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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Who's Fault? Author Post RockyC Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 12:15:31 AM   I have a perplexing situation. I was engaged to a Russian girl, whom I met through her best friend (Russian) here in America. I sponsored her and brought her to America. It lasted 3 1/2 weeks. She's back in Russia now. I blame her best friend and her husband for this. The details: I had filed with the USCIS and began the wait. I had not heard anything for 5 1/2 months and phone calls to the USCIS got me nowhere. I got my state senator involved. The husband of my fiance's told me that I was being controlling. When it was time for my fiance'e to go to her interview, I filled out most of the paperwork, and even some of the papers that she needed to fill out in Russian (mind you, she does not speak or write English). Again, I was told that I "just have to be in control of the situation." This husband told his wife that I was controlling and, in turn, she told her best friend (my fiance'e). A week before my fiance'e arrived in America, her best friend and family asked if my fiance'e and I wanted to go on vacation with them the day after she was to arrive in America. I declined, and the best friend began yelling at me, saying that I was just trying to keep her friend from her. When my fiance'e arrived in America. She repeatedly wanted to go over to her best friends home, ON SUNDAY NIGHTS, to dance and drink wine. I obliged the first time and went to work the next day very drained. The next Sunday night, I set a time for us to leave, and was pummelled for it. There was a huge argument over me wanting to control the situation. The third Sunday, I simply said, "OK, but only until 9:00, alright?" My fiance'e blew up and told me that I was being controlling and trying to keep her from her friend. She began hitting things with her fist and acting like a little child. Does the above sound like I am a control freak? (One note: when I tried to explain to the Russian best friend that I was just trying to compromise, she told me that it doesn't work this way. That I'm supposed to let my fiance'e do whatever she wants and like it.) So, was I wrong? Are Russian women that independent that they will not compromise? Or did her best friend just skew matters and ruin it for us? Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 11:30:23 AM   Rocky, From what you have said you knew that there was some sh1t-stirring and unsettling of your fiancee going on before she even set foot in USA. You should have talked at length with your fiancee but you say that she doesn't speak English, in that case you could have travelled to Russia to sit down with an interpreter to establish if she was unhappy about anything etc. but it seems you turned a blind eye to these 'rumblings' hence all sorts of problems occurred once she arrived. Perhaps best friend and husband did play a part in it, it does soundlike your fiancee was in part using you as a vacation ticket to see her friend and husband but you do have to take a look in the mirror that you are in part to blame for turning a blind eye these problems before allowing her to arrive in USA. jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 12:09:27 PM   I've known of several people who have asked me to bring their friends/relatives over on fiance visas, and get married to them of course. In every case it was a scam perpetrated by the friends or relatives living in America along with the girl. They know that divorce is relatively easy. And though TECHNICALLY a woman cannot stay if she has only been married to a guy in the US for two years - there are numerous exceptions. If a woman can claim that she was abused or mistreated, there are provisons under the law that would allow her to stay in the US and get her Green Card WITHOUT even staying married to her - and you are obligated to support her for having filled out the Affidavit Of Support. There were some ISSUES this time when I visited my lady in Ukraine that have me seriously rethinking the entire marriage thing with her. Aspects of her behavior were entirely unexpected and unwelcome. I will not give further details as I may yet rethink my decision. I will also not give further details because we have a permanent danny-troll invading this forum. But I am seriously wondering about vringing her back to the US or - going back to my other lady - who certainly wants me back! Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 2:33:18 PM   danny3777 Send: 20.08.2008 8:35:47 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- so we are here becouse we want to find a wife (partner ) ect or we are here to help others find a partner and offer advice Maxirat Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 4:28:25 PM   I don’t think this is anything to do with controlling from you. Probably the reverse if anything (they controlling you) I take it you 1st met her in person the day she flew into USA ???? If so, you really did leave yourself open for abuse and use. To expect a compatible relationship to have evolved by this arraignment is a step call, for anyone. Better luck for the future. jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 5:01:02 PM   danny: I have a much easier time finding women than you do, even though I am older than you are because normal, intelligent women like me. And those women can range in age from 25 to 55. I am happy that you found a woman willing to take a house from you.... I mean SLEEP with you.... because your search must be so much harder than mine is. You have to find an older one and a not particularly attractive one. The women who like me would HATE to be with an idiot. Its very difficult to find a woman who will accept her man being an idiot, UNLESS she is getting a free HOUSE out of it. I feel bad for you danny. Because I can't see any other reason that even an older not-very-desireable woman would be with you. Except to get a free house. Treasure her danny. Its the best you'll ever do. Even though it will only last till the house is built. Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 6:50:33 PM   Rocky C: What kind of a life did you give your lady? You mentioned going to work at 5 in the morning. Did she have things to do during the day or spend the whole day by herself alone? She did not know English. Were you making sure she had someone to communicate with or were you able to communicate with her and comfort her, after all her whole life has changed? Did you take some time off when she came to help acclimate her? Or was her friend the only communication she had? Was she able and knew how to talk to her family in the FSU every day? If you moved to Russia with her and she treated you like you did her would you be happy the rest of your life? I do not know whos fault it is. Batman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 8:16:10 PM   dummy3777 wrote: lol..how funny is that ...... who is the dunce .... ah that made my day and why dont you try something your own age looser No where in Rocky's post did mention anyone's age so I can only infer that you're here to stir the pot again and get a reaction. Well, here's the reaction and negative attention you crave: STFU! How nice of you to enjoy th suffering of another. That is yet another example of why you're the biggest @$$ on this forum. Just like you hoped things in Georgia would escalate. By the way stupid, only an idiot would spell loser the way you do. Rocky: sorry things didn't work out. The whole thing sound rough. RockyC Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 10:08:20 PM   Reply to Land of OZ; The 2nd day that she arrived, I purchased a cell phone for her and also a phone card to call her family in Russia. I also programmed her best friend's phone number in and she ran up quite a tab in cell hours talking with her best friend (who, by the way, only lives a few blocks away from me- I chose this house so she could be close to her friend). The thing is, is that when I went to Russia to meet her, last year, she was the sweetest woman. We got along well. But when the best friend's husband labeled me as a controller, she started to change. I know I should have read the signs, but the best friend kept reassuring me that it was just nerves and will go away once she comes to America. I once heard that all that a Russian woman wants is a faithful partner who will provide for her and her children. I bent over backwards to make her feel loved and wanted and I just feel that I was not told everything about Russian women. RockyC Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/20/2008 11:02:21 PM   My thoughts would be that she was a little unsure to start with. But I would guess that she felt terribly alone. She may or may not of figured out how to use the phone card. But the new place and maybe not feeling safe to walk by her self to her friends and the fact that she could not freely communicate with you because of language barrier as well as you at work right off of the bat made a very strange and lonely life for her. I do not believe it was a scam or even a wanted vacation. If it was she would have done what she needed to to stay the 90 days. I think both of you hoped for something more and the sad part is that you do not know if it would have worked if you could have communicated properly and stayed with her until she got her feet on the ground. Controlling? I would lean to thinking it was not enough of the right attention not too much. You can bet her friend knows why. If you really want answers that is the place to get them. But you will need to talk with compassion and understanding to get those answers. aussieman41 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/21/2008 8:15:46 AM   No, bash on the door of your friends and get the answers..you have a right to be pissed off. I would want answers, like wtf? happenned here? RockyC you won't rest until you have the answers. This is exactly the kind of problems I talk about here..what can and does go bloody wrong and you as the guy have fooked around for months with fiance visa papers, not to mention the huge cost of getting the Russian girl over...to have it all go down the gurgler! Look these rush trips to Russia/Ukraine to meet girls...you guys can become desperate and blind and bring over anything and then whinge and whine when it all goes up in smoke! Jetmba, if you any doubts or bad gut feelings about your Ukraine lady..the odd behaviour and moods you talked about on on your last visit with her is a sign of something wrong..be careful and don't rush into marriage with her...rationally analyse the situation, get trusted advice...go with the instinct and don't let loneliness or desperation blind your judgement..marrying and then finding out latter you married the wrong woman and it goes south..its the biggest monumental screwup a man can do and leaves devastation in its wake..the trail of broken hearts...a bad marriage and divorce, its shit..be careful! In my case I am sure of my coming marriage next March..we both are positive and sure, we enjoy each others company and do everything together and rarely argue..we have a common ground in opinions, attitudes and thought and we communicate 100%! No, it may not have been a scam but a woman who rushed into a decision she was not sure off because of "the exciting prospects of coming to the West" and when she arrived she was disappointed in the lifestyle but you can't let them do what they like and run amuck..they are supposed to be your wife and be at your side, to love, honour and obey..you sponsored her on the condition of marriage and you don't want her drinking and getting drunk...for me a "piss pot women"..that is one that drinks too much and gets drunk would have been given her marching orders quite quickly, put her on a plane back myself, I won't tolerate that stupid behaviour! I am not a tyrrant and a woman can do what she wants up to a point but then like everyone, I have a line drawn in the sand about what is tolerated and if she goes over that line, thats when I get angry....I told my woman when she marries me, the one thing that will make me very mad is if she goes and puts $50 in a poker machine, I don't like them and we can't afford it so don't do it, she can gamble a bit ( I think when she was on her own, she got bored and gambled ) but I have really reigned in her gambling and we save and go on holidays and buy things and the only gambling we do now is go to Bingo and pay a fixed price for the books/cards and catch up with her friends, its a cheap 2.5 hour social activity that we do on Monday nights and sometimes Friday that only costs $18 each for 40 games and we play on 3 books each and you get free bottomless cups of coffee and cheap food/snacks from the canteen in the hall ( and sometimes you get a good win, one night I was tight earlier this month and spent only $12 and won $100 ). jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/21/2008 2:48:21 PM   aussieman: Regarding my situation - your reasoning is quite similar to that which I am using. She is a beautiful woman (my Ukrainian lady) and she certainly wants marriage and children with me - but I got many disconcerting signals from her. She wants me to bring her to America to be with me as quickly as possible - but I saw bad signs when I was with her. I have to sort out whether my continued feelings for my "ex" maybe through up a barrier that made this relationship difficult. There are certainly some unresloved feeling I have for my ex. And its possible that this one sensed that i was not fully commited to her, which may have resulted in the questionable signs I saw. In any event I cannot bring her over on a fiance visa right now. Neither my heart nor my head are in it right now. muskylove Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/21/2008 3:40:29 PM   sorry to get off the subject, does any one know about Tatiana Ilieva? Good Bad ? jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/21/2008 3:55:58 PM   Honestly - I can't beleive how some guys come here and ask about a specific Russian woman. As if there is only say FOUR of them and we have all dated all four! muskylove - do you really WANT a girl that the rest of us have been with already? Or are you is this just a way of seeing if she has been around the block a few times so you can disqualify her? muskylove Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/21/2008 4:17:22 PM   Just wannt to know if she's legit if anyone knows, don,t need to be so cynical big guy. thanks, if not so be it jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/21/2008 4:32:57 PM   Tatiana Ilieva ALSO has a YouTube video up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDx4Fz52sXQ Looks like she has a model of her dream house there. HEY danny - when irina kicks you out - here's one you could maybe build a house for NEXT! Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/21/2008 4:58:27 PM   Reminds me of the Crocodile Dundee II movie when a backward Australian arrives in NYC and believes that everybody in NYC knows each other. Comparible to guys coming on here and believing that we know every lady in Russia (the world's largest country) and indeed the rest of the FSU. aussieman41 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/21/2008 9:30:35 PM   I took a look at that video on youtube...OMFG,what a dream factory! Thats a 3 level mansion, would cost at least $3 million to build in Australia ( thats being really conservative ), its large and requires a expensive block of land and knowing this girls dreams she would want it located on prime real estate too! You can't be serious wanting to get involved with this girl? The requirement would be you need to be a multi-millionaire to fulfil this girls dreams to make her happy so that she can take it away from you in a divorce settlement. I have no words to say here..I mean f... me! I am sorry to hear about your disappointment and downheartedness over your Ukraine girl, jetmba, don't make any rash decisions, analyse and evaluate the situation and if you really feel she is not worth your effort to go ahead with a fiance visa, then don't do it and just move on..there are plenty of other fish in the sea, don't do a thing out of desperation and loneliness and you know its wrong because the consequential price, emotionally and financially you pay will be very high, you ahve gone to a lot of expense over this Ukraine girl of yours but its the tip of the iceberg if you go through with a visa and it goes wrong...your losses will be devastating, emotionally and financially..moneywise you can recover but the emotional shit takes years to get over and you don't forget, you learn to live with it but it takes a bloody long time mate and it hurts and its shit..been there..men have got feelings and divorce, it screws you up for a long time and you end up at the doctors depressed and on medication so you don't top yourself ( that means do hara kari, commit suicide because youa re so miserable )..its not worth it to make mistake, to gamble when you know the odds are not right and in your favor! jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/21/2008 10:21:25 PM   Martin: A "Backwards Australian" you say? Does such a thing actually exist? An Australian who is just a few shrimps short of a "barby"? You must be JOKING! But seriously - I think many people think that this forum is considerably bigger than it is. Fiance.com has hundreds (thousands?) of women. And maybe a few guys think that thousands of guys frequent this website and this forum. This forum has a few dominant writers (maybe 10 or 15?) And a few writers who pop in every now and then (maybe 30 or 40?). And no doubt - at any given time a few more non-writing readers - (who even if they KNEW the girl he asks about - as already mentioned they are non-writing) - but actually this forum is quite SMALL - especially in relation to the number of girls listed here. So its quite unlikely any of us have dated any given girl. A distinction should be made here between "non-writing readers" (someone who reads but never posts) and "danny" who is actually a "non-writing writer" (someone who posts but is practically illiterate). devilmaycare Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/22/2008 5:45:35 PM   beemer does know every FSU lady on the dating sites :-) Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Who's Fault?
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