraine are not dangerous countries, but like any country, if you walk the back streets of the bigger cities alone late at night you might set yourself up to be a target. Would you do the Broncs late alone? Go figure. It's simply using a little good sense. Everyone has a different opinion on the best way to meet ladies and then a million side debates develop, such as meeting one or many, age gaps, kids and so forth. My personal opinion and it is ONLY opinion is this. (For a First time visitor) Learn a few basic Russian phrases, you have no hope of mastering the language in a short time frame. Learn the alphabet so you can read some basic street signs. Take a good phrase book. Pick out one or two ladies from a website and spend a little time chatting with them, maybe a month or two and go visit. Do NOT fall in love with a photo. You have a pen friend with pics and nothing more until you spend time together. Get connected with an all service agent. Someone who can provide hotel or apartment reservations, a translator/terp and other support services apart from a list of ladies to meet. Go, meet your pen friend/s and see what happens. You might have dumb luck and strike gold at the get go. If so, believe me, you will NOT need anymore help. If a Russian lady (I use Russian very generically) decides you are hers, you will want for nothing, you will be guarded like you are in Fort Knox, you will be taken care of at every step of the way and she will, after time be very very proud for you to meet her family and friends. Once that break though occurs, you will find the Russian people the most kind and generous people you can imagine. I assure you, you will want for NOTHING..!! OTOH, if the meeting/s with pen friend/s goes tits up, so what, fall back to the agent and meet as many girls as you wish. You can meet many this way without offending anyone because they too are meeting more than one guy. It is not the only plan, but it is fail safe in so far as you don't upset anyone, you have support on tap and at worst, you have a fun holiday and meet lots of new ladies. If you come home with nothing more than experience, IMO your trip was a complete success. DO NOT go expecting to bring home Mrs……fill in your surname. I have no patience with one on one agents/terps. I have seen more guys part with more money for less result this way than any other. Can work but............... BTW, every taxi driver at the airport will have a brother/cousin or whatever who is the BEST “wife” agent. Nyet, usually works but if not, F***off usually does the trick. We see all the theories about how and where is best to search and frankly I think most of it is hot air because it is all about “Getting a start”. Once you have some idea of the local scene, it usually becomes obvious how to set up your own MO. At the end of the day, decide first if you have a wife vacancy. If you do, stay home until you haven’t. In other words, get your own life together and be very comfortable being single before you start this caper. Then and only then will you have the self confidence to pick and choose as you will need to do. That doesn’t mean being arrogant or disrespectful, but you are surely going to find the best for you. It requires self confidence to walk away when you know deep down that this beautiful, intelligent lady who is standing in front of you is not the one. The ladies also deserve that amount of respect. There is something called tough love. Learn what it is all about. I like your comment about not wanting to offend. That is a very good base to start this process from. May I suggest you spend a good amount of time studying Russian or other FSU country maps. Read some history. Turn off the TV and forget the propaganda being fed to you via the tube. The reality is very different. If you are writing to a lady from Someburg, learn something about Someburg. In this day and age, there is no excuse for ignorance. I have found without exception, Russians, men and women, will admire someone who has done their homework. Oooooooor Dah? Voo know ‘bout zis? And they will nod approvingly. Don’t expect verbal compliments but………….get the idea? It isn’t rocket science because at the end of the day, you are looking for a boy meets girl scene. The trick is not to have your nuts handed to you in the process. Bookem-DanO Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/5/2008 1:43:13 PM   Dunromin> You seem to have your sh** together in this department. Please elaborate your statement: "decide first if you have a wife vacancy". I am very curious. Dunromin Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/5/2008 6:38:00 PM   DanO: LOL, does anyone ever have their schit really together when it comes to relationships? If you NEED a wife or feel you NEED a wife, you may well be entrapped by all the wrong things. In other words, if you go with a plan to fill that vacancy, you will succeed in filling it, but will you fill it with the right person to spend your life with? A wife is a wonderful compliment to one’s life, but should never be a necessity. 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